by Terry Waite
The audition was full of the unexpected, for who should come forward next but Lady Veronika. She was scowling as usual, but her facial appearance was now accepted and no sinister intent was attributed to her simply because she looked combative. Without a word she went directly to the instruments and selected the saxophone. A few quick runs up and down the scale and she was off.
‘This is quite remarkable,’ said Bigatoni as she played away. ‘Who would have thought that she would be able to play like that.’
Without hesitation she was included and now they had the core of a small group: piano, percussions and saxophone.
‘An electric guitar would be useful,’ said Enzo, and eventually an artiste was discovered in the person of Ron Batty, the former AA patrol man. In his youth Ron had managed to master the guitar and in fact was still quite accomplished. Another half-hour was spent listening to other passengers who claimed to be experts, but both Enzo and Radley were now satisfied with the group they had. When the audition came to an end Enzo requested that the chaplain, the New Zealand twins, Lady Veronika and Ron Batty stay behind for a few moments. He thanked the others and said that he would be in touch with them if further musical help was required. Felix de Barkley was told that the mouth organ might come in very well for a special item on the programme and he would let him know about that.
‘I think,’ said Duvet to the small group left behind, ‘I think that we had better get acquainted and also find a name for the band.’
Without a moment’s hesitation, the chaplain, who was gaining confidence by the moment, said: ‘It’s obvious. The Golden Bells.’
And that was that.
41
Despite the words of Albert Hardcastle, that the Golden Handshake was ‘a grand little ship’, and despite the fact that she had been extensively remodelled, she was getting near the end of her nautical life. Angus, the Chief Engineer, had been able to keep on top of the problems with the rudder, but it was clear to him that major work was required and this could only be achieved by the vessel spending a longish period of time in dry dock. If the Admiral was planning to continue world cruising then, as soon as this venture was completed, dry dock would have to be the next port of call. Meanwhile, on the bridge, the Staff Captain was beginning to worry about the ship’s navigation system. As Indonesia was a maze of islands, it was vital that there was precision in this area, and he was not too certain that all was well with the equipment. So worried was he, that he had instructed the Navigation Officer to sharpen his pencil and adopt the well-tried method of plotting a course by the stars and a paper chart rather then the fitted electronic device.
To cut a long story short, old-fashioned skills which were second nature to an older generation of sailors, did not come so easily to the younger officers, with the result that the Golden Handshake found herself somewhere amongst the Indonesian Islands, but not quite sure where. Night was falling and the heavens were sparkling with a million navigational points, but despite this, the Staff Captain decided that as land was close by, they would drop anchor and hope that by the morning, full electronic capacity would have been restored.
The night passed calmly enough. Radley Duvet had arranged for there to be a deck party with dancing under the stars, an event which provided the newly formed musical group with an opportunity to demonstrate their skills. With one of the New Zealand twins on the piano (no one quite knew which one, but it made little difference as they both played equally well), Lady Veronika on the saxophone and the chaplain on the percussion, the whole evening was a great success.
‘My word,’ said Albert as he made his way to the Balcony Suite. ‘Yon vicar is a lively lad on the drums. He would have done us proud in the Co-op band.’
Alice agreed and said that all the performers had been very good indeed. The couple paused for a moment to lean on the rail and look over the side of the ship. As it was a moonlit night they could clearly see land not too far away, but no sign of life at all.
‘Where’s that?’ queried Albert, peering across the water.
‘Don’t ask me,’ replied his wife. ‘I haven’t a clue. It could be anywhere.’
They were just about to depart for their Suite when across the water came the most blood-curdling hissing noise.
‘What the’ell’s that?’ said Albert. ‘It sounds as if someone’s geyser’s blown up.’
‘Don’t be daft,’ scoffed Alice. ‘Come on, we might get a better sight of things tomorrow.’
Dawn broke and revealed another cloudless sky. Once again, Albert and Alice strolled along the deck and by now they could clearly make out a wooded strip of land with no apparent sign of habitation. As they were passing one of the Listening Posts, it suddenly burst into life, revealing the familiar tones of Enzo, the Cruise Director.
