“I think I understand. Football is more than a game to me. It’s a passion.”
Emma nodded. “Like horses are Avery’s passion, and hockey is Isaac’s.”
Tanner managed not to cringe at the mention of his brother’s name. “Yeah, like that.”
“What is it?”
He almost told her, but they still had a duet to sing, and it could be their last one together.
* * * *
Emma always prided herself on being a patient person, which explained why her family assumed she’d be a wonderful elementary school teacher, and she would. Yet, she was slowly losing her famous patience with her equally famous and enigmatic husband.
She chose an old country duet for her song with Tanner and suggested they change the words to “Meet Me in Seattle” instead of Montana. Tanner rubbed his hands over his face, finally looking up at her with such profound sadness, she backpedaled.
“You don’t like the song?”
“It’s not the song.” His evasiveness grated on her nerves.
“Do you even know the song?”
He shook his head and held up his cell phone. “No, but I checked out the lyrics. I swear to God, you do have a gift. You have no idea how prophetic this song is.”
Emma frowned. “Why don’t you fill me in so we can both be enlightened?”
He clenched his jaw and looked over her head, faking interest in the singer on stage as if the old lady currently butchering a Patsy Cline song was Patsy herself.
Emma itched to throttle this infuriating man, but she knew by his closed-off expression and the way he distanced himself, he wouldn’t explain until he was good and ready, regardless of her frustration and need to know.
She ran through the words to the song in her mind with a queasy stomach. The lyrics described a man and woman separated by their careers in L.A. and Nashville, trying to hit it big, and realizing they’d rather be together in Montana. Only Emma didn’t plan on going anywhere until Tanner booted her out on her butt. Her dream of singing in Nashville was just a dream. Despite Tanner’s promise to give her a start, Emma didn’t take any of it seriously and wasn’t completely sure if it mattered anymore.
Or was that just her way of saying it was okay to admit defeat and give up on her dream of a singing career.
They sang the song together. Tanner crooned his part so deep and heartfelt, Emma wiped tears from her eyes. When they finished and he pulled her into a tight hug, she swore she saw the glint of tears in his eyes, too. She clung to him for a long time and finally extricated herself, as a small crowd, having recognized Tanner, gathered around the stage, begging for autographs.
Once more Emma found herself in the background watching Tanner signing autographs and interacting with fans. A very small part of her wanted to be that person, the one everybody recognized, the one in the limelight.
She’d never been the center of attention with her family or her friends. She’d always been the quiet one lurking in the background and living vicariously through others. Just once, she’d love to know how it felt to be the one people swarmed after an epic performance.
Emma sighed and sank into the chair at their table. Several minutes passed, and the crowd around Tanner showed no signs of letting up as the word spread throughout the large casino he was in the bar. Finally with a sigh, Emma waved to him and walked out. She’d wait for him at home.
And wait she did.
An hour after she arrived home, Tanner finally walked in, looking sheepish and apologetic. Irritation flowed through Emma, unreasonable perhaps, but still there. Tanner took all the attention for granted, as if it were his due. Emma hadn’t a clue how that’d feel.
But she wanted, just once, to feel it, and she admitted to a tiny bit of jealousy.
Tanner engulfed her in his arms. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered in her ear. Her stiffness obviously gave him a clue. He drew back, still holding her loosely to him. “You’re mad.”
“I’m not,” she lied.
One blond eyebrow shot up.
“Okay, maybe just a little, but it’s not you. It’s me.”
He led her to the couch and sat them down together. “How do you figure that?” he asked, as he turned sideways and held both her hands.
“I’m just—just jealous.” There it was out.
His surprise was palpable. Obviously, he’d thought the same as the rest of her family—sweet little Emma is fine just the way she is. She likes being in the background. Suddenly the tears came, and she couldn’t stop them. Years of yearning suppressed by her desire to be a good girl bubbled to the surface and spilled down her face, wetting her cheeks.
Tanner didn’t ask for an explanation; he held her gently in his arms and waited with more patience than she deserved considering how illogical her outburst must appear to him.
Finally, sniffing and hiccupping, she dabbed at her face with the tissue he gave her. When she finished, he tenderly kissed her cheeks where the tears had fallen minutes before. The gesture almost started another crying binge, but she was stronger this time.
“Emma, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t think anyone would understand. I’m not sure I understand.”
“Try me.”
The words spilled out of her like the tears had earlier. She told him in detail about her childhood, her parents’ singing careers, and how she’d wanted the same for herself, reiterated how the sisters made a pact never to go into the entertainment business, and she’d pretended for years it didn’t matter. And lastly, she told him about her secret desire to be somebody, instead of the invisible good sister.
He nodded and listened intently, not commenting, his face an unreadable mask.
“Tanner, I feel awful. I’m so thrilled you’re doing well and getting recognition for it. Please forgive me.”
“You’re entitled. Everyone wants a turn,” he commiserated, even though his smile was forced.
“I’m being a brat, wondering if I’ll ever get a turn.”
