“Mateo. Taking a break?” She gestured to the ladder. “I thought you were going to stay on top of this.”
“Why are you here?” He didn’t dare to step onto the driveway. In the back of his mind, he hoped that Jillian would stay gone. He didn’t want her to witness what might happen between him and Kate.
“I told you that you’d be hearing from my lawyer. He says that you’re not returning his calls, so I thought I’d remind you that I’m not a problem you can just ignore.”
He grimaced as she walked toward him. “You should go, Kate.” He took a step back when she reached the edge of the driveway.
“What’s wrong, Mateo? Don’t like someone checking up on you? Taking a leave from work to fix up the house? Doesn’t look very fixed up to me. You need to get it on the market so we can get this settled.” She crossed her arms.
“What are you talking about? You’re not getting anything from the sale of the house.”
“Uh, yes I am.” She narrowed her eyes.
He wished her lips didn’t pout out that way when she was angry. It always distracted him.
She continued. “Just because we’re divorced doesn’t mean that you get all the money from this house.”
“Are you kidding me? You got the apartment, the furniture, the boat, the SUV, and even our dog. What are you trying to do to me, Kate?”
She lifted her chin and looked into his eyes. “I’m trying to get what’s mine, that’s all.”
His chest ached with fury as he took a slight step toward her. “No. You’re trying to take me for everything. What did I do that was so bad that you’d want to destroy me?”
“Now, now, Mateo, don’t go losing that temper of yours. There’s no reason to take this personally. I’m just looking out for my best interest.” She shook her head. “You can’t blame me for that.”
“I can’t blame you? You stole everything from me.”
“It’s mine to take!” She raised her voice first.
That thought echoed through his mind. It set loose a torrent of anger. “I’m not yours!” The strength of his voice startled even him. “You don’t get to tear me apart!”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Do you think I’m going to shudder and hide because you yell, Mateo? Please. I don’t want you. I just want you to give me what I’m owed. You’re the one dragging this out. You’re the one that can’t let go.”
He had to turn away from her to keep from shouting again. As she stood there so casually, plucking at his every vulnerability, it was impossible for him to look at her without wanting to unleash his emotions.
When he turned, he caught sight of Jillian at the edge of her house. She stared at him with wide eyes. His stomach clenched. There. She’d witnessed him as the monster that he was yet again.
“Mateo, I’m not done talking to you about this.” Kate touched his shoulder.
He turned around so fast that she took a step back. “We’re done talking. I’m done talking. Get back in your car and get off my property.”
“Our property.” She pursed her lips.
“No, Kate. It’s mine. Your lawyer can call as much as he wants; you’re not getting this house or a dime when I sell it.”
She sighed and brushed her black hair back over her shoulders. “Don’t be like that, Mateo.” She met his eyes. “There’s no point in fighting with me. You know that.”
“Just go. Please, Kate.” He swallowed hard as she pouted again.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She tried to touch his cheek.
He ducked away from her touch. “What are you doing to me?” He pushed the words through gritted teeth.
“Sh.” She tangled one hand in his hair. “It doesn’t have to be a fight.”
“Don’t, Kate.”
“Sh.” She brushed her thumb down across his lips. “I know you’re only angry because you still love me.”
“No, I don’t.” He turned his head from her touch. “You ended this. Remember?”
“Hm.” She touched his cheek again.
This time he didn’t pull away. He longed for her touch so much. He dreamed about her still. It made waking in the morning an exercise in torture. He looked into her eyes. “You did this, Kate, not me.”
“Mateo?”
“Yes?” He leaned a little closer to her. Her lips seemed so soft and warm, waiting to be kissed.
“Answer my lawyer’s calls.” Her palm cracked against his cheek in a firm slap.
Every muscle in his body reacted with the urge to strike back. His hands balled into fists. “You’re not getting this house, Kate!”
“Bye, Mateo!” She climbed into her car and started the engine.
Mateo was so angry he couldn’t see straight.
As Kate pulled out of the driveway, he turned to go into the house, almost walking right into Jillian.
Chapter 19
Although she’d only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, Jillian had heard enough to get an idea of what Mateo’s ex-wife was like. The way she seemed to toy with his emotions made Jillian’s blood boil.
She was tempted to interfere, but remained by her house instead. She was sure that Mateo wouldn’t appreciate her being a witness to the encounter, but she couldn’t bring herself to walk away. For some reason, a part of her believed that Mateo needed her to be there.
When Jillian saw Kate get into her car to leave, she knew she had a decision to make. She could either go to him, or she could slip inside and pretend she’d seen nothing. It hurt her heart to think of the latter. Mateo didn’t deserve to endure all of that and then be left alone.
She took a chance and walked toward him as he turned back to the house.
The moment he looked into her eyes she regretted it. He appeared to be annoyed at the sight of her.
“Mateo, are you okay?”
He winced and pushed past her toward the door. “I just need to be alone, Jillian.”
