“Okay, okay, I love you, too. Stop the kisses already.” Gray’s voice became muffled, as if he was covering his face to block the doggy affection. “Blech! Aw, come on. Knock it off.”
Ruthie paused, her hand on the bedroom door’s vintage glass knob. He hadn’t said he loved her since that fateful letter when he’d tried to soften the blow of their breakup. The thought saddened her for a moment, but then she immediately cheered up again. He’d kissed her before, and she had faith he would kiss her again. And she was sure the kisses they’d shared were better than the sloppy doggy kisses Cali doled out.
The “I love yous” would come in good time. In God’s time.
She went back to the bathroom, looking and feeling more refreshed than when she’d left.
Gray looked up at her as she entered, a smile of appreciation covering his face. It felt good to see his uncensored reaction to her...a reaction that reminded her of their better days together.
Cali, now toweled off and energized by the bath, charged past her into the front room, where she ran in crazy circles and rubbed her back against the couch. Then the little speedster threw herself onto the rug and crept, army-style, across the floor.
Gray had followed them to the front room and stood at Ruthie’s side to watch Cali’s antics. He laughed, the sound a bit sardonic. “This dog is living a better life than some people I’ve seen.”
Noting the seriousness in his tone, she turned to face him. “What do you mean?”
He shook his head and walked her to the front door where he picked up the rope off the hook. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
Cali, apparently noticing the leash in his hand, went charging to him. She attempted to sit—another clue that the dog wasn’t merely a stray and had received some training—but she wiggled too much for him to get a firm grip. Gray turned away from Ruthie and focused on attaching dog to makeshift leash. At least, that was what it was supposed to look like. She had a feeling it was more of an avoidance tactic.
She put a hand on his arm. “Whatever it is, you can share everything with me.”
He shook his head. “You don’t want me to share everything.” At that he opened the door, and Cali, already hyped up and ready to go, charged out onto the porch, pulling him after her.
The conversation conveniently ended, Ruthie was left behind to lock the door. How, she wondered, would they ever get to the root of the problem that broke them apart if they didn’t share what was bothering them?
* * *
They stood on the grassy area beside Dr. Werther’s office, waiting for Cali to finish sniffing and claim a spot.
“Why are you here? You didn’t have to come,” Ruthie told Gray. “I feel bad that you’re taking time off from work for a simple checkup.”
He shrugged. “Don’t worry about that. I had blocked out the day to install the alarm system on your shop. I’ll just get a slightly later start on it than planned.”
Her question went unanswered. What was he doing here? Earlier he’d insisted on coming along as emotional support, but something told her there was another reason. Perhaps this was an attempt to remind her with his mere presence not to get too attached to the dog.
Too late.
Or was there a deeper reason? Did he also harbor a desire to resurrect their relationship? Was this his way of spending time with her so that any lingering sparks would have an opportunity to reignite? A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
“Your safety is my utmost concern right now,” he said. “We need to find the person who was lurking around your house. If any of the staff here recognize Cali, that might lead us to the guy I chased off the other night.”
Of course, his primary concern was keeping her safe. Protecting others must have been a trait that was genetically bred into his DNA.
As for Cali, it hadn’t occurred to her that the dog might belong to the prowler. She had just assumed their joint appearance at her house was a coincidence.
Gray’s hand clenched the rope attached to Cali’s makeshift collar, giving a clue that he’d like to mete out his own version of justice for the fright that man had given her. She hoped he didn’t get an opportunity to come face-to-face with the prowler and that the police would catch him before Gray did. It pleased her to know that he still felt those protective urges toward her.
She glanced at her watch. There was still plenty of time before their appointment. “Even if identifying Cali doesn’t lead us to the prowler, I hope we find her owner. She’s a great dog. They’ll be thrilled to get her back.”
Gray’s focus was on safety, but hers was on the prospect of a happy reunion between animal and human. But her number-one desire was for a reunion between two humans.
She looked up and caught him studying her. Could he see in her eyes how much she wanted them back together? Quite honestly, she’d rather be standing here with him, holding a plastic bag for a dog, than doing any of the other activities she’d tried to lose herself in since he returned home.
She reluctantly turned her attention from Gray to Cali. “You’re a good girl!” She stooped to give Cali a hug and wished the recipient was Gray and that he, rather than the dog, was covering her face with kisses. “We’re going to go inside now and get your shoulder all fixed up,” she said. “We’re going to take good care of you.”
Gray watched, apparently taking in her enthusiasm for doing what was best for Cali. “How many underdogs have you rescued since I’ve been gone?” Without waiting for an answer, he quickly amended his question. “How many four-footed ones and how many two—?”
She rose to her feet and didn’t answer, but she knew what he was talking about. She had been the one who’d banded the girls together to share the risks, joys and profits of opening a new business, thereby rescuing all of them from the stuffy corporate jobs that might have awaited them upon graduation...jobs that all of them would have hated.
