"It doesn't have to make sense. It's a feeling. A feeling that something's just not right between us, and I think it's because we come from such different backgrounds. We can't get past that. It'll always be there."
He turns to me. "I don't even know what that means. Why would it matter? The fact that my family has money has never once interfered with our relationship."
"Of course it has. Remember how uncomfortable I was having lunch with your parents at their mansion? I felt so sick I could barely eat."
"Everyone is nervous when they first meet the parents. I was practically shaking when I first met your dad. Hell, I thought he was going to bring out his gun."
"Your parents will always make me nervous. They look at me like I don't belong with you."
"I don't care."
"Well I do. I don't want us to keep dating and have them still looking at me that way years from now. Acting like I'm not good enough for you."
"Then I'll have a talk with them. You seriously think I'd let my parents break us up?"
"It doesn't matter what you say to them. They still won't accept me."
"Then we won't go and see them until they do."
"I don't want to ruin your relationship with your parents."
"Stop worrying about my goddamn parents!" He leans back and rubs his head. "Fuck." He sighs and leans forward again. "This isn't about them."
"But they're part of the problem. And it's not just them. It's us. This just isn't working. I don't know how else to say it."
He turns and looks me in the eye. "You don't know how to say it because you know it's not true. You know how good we are together. You know how much we love each other. So I don't know why you're doing this. You can repeat what you just said over and over again but I still won't believe it. There's something else going on. Something that makes you think we have no choice but to break up." He holds my hands in his. "But I promise you, Kate. We can get through whatever this is. I know you don't think we can, but you're wrong. We can get through whatever it is you're worried about. Which is why I'm not letting you do this."
I wish he was right. I wish we really could get through this and stay together. But we can't. And I can't tell him why. Even if I could, he'd never believe me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
"You're only making this harder," I tell Gavin as I pull my hands from his and stand up. "I can't keep explaining this to you. I need you to go."
The only way I'm getting through this right now is because of the image I'm keeping at the front of my mind of Niles killing that man. I've been focused on that image the whole time Gavin's been here. It's what's keeping me from crying. Because when I see that image, I don't feel sadness. I feel anger. Anger that Niles did that and got away with it. Anger that he's threatening me. Anger that he hurt my dad, because despite what those test results showed, I know Niles was responsible for the shed blowing up.
Gavin stands up and faces me. "You're making a mistake."
"Please go," I say, focusing even harder on that image in my head while thinking the words, His father's a killer. I can't be with him.
Gavin looks me in the eye. "I don't know why you're doing this but I know for a fact it's not what you want."
Tears are threatening to fall any moment now so I walk to the door and hold it open. "Goodbye, Gavin."
I don't look at him as he leaves. I keep my head down and remain at the door until I hear his car drive away.
And then I go in my room and release the tears, sobbing over the loss of the guy I love more anything. My dad checks on me later but I tell him I need time alone. As he said, only time will make this better, but right now I can't imagine ever feeling good again. Losing Gavin hurts too much. It's a pain like I've never felt before and never want to feel again.
***
The week goes by and on Saturday morning I head home. Carol asked if I'd work tonight and I told her I would. I've been off for a week and have nothing else to do on a Saturday night now that Gavin isn't around. I haven't heard from him since our talk at my dad's house.
It's been torture not talking to him, not being able to see him. And without work to distract me, it's been even worse, which is another reason why I agreed to work tonight. It's a formal dinner with multiple courses so will keep me busy for hours.
When I arrive at work, Carol takes me aside, bringing me into a walk-in pantry that's the size of my bedroom. We're in a mansion that's so large you could get lost finding your way around.
"How are you doing?" she asks, sounding concerned.
It's unusual for her to ask me anything personal, which means I probably look like crap. I tried to cover up the dark circles under my eyes from my lack of sleep but you can still see them.
"It's been a tough week," I say. "But things will get better. I just need more time."
"Do you want to talk about it? We could meet tomorrow for lunch."
Carol and I never did meet for breakfast like we said we would so I was never able to ask her about Niles. Maybe I could ask her now. As I look around the pantry, I don't see any security cameras watching us. The fact that I'm even looking for them shows how paranoid I've become.
"Actually, could we just talk now?" I ask.
"We can, but I don't have much time. I have to get back out there."
"I just have a question." I lower my voice. "When I was dating Gavin, why did you keep trying to get me to break up with him?"
"Because I didn't think he was right for you," she says simply, but I know she's lying.
"It was more than that. You acted like you knew something I didn't. It was almost like you were warning me to stay away from him. You wouldn't act that way unless you knew something."
She sighs. "I don't like his family. That's all it was. His parents don't treat my employees with respect and his mother is very demanding."
"That's true of all our clients. Carol, I know you're keeping something from me."
"Like what?" she asks, furrowing her brow.
"Have you ever—" I glance back at the open pantry door. I walk over and shut it, then return to Carol. "Have you ever seen things at the Bishop mansion? Things that seem strange? Or overheard things that didn't sound quite right?"