“You shouldn’t be alone. You should talk about this.”
“Talking doesn’t fix anything. I just need some space.” He didn’t even look at her as he closed the door behind him.
Jillian stood outside the door, tempted to knock. It was hard for her to resist the urge to fix things. She was sure that if they had a nice long conversation about his emotions, he’d feel much better. But Mateo had a hard shell to crack.
She sat down in front of the door and thought about what to do next. As a life coach, she knew that communication was everything—but Mateo seemed afraid to communicate—or at least that was her assessment of something he’d probably never admit to. After a few minutes, she came up with an idea.
She stood up and knocked on the door.
After two rounds of knocking, Mateo flung the door open. “I told you I need to be alone.”
“I heard you and I understand, but I hoped that you might want to go kayaking with me this afternoon. I noticed that the movers took one off the truck.”
He looked into her eyes, then nodded. “I guess—if you want to.”
“Great, I’ll meet you down by the lake. At about two?”
“I’ll be there.” He nodded as he closed the door.
She wondered if he only agreed to appease her, but she hoped that wasn’t the case.
She walked back to her house and decided to check in with Hannah. A little advice might set her straight. She stretched out on the couch as she waited for Hannah to answer the phone.
“Jillian, how are you?”
“I’ve had an interesting morning.”
“Oh? Do tell.”
“Let’s just say that the neighbor and I are getting along better.”
“Hm, interesting the way your voice sounds like it’s dancing. Do I detect romance?” Hannah laughed.
“Romance? No. A little fun, maybe.”
“Why no romance?”
“He’s getting out of a bad marriage. Plus, he’s not exactly my type.”
“What type is that?”
“You know—introspe
ctive, calm.”
“Oh yes, and you find that type so stimulating that you always walk away.”
“Not this again.”
“I’m serious, Jillian. It’s something to think about. There’s clearly a pattern here.”
“I have been thinking about it.” Jillian sighed. “I honestly don’t understand it. My parents were a great example of romance. I haven’t had too many horrible relationships. I guess I just haven’t met the right person.”
“The important question is, if you did meet the right person, would you know it? Or would you be too busy avoiding it?”
“You’re pushing it, Hannah.” Jillian raised an eyebrow. “I think you’re seeing things that aren’t there.”
“Maybe I am. Tell me about your parents.”
“I’ve told you before.”
“You’ve told me what happened—about the accident—but not about them before that happened.”
“They were amazing.” Jillian closed her eyes as memories filled her mind. “They were always wrapped up in one another. Sometimes I’d wake up in the morning and find them snuggled up on the couch. After breakfast when my Dad left for work, they always kissed.”
“That’s beautiful. But there must have been some moments that weren’t so perfect—a fight, burnt dinner, anything?”
“Sure, my mother burnt dinner sometimes, but my father always loved that. He’d declare it a pizza night and playfully accuse her of doing it on purpose. If they fought, I wasn’t around to hear it.”
“Not even after you were in bed at night?”
“They would usually stay up late. My Dad liked to have some drinks in the evening.”
“Beer?”
“More like rum, sometimes vodka.”
“Hm, that’s interesting.”
“It was just drinks. He never passed out on the bathroom floor or anything like that.” Jillian sighed. “All of this digging is getting me nowhere. I think I have to trust my instincts. Maybe I’m just not cut out for the long-term type of relationship. I do enjoy the men I’m with. I respect them. I love them.”
“But you’re not in love with them.”
“I guess not.”
“And with the neighbor?”
“Mateo.”
“Mateo.” Hannah’s voice warmed. “What a beautiful name.”
“Stop it, Hannah.”
“You didn’t answer my question. How do you feel when you’re with Mateo?”
Jillian looked up at the ceiling as she considered how to answer the question. “I’m not sure. It’s confusing.”
“Confusing how?”
“One minute, I’m not sure if I should be afraid of him; the next minute, I want to hug him until he cries.”
“Are you trying to help him get through his break-up?”
“I think he just really needs a friend right now. I can be that for him.”
“But is that really all you want? From what you’re saying, I don’t think it is.”
“Maybe not.” Jillian touched her lips as she recalled Mateo’s kiss. “But I think it’s the only thing we can have right now.”
“Maybe. Time will tell.”
“Maybe. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. His temper gets the best of him.”
“He has an anger problem?”
“I don’t know if I’d really say that exactly. I mean, he is dealing with a very stressful time in his life. I guess it’s to be expected that he might be a little angry.”
“But his anger bothers you?”
“It’s not something that I like to feel myself. I guess I don’t like to see it in other people.”
“Maybe he will be good for you then. It’s important to get to know what makes you uncomfortable.”
“I think so. We’re going out on the lake in a little while. Maybe I’ll find out more then.”
“Enjoy yourself.”
Even after Jillian had hung up the phone, Hannah’s words remained in the forefront of her mind. Maybe Mateo would turn out to be good for her. Maybe there were some things that she could learn from him.
