“Mama.” She wrapped her hand around Vera’s fingers and squeezed softly. “There is a need. I need to say this.” She looked at her sister. “To both of you.”
Julia nodded. “Go ahead, Lain.”
“First off, I’m not sorry I fell in love with Ethan or about my time with him. If I could have picked a different man I would have. But that’s not how the heart works.” She took a breath. “What I am sorry for, Mama, is that I felt inferior to Julia and was so scared of disappointing you and Daddy that I didn’t stick it out and make things better back then. I always thought I was the odd girl out. I didn’t measure up to you or Juls and what a woman should be—”
“That’s ridiculous, Lainey.” Her mother shook her head. “You—”
Vera stopped as Julia clapped a hand over her mouth. “Let her talk, Mama. For once in your life, let someone else finish a thought.” She kept her hand over Vera’s mouth until their mother finally nodded. Julia flashed a self-congratulatory smile at Lainey. “Continue, please.”
That tiny moment of levity made all the difference to Lainey. These women were her family, and she could tell them everything she’d needed to say for so long. “After I lost the baby, the doctor told me about the scarring and how it meant I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again. It pushed me over the edge. I already thought I didn’t deserve Ethan, and it was like the universe giving me a sign that I was so messed up I wasn’t even fit to be a mother.”
Tears welled in her mother’s eyes.
“I should have told you,” Lainey said quickly before Vera could speak. “I was ashamed of who I was, and it felt like part of my punishment should be to carry the burden alone. By the time the wedding day came, I knew I couldn’t keep the secret from Ethan. But it felt like if I said the words out loud it would make it too real. So I left the note. It was cowardly, and I don’t blame him for his reaction to it then or now.”
Julia took a step forward. “Ethan never read your note, Lainey. Tim Reynolds switched yours for a couple of lines about you wanting to end things.”
“What?” Lainey whispered as her jaw dropped. “Why?”
“I’m not totally sure, but you need to know Ethan didn’t desert you the way you thought.”
Lainey tried for a moment to wrap her mind around that concept then shook her head. “It doesn’t change the facts. I deserted him. All of you. If I’d had the courage to face him on our wedding day, there wouldn’t have been any confusion. I don’t know if I deserve a second chance with Ethan after what I put him through, but I owe him an honest conversation about my feelings then and now. Like you said, Mama, it’s time to move on. Whether or not I can have children biologically doesn’t make me damaged goods. I’ve let my sorrow define me for too long. I’m making a change starting today. I want a family, and I’m going to have one. I want both of you and Charlie to be a part of my life. This summer has shown how much you mean to me and how lonely I’ve been. I just hope it’s not too late.”
She looked at Julia who smiled then pulled her into a hug. “I have a lot to make up for, too, little sister. We’ll be all right. Charlie needs his favorite auntie to spoil him rotten.”
“Absolutely,” Lainey agreed.
They both turned to Vera.
“Am I allowed to speak now?” she asked with a small smile.
Lainey grimaced. “Of course.”
Her mother took both Lainey’s hands in her own. “I’m proud of you, Lainey. For what you did this summer and the changes you’re making. If my stroke is what brought you back here, then I’m thankful something good could come from it. You’ll be a wonderful mother.” She paused and wiped at her eyes then added, “I want lots of grandkids.”
The three women hugged as more families with dogs trailed by them. Lainey heard her name spoken and looked up to see Tim standing near the clinic’s entrance.
“How dare he show up here,” Vera whispered on a hiss of breath.
Julia’s shoulders stiffened. “I’ll kick his butt into next week.”
She took a step toward Tim but Lainey tugged her back. “I should talk to him. I need to know what happened at the wedding and why he published all that garbage under my name.”
“All you need to know is he’s a scumbag,” Julia argued.
“He’s part of this. Another challenge and I’m going to face it.”
Julia studied her then nodded. “Come on, Mama. We’ll check on things at the shelter. Lainey, we’re right around the corner if you need anything.”
“Your sister can be kind of scary when she wants to,” Tim said when they’d gone.
“She wants to protect me.”
“Since when?” he answered with a scoff. “We were alike—no one in our corner. The way I remember it, the only person who protected you was me.”
Lainey frowned. “Is that what you call switching the note, Tim? The editorial exposing my personal business for everyone to read? That’s exploitation, not protection. I came back here to make amends, not more enemies.”
He took a step closer to her, running one hand through his thinning hair. “Don’t you understand? I did those things for your own good. You need to get out of this town. You’re better than Brevia. Definitely better than Ethan Daniels. He’s just like his father.”
“Ethan is nothing like his father, which is not the point. You had no right to interfere in my life.”
“I did it because I loved you. I still do. If you hadn’t been so obsessed with Ethan, maybe you would have noticed. I hated to see how sad you were when he hurt you. It made me crazy when everyone in town turned on you. I’d never do that, Lainey. We want the same things in life. I could travel with you. We’d see the world together if you’d only give me a chance.”
