by Royale, KC
It was more than just that; I wanted to be different and I wanted to succeed in life. I just didn’t want to end up telling the same story that everyone else would tell. “When I was in college I partied, got drunk, had lots of sex, and barely passed my classes. The End.” NO!! That was not going to be my story at all, and I was very happy and proud to say, that it wasn’t.
I worked my ass off to do the best I could for these past four years, and had succeeded in my goals. Now I was days away from graduation, with a 3.8 GPA. I had already secured a job, which to any normal college student was pretty freaking amazing. I was very proud of myself, and how far I’d come. So I never allowed myself to read too much into the gorgeous Professor Brennan, for two important reasons. I was determined to stay focused at all times and he was simply out of my league.
I exhaled and glanced down the row I was in and saw all the guys staring ahead, while a few sheepishly glanced over at me smiling. I gave back a tight smile in return, before turning back towards Professor Brennan, who was now staring at me, again. Oh crap! I knew I was definitely getting a warning now, as I groaned inwardly.
I would have to talk to him and make him understand, that I am sorry for being so, distracted today. I smiled and sat up straighter as he continued on with his lecture. I really didn’t want anything on my record, not one blemish. So I decided to save my roaming thoughts for later, and pay attention for the remainder of the class. I then glanced at my watch, and saw that we had only ten minutes left, and as I exhaled…
“Class dismissed. Miss Moore, my office, now.” he stated, and packed his bag and left the lecture hall. I nodded my head and quickly packed my bag, feeling the anxiety seeping into my veins. Once from behind my desk, I started walking towards the staircase, joining the long line of students trying to get to the bottom. Once I neared the bottom, I could hear the members of his fan club giggling and talking rather loudly and very inappropriately.
“I wish he’d call me into his office after class, he’d never forget it.” A girl named Melissa giggled as she swung her blond hair over her shoulders.
“That man will haunt my dreams even after graduation, and many years to come.” A girl named Nicole stated, as she slowly licked her lips, and closing her eyes. They all began giggling again, until another girl spoke.
“As you all know, I have first dibs on that sexy ass man. Before I leave this school and by my calculations, I have less than a week… to taste him, and I will.” Said the girl who was known as the president of his fan club, no doubt his number one fan. She made her crass statement with such an arrogance and determination, that I actually narrowed my eyes at her.
Her name was, Joy White, she was beautiful, popular and very rich. She had women envying her, and she always had guys begging her for a date. So when and how she set her sights on our Professor, was a mystery to me, but that didn’t stop her. Because rumor has it that a year ago is when she started his fan club, and the rest is history.
Professor Brennan was a man who probably had to literally fight the ladies off with a stick. What a hard life that must be for him? Nonetheless, all of them were in total denial to want this man so badly. He was our professor for goodness sake, and it was quite obvious that he was unattainable. However handsome he was, it still didn’t change the fact that he was a part of the faculty. There were very strict policies in place about fraternizing and so forth, to put it simply, it was strictly forbidden. But I could tell that quite a few of his admirers didn’t care too much about that, which was just insane to me. Why risk your academic career over anyone?
I was so glad those girls were graduating, so they could end this childless obsession over our teacher. I just looked at them as they continued to giggle and chat openly about their infatuation with him, they were really pathetic. I quickly headed out the door, because I had other things on my mind, like, my move. I only had a few more boxes to pack before driving up to my new place, for good. So I hoped I wasn’t in too much trouble with Professor Brennan, because I needed to be on my way, as soon as possible.
Chapter 3
To have an extreme interest in someone can sometimes become unhealthy, and can quickly become a fixation. A natural interest can easily become compulsive, and one could quickly lose control over their infatuation. When someone is obsessed, they've lost control of their feelings about the object of that obsession. Obsession; if there was a doubt what the word meant, there was none now. Professor Brennan is a man who is learning just how deep an obsession can overrun his actions as well as his emotions.
This was a man who had lost control over his feelings about her a very long time ago, triggering an intense infatuation that was beginning to influence his everyday life. There were times when he couldn’t even recognize himself, because he was so far gone. He just couldn’t control himself at times. Just the thought of her, has his heart pounding in his chest, and his body quivering in adulterated lust. He was a man whose interest in a woman had truly become unhealthy and compulsive.
It’s been three years since he first laid eyes on her, and his world was immediately turned on its head. It was more than just her smooth skin, long blond hair and shimmering blue eyes that had him so distracted. It was her character, her drive, her determination and guile, to be whom she wanted to be in this world. She was strong and capable of becoming so many things in her life, and he wanted her to be his.
This woman had truly done the impossible, and reopened his heart in ways that are refreshingly new, and irreversible. With his need to be closer to her, completely consuming his entire being, things were really getting to him. He was beginning to allow his irrational emotions, to overrule his rational thinking. He knew that lately, his actions were dangerous, erratic and the most extreme.
