“My name isn’t really Sarah.”
Her voice halted him halfway across the kitchen, so small in the silence. He turned sideways, his gaze colliding with hers. She clasped her hands together so tightly her knuckles were white, and while her back remained ramrod straight, her gaze darted around the room. The same look she’d given him last night, as if she were preparing for the need to bolt at any second.
“Well, it is legally. I changed our names when I divorced my husband three years ago.” Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “My real name is Anna. I still call Lacey by her given name when it’s just me and her, and she’s never been good at remembering the name she’s supposed to use in public.”
His chest expanded like the sun bloomed inside of him. He was still a stranger to her, yet he’d extended an olive branch, and she might be terrified, but she’d taken it.
“That’s a beautiful name. It suits you.” He turned again to leave the kitchen but stopped in the archway and glanced back at her. “Thank you for telling me.”
• • •
Anna set her plate on the table in front of her and took a seat with the girls. Had she done the right thing telling Nic her real name? Despite her reservations, an amazing sense of freedom filled her. She hadn’t told anybody since she left Tony three years ago.
Was she being smart, though? She didn’t know, but something in Nic’s warm amber eyes made her feel safe for the first time in … too long.
Little Ella smiled, bright and unrestrained, and pushed the page she’d been coloring on in Anna’s direction. “See? I made a fish!”
Anna glanced at the scribbles on the page, caught by the absolute trust and joy on Ella’s face. The little girl had welcomed them both into the house, no questions asked. Lacey had never invited someone into her sphere without reservation.
“That’s a beautiful fish, sweetie.” One day, she’d make sure Lacey got back a child’s natural curiosity, the sense of safety that came with being so wholly free. Her daughter would not live in fear for the rest of her life.
Lacey lifted her gaze from her plate. “He’s a good cook, Mama. Like you.”
Anna stroked Lacey’s hair. “Did you sleep good?”
She hadn’t slept well without Lacey. She never did. Not feeling Lacey’s body in bed beside her, solid and real, always made fear rise like a typhoon over her head. The dreams had returned, though luckily she didn’t appear to have cried out again.
“Uh-huh.” Lacey nodded as she picked up a triangular wedge of jam-covered toast and took a bite, chewing and swallowing before looking up at Anna again. Worry edged her gaze. “I told him my name, Mama.”
Tears pricked at the backs of her eyelids. A five year old shouldn’t have to worry about remembering a fake name. That right there had been the exact reason she’d taken the chance and told Nic her real name. She didn’t want to run anymore or give in to the fear Tony had instilled in her. She wanted to settle down somewhere. To be free.
“It’s okay. Did you forget again?” Kids knew instinctively who to put their trust in. Lacey had always feared Tony. If Lacey didn’t trust someone, Anna didn’t question her motives.
“I let him into our room…” Lacey looked down at her plate. The way she pushed her eggs around cut Anna to the quick.
“It’s okay. You’re not in trouble, sweetie. It was fine, I promise.” Anna wrapped an arm around Lacey’s shoulders, giving her a squeeze, and kissed the top of her head. She lowered her voice, releasing a pent-up breath. “My dreams scare you.”
Lacey nodded, but reached up to twirl a lock of hair between her fingers. “He said he wanted to help you. I just wanted you to stop crying.”
Anna hugged Lacey tightly. Her baby girl was too old for her age. “I’m so sorry I scared you. I wish I could make the bad dreams go away. Thank you for wanting to help me. You’re a brave girl. A very, very brave girl, and I’m so lucky to have you.”
Lacey lifted her head, peering at her with wide, curious eyes. “Are we gonna stay here now?”
Ella bounced in her seat. “Stay! Stay!”
Anna released her hold on Lacey and sat back. “Well, I don’t know. Would you like to? What do you think of Nic?”
Lacey paused to take a bite of her toast, washing it down with orange juice before looking over at Anna again. Her big blue eyes danced in uncertainty. “I like Nic. He helped you. Is that okay?”