“It is your turn,” he murmured so quietly, she was certain she hadn’t heard him correctly.
“What did you say?”
“I said, it is your turn,” he repeated louder this time, his green eyes holding hers in their intense gaze.
“About that, Tanner, I know we have an agreement for the end of the season, but I won’t hold you to that. I’m not—“
He held up a hand to silence her. “Please just hear me out. This isn’t about months down the road. It’s about now.”
Emma clamped her mouth shut and waited. Whatever he was about to say obviously had to do with his mood all evening.
“Beed, my agent, and his wife are in town. Steph is an agent for several of the biggest names in Nashville. I asked them to go to karaoke tonight and listen to you.”
Emma gripped the collar of his shirt. “The classy couple staring at me most of the night. That was them?”
“Most likely.” Tanner ran a hand through his unruly hair and sighed, no longer looking her in the eyes. Instead he concentrated on a point behind her and swallowed hard.
“Oh, no.” Emma keened and clutched at her heart, preparing for the worst. “They didn’t like my voice, and you’ve been trying to think of a way to let me down all night.”
He narrowed his eyes and scrutinized her as if he didn’t speak her language and never would. “Do you honestly believe that?”
“What else would I think? You’ve been upset all night. Now I know why.”
“Jesus,” Tanner argued. “You give me too much credit for being a really good guy.”
“What?”
“I’m not a good guy. It’s all an act. Surely you’ve figured that out by now. I’m a selfish, stubborn bastard who wants what he wants and to hell with everyone else. I look out for Numero Uno while pretending to care about others.”
The only thing Emma heard in that statement was Tanner not caring, which strangled her to the point where she couldn’t form a coherent sentence. He claimed he
didn’t care about anyone. He didn’t care about her.
“Just listen,” he growled in a rare display of anger fueled by obvious frustration.
Emma nodded and waited, feeling guilty for provoking him.
“Steph loved you,” Tanner choked on every word to the point where Emma couldn’t decipher the true meaning of the words until seconds later.
“She did?”
“Yeah. She did.” He sounded as if he’d been found guilty and sentenced to the death penalty.
“Oh my. Oh my. Oh my.” As his words sank in, Emma jumped to her feet, so overwhelmed, she glossed over how miserable he appeared, certain she must be misinterpreting his emotions. Tanner stood, a feeble smile on his face, and she launched herself into his arms, kissing him everywhere, while giggling and laughing and crying happy tears this time.
Her dreams had come true. She had a shot, not just at a singing career, but of getting everything she ever wanted, including the man of her dreams. How had this happened to someone like her? She danced around the living room with Tanner until she noticed his closed-off expression.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy for me?”
“Yeah, sure,” he said, not the least bit convincing.
“You might be a good liar, but I can see through you. What is it?”
“Steph sent your video to Cindy Latigo’s manager. He showed it to Cindy. They loved you; though they agree you need work, you have the raw talent.”
Emma screamed in delight, clapping her hands together. “I can’t believe this. Cindy is known for mentoring young talent and giving them their start. She’s willing to take me on?” She paused, fanning her face and trying to calm herself. “So what’s the catch?”
“Did I say there was a catch?”
“Not in words, but you’re moping.”
“I am not. Cindy has an urgent spot for a back-up singer in her stage show in Vegas for the next two months, but you have to be ready to go within a week.”
“Within a week?” Reality started to sink in.
Tanner nodded, decidedly miserable, and now Emma knew why. She had to leave soon, and he wasn’t happy about it.
“But what about us? And what about school? That timeframe doesn’t allow me to finish the last classes for my degree.” Emma spoke the first and second things which came into her head, both telling, considering she should be walking on clouds and celebrating in the streets, but she wasn’t listening to her head, only her ego. She’d never pass up this opportunity. Never. She’d been handed the chance of a lifetime.
Before Tanner could answer, she babbled on, justifying the decision she’d already made. “I’ll make it work. Oh my, I have so much planning to do. I need to call Avery.” She planted another kiss on Tanner’s lips and ran for her phone to call her sister.
She glanced over her shoulder. Tanner stood in the same location, looking shell-shocked and beyond miserable. Just then Avery answered. Emma would deal with Tanner later. He’d get over his momentary jealousy.
He had to because Emma would be living her dream and right now, nothing would come between her and that dream, not even a hot man with sad, piercing green eyes.
* * * *
Tanner stared at the ceiling in the bedroom, as he listened to Emma’s animated voice from the sitting room next door. She hadn’t waited until morning. She’d insisted on calling Steph immediately for fear she might miss the opportunity.
He was losing her. She was slipping through his fingers, and he was helpless to hold on.
Even worse, he felt like a schmuck. He should be thrilled for her, and on some buried, deep-down level he was. On another self-serving level, not so much. Yeah, he was a selfish ass. He wanted her here with him, not in Nashville, not around all those guys just like him, or like he once was. He knew the type all too well. They’d promise her the moon and give her one night in their bed then boot her out on her pretty little ass.
He longed to tell her he loved her and wanted to make a life with her in Seattle, but she’d stay if he uttered those words, and someday she’d hate him for destroying her dreams.
