by Linda Warren
EMILY AND JACKSON TALKED until after midnight and Emily found it hard to leave him. She enjoyed talking about their daughter, telling him the few little things she could. Their child had been a symbol of the love they’d once shared and she had carelessly let it go. That was the reason she’d been so tortured all these years. But she felt Jackson understood now and that liberated her in so many ways. She could face the future with him by her side. She didn’t want to analyze her emotions any further than that because she was so exhilarated, she didn’t trust her own perceptions.
She’d come home with such a heavy heart, but now she felt free and light, and it was all because of Jackson.
After Emily left, Jackson couldn’t even think about sleeping. He felt terribly alone without her, so he walked across the highway to the beach. He sat on one of the park benches and watched the moonlight as it played tricks with the water. Condos in the distance beckoned with bright lights, but all he could see was Emily’s face. They had a daughter and now they’d find her…together. Emily had forgiven him, which lifted a weight from his shoulders. He could face anything as long as he had her. That thought rocked him. In a matter of a few days, she had become the center of his world. Everything else had shifted in importance and his whole perspective had changed.
He could see that she was both frightened and elated at what was happening between them, and he intended to take it slow and give her all the time she needed. The days ahead wouldn’t be easy. Finding their daughter would be an enormous task, but he was determined that they’d succeed.
Emily had to talk to her parents; that was the first hurdle. Jackson wanted to be with her, but Emily insisted it would be better if she talked to them by herself. She was right, but he didn’t want her to endure that unpleasantness alone. There’d be a big scene, he was sure. Rose Cooper would be against the idea, but he trusted Emily to persuade her.
He leaned against the bench, resting his arms along the back, and let the soothing sounds take him away. The water lapped against the shore, and the smell of saltwater brought him memories of Emily. The few times they’d made love, the same sounds, the same scent had surrounded them. Their daughter had been conceived in the easy-flowing rhythm of the night. Suddenly he buried his face in his hands and prayed for the strength to help Emily—prayed they could find their daughter so they’d remember that time with love and happiness.
ALTHOUGH IT WAS LATE when Emily reached her parents’ home, lights were still on. Her heart sank. She hadn’t wanted to talk to them until morning, but it was just as well, she told herself as she entered the living room. They had to know what she was planning to do and she needed their help.
The TV was on and her father was asleep in his chair, but her mother was wide awake, her eyes on the door, and they seared right through Emily.
Emily laid her purse on the coffee table and perched on the edge of the sofa. Her father stirred and sat up.
“What took so long?” Rose asked in a tight voice.
“We had a lot to talk about,” Emily replied, trying to remain composed and not lose her temper at her mother’s obstinate nature.
“Like what?” Rose shrilled. “Like how he deserted you when you were pregnant?”
Emily bit her lip to keep words from tumbling out.
“Calm down, Rose,” Owen said. “You’ll make yourself sick.”
Rose took several gulps of oxygen from the mask. “Are you planning on seeing him again?” she finally asked.
Emily met her mother’s eyes squarely. “Yes.”
Rose clenched her hands. “No, you can’t! He’ll only hurt you.”
Emily got up and went over to her mother, kneeling by her chair. “As I told you earlier, I’m old enough to make my own decisions.”
“But Emily Ann—”
“Don’t try to talk me out of it,” Emily said. “My mind is made up and nothing you say will make any difference.” She took a shaky breath. “Jackson and I have decided to find our daughter.”
The color drained from Rose’s face. “What?” she choked.
“We’re going to find our daughter,” Emily repeated.
Rose had to take several draws on the mask. “What good will it do? It’ll just cause you and the child more pain. Is that what you want?”
“What I want is to see my daughter. I have to see her face. Please try and understand.”
“That’s selfish,” Rose said harshly. “You’ll destroy the life she has, because of your selfish needs.”
Emily shook her head in despair and slowly got to her feet. “I need your help.” She wouldn’t give up. She had a mission and her mother wasn’t dissuading her with guilt or threats. “Tell me the name of the agency that took my baby.”
Rose glared at her. “I refuse to get involved in this. That man has filled your head with nonsense and you can’t even see it.”
Emily sighed deeply and turned to her father. “Tell me, Dad.” Owen looked away and she knew he wouldn’t go against her mother’s wishes.
“Fine.” She wheeled toward the hall. “I remember names and I can put it together.”
“Emily Ann,” her mother called.
She came to a sudden halt.
“You’ll regret this.”
Emily didn’t answer, just headed to Becca’s room. As she opened the door, she saw Becca dive into bed. She’d been listening at the door.
Becca lay curled up with her back to her, as if she was asleep.
“I know you’re awake,” Emily said as she fell onto the bed fully clothed. She was mentally and physically exhausted.
Becca sat up. “Aren’t you gonna put your nightgown on?”
“In a minute.”
“Are you really gonna search for your daughter?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, then this Jackson guy isn’t so bad?”
“No, he’s actually quite wonderful.”
A slight pause, then Becca asked, “Are you sure, Em? I mean, he hurt you once.”