‘Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,’ he intoned. ‘It’s another lovely day on board the Golden Handshake. In a few moments, there will be a special announcement for Balcony Suite and Grade One passengers. Please make sure that you do not miss this special information.’
Albert and Alice waited patiently and were soon joined by Sir Archibald Willoughby and one of the New Zealand twins. Again, they were not sure if it was Petra or Philippa.
The loudspeaker sprang into life once more.
‘From time to time, special free tours are arranged for our Balcony Suite and Grade One passengers,’ Enzo began. ‘This morning at ten o’clock I shall be leading a small group to explore the island you see off the port bow. This is not an island I know, but I am sure we shall have an interesting time. Those Balcony Suite and Grade One passengers who wish to join me, please assemble in Reception soon before ten.’
Enzo indeed spoke the truth, for it was not an island any of the ship’s crew knew, as they were still struggling to resume contact with the navigational satellites. As for the paper charts, the less said about them the better.
Shortly before ten a motley group assembled as requested. Sir Archibald and Lady Veronika appeared first. Sir Archie wore his pith helmet, somewhat restored after the encounter with the ceiling fan in India and the hangar shed in Sri Lanka, but not in its former pristine condition. Lady Veronika sported the now familiar cloche hat and long skirt. The twins were back in beekeeping guise and Albert and Alice wore the same sort of clothes as they would wear on a summer outing to Blackpool. Alice had brought along a new red straw hat that she had purchased on board at a special discount sale when all items were priced under ten pounds. Edna and Felix de Barkley from the Grade One accommodation completed the party.
Enzo led the little group down to the lower deck where they boarded a small boat powered by an outboard motor. Just as they were about to cast off, there was a shout from above.
‘Hey, have you got room for a small one?’
Quick as a flash, de Barkley shouted back, ‘Make mine a double if you will.’
Ignoring the repartee, Enzo replied, ‘Jump down quickly, Doctor. We can just about fit you in.’
The doctor, wearing a pair of green surgical trousers and a colourful shirt depicting some exotic island, clambered aboard and they were off.
It wasn’t far to the island and it was an easy journey as the sea was calm and there was only a gentle breeze. The crewman in charge of the vessel headed towards a strip of sandy beach and Enzo addressed the party.
‘I have to admit,’ he began, ‘that this is a bit of an adventure, for I have no idea what this island is called, nor what we shall find here. Before we land, may I suggest that you remove your shoes and socks as we shall have to wade the final few feet up the beach. Our friend on the tiller will do all he can to get us as near as possible, but there is bound to be a little water to wade through.’
The party began to remove their footwear and, predictably, Felix de Barkley pulled a face in mock disgust and held his nose. No one laughed, as they were now accustomed to his interventions and largely ignored them.
The crewman steered the boat as far up the beach as he could, and his numbe
r two at the prow jumped nimbly over the side and secured it with a rope to a nearby tree stump. Enzo and the two crew members then helped the passengers ashore. The only one to present a problem was Lady Veronika and her long skirt. Gallant to the last, her husband took her in his arms and carried her ashore, to loud applause, and the shout from de Barkley: ‘Where’s the bride’s father?’
Once they were assembled on shore, Enzo addressed them again.
‘It is important,’ he said, ‘that we all keep together. I note that there is a small path ahead and suggest we follow that to see where it takes us. We are bound to encounter some interesting wildlife, but I don’t expect anything dangerous. I have visited many islands in my time and it’s been perfectly safe.’
He wisely did not mention that the ‘many islands’ he had visited were Hawaii, Sicily, Capri and some of the Scottish outposts.
‘I shall lead the way,’ Enzo continued, ‘and Doctor, if you would bring up the rear, that would ensure that we all keep together.’
