Darn you, Tanner. Call me, please.
Her phone remained stubbornly silent.
To distract herself, she let her mind drift back to last night. As usual, Tanner performed like a sexual master with her as his star pupil, but their relationship went deeper than that. It had to.
She’d been in love with Tanner for so long, but it’d been a crush, not real love. Once she’d gotten to know the man behind the mask—even as little as he’d let her see behind it—her crush turned to true love. He was the One. The man she’d waited for all her life. The guy she’d been destined to marry, have babies, and grow old with.
Too bad Tanner didn’t feel the same way.
At least, she didn’t think he did.
Yet? If only she dared—
Car tires crunched in the gravel drive. Emma froze, her stomach in knots, her heart pounding. She watched as Tanner drove into sight, gravel spewing as he rounded a corner too fast. Typical, and she knew not to read anything into his driving when he always drove like a crazy man.
He must have spotted her on the porch as he braked to an abrupt stop without driving into the garage. He hopped out of the truck, a huge bouquet of mixed flowers in one big hand and a grin on his face. He took the stairs two at a time, grabbed her around the waist, and spun her in circles. Laughing, she held on until he set her feet on the wooden boards of the porch. He kept a steadying hand on her waist and thrust the flowers at her.
“For the prettiest flower of them all,” he said, still grinning.
“Thank you.” She took a moment to inhale the scent of the fragrant blooms. “You’re in a good mood,” she stated the obvious.
He grinned down at her, his green eyes dancing with pure joy. “You’re looking at the starting quarterback for the Seattle Steelheads.”
Relief washed over her, but she tried not to show it. “Of course I am. Was there ever any doubt?” Despite her tendency to worry, she’d had faith in him.
Instead of giving her a canned cocky answer, he sobered for a moment and let her peek inside his tightly guarded walls. “I wasn’t sure, Emmie. They could’ve chosen a different direction and given me the boot. I’ve had two years to prove myself, and I haven’t.”
“Not yet, but you will.” Emma placed her hands on his broad shoulders and planted a kiss on his stubbled chin. Tanner was lazy about shaving, but she didn’t complain. His stubble was sexier than sexy, and his sexy was worth razor burn any day of the week.
“Even better, Coach isn’t requiring us to report until Monday. Not that I’ll be taking much time off—I need to work out and get a jump on film of Green Bay for the season opener—but today and tonight are ours, and we can do whatever you want.”
“What do you suggest?” she asked.
“I have a plan. Are you game?”
“Always.”
“Feed your cat and pack a bag. Nothing fancy. Throw some stuff in for me, too, while I find a place to go.”
She smiled, loving surprises, and Tanner was often full of them. “I’m on it.” With one more kiss, she hurried to the bedroom to pack while he made a few calls.
Tux watched her from his bed on her pillow, yawned, and closed his eyes. He’d be fine as long as his food dish was full.
Within an hour, they were sitting at the Seattle ferry landing waiting for the Bainbridge Island ferry, a large island across from Seattle. After a beautiful ferry ride across Puget Sound, they checked into a romantic cottage that sat on a rocky cliff with a view of the Sound and Seattle across the wide expanse of water.
The very comfortable queen bed in the loft with two-story windows beckoned to them, and they tested it out immediately. After showering together, they explored the island, visited a few historic sites, and picked up homemade pasta and marinara sauce in a small deli near the cottage. Returning to their little oasis, they cooked the pasta and sat on their small deck listening to the water lapping on the shore below. After dinner, Tanner led her down a set of steep steps to the beach. They walked hand in hand along the rocky shore line, enjoying the evening.
Emma would cherish this night forever. No matter what the future held for them, she’d think back to this one moment in time fondly and with no regrets. Despite the craziness of her decision to marry him, she’d do it all over again.
Live in the moment, she reminded herself.
Because the moment might be all she had. The past was done and the future hadn’t happened yet.
Tanner sat down on a large rock and pulled her next to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. They gazed at the Seattle skyline in the distance from the Space Needle to the skyscrapers.
“When you’re in the city, they seem so big and take up so much room, but when you look at them from this perspective, they seem small and insignificant,” Tanner noted.
“They do, don’t they? With the exception of those downtown skyscrapers, trees mask most of the metropolitan area.”
Tanner nodded, looking across the Sound with a yearning in his eyes she didn’t understand. He met her gaze and must have read the puzzlement there. “I love Seattle,” he said wistfully, as if he were leaving soon. His tone alarmed her slightly, causing her to wonder how well things really had gone today.
“So do I. I’ve never wanted to live anywhere else.”
“I know the feeling even though I’m a transplant.” A sad smile lifted one corner of his kissable lips.
“What’s wrong, Tan?” She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers in his.
“Just wishing life could stay like this forever.”
“Nothing ever stays the same. Life is all about change.”
“Yeah, I know.” He turned his head to gaze down at her, looking as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Emma waited, hoping he’d trust her enough to talk to her, really talk to her, for once.
“Change can be good,” she added.
“I don’t know.” He sighed. “The only thing that’s ever been real in my life is football. At an early age, I fabricated everything else.”
