Having experienced pain at Tony’s hand one time too many, she expected to feel fear. It never came. Instead, a flame lit deep inside, a warm, glowing ember. Nic made her ache and grow moist between her thighs. What she wanted the most was to know real passion. Not casual sex but honest-to-goodness lovemaking. The soft kind. The tender kind.
Despite his obvious arousal, Nic didn’t act on his desires though. Instead, he let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I can’t help my body’s reaction to you. It’s been a while for me. It’s kind of why I’ve been keeping my distance. I scared the hell out of myself at the restaurant two weeks ago. You said you’d seen him, and I saw red. Truth is, I’m not ready for another relationship any more than you are. After Jen left … I just don’t have it in me. Ella’s my focus.”
Of course, she’d expected him to say that. Hadn’t she admitted to the same thoughts? Allowing herself to even ponder getting involved with him, or any man, wasn’t wise.
Yet the sting of rejection tightened in her chest all the same.
“I shouldn’t have come.” Feeling foolish, she attempted to get up. “I’m sorry if I pushed you somewhere you don’t want to be.”
Nic held firm, not releasing her until she relaxed back into the bed. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’m exactly where I want to be, Anna.”
God, how was it her name on his lips made her shiver? Like a love song only for her.
“You don’t like it, though, this attraction between us, I mean.” Let’s call a spade a spade. She might be scared, but she wasn’t naïve. She knew how this stuff worked.
“Do you?”
She bit her bottom lip, then sighed. He’d been honest with her. “No. Not really. You scare me. In a lot of ways. Ways I’m not ready for. Ways I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for. It’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other these days.”
“Exactly. So, we’re even. Now go to sleep.” Despite his emphatic denial, he kissed her again, this time where her neck met her shoulder. Not another chaste peck, either, but the tender, lingering press of his soft lips against her skin.
Tingly goose bumps skittered across the surface of her skin, shooting from her head to her toes and settling warm and luscious between her thighs. Anna drew a shuddering breath. It didn’t help when Nic snuggled closer, pressing his face into the back of her neck. As if she belonged in his bed, in his arms.
God help her, but she wanted this. Neither one of them wanted more right now, but for the first time in her life, the stir of desire, the safety he gave her, made her brave. If she ever wanted to truly move on from what Tony had done to her, she had to take the first step forward. Didn’t she?
She opened her eyes. She owed it to Nic to tell him what he’d given her.
She watched the curtain across the room wave in the breeze created by the warm air blowing through the house. “Nic?”
“Mmm?” His warm breath whispered over the skin on the back of her neck like a lover’s caress.
“I’d kiss you again, you know.”
Nic groaned, quiet but agonizing. Then his lips brushed the curve of her shoulder and up her neck. His nose nudged her earlobe, his voice low and vibrating with need. “Anna, right now, I want to do a whole lot more than kiss you. Please. Go to sleep.”
“I’m sorry. I just … wanted you to know. I haven’t wanted a man since … I can’t even remember when. You gave me that, and I consider it a gift.” She bit her lower lip, gnashing it between her teeth. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I can go back to my own bed if you prefer.”
This time, he let out a frustrated growl that rumbled up from his chest. He lifted his head, his hot mouth gently closing over the sensitive lobe of her ear. “If you leave this room, I will follow.” He pressed his face into the side of her neck and let out another groan. “Now please. For the love of my sanity. Go to sleep.”
A hot little shiver worked its way down her spine.
“Or what?” It wasn’t fair to tease him, but she needed to hear him say the words, for him to admit he wanted her. Like she needed her next breath. She’d become addicted to the way he made her feel. He held her so close they might as well be one person. His erection pressed into her bottom lit every inch of her on fire in a way she’d never thought possible.
He released her long enough to roll her onto her back, then slid over the top of her. Holding himself on his elbows, he loomed over her, his hips settling between her thighs. His big, solid body pressed her into the mattress. His erection rested intimately against her core, and a hunger filled his eyes she’d never seen before.