Before moving off, Enzo instructed them to follow the same procedure they had adopted on the fateful visit to the Duty-Free Depot in France. That was for each person in file to place a hand on the shoulder of the person in front of them so that they would not get separated. Felix could not resist remarking to Sir Archie as he placed his hand on his epaulette, ‘You’re under arrest, sonny,’ a remark that Sir Archie sensibly ignored.
And so off they went. To say that it was hot would be an understatement. It was not only tropical, it was boiling. Although Lady Veronika was dressed in kit suitable for a Siberian autumn, she was the only member of the party who did not appear to be perspiring profusely. Albert and Alice staggered along, secretly wishing that they had stayed behind with the other passengers, but valiantly they ploughed on.
They had hardly gone three hundred yards when Albert stopped dead in his tracks, causing those behind to stumble into each other.
‘Alice,’ he said in a hushed voice. ‘It’s that hissing noise again. Remember? The one we heard last night.’
Alice listened intently, as did the passengers behind her.
‘Come on,’ shouted Enzo from the front. ‘We can’t rest now. We’ve only been moving for a few minutes.’
‘Hold on!’ cried the doctor from the rear. ‘It sounds as if we are near the station. I’m sure we heard a steam train.’
‘No time for silly jokes,’ said Enzo in his most commanding voice. ‘This is a tropical island and railways don’t exist here, as you must know.’
‘Oh sorry,’ replied the doctor, offended. ‘I thought we were on Paddington Green.’
No sooner had he spoken than there was a loud scream from Alice, who immediately ran towards the front of the file, causing the troupe to disintegrate in confusion once more. Immediately by the pathway stood a creature that most of the party had never seen before. It looked for all the world as if it had just emerged from the primeval jungle. It had the shape of a lizard, except that it was about nine feet long with a forked tongue that it frequently flicked from its drooling mouth. The reptile stared at the party, flicking its tongue and hissing like a boiling kettle.
‘My God,’ croaked Sir Archie. ‘I have seen this animal on TV. It’s a Komodo Dragon.’
Having said that, he motioned the party to follow him as he backed gently forward along the pathway. Alice, who was near collapse, removed her red straw hat and began to fan her face.
‘Stop that immediately!’ growled Sir Archie. ‘You will attract his attention and he will attack. If its saliva even so much as touches you, that’s it.’
Alice would have swooned if Albert had not steadied her.
‘Come on, luv,’ he said. ‘Step back quietly.’
Gingerly, the group moved forward and mercifully the creature remained in place. They had not gone many paces when they heard a crashing noise above them - and lo and behold there was another creature working its way along a stout branch of a tree. This was a smaller version of the first dragon, but equally as fearful. Enzo, who had turned a ghastly shade of pale, motioned the group to gather around him.
‘There is a clearing ahead,’ he whispered. ‘If we could all tiptoe to that place, we shall be safe. I think I heard human voices over there.’
‘This is not at all like home,’ said one of the twins from behind her veil. ‘I have seen longhorn cattle there. In fact, my dear neighbours used to keep two of them as pets - Buster and Dudley they were called. They were very gentle.’
‘Shussh,’ warned Enzo. ‘Be very quiet.’
The explorers, now huddled together rather than in single file, stepped fearfully along the path and entered the clearing. This time they were startled by someone shouting at them. A thin brown-skinned little man carrying a cleft stick had appeared from a pathway on the far side of the clearing.
‘Hey!’ he shouted. ‘Who you? Where you from?’
Behind him, two other small figures appeared - and behind them, six or seven individuals who by their appearance were tourists. Before Enzo could reply, there was a loud scream from Mrs de Barkley as a dragon suddenly appeared immediately behind her. Quick as a flash the little man ran forward and, with his forked stick, poked the animal in the eyes, causing it to rapidly retreat. At the same time, the two other guides motioned Enzo’s party to cross the clearing and join the tourists. The tourist group, who happened to be all of Chinese appearance and did not seem to understand one word of English, jabbered excitedly amongst themselves. The little man who had first called out to them returned from his encounter with the dragon looking more than a little displeased.
