by Vivian Arend
“So she’s confident I’m on her team?”
Tamara nodded.
“It’s a great idea,” Ivy said with soft approval. “Might I ask what her reasons were? I don’t want to accidentally set off any triggers.”
“Emotional abuse and abandonment issues,” Tamara said tightly. “A gift from her birth mother, who is out of the picture. Shouting might be considered a trigger, but Emma does okay with her sister going off at her too loudly. And occasionally her Uncle Dustin forgets and he can boom, but she’s okay with that.”
Ivy’s heart went heavy at the thought of any child having been abused. “Someone who loves you unconditionally getting loud is not the same thing as mean or cruel shouting.” She nodded. “Thank you for letting me know. I’m glad she’s got all of you in her life, and that she’s out of a bad situation.”
She was glad Caleb was out of what had to have been a heartbreaking position as well.
“Emma knows very thoroughly that she’s loved.” Tamara took a deep breath. “Very thoroughly.”
Ivy tried to lighten the conversation, working for as positive as possible. “If she’s got some specific school subjects she needs improvement with that will give us a place to start. Then I can adjust our tasks based on what she needs.”
“Sounds like exactly what we were hoping for.”
“And just to reassure you, speech delays like you’re talking about can be gotten over pretty thoroughly. I bet Emma is a smart little thing.”
Tamara’s hands stilled for a moment. “She is, but you can tell that from…?”
A flush struck at having made an assumption and being called on it. “Okay, I’m guilty of jumping to conclusions, but I grew up with the Stone family. The three older boys, at least, and I spent a lot of time here. Walter Stone might’ve been a rancher, but both he and his wife were well educated, and they made sure the boys were too.”
The other woman nodded slowly. “I forgot you would’ve known Caleb’s parents.”
“They were amazing people. It was a shock to all of us when they were gone so suddenly.” It had been a long time, but Ivy still remembered how unreal it was. How much they all expected Walter and Deb to simply walk back through the door at any moment because there’d been no warning. “One minute they were there, and the next they weren’t. I don’t know if it’s easier when someone is ill for a long time—having them suffer while you get to say goodbye—but sudden loss is horrible.”
Tamara was quiet before answering “There’s no good way to lose the people you love, but I think you’re right. Getting to say goodbye is better.”
She looked thoughtful for a bit, so Ivy stayed quiet, the two of them working in silence on the peas. Their hands moved in an easy rhythm while something bubbling on the stove behind Tamara perfumed the air with the scent of rosemary and salt.
Tamara broke the silence. “You know the family well, then.”
Ivy shook her head. “I did, but I’ve been gone for years. I’ve visited Heart Falls when I could, but it usually ended up being around the holidays when everyone is busy with their own families.”
“I’d love to hear more when you have the time. I admire what the Stones built into their sons. It would be good to know a bit more about them to share with the girls as they get older.”
“I’m sure as I spend time with Emma, some of the stories will come out.” Ivy glanced around the kitchen, shaking her head. “This place is stuffed to the brim with memories.”
“I bet. There aren’t a lot of traces of the senior Stones around the house anymore. I think Caleb’s ex-wife got rid of a lot of things.”
Ivy pushed down a rush of annoyance at what felt like an invasion of privacy, but really wasn’t. She had been gone for an awfully long time. She couldn’t expect things to stay the way they were while she moved forward.
“If there are any books around, you can probably find their names written in the front. The Stones loved to work with their hands, and they knew how to deal with the school of hard knocks, but they also read just about everything. I think that’s why my parents approved of me dating Walker back in high school.” Ivy smiled. “It wasn’t an easy task to impress my parents.” She made a face. “Come to think of it, it still isn’t.”
Tamara laughed. “You’re right. That is one thing there are still plenty of. There’s a whole wall in Caleb’s office covered with books. I never really thought about who put them there.”
“Charm’d magic casements, opening on the foam. Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.”
The other woman tilted her head, the sun glinting off the edge of her glasses. “Very poetic.”
“Keats.” Ivy looked Tamara over with interest. Brad’s comment about coming back to a familiar place but not familiar people prodded her into moving forward. “I’m thinking I’ll start a book club. Would you be interested?”
“Depends what we’re reading,” Tamara responded instantly.
“Book list will be set up by the participants, so if you want to get in on the ground floor, let me know.”
“Sounds like fun.”
It was going to be, although she still wasn’t sure if she should willingly let her sisters join in. “If I let Tansy and Rose pick books, you’d better be ready for an eclectic mix.”
“I don’t mind a challenge,” Tamara returned.
They did a little planning then, going through some of the notes from Emma’s teacher the previous year. Ivy made some suggestions, and Tamara countered them, and in the end they had agreed Ivy would come out three times a week at least for the start of the summer.
“Emma’s in the play the Boys and Girls Club is sponsoring. All of her lines are part of the chorus, so if she decides not to speak, it won’t be terrible,” Tamara told her. “But she was so keen on participating with Sasha, I thought it was worth the risk.”
