by Linda Warren
She tried to keep her mind a blank but couldn’t. She kept seeing Jackson’s face and hearing his cruel words. Would he ever understand? She doubted it, because she had a hard enough time understanding it. Until she found some sort of forgiveness in herself, she couldn’t expect Jackson to calmly accept her actions.
The drive was long and peaceful, and as soon as she smelled the saltwater, she knew she was home. Copano Bay greeted her, and when she drove over the bridge into Rockport-Fulton, she felt a sense of belonging. Water stretched out in all directions, a sight she’d seen every day of her life until she was seventeen—until she was banished from home. A flash of loneliness stabbed her.
As a child, she’d practically lived on the water, going with her dad when he took people out fishing. Other days it was just the two of them searching for the best fishing spots. She’d been happy and carefree, without a worry in the world. Then she turned thirteen and started to develop a figure. All of a sudden, the men looked at her differently, and her mother noticed. Rose refused to let Emily go with her father when other men were along. Emily recognized that this was the beginning of a lot of changes in her life and the start of her mother’s domination over her.
She wiped the memory away. Turning off the highway, she drove toward Fulton Beach to be near the water. She kept driving along the edge of Aransas Bay until she saw the small yellow-and-white house with the yellow cottages behind it. Home. She was home. With that feeling, a sense of dread prevailed. It happened every time she came here and that was probably never going to change. She just had to overcome it.
She pulled behind her dad’s truck and got out. The melancholy sound of seagulls filled the air and the cool breeze from the water touched her skin. These were familiar sensations she associated with home and childhood.
Walking toward the front door, she heard raised voices—her mother’s and Becca’s. Emily drew in a deep breath, opened the door and stepped inside. Rose sat in her recliner, an angry scowl on her face. Her dark hair was now almost completely gray, and her blue eyes dimmed with pain and age. Becca paced back and forth, waving her arms in her usual spitfire manner, her dark eyes brimming with resentment. Another argument. Emily braced herself.
Her father stood in the kitchen doorway with a solemn expression on his tired face. His hair was also gray, and his daughters had inherited his dark eyes.
The loud voices immediately stopped and Becca flew across the room into Emily’s arms. “You’re home, Em. Thank God you’re home.” Becca kissed her and Emily kissed her back. This was why she came—to feel this closeness that only sisters could experience. Becca needed her, and as long as she did, Emily would continue to return home.
“You didn’t say you were coming, Emily Ann,” her mother said in a critical tone Emily knew all too well.
“Nice to see you,” her father put in, but there were no hugs or kisses or the love they once shared as a family. In her parents’ eyes, Emily had done something unforgivable. It had been more than eighteen years, and they’d never recovered from their disillusionment.
Emily cleared her throat and sat on the old beige sofa beside Becca. “I took a few days off and decided I’d come for a visit.”
Rose pointed a finger at Becca. “Because she called you, didn’t she? You wouldn’t come home for any other reason.”
Before Emily could answer, Becca jumped to her feet. “So what if I did? You’re driving me crazy. I’ll soon be eighteen and you still treat me like a little girl.”
“Don’t talk to me in that tone of voice,” Rose threatened.
“Or what?” Becca asked sharply. “You’ll take away my privileges? Ha!” Becca threw back her head and laughed a sarcastic laugh. “What privileges? I have to be home at ten. You monitor my dates. I can’t have new clothes or go anywhere, and on and on it goes. I’m like a prisoner.”
“Go to your room!” her mother shouted. “I’m tired of arguing with you.”
“You bet I’m going to my room and I’m packing and getting out of here. Not even Em can stop me.” She ran down the hall and slammed her door.
Her father disappeared into the kitchen as he always did—anything to avoid a confrontation. Rose reached for the oxygen mask that lay in her chair. She held it to her mouth and took several deep breaths. Emily could see she was having difficulty breathing.
She got up and took her mother’s pulse. It was racing, but Emily felt sure she was just agitated, and in a moment she’d calm down.
“You okay?” Emily asked softly.
Rose removed the mask. “I can’t deal with your sister anymore. She’s wild and out of control.”
Emily bit her lip and knew she and her mother had to talk—a long-overdue talk. The only person out of control was Rose. How could she make her see that?
She pulled up a chair and sat next to her and had to fight the urge to hold her hand. She held the hands of many of her patients while she talked to them. It made them feel as if they were important to her, and it made Emily feel closer to them. But with her mother it was a different story. When Emily was small, she was held, kissed and loved, but now things were so different. These days her mother rarely touched her and Emily felt as if she was tainted…tainted because she’d gotten pregnant out of wedlock.
That was the dread about coming home—experiencing this coldness from her mother, and her father, too. Though her father was never as outspoken as Rose, it was there in his eyes…the disappointment. And that broke her heart.
CHAPTER FIVE
“WE HAVE TO TALK,” Emily said, trying to keep the pain from ruling her emotions.
Rose removed the oxygen mask. “About what?”
“Becca.”
“I wish you’d stop calling her that. Her name is Rebecca.”
Emily inhaled deeply and ignored the criticism. Emily had started calling her sister Becca when she was a baby, and now everyone did. Her mother had always hated that, but this wasn’t about Becca’s name.