Like the snap of a camera’s light, images and sensations flashed through her mind faster than she could stop them. Tony’s big, heavy body pinning her to the mattress. His fingers digging into her skin as he shackled her wrists, knees digging into her thighs as he pinned them open and pushed into her.
Taking what he wanted from her body despite her pleas for mercy.
She squeezed her eyes shut, Nic’s scent curling around her the only thing keeping her rooted. “Don’t pin me down. Please don’t pin me down.”
“Shit.” Panic etched his quiet curse as Nic slid off to her side. His fingers fluttered over her face, stroking her cheek, her jaw. “Jesus, I’m sorry. Please, baby, open your eyes and look at me.”
The worry and outright fear in his voice made her obey.
Concern formed deep grooves in his forehead, and his usually warm eyes scanned her face with a palpable terror. Normally cool and in control, his hand shook as he cupped her face in his palm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
The warmth of his skin finally pulled her back into the room. Her breathing slowed. Heat crept into her face, and tears pricked at the backs of her eyes. “I ruined the moment. I’m sorry.”
She’d wanted to ignore her fear and make love to him anyway, but actually accomplishing it? Maybe she wasn’t ready. Would she ever be?
“My fault. I should have asked first.” He braced a hand on her hip, drew her to him until they lay face to face, and wrapped his arms tightly around her.
She let the blissful safety settle over her again and laid her forehead against his chest. “He hurt me.”
“Yeah, I got that.” Nic rested his chin on top of her head, his hands caressing her back. “Truth is, half the reason I’ve been keeping my distance is because I’m terrified of exactly this. I don’t know how to touch you.”
She lifted her head, meeting his gaze in the semidarkness. “What’s the other half?”
His hand came up, fingers caressing her cheek. “You scare the hell out of me. When Jen left, she took quite a few pieces of me with her.”
She studied his face for a moment, caught in indecision. “I want to learn, Nic.”
“Learn what?”
She held his gaze, because she wanted to watch his eyes when she said the words. “To stop being afraid. To let go of what he did to me. We divorced three years ago, but he still has control, and it makes me angry.”
“You’re not alone anymore.” He kissed her, simply the soft press of his mouth against hers, but tender and lingering and filled with so much promise it made her tremble. Then he pulled her against him again, and she laid her head on his chest.
She’d never shared this much intimacy with anyone, and long moments passed as they lay in the dark, holding each other. The woman deep inside of her who’d been hit one time too many stared at her, stern and cynical. We’ve been down this road before, remember?
The little girl with a heart full of dreams only knew the protection of Nic’s embrace and the lull of his big, warm body against her. She wanted to relish her time with Nic, to put Tony in the past where he belonged. But was she ready to reach out and take it?
Chapter Nine
Nic leaned back against the counter and sipped his coffee. Across the kitchen, Anna sat with the girls at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. Normally, he joined them, but he couldn’t bring himself to this morning. He’d allowed h
imself to get too close to her. His attempt at putting some desperately needed distance between them had gone down in a fiery spiral to hell when she showed up in his bedroom doorway last night.
God help him, he liked her there, in his bed and in his arms. He slept better wrapped around her. When she admitted she wanted to kiss him again, however, what little resolve he had flew right out the damn window. Hell, who was he kidding? He’d opened the window and flung it out with giddy abandon. If he hadn’t set off her alarms, he had no doubt they’d have made love last night.
It meant only one thing—he cared about her. Anna reminded him of sunshine. Bright and beautiful and uplifting, she illuminated all those dark corners and he ached to dive into her.
Which was precisely why he needed to stop whatever the hell developed between them. They’d gotten caught up in the headiness of newly found attraction. He knew better. He and Jen had burned hot in the beginning, but in the end, she’d walked out. Anna was on the run. What if she chose to run again? Ella would be caught in the crossfire.