Anna stroked her hair. “That’s okay. Nic said we could stay here until I save up enough to get our own place. I’m going to work at the restaurant, to earn money.”
“Like we did in California, with Grandma Lilly?” Lacey picked up her juice and drained her glass.
Grandma Lilly. The little old lady they’d rented a room from in Los Angeles. She took care of two foster children on top of having custody of her two grandchildren. She rented out a room to help support them. The old woman had a kind heart. She’d become a friend. Anna missed her, but she hadn’t wanted to take the chance Tony would take his revenge out on her or her children.
“Yeah, sweetie, like when we lived with Grandma Lilly.”
Lacey set her glass on the table. “I don’t want to move again.”
“Me either. Hopefully, this is the place for us.”
An hour later, Anna snapped the dishwasher’s soap dispenser closed and shut the door. The girls had gone upstairs to play, leaving her alone in the empty space. As long as she stayed in his house she’d earn her keep, and cleaning the kitchen after the girls finished eating was a good place to start. The task had given her something to do at least. The thought of living with Nic sent her mind running in circles, all of it telling her this was a bad idea.
He was right, though. She didn’t have a choice. It was either stay with him and Ella or sleep in her car. At least until the convention left town and the motel opened up again.
She set the dishwasher to run and turned to leave the room. Nic had been upstairs for more than an hour. Surely he’d gotten out of the shower by now, which meant she could get one. She wanted to be prepared for the day ahead, line up her ducks as best she could. She’d have to cram for the job, learn by doing. Oh, she’d done it before, worked jobs she’d never seen herself doing before simply because she had to. For a while, she’d even worked in an old mechanic’s shop. Gus had taught her a lot, including basic upkeep on her ancient Civic, like how to change the oil and spark plugs or replace a flat tire. Surely something like waitressing would be a piece of cake.
On the second floor, she poked her head into Ella’s room, where the girls played quietly. Dolls of various sizes covered the floor. Both dogs lay asleep on the bed. “I’m taking a shower, sweetie.”
Currently accepting another doll from Ella, Lacey nodded. “Are you going to work today, Mama?”
Anna nodded. “Yeah, I think so. We’ll probably find you a babysitter. Is that okay?”
Lacey nodded, turning back to Ella as the smaller girl handed her yet another doll. Guilt tightened Anna’s chest. Now, especially, the last thing Lacey needed was to be shuffled off to another stranger’s house. But with no money, what choice did she have than to work? The day she’d left Tony, cleaning his bank account had been tempting, but she hadn’t gone through with it. It would only provoke the bastard further. Escape would be harder if the cops were looking for her, too.
Anna smiled and left the room, padding down the quiet hallway to the bathroom. No sound came from within the room. Remembering Nic’s warning that he kept all the doors upstairs closed, she turned the knob and pushed the door open.
Only to freeze on the spot.
Steam filled the room. Nic stood stark naked in front of the half-fogged mirror, running a comb through his wet hair. She inhaled sharply, taking in the high curve of his tight, round behind, unable to help following the length of his thick, muscular thighs. Solid thighs. On display for her viewing pleasure, like a luscious bar of dark chocolate. A light dusting of dark hair covered his pecs then ran the length of his stomach, leading
straight to his…
“Everything okay?” Nic turned his back to her, giving her a full on view of his backside as he reached beside him and yanked a towel from the rack. He turned to face her as he wrapped the terrycloth around his lean hips.
Oh God. Heat flooded her face. Here she stood, gaping at him. Like she’d never seen a naked man before.
Anna spun away from the room, her heart slamming against her ribcage. She hit the wall beside the door and squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think. The doors in this hallway are closed, and there wasn’t any noise coming from in here. I thought for sure you’d have a master bathroom in your room, and ... Oh God.”
With an embarrassed groan, she mumbled another apology and hightailed it back the way she’d come, down the hallway and the stairs as fast as her legs would carry her. She didn’t stop until she reached the kitchen, only allowing herself to relax once her fingers closed over the cool metal of the sink’s edge. She was tempted to turn on the faucet and stick her head under the cold water but closed her eyes instead and drew in deep, gulping breaths.
