The door to Meren’s bedroom creaks open and the healers appear, motioning for Malek to come closer. He gestures for Mahli and Jerath to remain seated and walks over to the women. They point over at Jerath as they whisper, and he’s desperate to know what they’re talking about. He wants to know if Meren’s okay, and it’s only Mahli’s hand on his that stops him from marching over there.
“Give them a few moments,” she whispers.
Jerath figures he’ll give them one, and then he’s going to go look for himself. He respects that Malek is the chief of the village and also Meren’s father, but he’s Meren’s mate and he needs to be with him.
Eventually Jerath can’t take it any longer. The pull of their bond is too strong to ignore, and he stands up and pushes his chair back.
“Jerath.” Malek’s voice stops him before he can even take one step.
“How is he?” Jerath looks toward the door. “I need to see him… please.” He walks over to them and one of the women smiles and catches his hand when he gets close enough.
“You are his mate, yes?”
Jerath nods.
“We have done our best, but—”
His breath catches in his throat, and he starts to panic until the surprisingly firm grip on his hand pulls him out of it.
“Calm yourself, child.” She strokes her thumb over the back of his hand in soothing circles. “The boy lives… but he needs his mate.”
Jerath almost collapses with relief. Only the sudden appearance of Mahli’s strong arms around his waist keep him upright.
“We’ve healed the wound,” she continues. “His body is still too weak, though. He needs your strength and your blood.”
Jerath reaches for the door, not bothering to stop and check whether he’s allowed in yet or not. The healer said Meren needs him and he’s not waiting a moment longer. He tugs on the handle and rushes inside.
Meren’s bedroom is much larger than his back home, Jerath notices as he spares a cursory glance around the room. It’s sparsely furnished. A chest of drawers and a table by the bed are the only other pieces of furniture. Jerath approaches the bed slowly and trails his fingers over the top of the fur blankets. Meren is unnaturally still beneath them, and Jerath strains to listen for his heartbeat to reassure himself that Meren’s still alive.
It’s not as easy to focus on a single heartbeat as it is to pick out emotions. The bond is more a connection of the mind, not the physical body. But if Jerath pours all his concentration into listening for the steady beat, he can just about pick it out. It’s slow but regular, and Jerath lets out a deep breath before he climbs up onto the bed beside Meren.
His face is still pale, but not as bad as before. Jerath gently sweeps Meren’s hair away from his eyes and strokes his fingers down the soft stubble covering his jaw. Meren doesn’t react to the touch, and Jerath tries hard not to read anything into it. He thinks of the healer’s words again and pulls back his sleeve to expose his wrist. He bites deep into the flesh and then quickly positions his hand above Meren’s face, tilting slightly so the blood drips down into his mouth.
Jerath tugs Meren’s lips apart with his thumb and the blood falls onto Meren’s tongue. Jerath watches as the taste registers, even with Meren unconscious, and breathes a sigh of relief as Meren starts to swallow it down. Jerath lowers his wrist until it brushes Meren’s lips and Meren opens his mouth wider and starts to suck softly at the wounds.
Jerath closes his eyes—the feeling of Meren drawing his blood and taking strength from it fills him with warmth. He relaxes into the soft, rhythmic pulls and tries again to sense Meren’s emotions. He’s felt nothing for what seems like forever, and when the first wave of contentment washes over him, he nearly snatches his hand back in surprise.
Jerath’s eyes snap open and Meren is looking up at him. His lids are heavy, barely open at all, but Meren is definitely awake. Jerath smiles, and his eyes tear up as the flood of emotion threatens to overwhelm him. He blinks rapidly, trying to stop them falling, but at least one escapes and slides down his cheek.
Meren’s eyes track its progress down underneath Jerath’s jaw, and his fingers twitch as though he wants to reach out and catch it. Jerath feels Meren’s emotions change abruptly into worry and a touch of fear.
“Hey.” He cups Meren’s cheek with his free hand and gently removes his wrist from Meren’s mouth. “There’s no need to worry, Meren. I’m just happy to see you awake.” He forces himself to relax, letting his relief and happiness flow through the bond. The effect is instant and Meren starts to calm again.