He reached out and Lainey took a step away. What he’d done was wrong and unforgivable. “You don’t show you love someone by manipulating them, Tim.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought we were friends. I trusted you. You abused my trust in the worst way possible. Not to mention the pain you caused Ethan and the rest of my family. There is no chance for us and there never was. Whether or not Ethan is in the picture doesn’t change that. Stay away from me and out of my life, once and for all.”
His jaw dropped. “You can’t mean it.”
She started up the clinic steps. “I have nothing more to say to you, Tim,” she called over her shoulder.
She made it to the front porch just as Tim grabbed her arm. “Let me explain,” he yelled, yanking her back. “I can make you understand.”
As she tried to pull away, her shoe caught on the last step and she tumbled into him. “Get your hands off me,” she hollered as his arms wrapped around her, too angry to care about the small crowd of people that had gathered in the front driveway to watch the spectacle.
“Please, Lainey—”
“Let her go, Reynolds.”
Lainey caught a glimpse of Ethan filling the doorway of the clinic just before Tim pushed her away. Off balance, she dropped onto all fours in the grass.
“Stay out of this, Ethan. It’s between Lainey and me.” Tim’s voice sounded petulant.
“There is nothing between the two of us,” she snapped, standing up then grimacing as she tried to put weight on her ankle.
Ethan’s gaze met hers, and she could see him read the pain in her eyes. In an instant he was in front of Tim, practically lifting him off the ground by his shirt collar. “If you’ve hurt her, I’m going to—”
“It’s okay,” she said quickly, placing a hand on Ethan’s chest. The last thing any of them needed was another public scene.
“Tim, what the hell is wrong with you?” Dave Reynolds elbowed his way through the cluster of people.
Ethan gave Tim a solid shove then came to stand next to Lainey. “Get him out of here, Dave.”
Tim
swatted at his brother’s hand. “You think he’s your best friend, Dave. But you don’t know the things I do. What his old man did. Ethan isn’t so high-and-mighty. He’s cut from the same cloth.”
“I do know,” Dave said, temper flaring in his eyes. “I know about Ray and our mom. It wasn’t Ethan’s fault. We were all kids when it happened.”
“Everyone knows his mother left town because she didn’t want to be saddled with a family. If it wasn’t for Ethan, maybe his dad wouldn’t have come sniffin’ around Mom. Maybe she and Dad—”
“You need to shut your trap.” Dave grabbed the back of Tim’s neck and pulled him through the crowd. “Before I do it for you.” He looked toward Ethan. “I’m sorry, man. About everything.”
Ethan gave him a small nod.
“You too, Lainey. I wish I could make it up to you.”
She swallowed and tried to offer a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Dave.”
“Show’s over, folks,” Ethan called out as Dave disappeared into the crowd. “Nothing more to see here.” He looked down at Lainey, his eyes dark. “We need to talk.”
She nodded then winced as she put weight on her ankle.
“You’re hurt.”
“It’s fine,” she said quickly. “Just twisted it a little.”
Ethan cursed under his breath and gathered her into his arms. He climbed the steps of the clinic and maneuvered inside, not putting her down until the door was safely closed and they were alone.
“I know you probably hate me more now,” she said quietly, focusing her gaze on a place just past his shoulder. “The things Tim published in my name were awful, and instead of facing the problem, I ran off again. I’m sorry I didn’t stay, then and now. I was wrong—”
He covered her mouth with his, cutting off the rest of her sentence. A sliver of hope began to grow in her, blooming into something more when she pulled back and met his gaze. She saw the same love shining in his eyes she knew was reflected in her own.
“You don’t hate me?”
“I could never hate you.” He smoothed his palms over her cheeks. “As much as I wanted to—tried to—I’ve always loved you, Lainey. All those years you were gone, it was like you’d taken a part of my soul with you.” He pressed another kiss to her mouth. “I’m half a man without you. You make me whole.”
“The infertility made me feel like part of me was missing. Even you couldn’t fill the empty space. How could I expect you to accept me when I wouldn’t accept myself? I know I can’t give you the family you’ve wanted—”
He shook his head. “What I want is you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
His words made her heart soar. “I want you, too, Ethan. I want us to have a family. Together.” She paused to catch her breath as emotion clogged her throat. “I should have talked to you earlier, been honest from the start. I love you so much. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
“You never have to.” He pulled her down the hall toward his office. “I want to show you something.”
She leaned on him as they walked, his fingers warm and sure laced in hers. He picked up a stack of papers from his desk and handed it to her.
Her eyes widened as she looked over the brochures and books on adoption. She jerked her head up. “You’d be willing to consider adoption?”