His fixation on this one woman had him doing things, that he’d never thought himself capable of doing. Because his fixation on this one woman had consumed him whole. His fixation on this woman could put him and his career in jeopardy. But there was no way he was giving her up, ever. He had no clue how to even start the process, or when the time would finally come for him to proceed. But it didn’t stop the path of his dreams for the two of them. He could already see them growing old together. He could see them being happy, and deeply in love.
As graduation nears, he knows that his time is running out and he needs to act fast. But he worries; this fixation of his on this one woman had a downside that he’s had to accept. Which was him finding a discrete way to be closer to her, which was all that he’s ever wanted, but it seemed impossible to have. But he’s found a way, but at what cost? This secret obsession and need of his to be closer to her … had become her worst nightmare.
***
Today was Friday, a very important Friday because school would be over in a few days. So by next Friday, she would no longer be his student. He didn’t know if that made him extremely happy or extremely anxious as he looked at her, sitting in her normal seat inside the lecture hall. Every few minutes his gaze moved to her, as if he had no control over his own actions at this point.
He found himself subtly watching her as she continued to look out a small window, which was something she did quite often, when she was thinking about something. He could tell that she obviously had something on her mind, and it wasn’t him.
In a lecture hall crowded with sixty students, he could barely concentrate. Jessica Moore was always on his mind, in ways that most would deem wrong, or disreputable. But he didn’t have time to care about that anymore, because time was running out. She would be graduating soon and he didn’t know what he was going to do. She was the one he wanted, the one he needed, but she was still his student… for four more days.
With each day that passed, it was getting harder for him. The pressure was mounting; the sleepless nights were increasing; all because of one insufferable dilemma. He still hadn’t figured out how to go about moving his relationship with Jessica Moore forward, and out of uncharted territory.
What had started as just
a veiled attraction had turned into a very powerful yearning. What he thought about doing with her was forbidden, and unethical for one in his position. Nothing could take away from the fact that she was a student, who for three years, had taken his classes. But to him, she was so much more than a student. Now, she was an obsession, his obsession.
She was the one who haunted his dreams. She was the one he desperately wanted, the one he desperately craved. It was so much more than mere interest, meager attraction, or even heated desire. He wanted her so badly, that he actually felt inadequate to surrender. He no longer knew how to stop the train of his thoughts of one day being with her. Or worse, the fear in his heart of never having her as his own. There was nothing more frustrating than wanting someone that you couldn’t have.
He found out very quickly, that it took a high level of discipline, to keep his feelings for her under wraps, and he’d succeeded. But over time, his longing had progressed into something else entirely. Something forbidden… something untamed… something that had completely overwhelmed him.
As he continued with his lecture, he kept wondering what was on her mind, as his brow furrowed periodically. Even as the minutes passed, he could see that her mind was obviously not on his lecture, and that began to irritate him. He then noticed a soft smile began spreading across her lips, while she stared out the small window, obviously still deep in thought. Immediately he became jealous, because he knew he wasn’t the reason for her smile.
He couldn’t take it anymore. Her obvious distraction today had pushed him over the edge and he wanted her attention, and he knew just how to bring her thoughts back to him—or at least back to the room.
“Something amusing, Miss Moore?” He watched as her gaze moved towards his, and locked. He could see the light blush starting to cover her cheeks, as she flushed in embarrassment. Her fingers tightened on the pen she absently held, her grasp so tight that her knuckles began to turn white. He could actually feel the coiled tension in her body steady tightening, as she sat there silently gazing at him.
His eyes never left hers as he gazed at her reactions, silently. While his mind raced, vividly imagining what it would feel like to cause those exact reactions from her; but in a very different way. He then realized just how much things had progressed with him, far more than he’d ever thought possible. She was special to him, one of a kind special—and she had no idea. He found himself watching her as she looked at him speechless, still in shock obviously that he’d caught her being distracted.
“My office, after class,” he snapped.
“Yes, professor,” she muttered.
He continued on with his lecture, but he kept wondering what exactly was on her mind, but it no longer mattered to him now. It all played in his favor. Because of her being distracted, he found a way to use that to his advantage. In less than twenty minutes, he would be seeing her alone after class, and that was something he was already looking forward to.
He knew it was time to open the door for communication for them, and not as teacher and student. Because time was not on his side, and he didn’t know how he was going to see her once graduation was over. She had so much happening for her already; he knew that she was moving and starting a new job soon. So how would he begin his decent into her life? That question alone has haunted him every day, up until a few months ago. When he’d finally thought of a plan, one that he would ensure, paid off.
Chapter 4
I made my way to Professor Brennan’s office, walking down the crowded hall, with my bag slung over my shoulder and a smile on my face. I took in the scenery, realizing that these would be some of the last memories I would have of college. In the next week I would have moved, graduated, while also preparing to start work soon. I turned the corner, and began approaching the professors’ office.
I knew where his office was, but I’d never been invited inside, until now. Which didn’t make me feel any better about the conditions of why I had been invited inside, at this very moment. As I read his name card I swallowed and knocked three times, and waited. I turned around behind me to see some of my peers, who were happily roaming the halls, paying me no attention. They were all just so excited to finally be finishing school, so they could go on about their lives now, including me.
