by Judy Corry
He smiled that big, white smile of his. “I worked at a pool in New York all last summer.”
“Wow, that’s awesome!” I said.
“I bet tons of girls will fake-drown this summer to get a little mouth to mouth from you.” Ashlyn laughed and nudged his shoulder with hers.
“Yeah, right.” Ryan rolled his eyes and tossed a handful of sand.
We continued to catch up, finding out where everyone was headed for college in the fall. Ryan would be joining Luke and Ashlyn at SUNY Cortland, which made me wish I knew someone else going to IC.
“Hey,” Ryan said, his face lighting up like he’d had the greatest thought on earth come into his head. “Cortland and Ithaca are pretty close, so if our friend Jess ever decides to end this vacation of his, we could all totally hang out on the weekends.”
“Totally!” Ashlyn said excitedly.
My chest, on the other hand, deflated at the thought. “I’m not so sure Jess would appreciate that idea. Well, at least not the part with me being there.”
Ryan’s brow squished together. “Why not?”
Ashlyn spoke up. “They aren’t talking anymore.” An annoyed expression crossed her face. “And Jess is being a butt about it.”
“Why?” Ryan asked.
Ashlyn eyed me as if gauging whether to tell Ryan everything or not. Not many people knew Jess and I had even dated, since he’d been out of town most of the time, and we were on winter break for the rest of it.
“It’s complicated,” was all I said. If Jess wanted Ryan to know, he’d tell him.
Ashlyn was sweet, and she quickly changed the subject to all the things she planned to do when we weren’t working this summer. Snorkeling. Hiking. Sightseeing. Lying on the beach. As we talked, my gaze continued to wander across the fire to where I noticed Jess talking to a petite girl with short blonde curls. A twinge of jealousy bit at me when I saw the way she touched his arm as they spoke. Was he dating her? He had been in a hurry to get back to the resort after his short visit to New York. Maybe this pretty blonde was the real reason why.
I realized I’d been caught staring when Jess looked in my direction. He made eye contact with me for a second then frowned as he looked at Ryan. His gaze flickered to me again before focusing on the girl at his side, laughing at something she must have said.
I clenched my jaw. I could shake him! Shake him good and hard and tell him to stop being like this. He was acting like he didn’t even know me. How could he pretend we hadn’t been friends for fourteen years?
I excused myself and walked around the fire to confront Jess. We needed to figure out how to be in the same vicinity as each other without him scowling the whole time. When I was a few feet away, Jess looked past the girl to me. A look of annoyance crossed his face, but he said something to the girl and stepped around her anyway.
He folded his arms across his chest. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” I sighed.
He uncrossed his arms and gestured for me to walk with him down the beach.
We stopped in a place where there were large boulders scattered on the sand. I could only faintly hear the party over the sound of the ocean now. The only light we had to see by was from the moon.
Jess sat down on one of the boulders and crossed his arms.
I didn’t know exactly what I was going to say. I hadn’t had time to plan this out. Sure I’d thought of what I could say to him all last spring, but none of those things seemed to fit the situation I was in right now. In all the other scenarios I’d imagined, Jess had never been as angry with me as he seemed to be now.
“Well?” Jess asked, obviously impatient to get this over with. “What’s this conversation you need to have with me?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know exactly.”
Jess scoffed.
“I just—” I paced in front of him. “I think that if we’re going to work here together, we need to call a truce or something.”
“A truce?”
“Yes, Jess.” I stopped pacing and faced him. I was so short that even with him sitting, my head wasn’t much higher than his. “Hasn’t this gone on long enough? Why—” My voice threatened to falter with the emotions bottled up inside of me. I breathed deeply, the salty air calming me down slightly. “Why can’t we be friends again?”
Jess's voice was quiet when he spoke. “I don’t want to be your friend. I—” he stopped. “I know you’re going to be here for the summer, and I can tolerate that, but don’t think that means we’re friends. We may be stuck hanging around each other for a while, but that doesn’t mean we have to talk.”
