She met his gaze steadily, unwilling to admit how his words spoke to her deepest fears. “Let go of me. Now.”
He released her wrist, and she climbed out of the car quickly, slamming the door. He rolled down the passenger window. “I could make you happy, Lainey. I want what’s best for you,” he said, his tone placating.
“Assign someone else to work with me on publicity, Tim. You need to back off.” She turned on her heel and stalked toward her car.
She spent the rest of the afternoon busy with plans for the adoption fair and preparations for her mother to come home, trying to shake off the strange feeling from lunch.
After uploading the pictures she’d taken of the animals to the shelter’s website, she’d printed posters to hang in local businesses. To her surprise, once she’d delivered a couple to Carl’s Diner and Piggly Wiggly, other merchants called to request them over the next few days. It wasn’t as bad as she’d thought to visit with people she’d known since childhood. Only a couple dropped not-so-subtle digs about Ethan.
The more time she spent with the shelter staff and the animals, the more dedicated she became to making the adoption fair the best this town had ever seen. Not to make amends for old wrongs but because the animals deserved it. So many pets needed good homes. Her heart broke each time a new dog, cat, or even guinea pig was processed into the shelter.
She brought Pita with her to work each morning and found it hard to imagine her life without the lovable mutt that spent most of her time curled in a ball at Lainey’s feet.
A few days ago a tiny black Lab pup had been found wandering across the two-lane highway leading out of town. He had no collar and hadn’t been claimed yet.
As if she could sense the puppy’s need, Pita had followed the wee pup back and forth between the shelter and the clinic. The pup had sniffed and nipped playfully at the older dog, whining incessantly when they were separated. It had gotten so bad that they’d finally moved the puppy’s cage into Lainey’s office.
Still it wasn’t enough. The puppy cried and Pita paced until Lainey opened the cage door. Pita climbed onto her dog bed and the puppy pressed against her belly. Now they were a group of three, and Lainey wondered how her no-strings-attached life had become complicated so quickly.
She glanced at her watch, needing to meet Julia for their first birthing class in twenty minutes. She stood and stretched—tired from hours of work and updating the shelter’s website.
As she opened the door of her office, peals of laughter and a few barks rang out from the rear of the building.
She stepped out the back door as Steph’s twins, the puppy, and Pita ran by. Joey, Steph’s older son, waved from where he stood with Ethan and his mom, watching the game of chase.
Sam, one of the six-year-old twins, stopped when he saw her. “Lainey, your dog’s a nut ball,” he called as the puppy caught up to him. Pita ran circles around the two, barking happily before joining the pup in covering Sam’s face with slobbery licks.
Sam squealed as he rolled on the ground. “Help, help,” he yelled, “they’re killing me with stinky kisses.”
The boy looked happy enough, but kids in distress made Lainey nervous. “Pita, come here.” She hurried off the steps. Pita trotted over, and Lainey wrapped her fingers around the dog’s collar. “You’re not a puppy. You have to be gentle.”
“Don’t worry,” Steph said. “I’m hoping they’ll wear him out enough to fall asleep before ten.”
Lainey eased her grip on Pita’s collar. The dog nuzzled her palm. “He yelled ‘help,’” she said weakly, realizing it had been in jest.
Ethan grabbed a football off the ground. “Joey, go long,” he called, running toward the center of the yard. “Keep away from the twin terrors.”
The boys screamed in delight and gave chase, dogs trailing at their heels.
“I hope a family with young kids adopts her.” Lainey made her voice purposely cheerful.
“Puppies are a lot of work but worth it.”
Lainey slanted a glance at her friend. “I meant Pita.”
Steph turned. “Pita’s your dog.”
“Not really.” Lainey shrugged even as an invisible vice clamped around her midsection. “I can’t keep her forever. I wasn’t meant to...my job...I travel too much to have a pet.”
“And you think you can let her go?” Steph asked, her voice quiet.
“I have to.” Lainey blinked several times. “It’s what’s best.”
“Uh-huh,” was Steph’s only answer. “Go get him, Sam,” she cheered when Ethan stole the ball. “Kick his butt.”
The six-year-old let out a rebel yell and charged after Ethan. Ethan slowed as the puppy nipped at his ankles and Sam launched onto his back. Ethan went down with an oof as Sam, his brother David and then Joey climbed on him.
“Should we rescue someone?” Lainey asked.
Steph shook her head. “Ethan’s used to it. The boys are here a lot after school. He always makes time for them.” She sighed. “My no-good ex-husband could take lessons.”
A thought pricked at the back of her mind. “Joey’s eight now?”
Steph nodded. “Starting third grade in a few weeks.”
Ten years ago...
She clutched her hands to her stomach and turned away. Her baby would have been nine, only a year older than Joey. She thought about the child she’d lost sometimes, not as often as she used to, but always in terms of small babies. Not a half-grown child with a personality and needs. Hugs and kisses, scraped knees she’d never tend, hurt feelings she wouldn’t get to soothe, late-night cuddles she’d never enjoy.
Her vision clouded. Pita was suddenly at her side, nudging against her bare leg.
“Lainey?” Steph’s voice was soft next to her ear.