‘Who leader?’ he questioned, looking at the Balcony Suite and Grade One passengers.
Enzo stepped forward. ‘We are from the Golden Handshake,’ he said, ‘and are on one of our excursions.’
He might as well have said that he was from the moon as the little man looked even more serious.
‘You know this is Komodo,’ he growled. ‘No one come to Komodo without guide. Very dangerous. Dragon kill and eat you!’
At this information Alice let out a low moan and collapsed into the arms of her ever-dutiful husband, who was quickly joined by the doctor.
‘Perhaps we should tell him that the dragon ate our guide,’ muttered de Barkley. ‘In fact, it might have been a good thing if he had snapped up Enzo.’
No one laughed as they were all concerned about Alice, who was gradually coming to.
‘Stay still,’ the little man warned them. ‘More dragon in bush.’
Further hissing noises were heard across the clearing and two more terrible-looking creatures emerged, flashing their tongues, drooling saliva and causing the party to retreat several paces, leaving Alice, the doctor and Albert exposed. Two more little men with big sticks leaped forward and pointed them at the invaders, who once again disappeared into the undergrowth. By now Alice had been hauled to her feet and, with her two helpers, rejoined the main group.
‘How you get to Island?’ queried the head stick man. ‘You no come on pier. You no have ticket.’
Enzo explained that they had come by boat, which was moored nearby.
‘You crazy,’ said the guide to Enzo. ‘You very much crazy. Komodo Island must have guide. Dragon tongue very poisonous. Dragon like meat. Kill and eat you. Yes, true. Kill and eat you!’
‘I’m afraid he’s right,’ said Sir Archie, looking ashen. ‘We seem to have made a rather incautious landing on Komodo Island, home of the Komodo Dragon. They are as dangerous as the gentleman describes, and visitors always are accompanied by experienced guides.’
All eyes turned towards Enzo who, for a few moments, was lost for words. Eventually he mumbled an apology and said that he had had no idea that there was an island as dangerous as Komodo.
‘Well, old boy,’ said the doctor, cheerful as always, ‘it’ll be good preparation for your visit to the head-hunters of Brazil, won’t it?. Chalk it up to experience, eh?’
Enzo gave a wan smile and looked towards
the stick man.
‘Perhaps, sir,’ he said in a voice that betrayed despair, ‘you and your men might escort us back to our boat.’
The stick man nodded and shouted something to one of his companions, who stepped forward.
‘OK, now, keep behind me.’
He looked at the group,
‘Lady,’ he shouted so loudly that Alice jumped. ‘No red hat. Hat no good. Dragon not like red hat.’
Alice reluctantly removed her straw hat and handed it over to the stick man, who threw it across to one of his other companions.
The journey from the clearing to the beach was only a few hundred yards and it was completed without another sighting of a dragon. To the dismay of the whole party, there was no sighting of the boat either. There were marks in the sand where it had been dragged ashore, and the stump to which it had been attached was clearly visible, but there was no boat. By now Enzo was close to tears. He turned to the guide.
‘Our boat,’ he said plaintively. ‘It’s gone.’
In the distance, shimmering in the heat, was the unmistakable profile of the Golden Handshake, but the tender was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly all ears pricked up as a loud hissing sound was heard, and before any evasive action could be taken, just a few yards away from the party a dragon emerged from the undergrowth, ran across the beach and entered the water.
‘My godfathers,’ said de Barkley, ‘they can swim as well as climb trees. It looks as though swimming to the ship is out of the question.’
It was never in question, as Alice and Albert could not swim and it was doubtful that any of the party, swimmer or not, would be able to make it all the way out to the ship.
‘I get canoe,’ said the stick man. ‘You pay me. I get canoe.’
Once again all eyes turned towards Enzo, who fumbled in his safari jacket pocket.
‘Two hundred fifty dollar,’ said the little man. He paused as Enzo digested this news and then added, ‘Each trip.’