I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. How could he say that?
A world couldn’t exist where I saw Jess every day but didn’t talk to him. It wasn’t possible. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” He stood and ran a hand through his windblown hair. “I don’t know what I was thinking last winter. I must have been out of my mind.”
I never knew words could hurt so much. My heart bled with each toothpick he stabbed in it. “So you regret breaking up with Kelsie then?” Maybe he blamed me for that and wanted to get back with her.
The look Jess gave me was incredulous, like it was the most ridiculous question to ask him. “Of course not. That, at least, was something I did right.”
“But you regret what happened after?”
His eyes locked with mine as if he was remembering the same thing I was: his arms wound around me on his deck, our lips meshed together in a passionate kiss.
“Don’t you?” His voice was husky as he glanced at me, at the sand, and then back at me again.
I looked away, unable to meet his gaze. Why did I bring that up?
“I regret what it did to our friendship,” I finally said. He didn’t say anything for a while, simply nodded and turned to watch the waves crash rhythmically against the shore. The moon was full tonight and outlined Jess's silhouette against the night sky.
I went and sat on the rock Jess had occupied earlier, feeling drained from all the emotions I felt: anger, frustration, hurt, confusion, and jealousy. But mostly I felt sadness.
I spoke to his back. “Who was that girl you were talking to? Is she your girlfriend?”
Jess turned back to me and sighed. “Her name is Layla. She’s been at the resort with her family for about two weeks.” His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he kicked a rock with his flip-flop. “She’s not my girlfriend, but you never know what might happen.”
“She’s pretty.” What else was there to say after that?
“She’s cool, and she doesn’t play games with guys’ hearts. The world could use more girls like that.”
Was that a personal jab? I was trying to be nice to Jess, and there he goes back to being a jerk again.
“It looked like you and Ryan were hitting it off.” He dug his toe in the sand.
If he was going to play that game, then I might as well join in. “Yeah. Ryan’s great.”
“You do realize he just broke up with his girlfriend, right?”
“Of course.” I tried to sound more sure of myself than I was.
“Then you know that he’s on the rebound.”
Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, and a lump filled my throat. I already knew I wasn’t as pretty, or fun, and definitely not from an ideal family like other girls. But to know that Jess thought that too, it ripped a hole in my chest. “So in other words, he’d only be interested in me because of that. Otherwise, a guy like him would never look twice at a girl like me. Kind of like what happened with you.”
Maybe I had just been a rebound to him.
I didn’t think it was possible, but Jess had managed to insult me at a whole new level. Not only was I not friend material for him, but it was unfathomable for a guy like Ryan to even consider dating me under better circumstances. Jess was on a roll tonight.
“You know what?” I hugged my arms to my chest and stood, choking my tears back. “This co
nversation was a mistake. I don’t know why I thought I wanted to be friends again.” I left him in the dark and ran toward the resort to hide in my room.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The next morning, I started my job at the resort. Ashlyn and I cleaned rooms together for eight hours a day. It was disgusting cleaning someone else’s hair out of the shower, but Ashlyn told me if we did a good job we might move up to more desirable positions later.
“Do you think we’ll ever get used to this?” I asked Ashlyn. My back cracked as I stood from scrubbing a stain on the bathroom floor of the room we were working in. “When I imagined getting a job at an island resort, I imagined a lot more vacation-type activities than this. But apparently, work on an exotic island is as hard as anywhere else.” The first week had gone by slowly, and by the end of each work day, I was too exhausted from cleaning to do much exploring of the island.
Ashlyn puffed a piece of hair away from her face as she scrubbed the tub. “I know. I’m so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.” Tomorrow would be our first day off since starting.
“Sleeping in past six will be heavenly.” I wrung the mop out in the bucket and pushed it around on the floor again.
“Maybe we should plan something fun for tomorrow. Amani did offer to take us snorkeling.”