“That’s something I’ve always liked about you,” Gray said, as if he needed to make it clear he was not criticizing but complimenting her.
Liked. They had started toward the front door of the veterinary office, but Ruthie stopped in her tracks. She couldn’t let this elephant that was standing between them continue to grow. At some point, they needed to get their issues out in the open. With plenty of time before their appointment, there was no time like the present.
Softly, tentatively, she said, “Liked. You can’t even say the word love.” Rather than give him an opportunity to argue the point, she emphasized, “We did love each other.”
Gray steeled his jaw. Moved toward the door, but Ruthie stopped him with a hand to his sleeve.
“Go ahead and admit it,” she urged. “What does it hurt to admit that we once had something very good? Very special. Perhaps it would take away some of this awkwardness that exists between us if we just got it out there.”
He clearly didn’t want to go there, but she could be just as stubborn.
“Are you saying you didn’t love me?” She paused, and when a sigh was the best answer she could get from him, she pushed on. “You did love me. You told me so many times, even in that awful letter you sent.”
“Look, I’m sorry—”
“I’m not asking for an apology. You did what you felt was right at the time.” She toed a crack in the sidewalk, and Cali read the gesture as an invitation to sit on her foot. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.”
“You have every right to be angry.”
“You don’t understand. I was never angry about the breakup. Confused, hurt and bewildered, yes. But never angry.”
In the stages of loss and grief, she’d gone through denial, bargaining and depression, but never anger. And certainly not the final stage...acceptance. Always, always, she had believed they’d get back together someday. But that would not happen
until they swept the emotional clutter—the ranzatsu—out of the way.
“The day your letter came, I was at church, waiting for Bible study to begin. Sobo handed me your letter. She and Pop tried to pretend they weren’t watching me while I read it, but I could feel them waiting for whatever good news you might have sent.”
Gray groaned and shifted where he stood, but he made no move to leave. To try to escape.
“It was devastating,” she said, pulling no punches. “For me. For your grandparents, parents and sister.” She wasn’t telling him this to hurt him in repayment for the pain he’d caused all of them. She was telling him because it had weighed so heavily on her heart these past four years. The only way she could begin to let go of the hurt was to confront its source.
Gray initially stood mute, and it was clear he didn’t know how to respond.
Maybe it wasn’t a very nice thing to think, but part of her was glad he was finally experiencing a fraction of the discomfort she’d felt on that fateful day.
Gray seemed to finally find his tongue. “My family always cared a lot for you.”
She ignored his sidestepping and turned the subject back to the Dear Jane letter. “Maybe the breakup doesn’t compare to what you faced in Afghanistan, but hurt is hurt. I loved you, and you destroyed me.”
He looked down at his feet, then met her eyes. “I know, and I’m sorry. I told you in the letter how I felt.”
“That was a beginning,” she acknowledged, “but we’ve never fully cleared the air. We’ve only danced around the subject. It would help to actually address it head-on.”
The leash twisted in Gray’s large hand. When she turned her attention to the nervous gesture, he stilled his fingers and asked gently, “Are you sure you want to hash this out?”
More sure than she’d ever been. It might hurt to dig down to the truth and expose it to the light of day, but knowing where they’d skidded off course wouldn’t hurt as much as wondering and waiting. She nodded.
“Okay,” he said, as if considering the repercussions of going into their past. “You’re always taking in strays. Always protecting others.” He motioned toward Cali, who lifted her ears to a woman exiting the small veterinary office with a cat in a carrier. “Protecting this dog from the pound.” Then he motioned toward the vet’s front door to emphasize his next point. “Protecting her from rabies.”
“Right,” Ruthie agreed. “And for four years, I’ve been protecting you by not forcing a showdown.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw while he considered what she’d said. Quietly, he said, “Yes, and how is what you’re doing any different from my wanting to protect you?”
Protect her from what? She needed to know, even if only to put the past behind them so they could move on. However, she didn’t want to move on. The problem was that when he set his mind to something, there was nothing anyone could do to change his stubborn mind...or heart.
“You haven’t changed,” she said.
He gave a tug on Cali’s leash to distract her from the cigarette butt someone had carelessly tossed to the ground. “And neither have you,” he said, then murmured something under his breath that sounded like “please don’t.”
Don’t what? Don’t change? Hope skittered through her chest and landed directly on her heart. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. Other than addressing the problem he struggled with and refused to share, she didn’t want him to change, either.
“Tomorrow please come join us for the Sunset Blessings gathering.” Prompted by his hesitation, she added, “The others have been asking about you.”
“Don’t you think if I do, they’ll assume we’re involved again?”
That was the whole point. If she and Gray spent enough time together, perhaps they would indeed become involved again.
“Since when,” she asked to redirect his focus, “did you start worrying about what other people think?”