It didn’t help. His image wouldn’t leave her mind. That big body, all that glorious, warm skin… Underneath it all, desire blossomed like a flower in the first rays of the morning sun, pulsing beneath the surface, more like a quiet awareness, but powerful all the same.
She let out a quiet, half giddy laugh. How long had it been since she’d felt actual desire for a man? More years than she cared to count. At one point, she’d been sure Tony had beaten it out of her, that she’d never again feel the luscious pull, but there it was.
Her physical need for a man she once loved had only led to pain, and she wouldn’t make that mistake again. No, these urges for Nic would be squashed like a bug beneath her shoe.
Neither could she deny it. Beth was right. Nic Rossi was one hell of a specimen.
“You okay?”
The rough timbre of his voice behind her made her jump. Anna clasped her hands together, her face blazing. How in the world did she face him now?
She shook her head but couldn’t force herself to turn around. “I’m sorry. I figured you’d be finished by now.”
“Sorry. Had to hunt down some clean pants, and shaving always takes me forever. Thick beard.”
When he leaned against the counter beside her, the delicious aroma of soap and man filled her nostrils, and that image flooded her mind again. The strength and width of his chest and shoulders. The curve of his bare, firm behind.
And her, pressed against all of it.
His voice lowered an octave. “It’s really no big deal, Anna.”
The sound of her real name on his lips shivered down her spine. Clearly, discovering a man she’d begun to feel safe with had roused her long-dormant libido, because she had a sudden, intense yearning to hear him whisper her name in her ear.
All the more reason she shouldn’t be staying with him.
“I’m comfortable in my own skin. The only reason I don’t sleep naked or walk around the house that way is because I have Ella. I used to take her into the shower with me. I hated listening to her scream on the baby monitor, and the water calmed her. Until she got old enough to start noticing the difference between us.” He let out a quiet laugh. “That’s a conversation I’m not ready to have with her yet.”
Anna shook her head. “I still should have knocked.”
He nudged her with an elbow. “If we’re going to be living together, it’s bound to happen. I’ll walk in on you next time, and we’ll be even.”
She turned her head slowly, looking over at Nic. Her heart rate kicked up several notches, becoming a dull thudding in her ears. He now wore a pair of black slacks but no shirt, putting that bare chest she’d ogled within touching distance. His eyes crinkled at the corners, dancing at her.
He’s joking. He didn’t mean it like that. He isn’t Tony.
At least, that’s what she told herself.
Tony’s vile laughter filled her head, and a slow trembling overpowered her hands. A steel fist tightened around her chest, squeezing the air from her lungs. Her breakfast threatened to come back up, and instinct made her want to curl into a ball on the floor, to make herself as small as possible.
Nic’s jovial expression dropped from his face. He turned to her, taking her hands in his. “Hey. Hey. Bad joke. Okay? It was a bad joke. I was only teasing. I like to tease. Ask Luc. It’s habit. Christ, please stop looking at me like that.” Worry etched deep grooves between his brows. “God, I’m sorry. I swear I’d never take advantage of you.”
Anna froze. Blinked. His amber eyes danced over her face, hitting her square in the heart and finally dragged her out of the fear-induced fog gripping her mind. She looked up, focusing on his hand as his fingers fluttered over her cheek. She wasn’t the only one trembling.
She pulled away and turned her back to him, wrapping her arms around herself. If she didn’t pull herself together, she’d do everything she shouldn’t.
“What the hell did he do to you?”
The disbelief in Nic’s tone hit her hard; reinforcing those stupid, girlish notions she’d had once upon a time. She let the icy hands of her only defense mechanism wrap around her. Let it shroud her in the blissful, false sense of security. Let it numb her emotions and put up a wall between them. “I’m not sure me and Lacey staying here is a good idea.”
“Answer the question.”
This time, his statement came as a demand. The rebellious part of her, the side she’d allowed to grow since her divorce from Tony became final two and a half years ago, begged her to turn and tell Nic where he could shove his demand. No man would tell her what to do, not ever again. She’d die fighting before she’d let her daughter grow up in that world.