“I’m pretty sure Amani is hoping for a little more than snorkeling when it comes to you,” I said. “You should probably tell him that your boyfriend will be coming to visit in a few weeks.”
“Oh, I’ve told him. Amani is strangely determined though,” Ashlyn said. “That’s why I need you to come snorkeling with us.”
“I’m up for hanging out with you guys, but is snorkeling the best idea?” I leaned against the vanity. “We should do something that doesn’t involve going further than ten feet in the water.” Who knew what kind of creatures were lurking in the ocean. My hands sweated thinking about it.
“Nooo.” Ashlyn stared in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you’re still traumatized by what happened at our old cabin?”
“I was nine years old. Of course I’m still freaked out about that! Having hundreds of fish biting and wiggling along my body is not something I’ll ever forget.”
The summer after third grade, the Brooks invited my family to the cabin they used to own in Buffalo. They owned a few fish hatcheries back then as one of Mr. Brooks’ many business adventures, so of course, the pond on their property was loaded with fish. There was a paddle boat at the pond, so my dad and I decided to take it for a spin that weekend. After a while, we jumped in the water for a swim.
A few minutes later, a ten-year-old Jess came running along the pond with an old ice cream pail in his hand. He reached inside the pail, which I soon learned was full of fish food pellets, and tossed a handful of them right where my dad and I were swimming.
Immediately, hundreds of fish swarmed to where we were and jumped around in the water, swimming through my legs and arms as I frantically tried to get back to the paddle boat. While I was screaming, Jess stood on the shore laughing, head thrown back and all.
Ever since that experience, I never dared go swimming in anything other than a swimming pool. If there was even the possibility of something alive swimming around me I stayed on dry land.
Ashlyn laughed. “Well, if you aren’t willing to go, I’ll see if Jess or Ryan want to join us.” She studied me for a moment, biting her lip and squinting one eye. “Have you and Jess been able to talk this week?”
“Not since the bonfire.” I’d been able to avoid seeing Jess since our train wreck of a conversation. It was sad that a life-long friendship could deteriorate so quickly, but since Jess didn’t want to fix things there wasn’t much else I could do.
In a way, I was grateful to be so tired from cleaning all day—at least that way I was too exhausted to spend much time thinking about Jess.
“Ugh,” Ashlyn groaned. “What is wrong with him? Jess won’t even talk to me about it.”
I shrugged and pinched my lips. “We’re better off not being friends anymore, I think.” I probably should have given up long ago anyway.
The next week passed quicker than the first. My body adjusted to my work schedule, so when I was done cleaning for the day, I still had enough energy to do some fun things. Ashlyn and I spent quite a bit of time at the beach. She worked on her tan and I read. It was like living in paradise, once my shift was over, and I didn’t think I could ever tire of it.
Ashlyn and I hung out with Ryan a couple of evenings, which was fun. He seemed to be handling his breakup with Bridgett just fine, despite what Ashlyn said. I think he may have even flirted with me a couple of times. I couldn’t be sure, though, because his whole personality was so flirty he probably hadn’t even tried.
Ashlyn and I were getting her room ready for a movie night with Ryan when there was a knock on her door.
“Can you get that for me?” Ashlyn asked as she arranged the snacks we’d scrounged up on the table.
I went to answer the door, expecting to find Ryan. Instead, I stood face to face with Jess for the first time in two weeks.
Jess furrowed his brow. “Did I knock on the wrong door?” He leaned back to check the number plate on the wall. “Is this Ashlyn's room?”
I nodded dumbly, unable to find my voice.
“Come in, Jess,” Ashlyn called as she opened a bag of pretzels.
I backed away from the door to let Jess in. As he walked past, I got a whiff of his cologne. He still smelled the same, and the memory of his scent took me back to a time when things were better between us.