Meren drags his tongue across his bottom lip, catches the last traces of blood, and Jerath can’t help himself. He leans over and kisses him, just the barest of touches, but Jerath’s whole body hums with the contact. He rests his forehead against Meren’s, breathing him in, and Jerath can finally allow himself to fully relax.
He’s tired. The events of the day suddenly catch up to him, and it’s all he can do to kick off his shoes and breeches and crawl under the covers. Meren’s eyes have already fallen shut, his breathing evening out, and Jerath kisses him once more before taking his hand and slipping into unconsciousness.
WHEN Jerath wakes, the sun is shining through the large window in Meren’s bedroom. He must have slept through the night. Meren is curled into Jerath’s side, with one hand slung lazily over Jerath’s belly. Jerath smiles and pulls him in a little tighter. He’s warm and pliant and feels perfect tucked under Jerath’s arm.
Jerath’s stomach grumbles loudly, causing Meren’s eyes to flutter open.
“Hungry?” Meren’s voice is scratchy, but his eyes are clear and bright.
“Yeah.” Jerath laughs as it growls again. “It’s been a while since I ate.” He rubs his hand over his belly and knows he needs to get up. “How about you?”
Meren licks his lips and grimaces slightly. “Am I imagining it, or did I drink your blood last night?”
“Um… yeah?” Jerath says, a little confused.
Meren willingly drank his blood to seal their bond, and it hadn’t occurred to Jerath that he might not want to do it again. He looks away, not wanting Meren to see the flash of hurt in his eyes. Jerath’s a shifter, and the offering and drinking of blood is part of many sacred rituals. He was thrilled when Caleb said his blood would help heal Meren. The sharing of blood is an honor, and Jerath thought that because of their bond, Meren would feel the same.
“Hey, Jerath?” Strong, slender fingers grip Jerath’s jaw and force him to meet Meren’s eyes. “Whatever you’re thinking right now… you’re wrong.” Meren’s hand slides up and cups Jerath’s cheek.
“I’m not thinking anything.”
Meren raises an accusing eyebrow. “Don’t lie to me, Jerath. I can feel you, remember?”
Jerath closes his eyes and sighs. “I liked giving you my blood, Meren. It was….” He struggles to find the right words. “It made me feel closer to you, more connected.” Jerath meets Meren’s gaze again. “I kind of hoped, because you’re my mate now, that you’d feel the same. But—”
Meren puts his fingers over Jerath’s mouth to shush him. “I do feel the same.”
“But I thought—”
“You thought wrong, Jerath. It’s just I… I wish I could remember it better,” Meren replies, shaking his head. “That’s all.”
“Really?” Jerath’s well aware how needy he sounds, but everything’s still so new between them and he’s desperate for the reassurance.
“Yes, really.”
Jerath manages a tentative smile and leans down for a kiss. “Good.”
There’s a knock on the door, and Jerath jumps out of bed and hurriedly pulls his breeches back on before opening it. Mahli’s on the other side. She smirks and carries in a tray with two bowls of soup and two chunks of bread on it. “I thought you two might be hungry.” She winks at Jerath as though they’ve been up to no good, and he just glares at her.
“Thanks.”
He takes the tray from her and s
he disappears back out the door with a quick wave at Meren. “Hey, Mahli?”
She stops midstep and turns back to face him. “Yes?”
“Is Serim still with Ghaneth? How is he?” Jerath realizes he hasn’t seen Serim since they arrived back at Chastil and he wants to make sure she’s okay.
“Yes, she hasn’t moved from his side.” Mahli smiles fondly as she talks. “She was fast asleep when I went to see her this morning, so I haven’t had a chance to speak to her. But Ghaneth seems to be doing much better.”
“That’s great. What about the others?”
“Everyone’s looking a lot healthier after some food and rest.”
Jerath relaxes a little at that, relieved his people are doing so well.
“Well, I’d better get back. I’ll see you later, Jerath.” She gives him one last smile and then leaves.