“She’ll be eighteen soon like she said—a grown woman, able to make her own decisions.”
“She’s immature, irresponsible and—”
Emily broke in. “She is not.”
Rose’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not around all the time. You have no idea what she’s like. When you’re here, she’s on her best behavior. Other times she sneaks out to be with Tommy Wilson. He’s a football jock with long hair and an earring. He’s only after one thing and she can’t see that. She’s—”
“Stop it,” Emily interrupted harshly. “Can’t you see what you’re doing?”
Rose frowned severely, but she didn’t answer.
Emily went on. “You’re making Becca pay for my sins. You’re afraid the same thing will happen to her that happened to me.”
Rose compressed her lips into a thin line, still not answering.
“Please don’t do that,” Emily begged. “Becca is not me. I was weak as a teenager, but she’s strong. Surely you can see that?”
Strong enough to stand up to you and I wasn’t.
When her mother remained silent, Emily took another approach. “She’s in there packing. Is that what you want?”
“She won’t go anywhere,” Rose replied stubbornly. “Especially since you’re here.”
Emily felt as if she was butting her head against a brick wall. Nothing was getting through to her mother—nothing. She decided to try yet another tactic.
“Becca will graduate soon. Why don’t you let her spend the summer with me?”
Rose eyes widened fearfully and she took a couple of breaths from the mask. “No,” she finally said. “This is her last summer at home and she needs to get a job to help pay for college.”
Emily started to say that she’d pay for Becca’s college, but she knew her mother didn’t want to hear that. Rose resented the influence Emily had on Becca’s life, but underneath Emily could see that her mother was afraid of losing Becca. Even though they argued all the time, Rose was scared to death of losing her youngest da
ughter.
Emily’s tone softened. “Becca’s going to leave home. You have to face that. Besides, you’re always bickering. That’s not good for your health. It’s not good for anyone.”
“Stay out of it, Emily Ann,” Rose warned.
The younger Emily would have acquiesced immediately, but the older Emily did not. She got slowly to her feet. “No, I’m not staying out of this. I’m not letting you punish Becca for my mistakes.”
Rose’s eyes grew enormous and she reached for the oxygen mask again.
“I’m taking Becca to Corpus tomorrow to buy her a dress—and she’s not coming home at ten o’clock. It’s her senior prom and she’s going to enjoy it.”
“Is that it, Emily Ann?” Rose asked cryptically. “You didn’t get to go to your prom, so you want to live it through Rebecca. Well, that wasn’t my fault. It was yours.”
Anger simmered through Emily’s body and she had to restrain herself from walking out the door and never coming back. But she couldn’t keep avoiding the issue. “Yes, it was all my fault and I’ve paid dearly for it. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t regret giving up my daughter.”
“And, of course, you blame me,” Rose bit out.
Yes, yes, yes.
Emily had to take a calming breath. She couldn’t talk about this with her mother. All they did was blame each other, and the truth was they were both to blame. The bitter aftertaste of that left Emily cold and drained. Why had she come home?
For Becca.
“I’m not arguing with you about the past,” she said stoically. “There’s nothing either one of us can do to change it. Right now, I’m just worried about Becca.”
Rose looked at her closely. “You can’t make up for your mistake by spoiling Rebecca.”
“I’m not trying to do that,” Emily denied, and had to get away from her mother before she said something she’d regret. She whirled around. “I’m checking on Becca.”
As she walked down the hall, she thought her mother was probably right. She bought things for Becca, indulged her because she couldn’t do those things for her own daughter. She came to an abrupt halt as the truth hit her. She had lost her daughter forever, and now she’d lost Jackson—again. She staggered under the pain, but she couldn’t deal with that. She had to think about Becca…the only bright spot in her life.
She tapped on her sister’s door and went in. The dresser drawers were open and Becca was haphazardly throwing clothes into a small suitcase on the bed.
Emily stared at the pile. “I don’t think they’re all going to fit.”
“Don’t try to stop me, Em,” Becca said, adding a couple of sweaters to the stack.
Emily moved some clothes aside and sat down. “It’d be a shame to miss the prom, especially since you’re nominated for prom queen.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Becca muttered under her breath.
Emily watched her bent head for a second. “You’re not seriously thinking about leaving me here alone with Mom, are you?”
The words had the effect Emily was hoping for. A grin spread across Becca’s face and she plopped down beside her. “No, I wouldn’t do that to you,” she said with a laugh. “I wouldn’t do it to Dad, either.” She quickly sobered. “But Em…”
“Don’t worry,” Emily said. “I told Mom I was taking you to Corpus tomorrow to buy a new dress and that you weren’t coming home at ten.”
Becca scooted back on the bed in excitement. “You did? What did she say?”
“Let’s just say she’s aware of what’s going to happen and I’ll be here to make sure it does.”
“You’re staying until next Saturday?” Becca asked eagerly.
“Yes, I wouldn’t miss seeing my baby sister on this special day.”
Becca threw her arms around Emily. “I love you. I couldn’t survive without you.”
Tears stung Emily’s eyes. She needed to hear that…desperately. It gave her the strength to go on.