Jess went to Ashlyn and asked her something that I couldn’t hear. She turned to him with an impatient look on her face and said something back. I couldn’t help but assume their hushed conversation had everything to do with me and the fact that Jess probably hadn’t known I was going to be here tonight.
A moment later there was another knock on the door. Ryan stepped in and pulled me into his customary bear hug. “How was your day?” he asked.
“It was good,” I answered and stepped away, feeling self-conscious at the thought of Jess seeing Ryan hug me. Even though I knew it meant nothing, that didn’t mean Jess did.
Ryan settled into the corner of the couch and patted the spot next to him. I hesitated for a second before deciding that if I sat there, that would probably make things less awkward. Ashlyn could sit on the other side of me and Jess could take the chair.
Ryan draped his arm around me when I sat next to him, and the memory of Jess telling me that Ryan was on the rebound forced itself into my mind. I tried to push the thought away but couldn’t help thinking Jess was possibly right. Ryan was being way friendlier than he’d ever been in Ridgewater. A frown settled on Jess’s face, and I knew he was thinking along the same lines. After all, why else would Ryan be interested in me now after I’d been almost invisible to him all those years before?
“What movie are we watching tonight?” Ryan asked.
“I’m not sure.” I turned to Ashlyn who was still standing. “Did you decide on the movie yet?”
“I sure did.” Ashlyn smiled hugely as she switched on the TV to show the movie she’d downloaded. “And if I hear any complaints, I’ll be more than happy to send any whiners on their merry way.” When the screen lit up, I was pleased to see that she’d chosen the latest romantic comedy I’d been dying to watch.
Ryan groaned and let his head fall back on the couch when he saw it was a chick-flick. “Come on guys. I thought we were going to be watching blood and guts all night.”
“Sorry, no blood and guts here.” Ashlyn smirked.
Jess, of course, didn’t complain. He’d endured so many girly movies with Ashlyn and me through the years that he knew it was pointless. I was comforted that he hadn’t changed completely.
Ashlyn turned the movie on and practically jumped into the chair before Jess could sit there. I realized my mistake—I should have stolen the chair for myself. This left Jess the only empty seat next to me.
<
br /> It honestly wouldn’t have been surprising if he’d chosen to sit on the floor instead of beside me, but I was stunned when he took the last couch cushion. I was even more surprised when he didn’t hug the armrest; instead, he sat so close there were only a few inches separating us.
The movie was pretty good, and I found myself laughing a lot, but that changed about halfway through the movie when Ryan reached for my hand during a romantic scene between the main characters. His hand was strong and warm, and I couldn’t breathe. It’s not that I didn’t want to hold his hand—Ryan was great— but the timing messed me up. The way he’d intertwined his fingers with mine, running his thumb along the back of my hand as the characters kissed, brought on an onslaught of memories ranging from all the times I’d imagined him doing this all through middle school, to my own romantic moments with Jess, and then to thoughts of me being Ryan’s potential rebound girl. I tried to push those thoughts away, but when I caught Jess sneaking a glance at me and Ryan from the corner of his eye, I couldn’t take it anymore. My pulse pounded in my head, and my body flashed with heat. I needed to break away for a minute to collect myself.
I sat there, holding Ryan’s hand a few minutes longer so he wouldn’t think I was rejecting him, and then excused myself to get a drink of water.
I walked to the mini fridge, grabbed a water bottle, and took my time drinking it down. I was trying to think of a legitimate excuse to leave when Ashlyn came over.
“Why didn’t you tell me Jess was going to be here?” I whispered to her.
“Would you have come if I had?” She raised her eyebrows as she grabbed a soda.
“Probably not.”
“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. You two need to spend time together if you’re ever going to learn to be friends again.”
“There’s one problem with your plan.” I set my water bottle on the counter. “We have to want to fix things. And Jess has already made it clear he doesn’t want to be friends with me. Not now, not ever.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Eliana. You may think he meant that, but I know my brother. As soon as he swallows his pride over what happened between the two of you, I know he’ll change his mind.”
