by Nora Phoenix
“Yes. And then I got sucked into this habit we have of only talking about practical shit. So let’s try this again. How are you, my love?’
Enar’s heart melted. “I love it when you call me that.”
“I’ll have to say it more often then,” Lidon said, and Enar could hear the satisfaction in his voice now. Who would’ve thought two years ago that this man, this tough, arrogant, bad ass cop, was capable of being so sweet and tender-hearted?
“I’m good,” he said. “Happy that we reopened the clinic for now.”
“Nuh uh,” Lidon said. “No practical talk. I wanna hear about you, about us.”
And with that simple statement, Enar understood how right Lidon was. They had fallen into a pattern of focusing on the practical stuff. They needed to do better.
“I feel guilty sometimes for being this happy,” he confessed, snuggling closer to Lidon.
“Because of Jawon?” Lidon asked.
“Mmm. Him, and the other losses and setbacks we’ve faced. But I’m so happy with you, with us, with the pack.”
The arm around him tightened a little bit, comforting him. “I know. It’s weird how one can grieve so deeply and yet have such capacity for joy at the same time.”
“I’m so sorry about Jawon,” Enar said. “I know his death hit you hard.”
“It did, but seeing the change his death brought helps. It doesn’t take the pain away, but I can’t help but see it in a different perspective.”
“The shifting at the funeral was magical.”
“You’re a beta wolf,” Lidon said. “Were you scared you wouldn’t be?”
Enar nodded, his eyes welling up. “Terrified. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had shifted into an alpha wolf.”
“You’d still would’ve been a beta to us, to me.”
“You really see me that way, do you?”
“Without a doubt. I’ve always known you were different, even as kids. I just didn’t understand how and what. But once you told me, everything made total sense. It still took me a while to wrap my mind around it and fully settle into it, if that makes sense,” Lidon said.
“I know it was an adjustment for you, because you knew me for so long as an alpha.”
They sat for a while, the silence peaceful between them.
“I think the way your father treated you has a lot to do with how you position yourself in our relationship,” Lidon then said.
Enar cringed, almost instinctively shrinking away from him.
“I’m sorry, I know it’s not a fun topic of conversation, but ever since I realized I’ve done you wrong, it’s been on my mind. He forced you to become invisible, to never ask for anything, because when you did, all you got was rejection and scorn. And so you adapted, but you learned it so well that it’s ingrained now. You don’t ask for much from us. And with Vieno and Palani, that’s not an issue, because Vieno will give no matter what because he’s got such a big heart, and Palani has this unique ability to read you and know what you need. But I’m selfish and always busy and if you don’t ask me and make me see you, I tend to take you for granted. And that’s on me, my love. But could you maybe try to stop being so damn scared I’ll reject you or get mad at you and ask me for my attention every once in a while?”
It hurt and yet it brought happiness and relief at the same time. Enar blew out a shaky breath. “Yes,” he whispered. “I can try that.”
“And I’ll do my best to give you what you deserve.”
“You know what I would really, really like?” Enar said, his voice soft.
“Anything. Right now, I would give you anything.”
“An hour with you. Just you and me, you claiming me, taking care of me like you used to.”
“You need a little alpha dominance, my love?” Lidon asked, but Enar could easily hear the love in his voice.
“Yes, alpha.”
“Let’s go.”
“Right now?” Enar asked, shocked.
“Do you have something else to do? You were done in the clinic for today, right?”
“Yes, but weren’t you supposed to meet with Palani and Bray? Palani said something to that effect over lunch.”
“Enar,” Lidon said, and Enar sighed.
“I should stop enabling bad behavior?” he asked, aiming for a light tone.
“If you want to come in the next hour, I’d definitely recommend that,” Lidon said, dropping his voice to that low tone that totally got to Enar.
“Yes, alpha.”
Lidon got up first, then pulled him up, straight into his arms where he kissed him with unexpected tenderness. “Let’s go, my love,” he said.