“Okay.” Jerath puts the tray down and helps Meren to sit up a little. “Let’s eat.”
MEREN is still extremely weak, even with Jerath’s blood helping him heal, so Jerath keeps his visits to a minimum during the day to let him rest. But he spends his nights wrapped around Meren, keeping him safe and strengthening their bond.
It’s been three days since they rescued the prisoners from the raiders’ village, and Jerath senses the restlessness in the makeshift camp where they’re all staying. It’s a little crowded with all the extra men, but Jerath knows it’s more than that.
He grabs a plate of food and finds a seat over by Mahli and Serim.
“Hey.” Serim greets him with a warm smile and a hug. “How’s Meren?”
Jerath hasn’t seen much of her these past few days, and it feels good to have her close. He buries his face in her hair and holds her tight.
“He’s doing much better.” He sits back and takes a bite of the meat and moans at how good it tastes. “Still gets tired easily, though. Ryla, the healer who’s been working with him, says it’ll be another two weeks until he’s fully recovered.”
Serim glances over at Mahli with a worried expression and Jerath sighs. He puts his plate on the ground, his appetite gone all of a sudden, and turns to face both of them. “It’s time to leave, isn’t it?”
Serim nods and Jerath’s heart sinks into his stomach.
“We need to get back home, Jerath. There are worried families waiting, and there’s also the Choosing to prepare for. Some of the men only have one more full moon to perform it.”
He knew this was coming, knew they’d have to leave eventually, but now that the time has come Jerath doesn’t think he can do it. He doesn’t want to. “When?”
Mahli nudges Serim until she takes hold of Jerath’s hand and holds it tight. “Tomorrow.”
Jerath gasps and almost chokes out the word. “Tomorrow?”
“Yes.” Serim squeezes his fingers. “Ghaneth is almost fully healed, as are the other shifters. And we need….” She swallows thickly and Mahli takes over.
“We need to take the bodies back to their families, Jerath. We can’t wait any longer.”
“Of course.” It’s not that Jerath has forgotten about the three shifters who lost their lives, but he’s been so busy with caring for Meren he hasn’t stopped to think about it. He feels the guilt wash through him.
Mahli gets up to leave but Serim waves her off when she asks if she’s coming too. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
That obviously means she wants to talk to Jerath alone, and he has a good idea why. She wastes no time in coming straight to the point. “You don’t want to leave, do you?”
Jerath meets her steady gaze and answers without any hesitation. “No.”
“Oh, Jerath.” Serim sighs and shakes her head. “How does Meren feel about it?”
“I don’t exactly know,” he mutters, and Serim raises an incredulous eyebrow at him. “What? It’s not something we’ve discussed.”
“Jerath!” Serim lowers her voice and hisses the words at him. “The two of you bonded. He is your mate. How is it possible that you haven’t talked about this?”
Jerath knows she’s right, they should have had this conversation already, but Meren hasn’t exactly been awake long enough for a serious talk. And Jerath has been putting it off—afraid Meren might not feel the same way. “There hasn’t really been time since he was injured.” He takes a deep breath. “And… I was scared.”
“What of?”
He sighs heavily and knows he has no choice except to tell her everything, lay out all his fears and insecurities and just hope she doesn’t think he’s ridiculous. “Meren didn’t want to be bonded in the first place, Serim. He told me he’d never leave his village and that he wouldn’t ask me to leave mine.”
“But I don’t understand, Jerath. You said he changed his mind.” She looks confused now. “You knew what would happen if you bonded, didn’t you explain this to him?”
Jerath knows how foolish it seems now, to have made such a decision on the spur of the moment, but he can’t bring himself to regret it. “We said we’d work something out after the rescue.”
“Well, Jerath, that time has come and you need to work out what that something is.” Her tone is verging on angry, and Jerath bristles.
“What do you suggest?” he hisses back. “He won’t leave here, and he won’t ask me to leave Eladir!” He throws his hands in the air and glares at her, but she just eyes him curiously.
“What do you want, Jerath?”