Chapter 20
As soon as the door was closed, Mateo looked for something to throw. His first instinct was to get the anger out of him as fast as possible. That meant he needed to hurl something as hard as he could. He reached for a plate left on the dining room table. He gripped it tight and was prepared to throw it, when all of a sudden he stopped.
It would just be one more thing to destroy in his life. He’d let Kate get under his skin, as usual. He knew better, but he still allowed it to happen. If there was ever a moment when he wished that he could have set the world on fire, it was when she’d touched his cheek. It wasn’t so much because she touched him, but because he wanted her to look into his eyes and tell him that she still loved him. He wanted this entire nightmare to be just that—something he could wake up from. Instead it was his new life, and it seemed inescapable.
He paced through the house in an attempt to calm down. All the urge he had to work on the house faded beneath the memory of her promise that she’d get a portion of the sale. It wasn’t like he needed the money. He would be fine either way. It wasn’t as if he wanted her to be destitute. It still bothered him to think of her having anything less than what she needed. But this house—this house was his gift to her. It was the promise of their future together. It was everything that she’d ripped away from him.
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen. If he wanted to make things easy, he’d just do everything she asked of him. He’d give her half the profit from the house. He’d give her alimony.
But he couldn’t bring himself to do that.
Perhaps if she hadn’t already taken so much from him. It might have been easier if she’d cheated on him, but she hadn’t. She’d just gotten tired of him. His heart ached at the thought. He’d had no idea that he could become someone who she could so easily toss to the side.
Mateo glanced at the clock and saw that it was getting close to the time that he’d agreed to meet Jillian. The thought of her sparked a memory of the kiss they’d shared. His throat grew dry as he recalled the softness of her lips. It was just a kiss.
He’d told her that he didn’t want it to mean more, and that was the truth. He had enough on his plate without having to think about why his heart did a little dance every time he thought of Jillian. The smart decision was to stay home. She wouldn’t care if he didn’t show up. They were just neighbors, barely friends. But it had been so long since he’d been out in the kayak and the lake did look really beautiful.
With the mood he was in, he needed to be around something serene. Whether that was Jillian or the lake, it didn’t matter to him.
He carried his kayak down to the edge of the lake, where he found Jillian waiting for him.
“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come.”
“I wasn’t sure if I should. I probably won’t be the best company.”
“I don’t expect you to be anyone but you, Mateo. That’s all the company I need.”
He smiled a little, but he didn’t really believe her. Kate said those kinds of nice things to him when they’d first met. Now he knew they were just nice things to say, not things that people actually meant.
He boarded the kayak and they both shoved off from the shore. The moment that he was in the water he felt his anger subside a bit. He felt detached from the world as he focused on the calm water.
“I spend a lot of time out here.” Jillian kept pace with him as they paddled. “It always clears my head.”
He nodded, but didn’t speak. He preferred to be as quiet as possible when he was feeling emotional. It prevented him from making mistakes that he couldn’t take back.
“I’ve never seen the water so empty, though. Usually there are a few neighbors out. I guess that cold weather this morning scared them off. It’s still chilly now. You’re not too cold, are you?”
He looked over at h
er. He could tell that she was trying to get him to talk, but he didn’t want to talk. He wanted to be as quiet as possible. “No, I’m fine.”
She studied him for a long moment, until he looked away.
Inwardly, he was certain that he’d made a mistake. Jillian was not the type to let things go. Now he was trapped on a lake with her. If she kept pushing him, he’d say too much, and the friendship they’d just started building would end up shattered.
That’s what he did. He broke things—especially beautiful things. He wasn’t quite sure how he did it, but he did know that when he did, it was impossible to repair. Kate was right about many of the things she’d said about him. He was sure of it. Clearly he couldn’t be trusted.
But when he looked over at Jillian and caught her looking at him, he didn’t see the distaste that he saw in Kate’s eyes. He saw, instead, an unfamiliar admiration, as if she might think he was worth her time.
He looked quickly away. Surely it was the glare of the sun and the sparkle of the water that made him think that. It made no sense that after what she’d seen she’d even want to speak to him, let alone anything more.
He considered turning back. He could claim to be sick, or tired, or too cold. He could come up with some excuse to escape the curious way she was looking at him.
Chapter 21
Jillian looked over at him as she glided past him on the still water. Kayaking was normally a very relaxing exercise for her, but with Mateo nearby she couldn’t seem to relax. Her mind kept traveling back to the horrible way his ex-wife had talked to him. Not a single one of her past boyfriends had ever treated her that way.
“How are you doing, Mateo?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s just you me and the lake here.” She smiled at him. “It’s a good place to vent.”
“You’ve seen how I vent. You don’t like it.” He quirked an eyebrow as he looked over at her. “It frightens you.”
“You don’t frighten me, Mateo.” She steered her kayak a little closer to him.
To Hope Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 3) Page 7