Anna told him she wanted a home, to make a life for herself and Lacey. Truth was, he could help. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done it, either. He’d loaned Beth money for a down payment on her apartment four years ago. He could easily do the same for Anna. Her moving out would also accomplish what he needed it to: put some distance between them and slow their relationship down several notches.
Mind made up, he moved to the basket he kept his bills in on the counter and pulled out his checkbook. By the time he finished writing the check, Anna picked up the breakfast plates and headed in his direction. The kids skipped out of the room, Ella laughing and giggling and tugging Lacey behind her.
He ripped the check from the page then tossed the book back into the basket and turned toward her. “Hey. Can I talk to you a minute?”
“Sure.” She nodded and set the dishes in the sink before turning to him.
The instant she faced him, he nearly forgot his damn name. A space big enough for him, Nonna, and Luc to stand side by side shrank in the span of a single, pounding heartbeat. Anna’s gaze collided with his, and electricity arced between them, so tangible he half expected to be able to reach out and touch it.
For a moment, there was nothing but her beautiful ice-blue eyes and the memory of her small, sweet mouth sliding over his. The soft pink rising up her neck and staining her cheeks suggested she remembered as well.
Focus, Rossi! He dragged a hand through his hair, leaned against the counter beside her, and handed her the check.
She looked down at it for a minute before glancing at him again. “What’s this for?”
“You mentioned a week or so ago you thought it would be better if you found your own place. I want to help. I’d like to call it a gift, but I know you enough by now to know you’d likely turn it down, so we’ll call it a loan. We can discuss repayment later, after you’ve found a place.” He offered a smile. “It’s not like I need the money. You repaying me would be more about principle than anything.”
She stared at him in silence, her eyes searching his. After several moments, her expression fell and she nodded slowly. “Thank you for your generosity. Lacey and I will be out as soon as I can find a place.”
She turned and strode around him, moving out of the kitchen like she couldn’t get away fast enough.
Shit. His gut wrenched, and his heart sank into his toes. He’d gone and done the one thing he’d sworn to her he’d never do. He’d hurt her.
What he ought to do was let her go, but he couldn’t. He needed to smooth this over. “Anna ... ”
She stopped in the entrance and held up a hand. “No, I get it. I appreciate the help. You’re right. I’d rather it be a loan than a gift. I will pay you back.”
Her defeated voice lodged itself in his chest as all kinds of wrong. His hands fisted at his sides, aching to reach out to her, to pull her into his arms and soothe the wound he’d caused. Only sheer will alone stopped him. “Anna, I swear that’s not how I meant it.”
She jerked her head in his direction, brows raised, that blue gaze pinning him. “Isn’t it?”
She stared, seeming to wait for his answer, but what the hell could he say? She was right.
“I get the message. Loud and clear.” She faced the foyer outside the kitchen entrance and gripped the doorframe but didn’t move. Several seconds ticked out in unbearable silence. “You’re the first, you know. The first and only man who got past my defenses. Who made me want something. Of all the places Lacey and I have lived over the last three years, I rented rooms from women because the thought of putting my trust in a man made me physically ill. Yet here I am. Not only am I living with one, but I spent last night in his bed. In his arms. You know what? I treasured the time I spent with you.”
She drew in a deep breath and released it on a serrated stream of air. Her shoulders slumped.
“You know, I stopped our momentum last night because you hit a trigger for me. A man on top of me isn’t something I can tolerate. Maybe someday but not yet. But last night? I wanted you. I wanted … that.” She turned, looking sidelong at him. “Just so you know, had you rolled the other way and pulled me on top, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
She didn’t wait for his reply but resumed her trek, disappearing from sight. Her footsteps on the creaky stairs echoed through the sudden silence rising over the house.
He yearned to go after her, but he’d accomplished what he’d aimed for—distance. In one fell swoop, he’d stopped the momentum of whatever the hell developed between them.
