“It’s my father.”
13
KELL WENT cold inside. “Your father? What about him?”
Jamie breathed in and out deeply several times as if she was having trouble catching her breath. Kell was dying inside but all he could do was wait for her. “He’s…gone,” Jamie finally said raggedly. “Dead. About five years ago. A car wreck.”
“Jesus.” Kell felt as if his blood had drained out of him. “Jamie, do you want me to get Dr. Hampton back in here? Oh hell—that’s why you came in today, isn’t it? And then I—” With the heel of his hand, he smacked himself in the forehead. “What a self-serving jerk I am.”
She recaptured his hand in hers. “Don’t say that. You didn’t know. And, yes, I came in today to talk with Dr. Hampton about this—and you. But right now, I think I’d rather just talk to you.”
Warmed by her admission that she needed him, Kell rubbed her arm. “All right. You poor kid. How’d you find out…about your father?”
“Mom told me. When I got home last Friday after our date, she’d left me a message to call her, no matter how late. I did…and she told me.” Jamie took another deep breath, as if for courage. “You’ll love this. He’d remarried. His widow just found some old box of stuff he’d evidently kept hidden away. She was cleaning out her house, getting ready to move, and found it. He had pictures of Donna and me, and other silly things he’d kept. But Mother’s address was on one of Donna’s report cards, I believe. So she looked Mother up and called her.”
“Yikes. How’d that go over?”
“Apparently better than I would have ever guessed. Mom sounded pretty okay with everything, believe it or not. That surprised me.”
Kell nodded. “Maybe she was more over it—him—than she’d realized.”
“I think you’re right. As awful as it must have been for her to hear from this woman, I think it showed her just how far she’d come. So, I’m glad for that.”
“Well, that’s good then. What happened next?”
Jamie met and held his gaze. “I went to get the box.”
“What?” Adrenaline shot through Kell. “You went to get the box? Where? Were you alone? I would have gone with you if you’d asked me, Jamie. I—”
“No.” She’d put her fingers over his mouth to quiet him. “I wanted more than anything for you to be with me, but I had to do this alone.” She lowered her hand, again holding his. “I couldn’t make myself call you, Kell. If I’d heard your voice, I would have shattered. It seemed important right then that I stay numb in order to get through everything. Can you understand that?”
Kell ached inside for her. “God, Jamie. Of course I understand.”
Relief flooded her expression. “Thank God. But I didn’t go alone. Donna met me there. She left Wayne and the kids at home and flew to South Dakota. That’s where my father had been living. Well, anyway, when we got there, we visited his…” She took a deep breath. “His grave. And took some flowers.”
Jamie stopped talking and just sat there.
Kell watched her a moment and then thought it best that he pull her out of whatever it was she was seeing inside her head. “Man, what you’ve been through, Jamie.”
Jamie nodded, seemed to be more herself. “Actually, it wasn’t awful. The lady was really nice. Apologetic. Her name is Helen. Red hair. Sweet. No kids. She said she would have let us know sooner…but my father never talked about us. So she had no idea we existed.” Jamie drew in another deep breath before continuing. Kell’s heart ached for her. She was going through mental hell and there wasn’t a thing he could do to take it away from her. “Anyway, Helen gave us her new address. She’s moving—you’ll love the irony of this—to Las Vegas to live with her sister.”
Kell dared to chuckle. “No way. You’re making that up.”
Jamie finally smiled. “I’m not. Everybody ends up in Las Vegas but us. Go figure.”
“So you think you’ll keep in touch with her?”
Jamie shrugged. “I didn’t at first. But you know, Kell, I think I just might. I thought all the way up there that I didn’t want to know anything about him since he obviously didn’t care about us. But I think he did in his own way, whatever it was. I mean, I saw all the things he’d kept. There was even a picture of him and Mom together.”
“Where’s all that stuff now?”
“I have some of it. Donna kept some and took a few things for Mom to keep.”
“That was nice.” Kell felt compelled to speak his mind. “I can’t pretend to understand your father, Jamie. Normal people don’t do what he did. You think he had some kind of mental breakdown back then that preceded his just up and leaving his family like he did?”