“We’ll hold our own rehearsals,” Ivy said.
Tamara laughed. “Caleb can fill in some of the parts.”
Ivy glanced at her watch. “I should head out. I don’t want to be here when they get back and have that as our first meeting. It would be better if Emma knew I was coming and wasn’t surprised with it.”
Tamara shook Ivy’s hand firmly. “Thanks. And I’ll let you know about the book club. We also need to set up a time you can come over for supper to catch up with Caleb and the girls. And any of the boys we can wrangle.”
Which would include Walker. Ivy schooled her features to stay polite. “Talk to you soon.”
She swung out of the yard at Silver Stone, but when the time came to head right on the road into Heart Falls, her wheels seem to turn automatically in the opposite direction. She made her way up the long road that rose toward the mountain pass before exiting onto a single lane that wasn’t labelled, but was well known to all the locals.
Ivy pulled to a stop in the parking lot and stepped out of the car, meandering along the path leading to the back of the Silver Stone property.
Heart Falls itself belonged to the municipality, but it was attached to the ranch, and here again Ivy fell into another walk down memory lane. She took her time, sauntering along the narrow trail that led all the way to the bottom of the hill and the pool formed by the waterfall.
Three quarters of the way down there was a bench built into the hillside. A log had been notched out and stacked on rocks to form a solid platform. The sun shone down perfectly, and after sitting for a few minutes, Ivy gave up all attempts at being an adult and stretched out as if she were cat in a beam of sunshine. Warm and relaxed.
So. Her return to Heart Falls wasn’t going exactly like she’d planned, but she could roll with the punches. Even today’s visit helped her move another step along the way.
She had to move forward—there was no changing that fact. She felt a little like her sister Fern as she mentally made a list.
One—she was back in Heart Falls for good. This was going to be her home.
Two—she wanted a home, with everything th
at meant: husband, a family, and her extended family around her, which was why she was picking this spot to stay.
Three—the man she hoped to build a family with was being stubborn.
What on earth was he talking about, needing to contribute?
She was going to have to move slowly. If he really didn’t want to stay in Heart Falls she wasn’t going to force him, but it seemed silly not to talk about this more. It would be wrong to not figure out what was going on in his head before she gave up completely.
But if he was sure he didn’t want her? She’d find a way to accept that and move on without him. They were adults—she could do it if she had to.
The sun warmed her from top to bottom. She worked on breathing evenly and allowing the truth to soak into her. She could move forward, with or without Walker, and yet—
And yet— as she tried to build up enthusiasm for her new to-do list, sadness hovered.
She wanted Walker to be a part of her life. It was the thought that had sustained her for so many years, and turning her back on the idea seemed like treason.
Seemed very, very wrong.
7
Walker spent the afternoon laughing with his nieces and enjoying time with his oldest and youngest brothers. It was never a bad thing to head out riding over Silver Stone. But if he was truthful, he’d been a whole hell of a lot distracted the entire time.
He wondered who’d been pulling into the Silver Stone parking area. The instant he spotted Ivy’s white-blonde hair, it was as if he’d been plugged into a full wattage amp. Energy pulsed through his very bones.
Daydreaming about Ivy was a really shitty way to spend what should have been a pleasurable couple of hours, and he found himself antsy as they headed back toward the barns.
He slipped up beside his oldest brother and spoke quietly, not wanting to make a big deal over leaving the group, but suddenly too antsy to stay. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to ride to the falls. Need a moment to revisit the place.”
“Dreamer. Go ahead.” Caleb moved in to distract the girls. Sasha fell for it, watching her Uncle Dustin as Caleb teased. Little Emma was the one who examined Walker as he turned his horse away, her big blue eyes staring after him as if she understood something of what he felt. That feeling of being lost.
He blew her a kiss and her lips curled softly.
Thank God she had Tamara now along with Caleb because that sad expression didn’t belong in any little girl’s eyes.
Although the sensation that had been wreaking havoc with his gut wasn’t one that any man, woman, or child should have to face, either. The one he felt when the panic rolled in.
His path was clear—whether he wanted to or not, he needed to face that demon and find a way through. Because damn if he would let his family down again. The ranch needed money.
His body wasn’t broken. If he dealt with whatever was up with his brain, he could earn enough money riding to throw at the problem. At least temporarily.
His cell phone went off as he reached a clearing in the trees, and he cursed before modulating his voice to be as polite as possible. “Maxwell. Didn’t expect to hear from you.”
“I don’t see why not. Dammit, man. I sort of understand you taking a little time off from the rodeo—that’s dangerous shit—but why are you ignoring my calls? I’ve got people looking for an answer, and they’re not going to let you put them off forever.”
A few days ago his answer would’ve been to let them rot, but now he didn’t have that option. “Run it by me again.”
Maxwell broke out his “everything will be okay if I can explain the basics to this stupid cowboy” tone of voice. “The team I gave your demo to want you to come out and perform with one of their talent. It’s backup right now, which isn’t a bad thing. With the skills you’ve got, it’s possible you start there then break out on your own.”