“We’re ready for you,” Palani said, walking up to them.
Enar opened his mouth to say it was fine, then closed it again, and Lidon shot him a look that was equal parts pride and exasperation.
“I’ll be there in an hour,” Lidon said. “I have something else I need to do first. Or rather, someone else.”
It took fifty-five minutes before Lidon gave Enar permission to come—and that was only after he’d come three times himself and had edged Enar for so long and so high his body exploded at the mere command to come. And as he lay on the bed, a boneless, blubbering mess, Enar thought that he really should ask for things more often.
Bray had figured Kean and Ruari were overdue for some time together, so he’d offered to babysit Jax. After a short hesitation—and an explanation that since it was his own son, babysitting wasn’t the correct term, which Bray filed away for future reference—Ruari had taken him up on that offer. Bray couldn’t blame him for that delay in response, and he’d assured him he’d stay in Jawon’s House, where he could easily call for back up from either Vieno or Sven. That had visibly reassured Ruari, and he’d started on a rundown of everything Bray needed to know.
Bray paid close attention when Ruari showed him how to take care of Jax. God, there was a lot to remember. What the fuck had Kean been talking about when he’d said it was easy? The bottle part seemed doable, since Ruari had written down clear instructions. Measuring water and heating it, testing it on his wrist, that seemed like something he could do, especially since Ruari had already measured out the formula in a little plastic container.
The holding him and tilting the bottle at the right angle, that already got a bit more complicated, he supposed, but he figured it was a case of trial and error. He got a two-minute lecture on the importance of burping, which he listened to while trying really hard not to laugh. How hard could that be?
Changing his diaper, that was the part that was still a mystery. Sure, Ruari showed him and made Bray fasten the diaper twice. And he really tried to pay attention, but holy crap, there was so much to remember. Baby wipes and powder and making sure his bottom was dry before you put the fresh diaper on, and then the diaper itself where he suddenly couldn't remember if the picture was supposed to be on the front or the back.
And all of that wouldn't have been as big of an issue had Jax not managed to get rid of a load of poop that was seeping not only through his diaper but also through the cute little blue sweatpants he was wearing. Bray looked at him in absolute horror. Oh god.
The first hour had been so easy, him sitting on the big, comfortable couch in Jawon's House, holding his son. Jax had been happy on his lap, giggling at the funny faces Bray made, and then even more when he found a little toy for them to play with. It had been nothing and everything at the same time, and every time he looked at the miniature version of his own eyes, Bray went all soft inside.
This was his son, a part of him, and to hold him, to spend time with him and watch his perfect little hands fold around his finger and squeeze, it made him feel things he'd never experienced before. His dad had always said that the love a father felt for his child was unique, that it was so big it could hurt, and Bray had never understood until now. His heart ached with love, and he knew that he would do anything to protect his son and keep him safe.
So he'd hugged him,
cuddled him, played with him. Until Jax's face had turned red as he squeezed both his hands around Bray's fingers and his whole body went tense. It had only taken Bray two seconds to figure out what he was doing. And only two seconds more to smell it. While his son's face transformed into sweet relief, Bray's nose crinkled at the rather unappealing stench that wafted up from the now dirty diaper.
This was the part he hadn't been looking forward to, but he had this. Ruari had given him everything he needed, and there even was a side table in the living room he was allowed to use as a changing table, Ruari had explained. He'd laid out everything Bray would need, and that's how the whole mess had started.
Because as soon as he had dragged the now dirty sweatpants off his kid, he'd seen the poop on his son's legs. Okay, he thought. It was just baby poop. All he needed was a few more of those baby wipes, right? So he'd wiped it off before opening the diaper, wanting to make sure Jax wouldn't get the poop everywhere. Well, that had been his intention anyway. It turned out his son was a little cricket who wouldn't lay still for even a second. How the hell did Ruari manage to hold him and take off a diaper at the same time with only two hands?