"Kate." She lowers her voice. "I don't know what you're referring to here but you need to stop talking about it. And stop asking questions."
Her nervous tone confirms she knows something. Something she doesn't want to tell me.
"Why can't I ask questions?"
"Because it just leads to more questions."
"Yeah? So?"
Her eyes zero in on mine. "You don't want the answers." She whispers it, which frightens me. Does she, too, think we're being listened to?
"Why don't I want the answers?" I cautiously ask.
"Because you don't want to know. It's easier to pretend whatever's going on isn't really happening. Just do your job and forget whatever you see or hear."
"So you're saying you saw something at the Bishop mansion? That's why you didn't want me to be with Gavin?"
"I've seen Niles when he's angry and I don't like his temper. It frightens me, which is why I didn't want you getting involved with that family."
"What do you mean when you say Niles has a bad temper? What have you seen?"
She shakes her head really fast. "I don't want to get into this. There's no need to. You've broken up with Gavin so it doesn't matter now."
Taking my voice down to a whisper, I say, "I know what you mean about Niles. I saw him hit someone."
I'm hoping my made-up story will make her tell me something about Niles. At this point, I'm not sure why I care. I'm not with Gavin anymore and yet I still want to know what Niles is up to.
"When did you see this?" she asks in a hushed tone.
"At the party at his house a couple weeks ago."
"Where did it happen?"
"Outside. I was at the pool house getting ice and I saw Niles hit some guy. They'd been arguing." I don't want to give her an
y more details than that just in case Niles found out what I told her. I probably already said too much. "Have you ever seen Niles act that way? Hit someone?"
"No, but I overheard a heated discussion he had at his house with a man I didn't recognize. It wasn't one of the guests. It looked like a maintenance worker. He was in a uniform and Niles was yelling at him and then..." She swallows and looks to the side.
"Then what?"
She looks back at me. "Then he pulled out a gun."
A gun. It's just like I thought. That night wasn't the first time Niles had used a gun. So has he done this before? Has he killed more than once?
"And what happened?" I ask.
"I don't know. When I saw the gun I got out of there. Luckily, Niles didn't see me."
"So you don't know what happened to the guy he was talking to?"
"I haven't seen him since that night. I'm sure he was fired."
"What if Niles shot him?"
"I would've heard the shot. But I can't imagine Niles actually using the gun. I'm sure he was just trying to scare the man, but still, the fact that he'd do that shows that Niles is unstable, especially when he's angry. That's why I didn't want you with Gavin. It's good you ended things with him. If you'd stayed with him, you'd always have to be around his father."
"You said you've overheard things. What have you heard?"
"Kate, I'm not getting into this with you. It's best if we both stay out of it."
"Carol, there you are." Lara, one of the catering workers, is standing at the door of the pantry. I was so engrossed in what Carol was saying, I didn't even hear the door open.
"What do you need?" Carol asks Lara.
"More baking sheets. Could you tell me where they are?"
"They're in the van." Carol hurries past me. "I'll get them."
I return to the kitchen and get back to work.
Later that night, Carol catches me as I'm leaving. "About what I said earlier, don't tell anyone."
"I won't. And you won't tell anyone what I told you?"
"No. Of course not." She looks around to make sure we're alone. "Kate, I was thinking maybe you should find somewhere else to work."
"You're firing me?"
"No, but I think you should consider quitting. You're one of my best employees but I worry about you working with these people."
"Why am I different than any of your other workers?"
"You're too inquisitive. You have been for as long as I've known you. But being inquisitive can get you in trouble in this line of work. Like I said, I've seen things I probably shouldn't have, but I keep quiet and pretend I saw and heard nothing, which helps keep me out of trouble. I'm afraid you won't be able to do that. You'll ask questions. Try to find out more. It'll get you in trouble, Kate. These are powerful people we're working with and they need their employees to be discreet."
"I am discreet. I only asked you about Niles because of Gavin. I wanted to know about his dad."
"We both know it's more than that. It doesn't matter who you saw that night, you'd still be asking questions. When you see something you can't explain, you dig for an explanation. You're like your father that way. How's he doing, by the way?"
"Good. His arm is healing. His girlfriend's taking care of him."
"Girlfriend?"
"Yeah. She lives down the street from him. She's a nurse so she'll do a better job taking care of him than I can."
Lara walks by on the way to her car. "Goodnight," she says, waving at us. We wave back and wait until she's in her car.
"Think about what I said," Carol says. "About the job. I'm sure you could find something else. And I'd give you an excellent recommendation."
"I don't want another job."
"What if I gave you a loan to help you open your restaurant? I don't have much but I have enough to get you started. And I could see about helping you get a loan for the rest."
"I'm not ready to do that yet, but thanks." I check the time on my phone. It's almost midnight. "I should go."
"Drive safely," she says as I head to my car.