It’s such a simple question, and Jerath smiles ruefully as he realizes that the answer is just as simple. “I want to be wherever he is.”
“Then you have your something.” Serim smiles at him, and Jerath catches the look of sadness that passes over her face before she pulls him into a hug. “It’ll be okay, Jerath.”
She kisses him good night and heads back to the tent she shares with Mahli, leaving Jerath to sit and think about what he needs to do. He knows it’s the right thing, but it’s still going to hurt.
Chapter 15
MEREN’S still asleep when Jerath enters his bedroom and quietly closes the door behind him. The color has returned to Meren’s cheeks now and he looks so much healthier already, but he still has a long way to go.
Jerath sits down on the edge of the bed and looks at his mate. He runs his hand through the bright blond hair that frames Meren’s face and smiles when Meren frowns in his sleep. He uses his fingers to trace the shape of Meren’s eyebrows, his nose, and the slight bow of his full lips. Meren stirs and opens his eyes, and Jerath grins at him before he leans down for a kiss.
“I didn’t expect to see you just yet. I thought you were going to see Serim?” Meren smiles back and reaches out, slotting his fingers with Jerath’s on top of the covers.
“I did see her… Mahli too.” Jerath pauses and takes a deep breath. This is it. This is the point that will shape the rest of his life, and he’s so full of nervous excitement he can hardly get the words out. “Meren, the rest of the shifters… they’re getting ready to leave. It’s time to go home.”
The smile disappears from Meren’s face and he looks up at Jerath with wide eyes. “Are you going with them?” he asks, voice so soft Jerath has to lean forward to hear it.
“Yes, I have to.”
Hurt flashes in Meren’s eyes. He pulls his hand back and tucks it away under the covers. “I see.” Pain and desperation flares across the bond, making Jerath flinch. He carefully grips Meren’s shoulders and holds him in place.
“No, Meren, I don’t think you do. I ne—”
“I understand, Jerath.” Meren sighs and closes his eyes in resignation. “You need to go home, to your family and friends. We knew this was going to happen… I just… I thought….” He scrubs a hand over his face before meeting Jerath’s gaze, and this time he smiles softly and the bond is flooded with warmth and longing. “Letting you go will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, Jerath. But I understand why you need to leave.”
Meren’s eyes shine in the late afternoon light, and Jerath shakes his head as he s
truggles to find the right words. This is not how it’s supposed to go. He’s doing it wrong, not explaining himself well at all, and he needs to sort this mess out before things get any worse.
“I’m coming back, Meren.”
“What do you mean?”
Jerath feels the spark of hope in Meren’s chest and he smiles big and wide. “If it’s okay, if you want me… I’m coming back here”—he slides his hands up to cup Meren’s face—“to be with you.”
Meren stares at him for a moment or two before the words finally sink in, and then he reaches up and drags Jerath down until they’re kissing. Harsh, desperate kisses full of relief and joy, and Jerath is overwhelmed by the surge of emotion that flows over him.
“Fuck! Jerath.” Meren’s eyes are bright and his smile is huge when he eventually pulls back and lets them both breathe. “Are you trying to kill me?” he asks, but he’s laughing and Jerath has never seen him so happy. “I thought you were leaving for good, and that I’d never see you again. Fuck!”
He kisses Jerath again, but he’s smiling too much to do it properly. Jerath laughs and gently pushes him back onto the pillows. “So, does this mean you’re okay with the idea?”
Meren rolls his eyes, but holds Jerath’s hand again. “Of course I’m okay with it.” He strokes Jerath’s skin with the pad of his thumb. “So much more than okay.”
They sit in silence, drinking each other in with the new realization that this is for keeps. Jerath struggles to wrap his head around the idea that he has a mate now, and he can live his life without hiding a part of himself because others see it as unacceptable. It’s a heady feeling and almost too good to be true, but there are still some things he needs to take care of.
Meren seems to read his thoughts. “What about your mother? And your friends?” He looks worried again and Jerath’s quick to put him at ease.
The Choosing Page 19