“What did you fabricate?” she asked softly.
“You know.”
“Your family?”
He nodded, staring across the water at Seattle as dusk turned to darkness and the city lights lit up the evening sky. “Yeah. I perfected the art of lying so none of my friends or teachers would suspect the truth.”
“What was the truth, Tanner?”
“You couldn’t begin to imagine.”
“Try me.”
He set his jaw, and she recognized him digging in, getting ready to resist. She could almost see the steel walls popping up around him.
“Please.”
He looked down at her, his rigid expression softening a little. “Is it that important to you?”
“Yes.”
Again, he sighed. “It isn’t pretty.”
“I’m prepared.” She squeezed his hand as he started to talk.
“My mom died when I was twelve. Before that, stuff wasn’t great, but she absorbed the brunt of Dad’s occasional drunken rages; not all of them, but most of them. We were abused in different ways. I never understood why she didn’t leave, but I guess you can get beaten down to a point that you don’t think you can leave. He was always really sorry after one of their fights. He didn’t get physical with her often, just once in a while. But even once is too much. She must have loved him.” Tanner rubbed the back of his neck.
“I think that’s typical of abused women.”
“Yeah. When she finally got up the nerve to leave him, the next day she was dead.” He gripped her hand tighter, as if he needed her to hold onto him.
“Oh, Tanner, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“What happened to her?” Emma asked quietly, fearing the worst.
“She fell down the stairs, broke her neck.” His entire body tensed, and he stared at the waves lapping on the shore.
“And you don’t believe that?” she guessed.
“Not for one
damn second, but what the hell could I do? I’d only just turned twelve, and I worshipped my dad, despite it all. I’d do anything for his approval, which was damned tough to get. Jenny was sixteen, Isaac was fourteen, and Zeke was only ten. Jenny took over as the mom, while Dad worked in a local factory and spent most nights drilling us on our respective sports between shots of whiskey. My friends saw him as the best dad in the word because he did know his sports, and he’d played a little minor league hockey, stuff like that. He came across as charming and fun.”
“He didn’t seem that way to me.”
“He can be when he wants, but after Mom died, he drank even more. Now that he’s retired, he doesn’t have a reason to stop so he drinks all day.”
“So you created a family that didn’t really exist?”
“Damn right. I hate pity. So, yeah, I created the fifties’ family and Ice and Zeke went along with it. At sixteen, Ice joined a junior hockey team out of state and left the three of us to fend for ourselves.”
“You’ve never forgiven him for that?”
“That and other things. Lots of other things.”
“Like what, honey?” Emma squeezed his hand.
“In our early teens, Dad got involved in an underground fight club. First it was only Ice, then it was me, too.”
“What do you mean?”
“He made us fight, and they’d bet on the winners. There’d be hell to pay if we lost. We even fought each other at times.”
“Didn’t your teachers notice the bruises?”
“Oh, yeah, in fact, we had an elaborate story concocted that Ice and I settled all our brotherly issues with our fists. Dad would act properly concerned, even put us in therapy for a while.”
“Wow.”
“About a year into this, the club was raided and shut down, but none of us were there that night. I had a game. After that Dad focused his energies on making each one of us the best athlete we could be. Nothing was ever good enough for him, and he was a brutal task-master.”
“Oh, Tanner, I’m—”
“I don’t want pity, remember?” His voice grew hard, and she realized she’d stepped over an invisible line.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. My brothers and I are the strongest bastards I know.”
“So is that why you don’t get along with Isaac? The fights and then him deserting both of you?”
“Partially.”
“There’s more?”
Tanner stood, and Emma knew she’d gotten as far as she could get tonight, which was pretty far for a guy like Tanner. “I’m not talking about that.” He leaned in and kissed her long, deep, and rough. He finally leaned back, leaving her breathless and wanting a lot more. “But I am talking about you and me getting naked.”
“Then let’s quit talking and start doing.”
His grin spread across his face. “That’s my girl.”
They literally raced back to the cottage, clothes flying as soon as they hit the doorway.
* * * *
Things changed after that night on Bainbridge and not just because Tanner had the best sex of his life that night, which was saying a lot, especially with Emma. He didn’t understand how the sex could get better and better. Each time topped the last, and he swore nothing could beat it. Yet, Emma was full of surprises. After his momentary lapse in self-protection, she loosened up around him. The loosening was subtle, yet huge. At least it was to Tanner. She trusted him more with her heart, and he trusted her more with his.
Not that they’d ever broached the subject of hearts, love, or even the future. Tanner couldn’t bear to think about a future without Emma. He’d be the first to admit, he’d taken this casual, temporary relationship and elevated it to an entirely new level in his head.
He’d never been in love. He’d certainly mistaken lust for love, and he’d been in lust a lot, but he’d never experienced this need to just be with another person above and beyond getting her naked. He adored hanging out with Emma and talking to her. Hell, they spent hours talking sports and how to get his game back. Emma’s insights proved to be profound and invaluable.
