“Once Tanner’s position with the team is solidified, you won’t have that worry. Not that it ever gets easier, but you’ll get better at dealing with it.”
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out to deal with this. With him.”
“A little late to be wondering that now. Wait until the team turns it around, and suddenly Tanner is recognized everywhere you go, and you don’t get a moment’s peace.”
“I know.” Emma sighed and grabbed a chip from the bowl. She could feel Izzy’s gaze on her and finally met her concerned eyes. “I can feel him drawing back, isolating himself, giving all his attention to the game.”
Izzy nodded as if she completely understood. “When you’re with a pro athlete, he’s never really yours. His heart and soul belong to the game as much as he belongs to you. It’s not easy to accept, but that’s part of the deal. You love him, don’t you?” Izzy asked in typical fashion, point-blank range and right between the eyes.
Emma didn’t hesitate for a moment. “I’ve always loved him.”
“No,” Izzy corrected her in her annoying big sister manner. “You had a crush. I asked if you love- loved him.”
Emma did. From the bottom of her heart to the depths of her soul through all her tomorrows to the end of her days on this earth and into eternity.
Izzy nodded, reading her expression. “And him?”
“He loves me,” Emma lied and poorly, sticking with their story.
“You forget I’ve been close friends with Tanner for over a year. He wasn’t secretly seeing you for months like he claimed.”
Emma shrugged. “You can believe what you want.”
“Not that it matters. I’ve seen how he looks at you now, and that’s the only answer I really need, Emms.”
“How does he look at me?” Emma asked, knowing she sounded desperate and hopeful.
“Like Cooper looks at me—a man who would give up his very life for his woman.” Izzy smiled at her and patted her on the arm in a rare display of affection. “Don’t sweat the small stuff, little sister. The man loves you, and how the two of you got to this point doesn’t matter.”
“But he’s drawing away.”
“He doesn’t come across as a guy who trusts easily. If he’s worried he’ll get too attached, he’s probably going to back off. Give him time. Men like him are tough to crack, but my money’s on you. Once he gives in to love, he’ll be yours forever.”
“Do you know anything about his past, other than what he puts out there in the media?”
Izzy shook her head sadly. “I don’t, but there’s some definite dysfunction between him and his brothers. Have you asked Isaac or Avery?”
“Avery says it’s for Tanner to tell me, not her.”
“She’s right, you know.”
“But I’d understand him better.”
“We all battle with our pasts and our present. Coop had some pretty ugly things in his own past. Until the ugly stuff was out on the table, we couldn’t move on. How are you and Bella getting along?” Izzy switched tracks.
“She barely speaks to me. She’s not happy about this.”
“Bella doesn’t get a vote in your life, Emms.” Izzy sighed. “And neither do I, even if you pursue your music, and I don’t like it any more than I liked Avery pursuing a career with horses. I still love you, and I’ll support whatever decision you make. But remember, it’s a long, hard road, and I can’t see Tanner travelling down that one with you.”
Emma didn’t have the guts to tell her sister part of the deal with Tanner included setting her up for success in Nashville. Assuming his agent’s wife played along and Emma proved she had the talent and stage presence. Lately, Emma wondered if singing really was her dream anymore or if her dream might be less flashy but just as important. She’d have the final classes for her teaching degree finished by the end of the year. She’d done her student teaching last spring. Substitute teaching would be an option the rest of the school year until full-time jobs opened next summer.
“I don’t know anymore. I’m not sure I want to leave Seattle.”
Izzy laughed. “That’s understandable since your circumstances have changed. I imagine you could have a career singing in local venues, and you can always continue to sing at the party crasher events.”
Emma nodded, as uncertain as ever about her future.
Maybe she didn’t need the big stage. She’d never been one to crave the limelight, not like Bella. At least, not until she’d started doing karaoke and discovered a side of herself she’d never known existed. What was she willing to give up to achieve her tantalizing dream? Would she give up the man she’d been waiting for all of her life? Or would she even be given that choice?