As I'm driving home, Carol's comment reminds me of my dream to start a restaurant and how Gavin was so determined to make that dream come true. He was always so supportive. I loved that about him. I still do.
I miss him so much. I know we can't be together but I still love him more than words can describe. I miss talking to him. I miss his friendship. I miss everything about him.
***
The next morning I hear Megan at my door. "Kate, get up. You have a visitor."
Visitor?
I jump out of bed and run to the door and fling it open. "Gavin's here?"
"No. But his mom is."
"His mom?"
"Yeah, she's here to talk to you."
"About what?"
"I don't know but she seems annoyed that she has to wait, so you might want to hurry up."
"Tell her I'll be there in a few minutes."
I quickly change out of my pajamas and into a pair of black pants and a sweater, trying to look somewhat nice. I race to the bathroom and fix my hair and throw on enough make-up that I don't look half-dead, which is how I feel right now because I've barely slept since breaking up with Gavin.
"Hi, Mrs. Bishop," I say, hurrying into the living room. She's sitting on the couch, wearing a dark gray dress, a string of pearls around her neck. Is this how she normally dresses on a Sunday morning? She doesn't go to church so I know she's not dressed up for Sunday services.
"Kate." She stands up. "Please. Have a seat."
I go around the couch and we both sit down.
"Can I get you something?" I ask.
"No." She places her hands in her lap, one over the other, her back straight, ankles crossed. "I'm here to talk about Gavin."
"What about him?" I have no idea why she'd show up here so this is making me nervous.
"He's very upset about your break-up. And for some ridiculous reason he blames his father and me for why you two are no longer together."
"I don't think—"
"Let me finish," she says harshly.
"Go ahead."
"Gavin came to see his father and me last week and demanded that we accept both you and your relationship with him." Her eyes look over my clothes before returning to my face. "I think you're well aware that I don't think you're a suitable match for my son."
"You've made that pretty clear," I say, trying to remain polite.
"Despite that, Gavin has declared that if we don't do as he demanded, he will no longer be coming to see us. He won't talk to us either. So as of now, we haven't heard from him for a week." She glares at me. "All because of you."
"I never told him to do that."
"The fact remains that he blames us for you two breaking up. He said we made you feel like you weren't good enough for our son."
"Nothing's changed. You still feel that way."
"True." She sits up even straighter. "But I might be persuaded to feel differently if it means getting my son back. As for Niles, he always had a soft spot for you. Perhaps because you two are so alike."
"I am not like Niles," I insist.
"Oh, but you are." She smirks. "You both come from humble beginnings. You both aspire for more. You both want to be part of the elite world I live in yet know you'll never really be one of us."
"I don't aspire to live in your world. My own world is just fine."
"You don't aspire to it because you haven't been fully exposed to it. Once you get a taste of the money, the influence, the parties, the designer clothes...you'll want to be part of it. Niles was the same way. Once I introduced him to my world, he couldn't get enough of it. He wanted in and I let him. Marrying me was his ticket into my world, just like being with Gavin is yours."
"Why did you marry Niles?" I ask, because I really am curious.
She laughs and waves her hand in the hair. "To piss off my mother."
I'm surprised she'd use a word like 'pissed'. It's not at all ladylike. May
be she's been drinking, although she doesn't seem drunk.
"That's the only reason?"
"I was a bit of a rebel growing up so I suppose that played a role. I'd been to one too many cotillions, dancing with prep school boys who'd never had to work for anything. I found them boring. Tedious. I liked Niles' ambition. His drive. And the fact that he practically worshipped me from the day we met. I suppose some of that was because he wanted into my world, but it was also because he adored me. The prep school boys I'd dated never treated me like that. But Niles did. Still does." She lifts her head and smiles. "I feel as though Gavin is like me in that way."
"What way?"
"He was bored. He was tired of dating the cotillion girls and wanted something different. You offered him that. You were something he hadn't had before. I thought it was just a phase he was going through. I was hoping it was. But instead he became serious about you. He wants you, just like I wanted his father. And perhaps I should accept that. After all, I set the example for my son. If I can be with someone like Niles, Gavin feels he should be allowed to be with someone like you."
"Except that Gavin and I aren't dating anymore," I remind her.
"But you will be if Niles and I accept you being with our son. I'm here to tell you that we're considering it. Well, Niles already approves of you. It'll take me longer to get there. Perhaps if you were to talk to Gavin?" Her lips turn up. "Convince him to talk to his mother again?"
"Gavin and I are over. We're not getting back together."
Her brows rise. "And why is that?"
"It didn't feel right. Us being together. We're too different."
"That didn't bother you before."
"But then I thought about it and now it does. Gavin and I just aren't meant to be together."
"I see." She stands up. "Well, I suppose I'll be going then. I'll stop by Moorhurst and tell Gavin about our little chat. I'll assure him I've done everything possible to get you to take him back and that you refused."
"You don't need to do that. Gavin and I have already discussed this. He knows it's over."
Secrets Kept Page 28