Within the next month, Tanner and Emma settled into a routine. Emma understood how important this year was for Tanner’s career. She never once complained about the countless hours he spent at the Bridge, getting up before dawn and coming home after dark. He called her several times during the day, and reserved one night a week for them to be together.
Emma started classes, needing only three to finish her degree. She continued her party crashing career, much to Tanner’s dismay. The thought of Emma in those hot evening gowns with men drooling all over her at gala events or wedding receptions boiled his blood and turned him greener than the Steelheads’ practice field. Only he kept his jealousy to himself, realizing how important earning her own money was to Emma, who’d proven to be more independent than he’d ever realized.
The team had a long way to go as a unit, but they managed to win two out of their first three regular season games, barely squeaking out wins against unimpressive opponents. While Tanner didn’t exactly win games for them, he didn’t lose them either. In the meantime, his confidence grew. His rapport with his receivers increased during each game. His linemen began to trust his ability to get the ball down the field before they were completely worn out blocking for him. They were starting to click on all cylinders. Their defense and special teams kept them in the games, sometimes being the sole scorers. In past years, Tanner screwed up close games by trying too hard, putting a ball in a tight space and being intercepted, overthrowing his man downfield, or fumbling a hand off because he wasn’t in sync with his running back. He hadn’t turned the ball over once in three games.
Meyer appeared pleased, even though he didn’t say as much, but his scowl was a little less pronounced and once Tanner caught a glimmer of a smile when Tanner connected with Hunter for a forty-yard gain.
They weren’t Super-Bowl caliber yet, but the machine kept running and was becoming reliable.
Tanner had Emma to thank for a lot of it, and he owed her a shot at Nashville, regardless of what might happen with them.
Chapter 19—End Around
With a heavy sigh, Tanner put down his phone and glanced around the locker room to make sure his teammates hadn’t caught the conversation. No one looked his way; they were too busy taking care of their own pre-game rituals.
The deed was done. Whether he liked it or not, he’d been noble and kept his promise to Emma. Yet, doing the right thing didn’t feel so good this time around. A sense of foreboding cast gray storm clouds over his head.
He hated doing it, but for Emma he would do anything, even ruin the good stuff they had together. Sincerely unselfish gestures had never played a part in his past, but Emma deserved the very best he had to give, even if he suffered in the process. This personal growth shit hurt like fucking hell.
Beed and his wife were in town for tonight’s Monday Night Football game, which made this as good a time as any, though much earlier than planned, being only one month into the season. Yet nothing moved fast in the music business—or so Tanner told himself—so exposing Beed and Steph to Emma’s talent didn’t guarantee they’d be whisking her off to Nashville any day soon.
Steph agreed to check out Emma during Wednesday night karaoke and report her thoughts to Tanner, who’d relay them to Emma. Because he feared Emma would be nervous if she knew a big-time Nashville agent to the stars sat in the audience, Beed and Steph would keep a low profile and not communicate with Emma.
A deeply-seeded selfishness within Tanner hoped they wouldn’t like what they heard, but he knew differently. He prided himself on being a team player, even though he’d only given it lip service in the past. With Emma he’d grown to understand the true meaning of the word. His burgeoning understanding trickled down to his interactions with coaches and teammates, making him a better leader. He still fought his selfish tendencies to win the game with his a
rm or scramble for a touchdown when better options were available. No guts, no glory didn’t mean he needed to be the one doing the scoring or running for a first down. It took guts to make the right decision and allow another player to seize the glory. Now he was doing the same for Emma.
The pain and fear gripping his heart killed him, but he had a game to play. His team and Emma deserved his best performance.
Hunter, who operated on his own time schedule, sauntered into the locker room, not the least bit frazzled or concerned about his lateness. He sat down on the bench in front of his locker and started taking off his street clothes, which consisted of worn blue jeans, an old T-shirt, and ratty sneakers. A tribal dancer and drummer, Hunter literally danced to his own drum.
Tanner busied himself in his locker, avoiding Hunter’s gaze because the guy had this disconcerting way of analyzing him with just one glance. With the big Monday night game looming and worries about a possible Nashville career for Emma, Tanner didn’t need dissected. He needed avoidance, a practice he’d honed to an art in the past. It wasn’t working for him too well in his current state though.
Tanner’s phone beeped, and he picked it up, a slow smile spreading across his face. As he read the text, the heaviness inside him lifted, replaced by a delicate, yet growing sense of hope. Tomorrow the doubts would return, but tonight, he’d embrace what they had.
Kick some Detroit ass tonight. You’re my personal hero. Emmie
Tanner grinned. She used the word “ass.” He was rubbing off on her. He tapped out his answer. For you, I will. You’re my heroine. Tan
Hunter cleared his throat, and Tanner stiffened.
Busted.
“She’s damn good for you.”
Tanner sighed and faced the inevitable. “Yeah, she is.”
Hunter scrutinized him with those piercing brown eyes which always cut through the fog of Tanner’s bullshit and saw him too clearly. “She’s the one.”
“I hope so because I did marry her,” Tanner joked.
Hunter didn’t crack a smile. “You weren’t in love with her when you married her. Now you are.”
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