When Savannah arrived back at the ranch, she discovered Richard sitting on the porch, strumming his guitar and singing softly. He stopped and waved when she pulled into the yard, then strolled over to the truck.
“Where were you all morning?” he asked as if her disappearance had worried him.
“Church. I thought you said you were coming with me.”
“I would’ve if you’d woken me up.”
“You’re an adult, Richard.”
His fingers stilled, the pick poised above the guitar strings. “You’re not angry with me, are you?”
She sighed. “No.”
He grinned boyishly and continued his song while Savannah went into the house. She set her Bible aside and checked the oven. The noonday meal was the primary one on Sundays. In the evening they all fended for themselves, giving Savannah time to pursue her own interests.
An hour later Savannah served the roast and dished up hot-from-the-oven buttermilk biscuits, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, a large green salad and strawberry shortcake for dessert. The meal vanished in minutes with lavish compliments from Richard and quiet appreciation from Laredo, Wiley and Grady.
Everyone disappeared afterward, leaving Savannah to herself. The afternoon was lovely, the sky blue and bright, the sun warm without the intense heat of summer. Spring was Savannah’s favorite time of year. After spending an hour in her garden, she arranged a vase of roses and set them in the kitchen, allowing their fragrance to fill the room.
When she’d finished, she picked up her knitting and sat on the porch, Rocket stretched out beside her. There was silence all around her, except for the soughing of wind in the greening trees and the occasional distant sound of traffic from the highway. Without informing anyone of his plans, Richard had disappeared. Grady had vanished into his office to catch up on some reading and Wiley was visiting his widow friend in Brewster. She didn’t know where Laredo had gone, but she hoped he’d join her, as he often did.
Enjoying the Sunday-afternoon tranquility, Savannah lazily worked the yarn and needles. It didn’t take long for Wade McMillen’s message to make its way into her thoughts. God-given opportunities. She mulled over the opportunities that had recently come her way. Quickly, inevitably, Laredo sprang to her mind.
Deeply absorbed in her thoughts, she wasn’t aware of his approach until he stepped onto the porch.
“It’s a lovely afternoon, isn’t it?” she said, delighted when he claimed the empty rocker beside hers. For as long as she could remember, her parents had sat in these very chairs, side by side, lifelong companions, lovers and friends.
Laredo watched her hands moving the needles and the yarn. “My mother knits, too,” he said.
“My grandmother was the one who taught me.” She reached for the pattern book and showed him the cardigan she was making for Maggie. The needles clicked gently as she returned to her task.
“Church this morning was great,” she went on. “I enjoy Wade’s sermons.” She told him about the man in the flood, and Laredo laughed at the punch line, just as she knew he would. Someday she hoped Laredo would attend services with her, but she hadn’t had the courage to ask him. Not yet.
Courage. She’d missed opportunity after opportunity in her life because she was afraid. Afraid of what, exactly, she didn’t know. No more, she decided then and there.
“Wade got me to thinking,” she said. If she didn’t tell Laredo what was in her heart now, she’d always regret letting this opportunity slip by. She used her knitting as an excuse to avoid eye contact.
“Thinking?”
“About the opportunities that have come into my life… lately.”
Laredo leaned back in the rocker and relaxed, closing his eyes.
“I’ve never dated much,” she said. “I suppose it shows, doesn’t it?”
He lifted his hat brim enough to look at her. “It’s not a disadvantage, if that’s what you’re asking.”
She felt at a disadvantage, though, talking to him about such things, but forged ahead, anyway. “It’s a bit of a detriment,” she said, trying to disguise the trembling in her voice. Her heart beat so fast she felt nearly breathless.
“I wouldn’t want to change anything about you, Savannah.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, encouraged by his response.
He apparently thought their conversation was over, because he sat back in the chair once more, stretched out his legs and lowered the brim of his hat.
“There’s something I need to say and I’m not sure how to go about it.” Her fingers felt clammy and stiff, and she let the knitting lie idle in her lap as she composed her thoughts.
“You can tell me anything, you know that.”
Despite the turbulent pounding of her heart, Savannah felt a sense of calm. “Since I don’t have much experience in this kind of situation, I hope you’ll forgive me for speaking frankly.”
She had his attention now, and he lifted the brim of his Stetson with one finger. “Situation?”
Gripping the knitting needles tightly, she continued, “I need to know if there’s a proper way for a lady to speak of certain…matters with a gentleman. Matters of the heart,” she added nervously.
Laredo’s position didn’t alter, but she thought she saw him stiffen. “That part I wouldn’t know.”
“I see.” Her mouth grew dry with anxiety.
An awkward silence followed while she carefully weighed her words. “Considering that you seem to be as much at a loss as I am, perhaps the best way to discuss this would be in a straightforward manner. My mother used to say, ‘Nothing works better than the truth.’”
“Savannah…”
He tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t let him, not while she had the courage to go on. Inhaling deeply, she began to speak. “I love you, Laredo. My heart’s so full, some days I don’t think I can contain all this joy. I want to thank you, to let you know how grateful I am to have met you.”
