Hope shook her head. “I don’t think I know how those machines work or what they are.”
“Well, today you don’t. Hope, you aren’t just the smartest person I’ve ever met, you’re smarter than I knew anyone could ever be. I think if you can think it up, you can figure it out. I mean, it’s normal for a family here to lose at least one child, and it’s not abnormal to lose two.”
Hope winced. “It happens that often? That’s terrible.” She struggled to fight her gag reflex once again.
He pushed a piece of her hair out of her face. “If we didn’t lose those kids, just think of how many more of us there would be in one generations time. Then we will be able to help out more with the war.”
She grabbed a glass of water, struggling to keep her throat moist enough to speak. “Do you really think so? I know I can fix things, but I don’t know if I can build something that doesn’t already exist.” She took another sip of water. “And even if I could, I don’t know if the people here will support the war. What would Miriam think if I tried to usurp her power and come up with innovations she’s never heard of or thought of? I think I’ll get burned at the stake if I tried something like that.”
Joshua rolled his eyes. “I don’t think burning women at the stake ever really happened. I think that’s a myth.”
“The Bible says ‘thou shalt not suffer a witch to live, what do you think that’s referring to? I specifically remember looking at that passage when your mom was teaching me the Bible. I think those aren’t just myths. I think they used to kill people who were smart like me for knowing information they didn’t understand. If I rock the boat too much, I might not come out on the other side of this.”
“Hope, you’re being a bit over dramatic.”
“Am I? Haven’t I already been labeled a whore for speaking to a married man? Would I be allowed to speak to a married man if I was born here? I’ve seen other married people converse with members of the opposite sex. Is it because they did it at church? Is that what’s different?”
“Talkin’ at church in public is different than talkin’ in private where other people can’t see what you’re up to. I think Miriam’s jealous of you but I’m not surprised others shun you too—you’re just different.”
“But you didn’t react like the others.”
Joshua put his hand over hers. “Yes, because I know you. I know you’re different, but I trust you.”
“That’s my point. Everyone knows I was baptized, which according to your Bible means I should be one of you but I am still treated like an outsider.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “Give it time. You are odd to them and they will get to know you better and adjust. I’m sure things will be much different when we have a family. Once they see you as a mother—”
“Yes, a subservient wife and mother.” She slouched, placing her hand protectively on her stomach.
“When they see you as a mother, I’m sure their attitudes toward you will change. We have the rest of our lives to figure this out. Clint said they aren’t going to be ready to start the war right away. You have time to change these people and open them to new ideas. Once you go from apprentice midwife to mother, your credibility will increase. If you are able to come up with something to save some babies lives, that will increase your credibility again.”
She sighed and gave his hand a squeeze. “I wish I had all my memories. It’s driving me nuts! They only come in little snippets here and there. If I remembered everything I know then I could plan better. Like this baby thing, I didn’t know until just a few minutes ago that premature babies can live. What if I do know how to make weapons, or medicine, or to build something to change our way of life. I don’t remember if I can or not.”
“It will come. Be patient. We have our entire lives together to figure this out.” Hope leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. Josh scooted closer to her and rubbed her back. “You did good, with those memories. Things are gonna work out for us, you’ll see.”
***
Josh reached his fingers into the bag, gripping the salt crystals between his fingers. “A pinch of salt really means a pinch.” He pulled his fingers out of the bag and showed her. “See how I’m pinching it with my fingers?”
“Oh, okay.” She threw her hands up. “Then how did you decide what a cup is? We have lots of different cups and they are all different sizes.”
Josh smiled and shook his head. “I didn’t name these things; I don’t know who did. But a cup for measuring and a cup for drinking ain’t the same thing.”
“I knew that. That’s why I couldn’t understand what you meant by a pinch of salt, it was a literal pinch. That seemed far too logical, which doesn’t correlate with your other cooking measurements.”
Josh smiled and shook his head. “I think you make this harder than it is. I’m gonna be the one cooking for our family for a long while yet.”
Hope put her hand on her hip. “Joshua, out of all the people under the dome, I was one of the most intelligent. I can learn how to cook.”
He stepped back from the stove and wrapped his arms around her waist. “But you see, that’s just the problem. Cooking ain’t about being smart; it’s an art. I mean, there are rules that if you follow you’ll manage to get the job done, but it will never be as delicious or have the interesting flavors as someone who gives it their heart and soul.” He planted a gentle kiss on her lips and pulled back. “Do you remember how you got by? Inside the dome, or the mountain. How did you eat if you never learned to cook?”