Emily turned to look at her sister in the darkness. The moonlight shone on her face, her long, gleaming hair. “I’m very sure Jackson won’t hurt me again.”
“Jeez, your voice sounds all mushy like you’re still…”
The unfinished sentence hung between them, and Emily didn’t feel the need to acknowledge it. What she and Jackson were feeling was personal and private, and she’d only talk about it with him.
She didn’t have to worry; Becca was quickly on to something else. “Mom’s about to have a heart attack.”
“Mom will be fine,” Emily assured her. “Once she realizes she can’t browbeat me again.”
“What happened to all the harmony we’re supposed to be having?” Becca asked in a teasing tone.
“It was blown to hell in a short second.”
Becca laughed.
Emily touched her soft cheek. Becca was so intense, so excitable. She wondered if her daughter was like that. Would she have that same enchantment, that same… Her throat closed up and she thought her heart would burst with the gravity of not knowing.
But she would.
Soon.
“WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?” Rose asked Owen after Emily had left the room.
“Nothing, we’re doing nothing” was Owen’s response.
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s out of our hands now.”
“It is not! If you’ll talk to her, she’ll—”
“No,” he interrupted tersely. “I’m not talking to Emily. I did that years ago, and I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again. I supported you when you said she had to give the child away, even though I felt it was wrong. I was the one who took her to San Antonio to live with that awful aunt of yours, and I was the one who was there the day she had the baby. I saw all the pain she was suffering. I didn’t do anything then, and I’m not doing anything now.”
“Don’t you understand what’s going to happen?”
“Yes, Emily will find her daughter, and I think
it’s long overdue.”
THE NEXT MORNING Emily was up early. She showered and dressed, then packed her suitcase. She spared Becca a glance as she tiptoed out of the room. They had said their goodbyes the night before, and Emily had given her the name of the hotel where they’d be staying. Still, she experienced a sense of guilt at leaving her alone with their mother. But Becca gave as good as she got, and at times she instigated most of the “getting.” Becca could take care of herself; Emily was well aware of that. At times, she felt as if she should protect her, but in truth Becca didn’t need her protection. Emily now had to think about herself and her child. The thought was intoxicating and she sensed she was on the threshold of something significant, something she had no control over. All she had to do was to take the next step, the step that would carry her into the realm of the future.
She found her parents in the kitchen and she told them she was leaving. They didn’t say a word, for which she was grateful. She couldn’t stand another scene. Walking out of the room, she felt that at last she was leaving her childhood behind.
She drove straight to the hotel and knocked on Jackson’s door. He opened it immediately. “Hi,” he said, smiling, and her heart turned over. He was so handsome in his dark slacks and light blue shirt, his hair still damp from his shower. She ached for all the years they’d been apart. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but today they were bonded together in a single goal: to find their child.
“Come in,” he said, walking back into the room and putting toiletries in his suitcase. “I just got off the phone. Hope you’re all packed.”
“Yes,” she replied, but he caught the hesitation in her voice.
He turned to her. “Emily, what is it?”
She was amazed that he could glimpse the pain inside her. She was trying so hard not to reveal it, not to think about it. “It’s nothing, really. I just had a bad argument with my parents last night.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does because it upsets you.”
“I’ll get over it and now I have something to look forward to.”
“That’s right, and we don’t need your parents’ approval to do this. All we need is the name of the agency they used.” He snapped his suitcase shut.
“They didn’t give it to me,” she admitted quietly.
He swung around. “What?”
“They said it would only cause me and my daughter more pain, and they wouldn’t do it.”
Jackson ran a hand through his hair. “Damn, I didn’t expect this, but we’ll manage. You know the name of the hospital in San Antonio, and we’ll take it from there.”
“Yes, and that summer I heard my aunt talking to them about a Miller or a Seals agency. It has to be one of those.”
“We’ll find them,” he said, and grabbed his suitcase. “We’d better get moving.” They’d made the plans last night. There was no direct flight from Corpus Christi to San Antonio, so they decided to drive. Jackson had a rental car and they would return it in Corpus Christi, then use Emily’s car for the trip. As they reached the door, he called, “Wait.”
She looked at him.
“We can’t go.”
She frowned. “Why?”
“We can’t go until you smile. I’m not going anywhere while you’ve got that somber expression on your face.”
Her lips twitched, and he touched them briefly with his. “That’s better. Much better.”
It was, and all her anger at her parents disappeared for the moment. She felt relaxed and ready to confront whatever lay ahead—with Jackson beside her.
The time passed quickly, and before she knew it, they were halfway to San Antonio. She was content to let Jackson drive, enjoying the rare experience of being a passenger. They talked about any and everything. She particularly loved hearing about his dad and aunt Maude. She remembered George Talbert as having a great sense of humor, and Jackson’s aunt sounded like one of a kind. They were a close-knit family, and Emily envied that. Her mother controlled their family, which meant closeness was something they avoided. Closeness and honesty…
When they arrived in San Antonio, Jackson drove directly to their hotel on the River Walk. There was a convention in town and rooms were scarce, but Jackson had booked one over the phone the night before. The hotel was upscale and very luxurious—but as soon as Emily entered the room she saw there was only one bedroom with a king-size bed. They were supposed to have a two-room suite.