Lainey waved a hand in front of her face. “Sorry. Bug in my eye.”
She felt Ethan’s eyes on her and met his gaze across the backyard. He stood with David and Sam hanging off him, the muscles in his arms bulging. The deep understanding in his gaze told her he knew exactly what she was thinking.
She made her smile purposely bright. “Don’t let him up so easy,” she called.
“Hey!” Ethan protested.
The boys gave simultaneous war whoops. Legs and arms went flying.
“I’m okay.” She glanced at Steph. “I promise.”
Ethan staggered over, the boys holding tight to his legs. “Have mercy on me.” The boys giggled.
“Joey. Samuel. David. Off.” Steph’s voice was gentle but firm.
All three let go, dropping to the ground as the puppy scrambled between them.
“How’d you do that?”
“I read your mom’s book.” Steph grinned. “Same principle for boys as puppies.”
“Chip has puppy breath,” Joey whined.
“Chip?” Ethan asked.
David flashed a sheepish smile. “We named him to match Pita.”
“Pita. Chip. Cute.” Ethan ruffled David’s curly blond hair.
The puppy gave Sam a small nip then scampered over to Pita.
“Sorry, Chip.” Lainey lifted the fluffy pup, nuzzling its downy fur against her chin. “I need to drop your friend Pita at home.” She glanced at her watch. “Yikes. I’m really late.”
Ethan scooped Chip out of her arms. “You can leave Pita here until you’re finished.” His eyes searched hers. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he said softly. “I was way out of line.”
She nodded. “It wasn’t a date.”
“Even if it was...” His eyes narrowed. “That’s not where you’re going now is it? To see Tim? I mean, it’s cool, I just...”
“I have a Lamaze class.”
Steph’s loud snort of laughter drowned out Ethan’s response. “You know it’s wrong on so many levels
that you’re her birth coach.”
“Yeah, well...” There was an awkward silence as Ethan stared at Lainey, a scowl darkening his face and making him all the more gorgeous. She wondered what he was thinking, if the family he’d wanted so badly still crossed his mind.
“I’ll be back around seven-thirty.”
He nodded. “We’ll be here.”
She gave Steph a quick hug and high-fived Joey, Sam and David. Despite hitting almost every red light on the way, she was only about fifteen minutes late.
With an apologetic wave, Lainey hurried to where Julia sat by herself at the far end of the room.
“You’re late.”
“I’m here now.” Lainey sank down on the carpet.
“Look at all these happy couples,” Julia mumbled as the instructor began her lecture again. “I feel like a complete loser.”
“Jeff’s an idiot if he’s willing to miss this.”
Julia flashed a small smile. “Thanks.”
Lainey realized she may have spoken too soon as the teacher, Nancy, instructed the coaches to sit behind their partners, legs open. Julia leaned back against Lainey.
“Feel your breath,” Nancy told the coaches. “Let the rise and fall of your chest guide the mother in her breathing.”
Simple enough, except as soon as Lainey put her hands on either side of Julia’s hard belly, she felt a firm kick.
“Holy cow,” she said on a gulp.
She moved her hands to a different spot and was rewarded with an even stronger thump, thump, thump. She glanced over Julia’s shoulder and saw rippling under the thin yellow T-shirt Julia wore.
She yanked her hands away. “Who’s in there—the kid from The Exorcist?”
Julia sighed, pushing Lainey’s hands back. “Pay attention.”
Lainey tried to focus on Nancy’s words but continued to be distracted by the movement under her fingers. In her line of work, it was relatively easy to steer clear of pregnant women. Animals were a different matter, but Lainey had never found herself staring wistfully at a tiger’s distended stomach.
With the life growing inside her sister literally pulsing under her hands, Lainey felt a black hole of despair begin to tear open in her own barren womb.
“What is going on?” Julia sat up and glanced back.
Lainey let her eyes drift shut for a moment. “Nothing. I’m trying to listen.”
“I’m trying to match my breathing to yours, which is hard when you’re hyperventilating.”
“I’m not...” Lainey felt her chest heave up and down. She forced herself to take a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered.
“Please.” Julia’s chin hitched up a notch. “You’re all I’ve got.”
Despite her pounding heart and the sweat beading on her brow, Lainey kept her hands on her sister’s stomach. “Turn around then.”
Julia swallowed and leaned back.
By the grace of God, the baby remained still for the rest of the class. Lainey concentrated on Julia, on how they would get through her eventual labor.
Once Lainey had her emotions under control, the class wasn’t bad. She liked feeling connected. For so long, she’d kept her emotional distance from anyone who wanted to get close. She used her work to build walls around her shattered heart. But even after her heart had healed, she’d still been stuck in her lonely fortress.
They walked to the rec center parking lot after class. It was late, but voices of families enjoying the outdoor pool during the last weeks of summer drifted over the fence.
“So I’m an official coach.” Lainey hefted Julia’s bag of comfort items to one shoulder and scanned the parking lot.
“Only three more classes to go.”
“Three more?”
“Didn’t I mention,” Julia asked, looking guilty, “that this is a month-long session?”