Except she couldn’t stop seeing the worry in Nic’s eyes. The fear. He’d seen something and it scared him.
Behind her, Nic released a heavy breath. She became so aware of him that his presence filled the surrounding air. Every move he made, every breath he took, lodged in her consciousness. His body heat filled her back, telling her he’d stepped closer, but he didn’t touch her.
“I would never hurt you, Anna, but I don’t know how prove that to you. I swear to you I will, though. I won’t let anyone hurt the two of you again.”
Shivers shot down her spine and goose bumps popped up along her skin, setting the hairs on end. “You don’t even know me.”
“Which is exactly what scares the hell out of me.” He shifted, and his body heat left her.
Some part of her mourned the loss, and she peeked at him out the corner of her eye.
He leaned against the counter beside her, looked over at her, and sighed. “She left me. My wife.”
The melancholy in his voice caught her attention. She turned her head, more fully meeting his gaze.
“You asked about her last night. She left when Ella was two months old. She couldn’t hack being a mother, never really bonded with Ella when she was born. I got up every four hours to feed my daughter. I walked the floor at two in the morning, trying to calm a colicky baby. Jen just checked out. The doctor called it postpartum depression, but she refused to take medication or even to give herself time to adjust to being a mother. One day, she decided she didn’t want this life anymore and left.”
He shared something personal with her. Clearly a wound he hadn’t let go of. How could she stand here and ignore the pain in his story?
She leaned against the counter beside him. Those amber eyes locked on hers. The lull in the depths kept her rooted, listening, if only because she couldn’t look away.
“Ella has no idea who her mother is, and I dread the day she’s old enough to ask. How do you look your daughter in the face and tell her that her mother didn’t want her?” He shook his head and looked down at the floor. “I’m not sure I can handle it with the same grace Nonna did.”
What he wasn’t saying hit her as plain as the nose on her face—he’d experienced the pain his daughter would o
ne day feel at the loss of her mother. The same one Lacey occasionally expressed. Lacey wanted a father, a real one, not the one she’d been given. She wanted a daddy, like the kids at school.
Nic folded his arms and continued, staring out ahead of him. “My mother left us when I was three. Luc’s the only one who actually remembers her. I have a single memory of her. The day she left. I recall asking Nonna where she was. I think I was ten by then.”
“I’m sorry she hurt you, but why are you telling me this?” She was a stranger. If the tables were turned, she wouldn’t be spilling her guts to him.
His brows furrowed as he met and held her gaze. “Because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to make you comfortable with me.”
She turned to stare at the wall of windows on the other side of the kitchen. Everything about Nic said he was a nice guy. He deserved the truth, but she couldn’t say the words out loud. She couldn’t watch his gentle eyes or they’d be her downfall.
Beside her, Nic shifted again, pushing away from the counter. He towered over her now, standing so close that his clean, warm male scent swirled around her head. She could reach out and touch the skin she’d ogled minutes ago. Back from the dead, the woman inside of her longed to learn the warmth of his skin and the power of his touch. She’d bet every cent she had Nic Rossi had a tender touch.
“What do you want from your life, Anna?”
Her immediate answer filled her mind. It was a hopeless dream, but one her heart clung to.
“A home.” She lowered her voice, feeling naked before him. “For Lacey.”
“I think you two deserve that, and it’s within my power to help you. I’m asking you to trust me, to give me the benefit of the doubt. I’d like to be a friend.” Nic extended his hand again. It hovered in the air between them, temptation itself. “Let me help you.”
The small part of her that died years ago pulsed to life again. It was tiny and beaten and worn out, but still in there, a glowing ember. Nic was right. If she ever wanted to be truly free of Tony and the things he’d done to her, she’d have to stop allowing him to control her life. The first step had been to divorce him. Now she needed to take herself back. She wanted her daughter to learn to be a strong woman, to show her there were men in the world who’d stand by them.
Nic Page 4