Chapter Seven
By that afternoon, Ruthie was the proud new owner of a basic alarm system on her house, and now Gray was working on putting one in at the shop. Distracted by his presence and by Savannah, who was keenly aware of her fixation with their self-appointed security man, she tried to turn her attention to the items that had cluttered her counter for the past week. The situation with Sobo, the doll and, of course, Gray had interfered with her usual fastidious organization, and she was determined to rectify that before the day was done. She had put a lot of time into searching for the woman who’d bought the doll, and now she took a moment to tidy the temporarily neglected shop.
She positioned herself behind the counter, where she could watch the door for customers while she worked. Cali automatically moved with her, circling out a comfy spot on the old blanket Ruthie had brought in for that very purpose. She told herself the added advantage of being able to subtly peek at Gray while he installed the security device had nothing to do with her decision, but the truth was that he offered the best view in the shop.
He had dressed for manual labor today, wearing faded jeans and a pale blue button-front shirt with his company’s name embroidered over the pocket. The sleeves had been pushed up to expose lean, corded forearms perfectly suited for wielding power tools, rescuing injured dogs and holding a woman in a way that made her feel like the most beautiful person on earth. He might have been dressed like an ordinary workman, but he was anything but ordinary.
God’s time. Sobo had often reminded her prayers weren’t answered as quickly as she’d like. Be patient, the elderly woman had urged, just as Paul advised in the book of Galatians. Some translations referred to the fourth aspect of the fruit of the spirit as forbearance, which Ruthie thought of as holding up under a heavy burden. Yep, that fit. And another version called it long-suffering. To her way of thinking, four years of heart suffering had been long enough.
God’s time. Right.
She had read the promise in that verse from Jeremiah—“plans to give you hope and a future”—and knew she needed to remain steadfast in that promise. But it wasn’t easy to push aside her impatience and, yes, a little anger at how long it was taking Gray to get his act together and realize that he’d thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to either of them.
It also annoyed her that being together in proximity to each other—yet not together as a couple—didn’t seem to bother him at all while it was tearing her up inside. So close and yet a thousand miles apart.
She sighed heavily and tamped down her frustration. Perhaps it might help “God’s time” pass a little faster if she turned her attention to getting this inventory logged into the computer and placed on display for sale.
She poked through the remaining two boxes of Pop’s, stickered each item with a consignment code and set them in piles according to the area of the shop where they would be displayed. Then she pushed the empty box to the floor and a small, colorful object fell along with it.
Ruthie bent to retrieve the thin wallet and was instantly enthralled by the rich colors and vibrant images stitched on the silk cover. Against a background of royal blue to represent a gently rippling pond, several lovely dragonflies of varying sizes and shapes hovered over a shiny koi fish that watched from beneath the silk-stitched waters, while other dragonflies perched delicately on a brilliant pink lotus blossom. The craftsmanship was superb, and she had no doubt this little treasure would sell quickly even at a hefty price. But after the incident with Sobo’s doll, Ruthie deemed it wise to check first and make sure this piece was actually intended for sale.
She opened the wallet to discover it was not a wallet after all but a checkbook cover or, in this case, an elegant jacket for a purse-size calendar. A flip of the current-year calendar revealed a few handwritten entries, all carefully penned in Japanese script.
The whine of a hand drill sounded from the door where Gray installed the sensor. She wait
ed until he finished drilling to call him over. On the other side of the shop, Savannah raised her head from a pile of white lace and organza on the sewing machine and flashed a knowing grin.
Gray ambled over to Ruthie’s counter, his movements precise and fluid, making her wish she was as easy and relaxed about being in his company as he appeared to be in hers. The thump-thump-thump of Cali’s tail against her leg matched the ridiculous pounding of her heart.
“This was with the boxes Pop brought in,” she said. “Do you think Sobo meant to sell it, or should I hold it back?”
He reached for the calendar and perused the pages. “It wouldn’t make sense to get rid of a calendar only a few months into the year.”
Savannah wandered over, supposedly to see what they were looking at, but Ruthie suspected she just wanted to see what was going on between the two of them. A matchmaker at heart, Savannah had once urged her friends to sign up for an online-dating service. The timing of the suggestion had been wrong for Ruthie, having come just a few months after Gray’s now-infamous letter, so she had declined. Paisley also refused, insisting that she preferred to meet people the old-fashioned way...in person. Savannah’s date had been an image-obsessed guy who wanted not only a gorgeous blond beauty, for which Savannah totally fit the bill, but a fitness partner who was willing to enter and run local races with him. Not likely to happen, considering her bum foot. And Nikki’s best match had been a clock-and-watch collector who didn’t mesh in the romance department but who turned into a friend and eventually became one of her best repair customers.
Soon afterward, Savannah turned her matchmaking efforts toward volunteering at a child adoption agency. But that didn’t stop her from occasionally trying to maneuver people she cared about into each other’s arms. And she definitely cared about both her and Gray.
“More hats?” Savannah innocently inquired. She reached down and rubbed Cali’s velvety ears.
Love Inspired June 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Single Dad CowboyThe Bachelor Meets His MatchUnexpected Reunion Page 49