“No big deal. I’m here anyway.” She gave Julia a quick hug.
When Lainey would have let go, Julia held tight. “I’m glad you came back.”
Lainey felt her heart expand and pushed away, needing distance. “Where’s your car?”
“It had a dead battery. My neighbor gave me a lift.” She reached for her bag. “I’ll call her to come get me.”
“I can take you home.”
Julia nodded. “Thanks.”
When they got to the SUV, Lainey moved her camera equipment to the backseat.
“Maybe I could take a few shots of you,” she suggested. As soon as the words were out, she gave herself a mental head thump. Not smart—focusing her camera on Julia’s ripe stomach.
“That would be cool.” Julia’s tone was wry. “Unless you’re asking so you can have proof of how fat I got.”
“Give me a break. Eight months pregnant and most women would kill for your hips.”
Julia rested her head on the back of the seat. “Jeff liked to remind me that my looks would fade and then I’d have nothing to offer. No brains, no talent, no real skills.”
“He did a number on you.”
“Maybe. It was an easy line to buy because I already believed it.” Julia sighed. “Lord, I was jealous of you growing up.”
Lainey glanced over as she pulled out of the parking lot. “That’s funny, Juls.”
“I’m serious. You were perfect—good grades, honor society, nice friends. You never gave Mom and Dad any trouble.”
Lainey snorted. “Until your ex-boyfriend got me pregnant.”
Julia dismissed that with a wave of her hand. “Then you left and became this world-famous photographer.”
“I’m not exactly famous.”
“Whatever. You’re in National Geographic. People have those things on their shelves forever. My work lasts until someone’s next bang trim.”
“It’s not the same thing,” Lainey argued.
“That’s my point. You have a legacy. I have a plastic crown from prom.”
Emotion bubbled inside Lainey. “You’re about to have a baby. That trumps a few magazine layouts in the legacy competition.”
“You’re only twenty-eight,” Julia said. “Not exactly old-maid time. You’ll meet someone, try again.”
“I won’t.”
“Who knows,” Julia continued as if Lainey hadn’t spoken, “I’ve seen the way Ethan looks at you.”
“No.” Lainey wrenched the steering wheel, and the Land Cruiser skidded into the gravel on the side of the road.
“What the—” Julia cried as dust flew around them.
Lainey slammed her foot on the brake and threw the car into Park. Her fingers gripped the wheel, white-knuckled, and she kept her gaze trained on the horizon. “I will not have a baby,” she said, enunciating each word.
“You can’t know...”
Lainey spun in her seat, unlatching her seat belt as it cut across her neck. “I do know,” she screamed. “I won’t have a baby. I can’t, Julia.”
She expected tears to come but only felt a white-hot burning in her throat.
“I don’t understand.”
Lainey swallowed to ease her pain. She looked out the window past Julia’s shoulder. “There were complications from the miscarriage.” She shook her head. “I can’t have a baby,” she repeated.
Julia’s cool fingers wrapped around Lainey’s fisted ones. “I’m sorry,” her sister whispered. “What did Ethan say? Is that why you left?”
Lainey pulled her hands into her lap. “I didn’t tell Ethan right away. I was too devastated. If he’d looked at me with pity I’m not sure I could have stood it.”
“When did you tell him?”
“I left a note at the church. I know it was wrong and cowardly, but I was half crazed at that point. Looking at myself in the wedding dress, I couldn’t go throu
gh with it. I was wearing white and all I could see was red—the blood—there was so much blood. I knew we wouldn’t have stood a chance if he didn’t know the whole truth. But I could not face him.”
“So you ran off?”
“I asked him to meet me at the hotel in Charlotte where we were going for our honeymoon if he could be with me knowing everything.”
“And?” Julia prompted.
“He never showed.”
A look of disbelief crossed Julia’s face. “That doesn’t sound like Ethan.”
Lainey shook her head. “I’d worshipped him for so long. I doubt we ever had a chance. I tried anything I could to make him happy so he’d forget I wasn’t you.”
“Did you try being yourself?”
“Yeah, right.” Lainey pushed her hair behind her ears. “Mom made it very clear that being me didn’t hold a candle to being you. Why would Ethan be any different?”
“You should talk to him.”
“No way.” Lainey shifted into gear. Her stomach clenched. “I have a life of my own now. What happened ten years ago is old news. I don’t want another chance.”
“Are you sure?”
She thought about how it felt to be with Ethan. Just one smile from him made her whole body light up. But she had to protect her heart. She was incomplete, and there was nothing in Brevia that could fill her.
She pulled up in front of the duplex Julia rented near downtown. “It’s the only way.”
Chapter Eleven
Ethan heard an engine turn off as an unfamiliar tremor of excitement shivered across his chest.
Pita stood and paced circles near the front door, the fur on her back standing on end. Ethan wondered at her reaction. “It’s okay, girl.”
A knock sounded and the dog growled softly. Ethan wanted to do the same as he identified the man on the other side.
“Hey, son.” Ray Daniels took a drag on his cigarette, dropped it on the makeshift porch and ground it under the toe of his dirty sneaker. “How ’bout a hug for your old man?”
Still the One Page 12