Chapter 15—Driving for the Score
After training camp the following Monday, Tanner skipped the film room and dragged his tired ass to his car, so very ready to go home and wrap his arms around his wife and forget about everything but losing himself inside her.
He was still sore from the previous game in which he’d played almost two quarters, been sacked once, no interceptions, and thrown for two touchdowns, one to Cam and one to Hunter. It was all good.
He was playing to his potential. Meyer still shouted at him, lacing his rants with colorful obscenities, but Tanner took the criticism in stride. Regardless of Meyer’s not so subtle coaching methods, Tanner was improving, and he had Meyer to thank for his better play. And Emma. Of course, Emma. Her quiet support meant more than twenty national news articles about what a star he was—not that anyone was writing those articles—yet.
Tonight he’d join Emma for a home-cooked dinner and sit on the porch and watch the sun set. He looked forward to seeing her more than he could ever recall looking forward to another person. Too bad their relationship could only be temporary. He couldn’t see it any other way. He’d be in Seattle, and she’d be chasing her dream in LA, Nashville, or New York, depending on how she broke into the business.
Enjoy what you have while you have it, don’t get too attached, and don’t look back when the inevitable end comes.
And it would come. He’d started to prepare for it by shoring up his defenses, making sure he kept a safe distance as much for her sake as his. Everyone he’d ever truly loved in his life had left him. Why should Emma be any different?
He’d promised her a shot at stardom. He had connections, and the connections he didn’t have, his agent had. In fact, Beed’s wife, Steph, handled quite a few high-profile performers. Yet, he kept putting off talking to Steph and prolonging his time with Emma. Following his typical head-in-the-sand MO, he refused to take out those reasons and examine the root cause.
No, things were better this way. Stick with the deal they’d made.
Once the season ended, he’d help her out. She could use his name and his fame, along with Stephanie Beedle, to get her big break. Her parents being former rock stars wouldn’t exactly hinder her either. Americans loved a good story, and they’d fall in love with Emma.
Who wouldn’t?
Tanner froze, the key in his hand about to turn the ignition.
Love?
Who the fuck said anything about love?
He adored Emma, loved talking to her, hanging out with her, and definitely sleeping with her. She cooked a mean pot roast and anything else he could imagine. She made their big, rambling, old house a home, and for the very first time in his life, he enjoyed coming home.
Which reminded him—
Tanner picked up his cell to text Emma and let her know he was on his way home early. His stomach rumbled as he wondered what culinary delight she’d prepared tonight.
As he thumbed through his extensive text messages, he paused at one, and all the good feelings seeped out of him.
“Crap,” he said aloud.
His father.
Tanner, I’ll be flying out next week to watch your last preseason game.
Tanner didn’t want his father to insinuate himself into Tanner’s picture-perfect world. The m
an would mess it up somehow, just like he always did. Nor did he want to explain his dysfunctional childhood to Emma. He’d made his past a fantasy, sticking with the same story about how he was raised by a single father who worked two jobs, blah, blah, blah. All true, he just left out the abuse and his suspicions about his mother’s death.
Dad, not a good time. Tanner texted back. He didn’t wait more than a few seconds for a response.
Bullshit. I have to protect my investment. Maybe even see your worthless big brother. Then again, you’re all worthless, ungrateful brats.
Thanks, Dad. You’re the best, too. Oh, God, Tanner tried so hard to maintain a relationship with this man because when it came down to it, John Wolfe was the only family Tanner had left. Tanner hadn’t wanted anything to do with Isaac, and little brother Zeke pretended his family didn’t exist. For Tanner, Dad was all he had. John Wolfe might be the world’s crappiest father, but he was blood, and Tanner couldn’t cut him off, despite the damage the man did every time Tanner saw him.
The phone rang, and Tanner took a deep breath and steeled himself for a conversation that always started out bad and degenerated into a belittling confrontation and cruel guilt trips every damn time.