Bray couldn't figure it out, and his attempts to try and make it work resulted in him spreading that damn poop everywhere. Jax didn't seem to have a problem with it, as he was still giggling and blowing raspberries, but Bray had all but depleted the packet of baby wipes and he was nowhere closer to getting his son clean. Or himself. Or the two diapers he'd already wasted in his feeble attempts to get a clean one on. Or the table, which now had traces of poop everywhere as well.
How the hell could one little baby create such a horrific mess? And Bray, who wasn't squeamish in any sense and who didn't even blink at the sight of blood, discovered that the smell of baby poop didn't agree with him, and the gagging only made it more impossible to bring this whole mess to a successful ending. God, he needed help. There was no way he was able to do this by himself. He had his phone on him, but hell no, he was not calling Ruari and Kean. That would be too humiliating. Plus, it would totally ruin their time together, so no, not happening.
Vieno would've been an option, if he hadn't heard the unmistakable sounds of sex drifting in from that bedroom minutes earlier. It sounded like the alpha was in one of his moods, and his men were happy to oblige. Probably not the most opportune time to interrupt them for a baby poop disaster, Bray reasoned. He could ask Sven, but he'd seen how tired the omega was. He'd feel like a total shit for calling him at nine in the evening, when he was probably already in bed. Who did that leave?
With a deep sigh, he used the last baby wipes to clean his right hand, his left resting on Jax to make sure he wasn't accidentally rolling off the table, then grabbed his phone from his pocket. Thank fuck the man picked up almost instantly.
"Dad, I need your help."
His dad deserved credit for two things. First, he was there in thirty seconds, and second, he gave his best efforts to not laugh, until Bray rolled his eyes at him. "Go ahead, laugh. I know it looks ridiculous."
He'd breathed in too deeply again, and he forced back a slight gag.
"My god, Bray, you have poop everywhere on you. What the hell happened?" his dad asked in between laughs.
Bray gestured at the whole mess. "Let's just say I should've paid even more attention when Ruari showed me how to change a diaper. In my defense, the poop was already everywhere when this whole thing started."
He gagged again, causing his dad to chuckle. "Wait till he gets older. That smell is only going to get worse."
"Not helping, Dad. Really not helping."
His dad held up his hands. "Sorry, I'll try to refrain from making more jokes, even though I can think of at least ten wildly funny ones."
Bray rolled his eyes at him again, but he could hardly fault him for seeing the humor in all of this. "Look, I'm out of those baby wipes, and I think it's clear he's not clean, I'm not clean, and I'll never get him into a clean diaper like this. So please, what do I do?"
"Take a shower with him and rinse everything off," his dad said. "You're never gonna get this off with more baby wipes, trust me. I'll get you a laundry basket to put all your dirty clothes in so you don't get the poop on the floor as well. If you use the empty guest room, there's actually a bottle of baby shower gel or whatever it's called, cause both Vieno and Sven use that bathroom to bathe or shower with Hakon."
Bray looked at himself, noticing with a sense of defeat that even his socks had poop splatters on them. "I like the idea, but walking to the bathroom would mean spreading this shit all over the floor. I mean, look at us."
His dad held a hand in front of his mouth and took a few seconds before he replied in a valiant attempt to not laugh at Bray again, which he appreciated. "Good point. I'll bring you the laundry basket and you can strip here."
And that's how Bray found himself stripping to his boxers in the living room while his dad made sure Jax didn’t go anywhere. He carefully deposited each item of clothing in the basket his dad had gotten, then managed to get Jax out of his onesie and shirt as well and put those in the basket too.
"You go take that shower," his dad said. "I'll clean up here and throw those clothes into the washing machine."
"Dad, leave it. I'll clean it after," Bray said.
The look his dad sent him was loving. "Son, I've cleaned up your mess for many, many years. It's my job as your dad. Please, allow me to do it once more while you take care of my grandson."
Bray froze in his tracks. Grandson. His dad was a grandfather. How had that never sunk in before? He would have a grandson that was older than his own son with Sven.