Singing hadn’t been on Walker’s agenda. Not ever. “They’re jumping the gun a little, don’t you think? I mean they only heard me that one time.”
Maxwell sighed. “Seriously? Walker. That’s what you’re worried about? I’d swear you don’t want to be discovered. That’s all it takes—one time—if you play your cards right. And you had no problem sitting in the studio and making those demos.”
“Because the demos and the emergency backup recording were to help Jordan out. It wasn’t supposed to be about me.” And it’d been easy to sing in a two-by-four sound studio booth, with no one but a technician on the other side of the glass listening to him. There hadn’t been any other eyes watching or whatever the hell it was that had caused him to freak out the next time he’d ended up in front of a crowd. “When do you need an answer?”
Maxwell was doing something on the other side of the line that involved paperwork, rustling noises filling the air as Walker brought Hannibal to a stop by the Heart Falls pool and dismounted.
“The sooner the better, but if you’re busy training for the fall, I can tell them that. They understand the need to work with the family and prepare for the PBR. They’re setting up their schedule now, so I have to have an answer by the end of summer.”
Two months’ reprieve. Two months for Walker to figure out what was wrong and find a solution to make it right. When he put it that way, it sounded possible. “Okay, Maxwell. I’ll have an answer for you by the end of the summer.”
“Don’t you go forgetting, or get so busy you blow me off again. I want you to give it some serious thought.”
“I will.”
“Talk to your family. I know you’re big on family. I’m sure they’ll be able to help you decide. What did they think when you told them about the offer?”
Walker should’ve kept his mouth shut, but it wasn’t in him to lie. “I haven’t mentioned it.”
Maxwell cursed at the other end of the line. “Dammit, Walker. What the hell is wrong with you? It’s like you’re willing to piss this away. I should just tell them to forget it.”
“No—” Walker snapped, because he couldn’t throw away the chance at the money. Even though his skin crawled at the thought of what the deal Maxwell was offering would require. “I swear I’m thinking hard about it, but I need a break. I can’t afford to get distracted when I’m riding…”
Truth, but a total lie, since he had no intention of going anywhere near a competition for a while.
Maxwell bought it, though. “Okay. Okay, settle down. I’ll talk to Jordan’s team, and make nice. They’ll wait until the end of summer, but I want you to keep in touch. Figure this out, or someone else will snag the chance of a lifetime.”
“Thanks,” Walker forced out the words, then hung up more frustrated than he thought possible considering it was an incredible break he was being offered.
Maxwell was right. Anyone else would be jumping up and down to have an opportunity like this fall into their laps.
Walker stepped forward, pacing the trail that meandered around the pool at the base of Heart Falls as the cascade created a musical sound that was a tease and taunt all at the same time.
His memories of his dad telling him he wasn’t living up to his potential were wrapped up in this place, and they echoed louder than the water crashing into the pool at the base of the rocks.
He found himself kicking stones aside as he marched to the rocky face of the hillside. High above, the water flew off in an arc, mist covering everything with fine water droplets, soaking his shirt and his hair, gathering into a trickle of water that ran down his face as he stared up at the wall.
So. He had to find out if he could still ride bulls, and he had to discover if he could actually get up in front of an audience and sing without having a panic attack.
He eyed the water. He eyed the wall. Maybe it was stupid, but the idea that struck seemed to make sense.
If he knew what caused his panic attacks he could stop them, or barring that, he could learn ways to deal with one when it happened. And since he wasn’t about to tell any of his family what was going on and become even m
ore of a burden to them, he was going to have to deal with them on his own.
He slid off his boots, stuffed his socks inside them, and then eased along the narrow path under the falls to just past the falls themselves. To his right was a route up the mountainside that he and his brothers had tried when they were young. They’d climb the rocks, higher and higher, until their fingers would slip and they’d inevitably fall off.
With the pool directly below, he’d fall straight into the water. Unless he was really unlucky, he wasn’t going to get hurt.
But as Walker stared up the sheer face, adrenaline rushed his system. If he was going to have a panic attack, climbing this monstrosity should be enough to cause one. If he fell, hitting the water would bring him to his senses.
Frustration and confusion and anger mixed inside him. He didn’t want to have to deal with the bullshit of panic attacks. He wanted to be with Ivy, and he wanted to stay in Heart Falls, but he wanted to support his family and—
So many thoughts rattled in his brain, whirling over and over until his heart pounded and his brain ached. Screw this. He needed to do something.
Walker put his hands on the rock wall and climbed.
* * *
A cloud slipped in front of the sun, and the temperature dropped just enough to pull Ivy from her blissful sunning. She glanced at her watch and figured she’d actually fallen asleep for at least half an hour.
She stretched as she placed her feet to the ground, taking one final look over the water before—
“Oh my God.” Someone was climbing the cliff.
They couldn’t be comfortable, not with the way the water was spraying everywhere. And it definitely wasn’t safe, because there wasn’t a thing around them that wasn’t drenched with mist.