He couldn’t live with that, any more than he could live with her leaving.
Chapter 21—Working in the Trenches
By Friday, the excitement began to wear off, and reality set in. Within a week, Emma had second thoughts. She waited for a sign from Tanner indicating he didn’t want her to go, but after that first night, he remained cheerful and upbeat about her future. There were moments when she swore she saw a flash of sadness and regret in those green eyes, but it was fleeting. Maybe she saw those emotions because she wanted to see them, not because they were there.
Tanner went about his business as if nothing had changed between them, while everything had changed. Their life together catapulted toward a crash course with destiny. The Steelheads lost an away game in a heartbreaker in overtime when Demon fumbled the ball, and the Lions DB ran it back for a touchdown. As Emma’s last day in Seattle loomed in front of her, she fidgeted more and more, biting her fingernails to the quick.
The following Sunday, Tanner played a balls-out home game. Emma watched from her usual seat, fearing it might be the last time she’d see him play in person. After the Steelheads’ victory, her friends and family held a going-away party at Cooper and Izzy’s house, and Bellani actually showed up.
She couldn’t leave town tomorrow without talking to the sister who’d always been her idol, but finding a moment when Bella wasn’t surrounded by men proved next to impossible. Currently, Bella held court with an assortment of hockey and football players. Across the room, Cedric glowered at every one of them. Emma observed his jealousy with amusement. The Swede and Bella had hooked up when the team first moved to town. They’d done an on-again-off-again thing ever since. Cedric, a player in his own right on and off the rink, fisted his hands as Bella ran a fingernail along Jason Wilder’s biceps, tracing his Sockeye tattoo.
Emma decided it was time to intervene before Cedric started a fight, and scrappy Bella finished it. Pushing her way through the crowd of men, Emma linked her arm through Bella’s. “Excuse me, gentlemen, Bella and I need time for girl talk, you know.”
At the mention of girl talk, the guys evaporated into thin air, probably fearing a discussion about shoes, makeup, and, God forbid, monthly periods.
“Bella,” Emma said when they were alone. “You being here means a lot to me.”
Bella, annoyed at losing her entourage, scowled and took a long pull on her beer. “You are my baby sister.”
Emma hated being the baby, but she decided not to broach that subject. Instead she needed to say what was in her heart before she left for Vegas. “I wouldn’t have the guts to do this if I hadn’t watched you for years doing exactly what you wanted to do, regardless of what others thought. You may not know this, but you’ve always been my inspiration.”
Bella’s scowl faded, and she blinked her long eyelashes several times. “I am?” She pointed at her chest, her green eyes opened wide in surprise.
“You are.”
“I always assumed everyone considered me the screw-up of the family.”
“How can you possibly be the screw-up? You’re talented, beautiful, and you follow your heart wherever it leads despite the consequences. Not only that, you could kick the butt of any guy in here.”
“That I could.” Bella laughed. She worked part-time as a martial arts instructor. Combined with her tenacity, she could definitely hold her own against any man in the place.
Bella’s gaze darted around the room and back to Emma. “I’m glad to see you following your dreams, but are you sure you’re following the right dream?”
“I don’t understand.”
Bella jerked her pretty head toward Tanner. “Him. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you all night.”
“Oh.” Emma couldn’t look over her shoulder without being obvious. “He hasn’t?”
“No, he hasn’t. He’s crazy about you, Emms. I was wrong about the two of you toget
her. You’re obviously both in love, which begs the question, why are you doing this?”
Emma couldn’t respond because she wasn’t certain anymore what her reply might be.
“You’re a picket fence type of girl. Tanner, well, who’d have thought he’d be a picket fence type of guy, but he seems happy with it. I understand following dreams. Hell, I’m still figuring out which dream to follow next, but at some point, you have to wonder if your dreams aren’t right here in your backyard rather than some elusive place which only exists in your imagination.” Bella’s gaze drifted to Cedric.
“I have to try, or I’ll never know.”
“I understand, but don’t expect a man like Tanner to wait around forever.”
“I know.” She didn’t expect him to wait around until next week. Tanner was the world’s best actor. He wasn’t in love with Emma. Sure, he liked her a lot. He enjoyed being with her, and he definitely enjoyed sex with her. But love? If he loved her, wouldn’t he tell her before she left?
And shouldn’t she tell him she loved him?
Would a declaration of love change things in ways it shouldn’t?
Emma’s head hurt with all the questions and no answers.
* * * *
Tanner and Emma didn’t speak on the ride home. There wasn’t much left to say other than I love you, don’t leave me, and I can’t live without you.
None of which Tanner would say. A man had to have his pride when there was nothing else left. Tanner planned on keeping his intact. He wouldn’t beg, he wouldn’t declare his undying love. He’d send her on her way by making love to her in the most heartfelt way possible.
Words were only words.
He’d show her how much he cared, and words would pale in comparison.
“That was a fun party,” Emma said as they walked into the house from the garage.
Blindsided Page 24