"You're a grandpa," he said slowly. "It never hit me until now."
"I know. Trust me, I'm not sure how I feel about it myself. I'm sure you've come to the same conclusion I have, that your son will be older than mine, meaning we'll have a nephew that's older than his uncle."
Bray's head dazzled. "That's fucked up," he said. "No offense, Dad, and no disrespect to your relationship, but that's some fucked up shit right there."
His dad laughed. "I know. It hurts my brain to try and figure it this out. So let's not. Let's just be grateful that we have each other and that we’re family, even if it looks a little different than what most people are used to."
Bray nodded. "I can live with that." He shivered, the chill of the air-conditioning getting to him in his underwear.
"Go take that shower. It's wonderful to see you with your son, Bray," his dad said, and Bray could hear the love in his voice.
He held on tight to his naked, wriggling son who still had poop all over him as he made his way to the guest bathroom at the end of the hallway. Just as he walked past his dad's room, the door opened, and Lars stuck his head around the corner. His eyes widened when he saw Bray, who shot him a dark look.
"Not one word," he warned him.
Lars shot him a broad grin. "I wouldn't dream of it."
"Yeah, right," Bray muttered as he walked on. "Pretty damn sure the whole pack will know by tomorrow."
But when he sat down in that bath tub with his son, gently cleaning him while Jax looked up at him with nothing short of pure adoration, Bray figured that it was worth it. He held that little body close against his chest, his heart exploding with joy and love.
17
By mutual agreement, Kean and Ruari swore to never mention what they had dubbed “the poop incident” to anyone else. The only reason they had found out was because Ruari had been flabbergasted to discover Jax had not only been wearing different clothes, but his other outfit had been washed, an entire pack of baby wipes was gone as well as a few diapers, and both Bray and Jax had smelled like baby shower gel.
It had taken them only a little effort to find out what had happened, but Grayson had made them swear not to repeat it to anyone, which they gladly agreed to. They had shared a laugh over it, but then agreed Bray had done a phenomenal job all in all and that he didn't deserve to be teased about it. Grayson had promised
that Lars, who apparently had witnessed some of the poop incident as well, wouldn't breathe a word either.
Ruari wasn't sure if Bray knew they knew, but neither of them ever mentioned it. He did notice Bray was a lot more confident with Jax after that, volunteering to feed him and even changing his diaper a few times. Granted, it still took him five times as long as when Ruari did it himself, but that was just lack of experience. There was something heartwarming about seeing that big alpha struggle with the little tabs on the diaper, all the while talking to his son as if he were already ten years old. Apparently, Bray had either never heard baby talk or didn't believe in it, and it was just the sweetest thing ever.
"Hi…baby," Bray greeted him as he stepped into the kitchen, looking ten kinds of delectable as usual.
Ruari’s heart did a little flip-flop, which intensified when Bray kissed him. That had become a new thing, Bray always greeting him with a kiss now, and Ruari loved it. You could hear Bray stumble over the terms of endearment every now and then, but they meant all the more to Ruari because they clearly weren't thoughtless words he tacked on.
"Mmmmm, my alpha," Ruari whispered against his lips. "I'm happy to see you."
Bray's face lit up. "You are?"
Oh god, the man was so vulnerable, and he had no idea. "Always," Ruari assured him, then kissed him again. "You ready for lunch?"
Bray nodded as he went to the sink to wash his hands. "Kean sends his apologies, but he has to cancel. He's giving a tour to a former college friend of his, one he hopes to convince to join the pack."
"Oh good," Ruari said. "He's working way too hard. He needs someone to help him."
Bray took a spot at the kitchen table, which was blissfully empty. Usually, it was busy during lunch as the other guys often came in to eat, but they'd agreed to eat a little later to avoid the rush and maybe have some private time. It looked like their time would be even more private than they had counted on, their only audience being Jax, who was asleep in his stroller.