“Hi, Dad.”
“You sorry son of a bitch, you’re finally learning to play football.” His father’s statement spoke volumes. Tanner was starting to look like the winning quarterback he’d been in college so, of course, John Wolfe would insinuate himself into the limelight as Tanner’s loving father. Thinking about the man’s fake persona made Tanner sick, but then Tanner perpetuated his own fake persona.
Like father, like son? He shuddered at the thought.
“It’s just a preseason game,” he hedged, and the defining game of his career, but to mention his beliefs would only encourage his father. He’d had a good preseason, thanks in part to excellent coaching and thanks to Emma for building his confidence. He didn’t need his father to destroy all the good things.
“I’m coming out.” The man was drunk and arguing with him in this state was futile.
“Okay, Dad, tell me when, and I’ll arrange something. I won’t be able to see much of you. The team stays in a downtown hotel the night before the game. I’ll be busy.”
“Yeah, right. Sure you will. Can’t even spare a few hours for the man who gave you life?”
Tanner hated the guilt as much as he hated the verbal abuse. “Sure, yeah, I can. I’ll talk to you later. I need to get home.”
“To your new little wife?”
“Yeah, to my wife.”
“How did that happen?”
“What can I say? I fell in love.” Tanner gripped the phone, not wanting the man anywhere near Emma.
His father’s hearty laughter pissed the hell out of Tanner. “You can’t love, boy. You’re too damn selfish.”
Tanner refused to take the bait and didn’t respond.
After an uncomfortable silence, the old man grunted in the phone. “I’ll call you when I get in.”
“Okay, you do that.” Tanner punched the end button and wished he were punching something else. He hated how vulnerable his father made him feel, and how he always brought out the worst in Tanner and his brothers. Tanner didn’t fight anymore, yet he still worked like hell to squelch his tendency to settle his disputes with his fists, just like Dad had taught him.
He’d spent most of his adult life breaking bad habits to the point where the team believed him to be easygoing with the patience of a saint. They’d never seen him snap, but his wingmen had. If ownership knew about the anger that raged inside him, they’d probably cut him tomorrow. He feared someday the monster would be unleashed and an innocent person would pay the price.
He hoped to God it wasn’t Emma.
* * * *
The sound of an injured animal woke Emma. She sat up in bed, still groggy. Taking a moment to get her bearings, she rose to her feet and listened for the pitiful noise that’d woken her from a light sleep. Tux dozed on the pillow next to hers so the noises hadn’t come from him. Careful not to wake Tanner, she slipped on a light robe and tiptoed to the door.
She froze when she heard the noise again and spun around, shocked to her core. Tanner lay in bed, sweating profusely and writhing on the mattress as if in pain. The tortured sounds he made sounded more like a wounded animal than a strong, take-charge man. He kicked off the covers and grabbed for a pillow as if it were his lifeline.
“No, no, no. Please. No. Please, Dad, please. It hurts. Oh, God, it hurts. I’ll do better next time, I promise. I’m sorry. Please just stop. Don’t hurt him. He’s too young. Don’t.”
Emma stared wide-eyed, not sure what to do. He was having a nightmare, and she wondered how close to the truth this nightmare might actually be.
She approached the bed, smoothing back Tanner’s thick blond hair matted with sweat. He didn’t wake.
“Tanner?” she spoke softly, careful not to startle him, but he was too deep into the nightmare. Emma gave his shoulder a little shake. Nothing. She gave him a stronger shake.
Tanner shot up in bed, sending Emma scrambling backwards into the wall. She hit hard and let the wall hold her up, as she attempted to still her wildly beating heart. Tux leapt off the bed and immediately crawled underneath it.
Tanner’s head whipped around frantically as if he were looking for the enemy. His eyes shone with the feral gleam of a trapped animal. Emma pressed her body against the wall, waiting for some sign of recognition from him.