Jackson noticed it immediately. “Damn,” he said. “I’ll see what the hell happened.”
He picked up the phone and talked to the desk clerk. Hanging up, he turned to her. “This is all they have. There was a mistake with the booking. What do you want to do?”
She shrugged and sat beside him on the bed. “It doesn’t matter. I think we’re adult enough to handle this.” All she could think about was being wrapped in Jackson’s arms and feeling those raw, pagan emotions he engendered in her. She couldn’t believe she was feeling this way, especially after she’d convinced herself last night that their emotions were fueled by the past.
“I’ll sleep on the sofa,” Jackson offered, although that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to be with her, wanted it desperately, but it had to be her choice.
Emily stared at the small sofa, then turned to him, a light in her eyes he hadn’t seen in a long time. “You and I have never slept together in a bed.”
The words came from a place deep in her heart, a place she’d kept hidden and closed for so many years. She was tired of denying what she felt. She wanted to be with Jackson, and she didn’t need an excuse for that. She was a woman now and she was able to embrace everything that meant—even the consequences.
He watched her closely. “You mean…”
She got to her feet. “Why don’t we get something to eat and we’ll discuss it later?”
“Okay,” he agreed, and cursed himself for not being more persistent in finding rooms. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or awkward. Whatever happened, he wanted it to happen naturally.
Emily had found the phone book and was thumbing through it. “There isn’t a Miller or a Seals agency. Now what?”
“In the morning, we’ll start at the hospital.”
“I guess that’s the only thing to do. We don’t need to check birth records because I know that adoptive parents always file an amended certificate and all original records of the birth are deleted. Except I think the original certificate is sealed in Austin. If all else fails, we might be able to get a court order to see it.”
“That would be our last resort,” Jackson said, “but with luck, all the information we need will be at the hospital. Now, let’s find some food and enjoy the sights of San Antonio.”
They ate at a restaurant on the famous River Walk along the San Antonio River. Jackson had steak and she ordered fish. They sipped good wine and enjoyed the sights around them. They visited quaint little shops as they walked along the river. Jackson even talked her into a boat ride. She laughed and joked and forgot she was a professional doctor with a reputation to uphold. For those hours, she also forgot about guilt and regret. All she could see was herself in Jackson’s eyes and the woman she could have been and the woman she wanted to be.
They slowly made their way back to the hotel, arm in arm. Riding up in the elevator, Emily felt as if she were flying and nothing was going to bring her down…nothing.
Jackson had been with other women before, and more than once he’d believed himself in love, but those emotions were pallid compared to what Emily awakened in him. She opened his heart, and all he wanted to do was love her, protect her, share every aspect of experience with her. Emily’s dark eyes carried him away to another time, another place, and he felt the same as he had then. Loving and needing her at the same time, and not wanting to hurt her.
When they entered the room, Emily sank onto the sofa and kicked off her shoes. She curled her feet beneath her and nest
led in the cushions, feeling pleasantly exhausted.
Jackson took his keys, wallet and change from his pockets and placed them neatly on the dresser. He then removed his belt and coiled it, then laid it beside his other things. She watched his sure, methodical movements and realized Jackson was an orderly person. She was, too. They had so much in common….
“Do you want the shower first?” he asked, staring at the lovely lines of her face, wanting to touch her so badly he ached.
“No, I’m too comfortable to move.”
Jackson disappeared into the bathroom and soon she heard the steady running of water. The sound lulled her into drowsiness. She thought about his smile, his energy, his kindness and sensitivity. As a teenager she’d recognized that he possessed those traits, and now, as an adult woman she knew it beyond any doubt. Through all the bad times she’d tried to convince herself that she hated him for deserting her, but she’d never really achieved that. Last night after they’d kissed she’d had second thoughts—but only because of fear. She made a decision; she wasn’t going to stop living just to avoid getting hurt.
Jackson came out of the bathroom, tightening the belt on his terry-cloth robe. Emily was asleep, her head tilted back on the sofa. Her face had a contented, peaceful look. He sat beside her and had to resist the urge to touch her; instead he watched her sleep. If this was all that happened tonight, he was satisfied. They were slowly bridging that gulf between past and present, and he could wait. As long as she was with him, he could wait.
Emily awoke feeling serene and happy. She found herself looking into Jackson’s green eyes and experienced a moment of pure joy. She’d been dreaming about him and it probably showed on her face, and she didn’t bother to hide it.
She sat up and brushed back her dark hair. “I fell asleep.”
“Yeah,” he murmured, not able to take his eyes off her.
“How long have I been out?”
“An hour or so.”
They stared at each other, and at his warm gaze something unfurled inside her—desire, fresh and urgent. She hadn’t felt this passion for Glen. And she wanted passion. Oh, yes, she wanted it all.
She leaned over and kissed him. At her touch, blood rushed hotly through his veins and he kissed her back. He drew her close and she wrapped her arms around him. Their tongues twined together, as they renewed an old passion that had been dormant for too long.