Her words appeared to stun him. Slowly Laredo sat upright and stared straight ahead, not responding to her words at all. If they’d brought him any pleasure, he wasn’t letting it show.
She waited, her hands trembling now at the bold thing she’d said. “Perhaps I’ve spoken out of turn, but it seems that when a woman loves a man she—”
“Savannah,” he interrupted quietly. “Don’t say any more. Please.”
The color of acute embarrassment erupted in her cheeks. “Is saying I love you improper?”
“There’s nothing improper about you. It’s me.”
“You?” She was utterly confused, completely on edge. She feared what would happen next.
“I’m not the right man for you.”
The relief was so great she nearly laughed aloud. “Oh, Laredo, how can you say such a thing? Nobody’s ever been more right for me in my entire life.”
“Savannah, I have nothing…”
“Do you think that matters?”
“Yes,” he said quietly. Intensely. “It does.”
She waited a moment, then told him with gentle insistence, “For most of my life my parents and then Grady were sure they knew what was right for me. The amazing part of all this is that no one ever bothered to ask my opinion. I’m thirty-one years old, and believe it or not, I know what I want. I want you. I love you.”
He leaned forward and pressed his elbows to his knees as though her words had brought him pain, instead of joy.
Her back went rigid. “I apologize if I’ve embarrassed you.”
“It’s not that. Savannah, listen to me. I’m truly honored that you love me, but it won’t work. It just won’t work.” His voice sagged with regret, with defeat.
“Is it— Don’t you care for me?” It seemed impossible he didn’t share her feelings. She’d been so sure. And she’d hoped that revealing her love would free him to acknowledge his.
He hesitated. “I…”
“If you tell me you don’t return my affection, then I’ll apologize and never mention it again.
” Although she made the offer, Savannah had no doubts. Laredo couldn’t have held her or kissed her with such gentle passion if he didn’t care for her.
He waited so long to answer she feared he was about to lie. “You already know what I feel.”
She closed her eyes in gratitude. “I do know.” Now that he’d admitted the truth, she felt confident enough to continue. “Once we’re married—”
“Married?” He half rose from his seat, his voice harsh with shock.
His reaction jolted her. When two people loved each other, marriage seemed to be the next step. And really, given she was already over thirty, there was no reason to wait. Especially if they intended to start a family, which she sincerely hoped they would. The sooner the better.
“I assumed…I hoped,” she faltered, then blushed when she realized he might not consider marriage necessary. “I’m afraid that if we don’t legally marry, my brother will object. I…I would, however, defy him, if that were…necessary.” But she prayed with all her heart it wouldn’t be.
Laredo stood up and walked over to the railing, holding on to it, his back ramrod-straight with tension. “I won’t marry you, Savannah.”
Her heart sank as she absorbed the firm conviction in his statement. “I see,” she said, struggling to hide her disappointment. “As I said earlier, while marriage would offer certain advantages, I’m willing to forgo the…legalities.”
He whirled around. “Savannah, dear God in heaven, don’t you understand what I’m saying:” He knelt in front of her, his eyes wide with pain. “It isn’t that I won’t marry you. I can’t.”
“Can’t?” The awful possibility dawned. “Are you…do you already have a wife?”
“No.”
She brought both hands to her heart in a gesture of relief.
“Look at me!” he demanded. “I don’t have a pot to piss in. I don’t have one damn thing to give you. Do you honestly think I’d take you away from your home, your family and friends, your roses and everything else to live in a trailer? Because that’s all I’ve got—a lousy trailer.”
Feeling his pain, his inadequacy, she touched his cheek lovingly. “Do you think it matters to me where we live? As for my garden, I can start another. You’re all I need, all I’ll ever need.”
He closed his eyes. “Savannah, I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” His hands squeezed hers with enough strength to make her fingers ache.
“I’m offering you my heart, my love, my life,” she said, her voice barely audible.
He claimed both her hands with his own, then turned them over and pressed his lips to her palms. When he raised his head, his eyes held hers. “You’d give all this up for me?”
“I wouldn’t be giving up anything, Laredo. I’d be gaining so much more.”
THAT NIGHT LAREDO SAT UP in his bunk, his back against the wall, his mind whirling. Savannah had almost made him believe it was possible for the two of them. He was well aware that she’d be the one to make all the sacrifices; while that didn’t seem right or fair, she’d assured him of her willingness to do it. To do whatever was necessary for them to be together.
Laredo rested his head between his hands and dreamed with his eyes open. A growing sense of excitement, of possibility, grew within him. He loved her.
Richard strolled into the bunkhouse and threw himself down on the cot where he’d slept that first time. Some nights he slept in the house; Laredo wished this was one of them. He supposed it depended on whether or not Grady was in the house and likely to notice. Despite her older brother’s insistence, Laredo knew Savannah would never make Richard leave. She’d even let him stay in his boyhood room, perhaps allowing herself to believe that everything was all right again. Other nights, Richard slept in the bunkhouse. Grady must be around this evening.
“Hey, what’re ya doing?” Richard asked.
“Thinking,” Laredo answered shortly, hoping Weston would take the hint.
“So you’re trying to steal Savannah away from us.”