Hope shrugged. “It wasn’t like it is here where everyone has a kitchen and they cook for themselves. I don’t think we had kitchens. I think just like you go out and hunt animals, there were people who did all the cooking, as their job. My job was to build that transport device to aid in colonization. If I finished that project young enough, it would have been my job to have as many children as I could. If I wasn’t at the right childbearing age, I am sure I would have taught if they didn’t have a new project to move me to.”
Josh watched her intently as she spoke. He gazed at her for a moment after she finished speaking before he responded. “It sounds to me, you keep getting more and more of them memories back each day.” The corners of his lips upturned softly.
She looked at him sideways. “Does that make you happy? I often thought you’ve been afraid of me regaining my memories.”
He nodded yet kept the smile on his face. “You know something, I think I was. I’m sure not anymore.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He leaned in and nibbled on her cheek. She giggled and pulled back but he kept a firm grip on her. “I don’t know. I used to be afraid that if you remembered your old life, you’d want to go back to it. Now you remember—not everything, but a lot—and it hasn’t changed a thing between us.” He shrugged. “I think it might have even made us stronger.”
She placed her hand gently on his cheek. “I think so too. That it made us closer, that is. I’ve always been happy with you, Josh. I may not always be happy with your mother, or Miriam or most of the people in this community, but you, you make me happy.” She placed her opposing hand on his other cheek and leaned into him once more. They kissed passionately until an alarm chimed, bringing them back to their task at hand.
Hope giggled and pulled away. “We better get our heads straight if we want our dinner to turn out.”
Josh groaned trying to keep her pressed against him, nibbling on her neck. “I’m not real interested in dinner right now.”
Hope twisted to break his grip on her and put some space between them. “Josh, I have to learn to cook. We’re going to have a baby. It will be so much harder for me to learn how after we start a family.”
He huffed and grumbled but resumed her lesson, smiling all the while.
Chapter 19
** Trigger warning reminder – click here for the synopsis only **
One Month Later
“Okay, are you ready to push
?” Miriam calmly asked.
Hope stood off to the side to assist and learn. She wasn’t ready to be solely responsible for a delivery, but Miriam assured her, the next woman to give birth who fit the criteria of a low-risk delivery would be hers to take on alone. She felt she needed to deliver unassisted soon, or she wouldn’t become well versed before she was ready to deliver herself. There would be a gap between when she had to stop working and have her baby as well. She was beginning to show, and the people in the community were noticing.
The outside door flew open and Joshua burst in. Miriam looked up in shock and disgust. Husbands were not allowed in the home while a woman delivered.
“Ruth’s in labor,” he shouted before Miriam’s sour look had a chance to hit its mark.
Without hesitation, Miriam responded. “Go, Hope. I’ll join you when we are finished up here.”
Her face went ghostly white and the pit of her stomach churned. “She is underage, and it’s her first delivery. I think you should go.”
Miriam shook her head, her attention and eyes cast down on the woman she was attending to. “That baby is not going to make it. You are there to make sure Ruth makes it through. If the baby won’t deliver, you know what to do.” Hope stood frozen in place for a moment. “Now, Hope.”
Her entire body went numb, but she stepped forward. As soon as she reached the door, Joshua grabbed her hand and led the way. Her legs trembled, and she leaned her weight into Joshua’s hand to stabilize her steps. The entire walk to Ruth’s house, she felt as though she would throw up or faint, or both.
“This might be your chance, Hope.”
She shook her head back and forth in a near manic speed. “I don’t know enough, or remember enough from life in the dome. I can’t save this child. It’s not going to breathe.”
He tried to keep his tone calm and reassuring. “How do those machines make the baby breathe? Are they forcing air into it? Is there a way to force air in without a machine?”
Hope suddenly had another flash of a memory. She had been practicing pumping a baby’s tiny chest with two fingers and would blow air into its mouth. She couldn’t remember having to do it, but they taught her because she was the oldest child in her family. As soon as the third child was born, a piece of the responsibility of raising the young children fell on her—even being trained in first aid. The procedure they had taught her was not for a baby whose lungs hadn’t developed yet, but she thought it might be worth a try.
They arrived at Ruth’s house and promptly headed down the steps. Hope ran over to Ruth who was laying on the main bed with her husband at her side.
“Is my baby coming too fast? I tried to take it easy like y’all said. I don’t know what happened.”
Hope hesitated before responding. Should she fill this poor little girl with false hope or despair? Miriam had sent her expecting this baby to die, and she didn’t feel there was a damn thing she could do to save it.
“It is a bit early, yes.” She retrieved some of the items from her bag and poured oil on Ruth’s belly, thighs, and pelvic area.
“You don’t think my babies going to make it.” Her statement was so simple, so matter-of-fact yet haunting at the same time.