“Tanner?” she said again in a shaky voice which didn’t sound like her.
He twisted the sheet as if it were someone’s throat, and Emma watched those big hands render the poor sheet helpless. Chest heaving, Tanner blinked several times and shook his head as if to clear it. Finally, he met Emma’s gaze.
“I’m sorry.” He ducked his head as if embarrassed. “I—I had a bad dream.”
“About your dad?” Emma asked, stepping right through what she suspected would turn out to be an entire swamp of bad memories filled with hungry crocodiles.
He lifted his head, shock registering in his green eyes. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you said his name and sounded like you were begging him to stop.”
Tanner’s face turned pale. He didn’t respond to her. Instead he stood and brushed past her and out the bedroom door without a word, completely oblivious to his nakedness.
Emma stalked after him. He wasn’t getting off this easy. He’d avoided the tough questions for too long. As his wife, she had a right to know why he wouldn’t talk about his family. He’d proposed this marriage plan, and he would behave like a husband as long as their license remained valid.
She found him in the kitchen, naked in the moonlight, and gulping down water as if he’d been crossing a desert with an empty canteen for several hours.
“Tanner, I’m not going away. I want answers.”
He swung around to look at her and leaned against the counter. Emma’s gaze automatically shifted to his large penis already locked and loaded. The man never seemed to go limp. She licked her lips and forced her gaze back to his face.
His slow, knowing smile greeted her. “Want some of this?” Tanner stroked his big cock. Even in the dim light, his eyes glowed with a stark primal need.
Falling prey to his sensuality, Emma wondered about tasting him. She’d never taken a guy’s penis in her mouth, wouldn’t know the first thing about it, but the idea intrigued her. She cleared her throat and nodded. “Don’t think you’re avoiding my questions altogether, mister. We are going to talk about your family.”
“Just not now.” His husky tone slipped somewhere between an order and a plea. His needy tone spoke volumes. He was hurting, and tonight wasn’t the night for confrontations. It was a night for comfort.
Emma approached him hesitantly. Tanner didn’t move a muscle, except for running his hand up and down his length. The motion mesmerized her.
“I’d much rather you did this to me with your h
and and your mouth.”
Her robe gaped open, and Emma shrugged out of it, letting it fall to the floor. Tanner made a guttural sound between a groan and a growl.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.”
“So are you.” She knelt down in front of him, unmindful of her knees on the cold tile floor. His hand froze on his penis. She could feel his eyes on her but didn’t look up. Instead she studied him and reached out a trembling hand to touch the velvety tip. She’d touched him before, but she’d never gone down on him.
He moved his hand from his body to the back of her head, gently guiding her head downward. Emma took his cock in her hands, loving the feel of him. She wrapped her fingers around him and slid her hand downward to the base and up again. His hand tightened in her hair. A good thing, she believed. She cupped his balls with her other hand, weighing them carefully, marveling at his impressive male body.
Tanner froze to the point where he couldn’t seem to breathe.
Emma bent her head until her breath tickled the tip of his penis. It jerked in her hand, and she smiled, reveling in the power she had over this man. A bead of pre-cum sat on the tip, and Emma touched the tip of her tongue to it.
“Oh, fuck,” Tanner groaned. “You are so hot.”
She glanced up at him, empowered by the lust burning in his gaze. “I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I’ll figure it out.”
“I’m sure you will. Anything you do to me is going to be good. You can’t screw this up.” His deep chuckle brought a smile to her face.
“I can’t?”
“No fucking way. Just keep touching me, and I’ll be a happy man.” He wrapped her long hair in his fist, which brought a rush of wetness between her legs.
Holding the base of his penis in her hand, Emma ran her tongue across the tip and downward, tracing the large vein with her tongue. Tanner’s entire body tensed. She didn’t let up. Instead she licked him, exploring every inch of him, and as well-endowed as he was, he had a lot of inches. Emma loved those inches.
Blindsided Page 17