Jamie shook her head. “No. Mom says they were never right together. She was pregnant with Donna when they married. Mom thinks Dad never loved her but that he tried to do the right thing. Then, after a while, he just couldn’t keep pretending. It’s all so sad. You know, sometimes I think I accepted this offer here in Tampa because the only time the family seemed happy was when my father was stationed at MacDill. Maybe I was trying, without realizing it, to recapture that time.”
“Makes sense.”
Jamie frowned. “Kell, do you think I’d be awful if I wanted to know more about my father? I mean like talking to Helen later on.”
Kell rubbed her hands with his thumbs. “No, I don’t think you’d be awful. But do you think your mother would be okay with that?”
“I’d ask her first, of course. But I don’t think it would be a problem. In fact, she’s the one who encouraged us to go up there and talk to Dad’s…wife.” Jamie’s smile was wounded. “I can’t call her my stepmother. I just can’t.”
“No one says you have to. But your mom has a great attitude about this. She gets my respect.”
“Mine, too. Especially since my father never paid her a penny in child support.” Jamie suddenly became animated. Her color returned. Her eyes looked brighter. “Kell, that’s why this book deal is so important to me. It’s about the money. I want to give my mother everything she never had. I want somehow to pay her back for all the sacrifices she made for me and Donna. I want her to really live it up. Quit her job if she wants. Pay off the house. Go anywhere she pleases. That’s very important to me. She’s always been there, no matter what. Never complaining. If I could only, one day, be half the woman she is, Kell, I’d be happy.”
Kell stroked Jamie’s cheek. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do at this moment, Jamie. And I think your mother would agree with me when I say that you’re already one hell of a woman. And her equal in every way.”
Suddenly shy, Jamie lowered her gaze. “You’re just being sweet, Kell.”
“Hardly.” Sitting there, looking at her, with her close enough that he could feel the heat from her body, Kell thought about it—and knew what he had to say. “Jamie, since I had all that time over the weekend to myself, I did some thinking about us. And I came to realize that I’ve been unfairly pushing you to get you to commit. Well, no more. Things happen in their own time…or they don’t. If it happens for us, then it happens. And if it doesn’t…I’ll just go off somewhere and die.” He grinned to show her he was kidding. But he knew the truth—he would die if she pushed him away.
Jamie’s eyes filled with tears. “Don’t ever say that again. I need you alive.”
With those words, Jamie flung herself into his arms, and nuzzled her face against his throat. “I love you so much, Kell,” she murmured. “Hold me. I’ve wanted all weekend for you to hold me.”
And Kell held her—tight. This was the most perfect moment of his life, he told himself. Jamie was here and in his arms. He’d opened up to her. She’d opened up to him. They could do this. He began to believe.
Jamie stayed so still and silent in his arms that Kell began to wonder if she’d gone to sleep. If she had, it wouldn’t be any wonder. She’d had the weekend from hell. Kell shifted her in his arms, settling her more across his lap, holding her
as he would a child. With her head resting against his shoulder, he rubbed her leg and back in a comforting way. “I love you, baby.”
Jamie pulled back. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Kell. I love you, too. And I have something else to tell you. I talked to my agent this morning. I asked Liz about the amount of publicity and travel I’d have to do. And guess what? It’s not all the time. It’s pretty much just when the book hits the stands. She assures me I’ll have lots of downtime for writing and not everything High-line Publishing is planning will require my actual presence. And things like radio interviews I can do from home. So it’s not as bad as I feared. Which makes me feel better.”
“Me, too. With my new job, I’ll be pretty settled. And the more I think about it, I think it’s just what I need.” Kell was very aware that they were saying a lot—and pretty much talking around a subject they hadn’t named. He grinned at Jamie. “Are we dangerously close to a closure here, or is it just me?”
Jamie’s expression cleared. Humor sparked in her blue eyes. “It’s not just you. I feel it, too.” She grinned in such a way that left Kell no doubts about what her next words would be. “Make love to me.”