How did Richard know? “Do you have a problem with that?” Laredo demanded, suspicious of the other man’s intentions.
“None whatsoever.” Richard’s hands flew up and he grinned broadly. “As long as you love her,” he added in melodramatic tones.
“I do.” Not until the words escaped his lips did Laredo realize he had no problem telling Richard how he felt, although he’d never once told Savannah he loved her, not in so many words, at least.
“Ain’t love grand,” Richard said with an exaggerated sigh. He flopped back on the cot and gazed up at the ceiling. “At least in the beginning.”
Laredo let the comment slide, although it hit its mark. Bull’s-eye. What started out beautiful could often end up a disaster.
“Savannah’s a real sweetheart,” Richard continued. “Did you notice how hard she worked cooking for the party? Actually, if I know my sister, she was grateful to stay in the kitchen. It’s always been difficult for her to deal with crowds, even people she’s familiar with and known most of her life. I don’t know why she’s so damn shy. Take her out of her element and she wilts like a flower without water.”
Laredo frowned, wondering if Richard was actually delivering a subtle message, one he would deny if asked, but would gleefully recount as an I-told-you-so if it came to pass.
“If you have something to say, then just say it,” Laredo muttered.
“Me?” Richard’s voice echoed in surprise. “I’m not saying anything other than how pleased I am for the two of you.”
“Nothing’s been decided.” Laredo wanted to correct that impression right off.
Richard rolled his head to one side to get a better look at Laredo. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Well, if everything goes as planned, it’ll be wonderful. I know she’ll make you happy, and once the kids start coming…”
“Kids?” The word exploded from Laredo’s lips before he thought to censor it. They wouldn’t be able to afford kids for years, although he knew Savannah was eager for a family. He was, too, but it just wasn’t going to be possible, not until he’d established himself, had some income he could count on.
“I wouldn’t advise you to wait too long,” Richard was saying. “Savannah’s already over thirty. Apparently the older the woman the more likely the chance of complications.” He shook his head wisely and sounded as if he knew what he was talking about.
“I hope you’ve got good health insurance,” he added. “From what I’ve heard, having a baby costs thousands of bucks these days.”
Health insurance? Laredo could barely afford to put food on the table, let alone worry about extras. He knew Savannah, too. If there were problems, she wouldn’t let him know because she wouldn’t want him to worry.
“What about her rose garden?” Richard asked next. “We both know how important that is to her.”
“She’s talked about moving part of it,” Laredo responded, but his mind was still stuck on the possibility of something happening to Savannah, miles from town, with few friends or neighbors. The reality of what he was asking hit him hard. It sounded romantic and exciting—the two of them building a home together, breeding quarter horses—until he thought about the risks.
“Moving part of the garden,” Richard repeated. “Great idea.” He sat up, tapping one foot on the floor. “You be real good to my big sister now, you hear?” Clapping his hands together, Richard laughed. “Hey! I’ll bet you want me to keep my mouth shut about this in front of Grady. Right?”
Laredo didn’t answer. The next time he looked up Richard was gone, which was just as well. Savannah’s brother had opened his eyes to a few home truths. While it was fine to dream about making Savannah his bride, a dream was all it would ever be. He couldn’t take her away from everything she knew and loved, couldn’t put her health and happiness at risk. One of them had to keep a level head, and it looked like the responsibility had fallen to him.
He loved her, but he couldn’t marry her. Wouldn�
��t marry her. As soon as it could be arranged, he’d get out of her life. For her own good, as well as his own.
A WEEK LATER, AS GRADY SAT ON Starlight and watched over the grazing herd, his thoughts grew dark and oppressive. Sometimes he could cast off these moods when they threatened. More often, like now, he couldn’t. He worried more and more about Savannah; he wasn’t sure what had happened to his sister, but she hadn’t been herself. Not for days. Outwardly nothing seemed wrong; she was as pleasant and cordial as always. Still, the difference was there. It seemed as if the light had gone out of her eyes somehow. The joy he’d seen in her of late had vanished.
He was no expert when it came to romance, but the answer was obvious. Something had happened between her and Laredo, who seemed equally miserable. Clearly they’d suffered some sort of falling-out. It was bound to happen, Grady realized.
He hated to see his sister hurt, and it made him feel helpless. He had no idea what to do, what to say. He’d even considered talking to Caroline, this being a woman thing and all. Savannah’s best friend might be able to see her through this disappointment.
If only he could talk to someone about Richard. He supposed Cal Patterson, as his closest friend, would be that person. And yet he felt embarrassed. Ashamed. He hardly knew how it had happened, but Richard had managed to sweet-talk his way back into the family. It hadn’t taken long for Savannah to pick up where their parents had left off, Grady thought with some bitterness. She spoiled him, indulged his every whim, pandered to his wishes as if he deserved a hero’s welcome.
Grady still wanted Richard off the ranch, but every time he got to the point of ordering him to leave, he found he couldn’t. Either because of Savannah’s pleading or his own sense of…what? Obligation? Family loyalty? Pity? The one thing Grady had insisted on was that Richard sleep in the bunkhouse, but his worthless brother had found a way to thwart even that.
Heart of Texas Volume One Page 15