Most of the kids I knew were told they were going to college, and there was never a choice for them. But for me, I actually wanted to go, and begged my parents to help me get there. They paid for my tutoring throughout high school, because I was very bad at math, once upon a time. As well as my SAT prep, and here I am. Jessica Moore, an only child who was about to graduate college with honors, and be on my way in life.
I took a deep breath of gratification, and when I turned around to knock again, I was surprised to see that the door was now opened. There he was, looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. Professor Brennan. He was just standing there, holding his door open for me as I blanched, clearly startled. How long was I daydreaming?
“Um, he-hello Professor Brennan,” I muttered, feeling bashful all of a sudden.
“Miss Moore, how nice to see that you are still very much distracted,” he murmured, as he waved for me enter.
I gave him a tight smile as I walked inside, and he closed the door after me. I stood there looking around this office, at his furniture and decor. I took a moment to take it all in, as I stood in the middle of the massive office, looking at the paintings that hung on the walls. There were a few gorgeous Monet paintings, I knew they were Monet’s because he was my favorite painter. There were also a few hanging quotes by Hemmingway, that were carved in some type of stone.
The décor was typical; shiny cherry oak bookshelves lined most of the walls. There was a small couch and table near the window, and a desk and chairs. Typical. But as my eyes roamed, they landed back on that Monet painting, and I sighed.
“Beautiful,” I muttered to myself, as I found myself lost in translation, lost in the pure beauty of this gorgeous painting.
“I’d like to think so,” he murmured, breaking me out of my admiration. I cleared my throat and looked over to see that he was standing directly beside me. He was so close that his shoulder was almost touching mine. I then glanced down at his shoulder before looking back up at his face. I quickly noticed that his facial features were soft and inviting, as usual, but his eyes were burning into mine… his stare was almost magnetic.
I could tell that Professor Brennan is a passionate man, because he has such an odd intensity about him. It wasn’t too intense to be deemed scary, but intense enough to be controlled. A man such as himself, probably was disciplined and had very strict parents in his upbringing. He just seemed as if he was very good at holding his emotions at bay, but it also looked as if his intensity could be triggered. I inhaled and swallowed hard at the discerning concentration of his gaze.
I wondered if he was alright, or if something happened with his family that had him so off today. He did seem as if he was on edge, when he’s normally cool as a cucumber. I wanted to ask him, but it would be over-stepping my bounds. Surprisingly, my eyes were still locked on his, and I felt a shift. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like I was in the principal’s office any more, I sort of felt like I was in the office of a predator.
“Everything you see in this office is priceless to me,” he muttered, while continuing to gaze at me. I had never heard his voice so soft before, it sounded so intimate, so, alluring.
“What’s priceless?” I muttered, it took me a few minutes to figure out what he was talking about, as we continued to gaze at each other. Oh the paintings! Wow, someone could get lost in those eyes of his.
“Umm, shall I sit?” I asked, to break the unnerving eye contact between us.
“Yes, please have a seat,” he gestured to a chair. I walked over and sat in one of the two chairs that were in front of his desk, as he followed me. To my surprise he didn’t go and sit behind his desk chair, he came and sat beside me, in the other chair in front of his desk, the second chai
r.
“Miss Moore, I saw that you were very distracted during my lecture today. Would you mind explaining to me what was going on?” he asked as I stared straight ahead at his empty leather chair. I didn’t know why I felt nervous all of a sudden, but I was.
“Professor, I’m so very sorry that I was distracted. I just…”
“Excuse me, but please look at me when you’re speaking to me, Miss Moore,” he murmured. I turned towards him, looking directly into his eyes, and he then nodded for me to continue.
“It’s just that…I have some big changes happening this weekend, and I guess I’m a little nervous,” I explained.
“What kind of changes?” he asked. I didn’t know why I felt so nervous around him all of a sudden, especially when the school term was just about over. Maybe it was the fact that we never got personal in our conversations. Whenever we would talk, it was always about my schooling. Each and every single lecture, tutoring session, or even his extra credit seminars. Work, Work, Work… well, until now.
“I am moving this weekend, Professor. Well, actually I am almost finished moving my things, and I will be moving in tonight.”
“Oh, well that’s good, no need to be nervous. You’re in transition, and there isn’t anything wrong with that,” he stated, confidently.
“I guess not, but...” I hesitated.
“But?” He urged.
“My life is going to be so different after next week. Having moved, graduated, and starting a new job, all in the same breath.” I exhaled a shaky breath.
“Consider yourself lucky, Jess. It took me almost half a year after college, to have all that lined up before I started graduate school. I remember when I was in transition, I felt overwhelmed and somewhat terrified with everything I had on my plate. Trust me, just because you may start out feeling overwhelmed, doesn’t mean you will stay that way. You’ve worked very hard for this and you’re on your way. You’ve got this in the bag,” he nodded, confidently as he smiled at me. Did he just call me Jess?