Such a startling change in her. Gone was the needy girl. Here was the seductive woman. A sharp thrill of desire jetted through Kell—in the same instant that reality set in. “What? Here?”
“Yes.” She nibbled kisses up the column of his neck. “Right here.” Then, she rubbed her hand over his chest, kneading his muscles. Taking his hand, she smoothed it up under her skirt. “I’ve wanted you—needed you—all weekend. Love me, Kell. Don’t make me beg.”
To his own startlement, Kell realized he was appalled. “I don’t want you to beg. And, Jamie, honey, nothing would make me happier than to—Stop that.” She’d arched her back, pushing her breasts up against him. Kell’s breathing quickened. He had only a few moments left in which to restore sanity before she drove him over the edge she—and he—so obviously wanted. He grabbed her hands. “Do you remember where we are? Dr. Hampton could open that door and come in at any moment. That could be disastrous.”
Jamie sobered. “You’re right.”
Finally. That had been close. Kell exhaled and released her hands.
Her expression giving nothing away, Jamie looked into his eyes. “Will you excuse me a minute?”
He wasn’t sure he trusted her, but he shrugged. “Sure.”
“Thank you.” She slid off his lap and, while unbuttoning her blouse and slipping out of her shoes, crossed the room.
I’m a dead man, Kell thought as he watched her.
Now at the door, Jamie pushed in the lock button on the doorknob. Kell’s eyes widened. Jamie whipped around to face him and leaned her back against the door. Her expression was absolutely devilish. “Problem solved.”
“No, the problem is just now beginning, Jamie.” He tried to sound upset…still he was so damn turned on at the prospect of this bit of risky business…. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
She planted her hands at her waist—which caused her unbuttoned blouse to gape open—and gave him a breathtaking view of her full breasts straining against her lacy bra. “Taking chances. Letting go. Trying not to be tight-assed.”
Kell slumped dramatically. “How did I know those words would come back to haunt me? You don’t have to do this, Jamie.”
“I know, but I want to. I want to act on what I’m feeling this moment.” Her expression became animated. “Donna told me to quit thinking about everything and just do. I should bungee-jump off the Eiffel Tower if I want to or climb a skyscraper. Life is too short. I learned that over the weekend. You’re here one minute and then you’re gone. Can you understand that?”
Kell nodded. “I live that life, Jamie. Or at least, I did.” It occurred to him then that Jamie’s uncharacteristic behavior had to do with her father. It had to do about loss. He’d heard of this phenomenon…people who’d lost a loved one had a need to reaffirm the fact of their own existence by experiencing something edgy, thrilling…naughty! “But you won’t be gone in the next minute, Jamie.”
“How do you know?” She shifted her weight to one hip. A tough-girl stance. One that only made her more desirable, more thrilling. “You got any guarantees?”
“No,” Kell said quietly. “I don’t.”
“Good. Then you’re just like the rest of us mortals. Having no guarantees means you have to keep trying.” With that, she reached around behind herself and unzipped her skirt. Then, with one supple move, the short skirt fell away…sliding down over her hips and pooling at her feet. Her blouse soon joined the skirt. “Take your clothes off, Commander. If you won’t make love to me, then I’m going to make love to you.”
He’d created a monster. Kell swallowed, watched her advance on him…smoothly, silkily, like a cat on the prowl. With her eyes narrowed, her chin up, she daringly tugged one bra strap down her arm, then the other. She reached around behind her again…and this time her bra came away. With two dainty fingers, she held it up—then dropped it to the floor. She grinned at him.
Kell didn’t move. He couldn’t. But she could and she did. She did a little shimmy that jiggled her bared breasts in such a way that made him ache. “Jamie.” His voice was ragged, hoarse. “We can’t do this here.”
She stopped and eyed him in a teasing manner…while hooking her thumbs in the waistband of her lace panties. “What’s the matter? Not…up for it?”
Kell exhaled sharply. “I’m plenty up for it.” He was, too…uncomfortably so. Only a long-dead man wouldn’t have been. “But this is nuts, Jamie.” He indicated the room around them. “We’re in your therapist’s office.”