When Becca drew back, Emily tucked strands of hair behind Becca’s ears. “I think we need to get this cut.” Becca’s hair fell halfway down her back.
Becca made a face. “Tommy likes my hair like this.”
“And we have to talk about Tommy.”
“Jeez, we’re not gonna talk about sex, are we?”
“Should we?”
“Why? Is there something you want to know?” Becca asked smartly, then burst into giggles and pointed a finger at Emily. “You should see your face.”
Emily couldn’t resist a smile. “You’re incorrigible.”
“That’s how I’ve managed to live with two sticks-in-the-mud.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
Becca hung her head. “It’s not that I don’t love them—I do. I just have a problem dealing with Mom’s views and her outlook on life. She thinks I’m wild and some boy will get me—” She stopped and stared at Emily. “You know.”
“Yes, I do.” All too well. “That’s why I want to talk about sex.”
“I’m not having sex, if that’s what she told you. Other girls are, but I don’t feel right about it…yet.”
Emily felt a moment’s relief, but she had to talk to Becca about other things. Unpleasant things. She had to tell Becca about the past. That would be hard…so hard. Becca had always looked up to her, thought she did nothing wrong. Now Emily’s own words would tarnish that image; it would take everything in her to expose her true self. She’d told Jackson, so telling Becca should be easy and it might help her understand their mother’s fears. The revelation would cost Emily more than she wanted to dwell on. She had to do it regardless.
“I’m glad to hear that, but—”
Becca cut in. “I know all about the birds and bees. Remember you gave me that book when I was twelve? We discussed it at length.”
“But we never talked about protection.”
“Every girl knows about protection,” Becca told her. “Besides, I’m not stupid enough to have unprotected sex.”
“I want you to realize that when you do make the decision to…to get involved, it comes with risks and responsibilities. Sometimes protection doesn’t work and you have to be prepared for the consequences.”
To Emily’s horror, tears ran down her cheeks, and she quickly brushed them away.
“Em, what is it?” Becca asked worriedly. “You’re crying.”
What was wrong with her? Emily chastised herself. She seemed bent on a course of self-destruction. She’d told Jackson because she’d convinced herself that he needed to know and it had backfired. But then, what had she expected? It would’ve been best if he’d never known. Now…No, she wouldn’t do this to herself anymore. She had to face the past and not let it destroy her. And she had to tell Becca.
It might be another bad decision, but she’d take that risk. When Becca heard about Emily’s past, she’d understand why their mother was so strict and so scared of her getting pregnant. That could only help. Her mother wouldn’t approve; she was well aware of that. Rose had said long ago that it was a secret no one should ever hear. Emily had made a mistake and it was best forgotten. But it wasn’t. Rose was using Emily’s past against Becca, and Emily had to put an end to that.
She turned toward Becca. “I have to tell you something, and it’s very difficult.”
“Are you pregnant?” Becca asked in a whisper.
Emily shook her head. “No.”
“I didn’t think so. You being a doctor and all.”
She reached for Becca’s hands and held them tight. “There’s a secret I’m going to tell you, but it’s between you and me. Okay?”
“Okay. I won’t tell a soul,” Becca promised.
“When I was seventeen, a young man came to the coast to go fishing, and he was handsome and charming and I fell head over heels in love with him.”
“Oh, good, a love story.” Becca slid closer.
How Emily wished it was. A love story with a happy ending…
“I was going through a difficult time b
ecause I’d just discovered Mom was pregnant and I wasn’t taking it too well.”
“Why?” Becca asked. “Didn’t you want a sister?”
Emily swallowed. “I guess I was very immature for my age because all I could think about was myself and the embarrassment Mom’s pregnancy was causing me.” It hurt to say the words, and for a moment she didn’t speak. In a low voice, she continued. “Up until that time, I was a perfect daughter. I never did anything wrong. But I changed overnight. I started staying out late, dating guys Mom and Dad disapproved of. I rebelled every chance I got. Then I met this man and I rebelled even more.”
“Gosh, that doesn’t even sound like you,” Becca said.
“I was very different back then and I’m only telling you now so it’ll help you understand why Mom is the way she is.”
“What happened with the man?”
“When his fishing trip was over, he went home.”
“Were you…lovers?”
Emily took a deep breath. “Yes, we were lovers.” She tried to go on but found she couldn’t. The next words were locked in her throat. She licked dry lips and forced the words out. “After he left, I found I was…pregnant.”
Becca eyes grew big with disbelief. “No way.”
“Yes, I was and it devastated our parents. I finally realized what a fool I’d been. Mom was struggling to carry you and I added the burden of my own pregnancy. It was a very trying time.”
“I can imagine. I’ll bet Mom went right through the roof.”
“Something like that,” Emily admitted. “So do you understand why she’s so paranoid about the same thing happening to you?”
“Sort of,” Becca answered slowly, and Emily could almost see the questions running through her head. Questions she didn’t take long to voice. “Mom made you have an abortion, didn’t she?” Her voice held derision.
“No,” Emily replied.
“You miscarried?”
Emily shook her head as her stomach knotted tight.
“Then what happened to the baby?”