He smiled and pulled out a slip of paper with a boarding pass printed on it. “I was leaving for Alaska tonight. I let you get away once and didn’t plan to repeat that mistake. It doesn’t matter to me whether you give birth or we find a child who needs us as much as we need him or her. I want to see you hold our child in your arms, Lainey. I want to grow old with you, take our grandkids to Disney World. I want a life with you.”
“I was such a fool.” She struggled to catch her breath. “For so long I thought I was being punished—I didn’t deserve to be a mother.” When he reached for her she shook her head. “It was an accident, Ethan. I realized that in Alaska. I finally understood my life is what I make of it, not something that happens to me.” She smiled through her tears. “And I want to make a life with you.”
He drew her to him and caressed her mouth with his. She gave herself up to the pleasure of his touch until a thought pierced the edge of her mind.
“Oh, no!” she yelled, pulling back.
His eyes were dark as he looked at her. “What is it?”
“Pita,” she whispered. “I told Mom to put her on the adoptive animal roster. And the puppy, too. I thought they’d be better without me, but I need them. Pita and Chip belong to me. To us.” She whirled for the door. “What if they’re already gone? I have to get them back, Ethan.”
He grabbed her arm. “Come on.”
Instead of turning toward the front, he led her down the hall to the back. “There’s no time, Ethan. I need to—”
He opened the door to one of the empty exam rooms and flipped on the light switch. Pita trotted out with Chip trailing behind her and sniffed at Ethan.
Lainey gasped and the dog charged at her, tail wagging in an ecstatic greeting. She dropped to the ground and wrapped her arms around Pita’s neck while the puppy dashed over to cover her with enthusiastic kisses.
“I never put them with the other animals. They’re yours, sweetheart. Always have been.”
Straightening, she hugged him as Pita and Chip pranced around them, yipping wildly. “Just like you?” She rained kisses across his face.
“Just like me,” he agreed. “You’re still the one, Lainey. You always will be.”
She sighed and rested her head on his chest. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
“I’ve been waiting for this moment for ten years.”
“Better or worse, Ethan. I’m here for good. Forever.”
His mouth grazed over hers. “Forever,” he agreed.
She’d found her place in the world and couldn’t imagine belonging anywhere else. She lost herself in his kiss once more, knowing she was finally home.
* * * * *
Keep reading for an excerpt of A Cold Creek Noel by RaeAnne Thayne!
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Chapter One
“Come on, Luke. Come on, buddy. Hang in there.”
Her wipers beat back the sleet and snow as Caidy Bowman drove through the streets of Pine Gulch, Idaho, on a stormy December afternoon. Only a few inches had fallen but the roads were still dangerous, slick as spit. For only a moment, she risked lifting one hand off the steering wheel of her truck and patting the furry shape whimpering on the seat beside her.
“We’re almost there. We’ll get you fixed up, I swear it. Just hang on, bud. A few more minutes. That’s all.”
The young border collie looked at her with a trust she didn’t deserve in his black eyes and she frowned, her guilt as bitter and salty as the solution the snowplows had put down on the roads.
Luke’s injuries were her fault. She should have been watching him. She knew the half-grown pup had a curious streak a mile wide—and a tendency not to listen to her when he had an itch to investigate something.
She was working on that obedience issue and they had
made good strides the past few weeks, but one moment of inattention could be disastrous, as the past hour had amply demonstrated. She didn’t know if it was arrogance on her part, thinking her training of him was enough, or just irresponsibility. Either way, she should have kept him far away from Festus’s pen. The bull was ornery as a rattlesnake on a hot skillet and didn’t take kindly to curious young border collies nosing around his turf.
Alerted by Luke’s barking and then the bull’s angry snort, she had raced to old Festus’s pen just in time to watch Luke jig the wrong way and the bull stomp down hard on his haunches with a sickening crunch of bone.
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel and she cursed under her breath as the last light before the vet’s office turned yellow when she was still too far away to gun through it. She was almost tempted to keep going. Even if she were nabbed for running a red light by Pine Gulch’s finest, she could probably talk her way out of a ticket, considering her brother was the police chief and would certainly understand this was an emergency. If she were pulled over, though, it would mean an inevitable delay and she just didn’t have time for that.
The light finally changed and she took off fast, the back tires fishtailing on the icy road. She would just have to trust the salt bags she carried for traction in the bed of the pickup would do the job. Even the four-wheel drive of the truck was useless against black ice.
Finally, she reached the small square building that held the Pine Gulch Veterinary Clinic and pulled the pickup to the side doors where she knew it was only a short transfer inside to the treatment area.
She briefly considered carrying him in by herself, but it had taken the careful efforts of both her and her brother Ridge to slide a blanket under Luke and lift him into the seat of her pickup. They could bring out the stretcher and cart, she decided.
She rubbed Luke’s white neck. “I’m going to go get some help, okay? You just hold tight.”
Still the One Page 20