• • •
Nic leaned against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, watching helplessly as Anna gathered her belongings and moved them to her car. A week to the day from their after-breakfast conversation and Anna had found a place. She claimed to be moving into Beth’s. Anna kept her head down, eyes on the steps as she carried a large, awkward suitcase. No matter how many times he’d offered to help, she said no.
The tension between them ate away at him. In the last seven days, she hadn’t spoken to him unless she had to. Now, her leaving was an all too familiar scene. The day she left, Jen had glared at him and stomped down the stairs like a child, dragging her suitcase behind her. The overstuffed case had thumped down every single damn stair. “I can’t do this anymore, Nic. I’m not cut out for being a mother, for being the good little wife. I have a career, a life I worked damn hard for, and it doesn’t include being somebody’s milk machine … ”
He’d stood in this exact spot, a screaming two-month-old Ella tucked on his shoulder, his heart in his toes. Anna was nothing like Jen. She was quiet, polite, and soft-spoken, always thinking of Lacey before herself. Compared to Jen, she left with little flourish.
Anna stepped off the last stair and paused to readjust her hold on the suitcase, then moved out the front door without so much as a backward glance. He dropped his gaze to Ella beside him in an effort to ignore the ache trying to split open his chest. If this was for the best, why did he feel so awful?
Ella followed Anna’s progress with quiet, confused eyes then tipped her head back to look up at him. “Sis’er leavin’, Daddy?”
Sister. The word lodged inside of him.
He stroked her back. “Yeah. Anna and Lacey are getting a place of their own. Don’t worry. We’ll see them again.”
It was a lie. He had no idea if he’d see them again, outside of work.
Ella let out a dramatic little sigh. “I’s gonna miss ’em.”
Yeah. Him, too.
Lacey came down the stairs then, the teddy bear Ella had given her tucked in one arm. She moved slowly, each step deliberate, little shoulders rounded, feet dragging. She was six going on forty. She didn’t smile nearly as often as she should. She paused at the bottom of the stairs, stared at him for a moment, then hurled herself against him and hugged his hips like her life depended on it.
Heart wedged in his throat, he bent to scoop her off her feet and hugged her tight. “Don’t
worry, sweetheart. We’ll see each other again. You get Mom to bring you by the restaurant. We’ll share a plate of meatballs, okay?”
She lifted her head. The tears swimming in her eyes threatened to split his chest wide open. When she finally nodded, he set her to her feet.
Anna appeared in the doorway. She stood for a moment before drawing a breath. “Thank you for letting us stay here.”
“You need anything else, don’t hesitate, okay?” He ached to say more, to apologize for the careless way he’d given her that money, but he held his tongue. This was for the best for all of them. Anna needed to find her feet again. She needed to heal from the things her ex had done to her and learn what a strong woman she really was all on her own. And he needed time to get his head on straight.
Anna shook her head. “That’s very kind of you, but you’ve done more than enough.” She looked down, seeming to study something on the foyer floor, then drew a breath and released it on a heavy sigh before looking up again. “I can never repay your kindness.”
He shrugged. “It was nothing.”
She held her hand out to Lacey. “Come on, sweetheart. I’d like to get settled before I have to work this afternoon.”
Lacey looked to him, and he tipped his head in Anna’s direction. She nodded, hugged his hips again, and went. When her hand slid into her mother’s, Anna’s gaze shifted, colliding with his, her blue eyes dancing over his face. After a moment, she drew up straight, her expression going blank and distant again. “Good-bye, Nic.”
“Good-bye, Anna.”
She closed the door behind her with a quiet snap.
• • •
Feminine laughter, light and almost musical, floated above the din of the lunch rush and curled around his senses. In the middle of ringing up a check, Nic paused and turned his head, seeking out the sound. Several tables away, Anna stood beside a booth. Her face lit up, those gorgeous eyes all but glowing as she touched the shoulder of the old man sitting there. She spoke something to him, too far away for Nic to hear, but the old man chuckled and Anna’s tinkling laughter came again.
Nic Page 10