“You can never really know anything for certain. This baby might have a chance. We are both going to do our best. Don’t give up faith, not yet.”
“Should we pray? I know we are God's chosen people, but I also know that he still takes some of our children. I don’t want to be prideful thinking he would save my baby over someone else’s.”
Hope rubbed in the oil to relax her muscles. “It doesn’t hurt. And never assume you know what God does or doesn’t have in store for you. You pray. Pray for your baby, pray for me to take the right actions, and pray for your body to have the strength it needs to do what this baby needs.”
Although Hope didn’t share Ruth’s religious convictions, she couldn’t give up on this baby, not yet. Mistakes happen. Miriam could have been wrong when she calculated her time of conception. It was possible this baby would live; it just wasn’t likely. Belief and hope had a funny effect on people. Sometimes it was enough to accomplish the impossible.
Thus far, everything appeared normal with the delivery. The baby was coming a little faster than expected but it wasn't breached which was a good sign. It seemed to sit in the right place, all she had to do now was to keep breathing, keep moving, and focus.
Once every thirty minutes, Joshua would come down the stairs, stand at the door and call out to Hope to see if she needed anything. She had him boil water to keep everything clean and then sent him away quickly. The baby may come early, yet time seemed to pass with no change. Even the air in the room fell into a hushed silence as fear grew inside her.
She continued to assist Ruth to stand and walk around the room, then squat to help open her pelvis and to crawl on all fours. The baby had gotten to a certain point and simply seemed to stop. She continuously worked to help the baby move, to help Ruth’s body do what it was meant to do, but the baby wasn’t moving.
“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” Ruth cried out.
Hope shook her head, refusing to give in. “Still too soon to get worried,” she lied. Hope wasn’t worried, she was terrified. “Often the first one takes longer than the rest.” Hope went back to massaging to calm her and loosen her muscles. “Do you want a girl or a boy?” It was a lame attempt to distract her, but she had to try.
“I don’t care. I just want my baby to come out and be healthy.”
Hope wasn’t certain if it was sweat or tears running down Ruth’s face. It was most likely a combination of both.
“Do you have any names picked out?”
Ruth nodded, letting out a groan of pain and gripped the bed sheets. “Mark if it’s a boy for my husband’s father, and Chastity if it’s a girl after my mom.”
“I think those are both fine names.”
“I heard you’re pregnant.”
A wave of nausea passed over her. The last thing she wanted to think about was her own baby and if it would make it, or to have Ruth thinking about it either.
“Yes. I’m not far along though.”
“What do you want to name your baby?”
Hope’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know. I honestly haven’t thought about it yet. I’ve been waiting till I’m further along before I start picking names and such.”
Ruth nodded and gripped the sheets again. Once her contraction had passed, Ruth wiped the tears and sweat from her face and looked somberly at Hope. “If my baby doesn’t make it, will you name your baby for me? I can’t bear to use one of those names on another baby and our parents deserve to be honored.”
Hope was incapable of answering. She couldn’t nod, she couldn’t speak, she couldn’t gesture. There was no part of her that could even acknowledge this action as a possibility.
“Hope, promise me. I need to know this all won’t be lost if my baby doesn’t make it.”
Her throat was so dry she nearly gagged. “Just give us more time. Give this baby more time.”
“Hope, what if I don’t make it through this? What if I die too?”
A few tears slipped away from her, and she had to cough to hide the sob threatening to overtake her. “I’ll tell you what, I will have you come over when I have my baby and you can help me decide on a name then. Let’s not worry about this right now, let’s just focus on getting this baby out safe and sound.”
Ruth nodded but simply broke into tears. Hope wanted to say something to comfort her, but there was nothing more to say. The baby hadn’t moved, yet Ruth’s contractions were telling her it was time for the baby to come.
The door suddenly burst open and Miriam was instantly at her side. Hope nearly erupted into tears she was so relieved to see this woman—to be rescued. Miriam was an old hat and would make sure everything was done properly.
Hope filled her in on all the information about what had happened since she arrived and what she had tried. Mir
iam sat and listened without looking at her, giving a curt nod with every piece of information. Once she was finished, Miriam stood up and took Ruth’s hand.
“Hope, you know what needs to be done.”
She blinked rapidly trying to think of what she had missed but was drawing a blank.
“Hope, I know this is your first delivery but you know better. This baby is obstructed.”
She shook her head back and forth as her eyes filled with stinging tears. “No. Give her more time. Ruth can do this if we just give her more time.”
“This baby is already dead! If you don’t do what’s necessary, you’re only going to kill Ruth too. You may have waited too long already. If she starts to hemorrhage because of you—”
Beyond: Book Four of the State Series Page 20