She nodded. “Of course.” She too examined the room with her slow-moving gaze that took in everything. “It’s like one of the biggest fantasies around, you know. The therapist’s couch. I mean, hello. I came in here to bare my soul to Dr. Hampton and talk about sex with you. So why not bare my body in here and have sex with you?”
Well, that made a hell of a lot of sensual sense. Who was he to fight it? Kell jumped up from the couch and began unbuttoning his shirt. “Okay. I’m in.”
“Great.” Jamie giggled and skipped toward him, helping him get out of all his clothes. “Took you long enough,” she teased as she divested him of his pants. “You had me worried there for a moment. I thought I’d lost my attractiveness.”
“Like hell,” Kell assured her. He flung away his boxers. He was naked now…and proudly displaying the evidence of his intense desire for her. “Here. Let me help you,” he said. Desire flared in her eyes, darkening them—and inflaming Kell.
He hooked his thumbs under the sheer material of her underwear and slowly slid them over Jamie’s slender hips and down her firm thighs, all the while planting biting, nipping kisses across her exposed flesh. Jamie moaned and clutched at his hair, which only further incensed Kell’s nerve endings. Quickly she stepped out of the lace and Kell tossed the last barrier aside. On his knees in front of her, he tugged her to him, kissed her flat belly all over and murmured, “Let me taste you, baby.”
“Oh, God,” Jamie groaned, going limp. Kell cupped his hands around her heart-shaped buttocks and held her steady…against his mouth. Instantly, expertly, he swirled his tongue around her crisp and curling dark hair until his attentions had it pushed aside. He nudged his tongue into the crevice that marked her womanhood and found her essence. With the tip of his tongue against the very nub of her desire…he paused, breathing in all his lungs could take of her woman’s scent. A groan escaped him. He was on fire—and let her know it. Urgency gripped him as certainly as he gripped her bottom. His tongue performed its magic, opening her, making her wet, firing her senses…
“Oh, Kell…please. I can’t…” Jamie’s voice was deep, begging. Her knees were buckling. “I need you.”
In one smooth motion, Kell was on his feet and was looking down into Jamie’s face. Her eyelids drooped with desire but her gaze locked with his. She reached up t
o pull his head down to hers and kissed him with a wildness he’d never seen in Jamie before. He couldn’t contain himself. Kell smoothed his hands over every delicious inch of her that he could reach. Jamie pushed herself against him in an unmistakable invitation…one that Kell answered. He lifted her up in his arms. Jamie wrapped her legs around his waist, and put her arms around his neck. Kell broke the kiss so he could see where they were—and where the couch was. In the next instant, he’d walked them over to it and was lowering them both down onto it with a crashing suddenness that left them both gasping.
In another instant, he was inside Jamie. Her slick wetness, her wonderful heat and tightness, closed around his length. He shuddered and thrust into her…over and over. He was unable even to be tender, but she didn’t seem to mind. Jamie urged him on with whispered erotic words of blatant frankness that drove him wild. This was not making love. This was sex, pure and simple. It was an act that was a fulfillment of need. The sheer life force of need. And it carried them away. In all the world, there was only the two of them and their love that mattered.
UNTIL THEY STEPPED outside the treatment room and into Dr. Hampton’s waiting room, that is. At least they were fully clothed, barely. Jamie’s hair and makeup was a little mussed. Kell’s shirt was buttoned wrong—but it was tucked in. They both looked guilty as hell…and as if they’d just done exactly what they’d just done. On Dr. Hampton’s couch, no less.
At her desk, Roberta’s chubby fingers stilled…but remained poised over her keyboard. She stared over her reading glasses at the couple standing in front of her. “Oh my,” she said simply.
She turned to face her boss…who was—or had been until the door opened—leafing through a magazine. She and Kell met Dr. Hampton’s knowing yet sober gaze. Thankfully, he was the only other occupant in the waiting room.
“Well,” he said, this man who held her entire career in his hands, this man whose office sanctity she and Kell had just violated…along with about a handful of ethics. Dr. Hampton cleared his throat and put the magazine aside…and stared at them. And waited.
Her Only Chance Page 17
