Oh, shit. Was she serious or just teasing? I got my answer when her hand slipped into my pants.
“Hayley!” I squeaked and jerked away, almost falling off the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Her cheeks flushed. “Don’t you want to?”
Son of a bitch. How much did I want to admit? How much could I tell her without sounding weird? “I do, but not now.”
“Why not? Don’t you want me?” She wasn’t the type to be dramatic or manipulative. That was real vulnerability.
Well, fuck. I sat up. “I do want you, but it’s too soon.” Sex was a complicated subject for me.
“You want to wait?” She frowned, then her eyebrows went up. “Oh, crap. Are you one of those wait-until-marriage types?”
“No.” That was Jehovah’s rule, and I wasn’t going to follow it. At the same time, I wasn’t going to make my father happy by fucking just because it felt good. After a lot of debate, I’d decided on a middle ground that wouldn’t make either one of them happy. “I want to wait for love.” It sounded so fucking stupid coming out of my mouth I wanted to smack myself.
“Oh.” She looked down at the rumpled bed cover.
“I know it sounds sappy as hell, but I want it to mean something.”
“Oh,” she repeated, keeping her head down. After a long pause, she said, “I’m not a virgin.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“You don’t think I’m a slut or anything, do you?”
“What? Fuck no,” I said, and she looked up at me. “This is personal. I don’t expect everyone else to believe the same thing. I’m not gonna go all moral values on you.”
She opened her mouth, closed it, and looked away again. “So you don’t love me?”
I touched her cheek until she looked at me. “Not yet.” My heart raced as I considered if I could love Hayley. I had feelings for her, definitely, and they kept getting stronger. I looked into her eyes, thought of the way she made me feel warm inside. Yes, with a little more time, I could fall in love with her.
“So does that mean you will?”
The expression on her face was so hopeful and afraid, I couldn’t help kissing her. I pulled her closer, wishing I could make promises, afraid I might break them. “This is my first relationship—I don’t want to rush.”
“A guy who wants to take things slow?” she said with a little laugh.
“Hey, you like me because I’m different.” She’d run screaming if she had any idea how different.
“True.” That got a real smile out of her.
I kissed her again. “Just because I don’t want to have sex doesn’t mean I don’t want to do some serious making out.”
She gave me a wicked grin, grabbed the collar of my shirt, and pulled me down to the bed.
Chapter 9
The next day I spent a few hours flying, and it did a lot to improve my mood. My skills kept getting better. The crows did more complimenting than teasing, and being in the air was starting to feel natural. I thought it was time to try to something new.
I went home for lunch and grabbed the small, empty box that had once held Baldur’s gift to me. Now the gift was in my head, a jumbled flash of my future abilities. Two months later I was still trying to sort it out, focusing until I could see one image, one power, I would someday have. Stronger fire and ice abilities, my horns and wings, and flying had all been there.
It wasn’t prophecy, it was possibility. I have an issue with prophecies. It was a relief to know that in all the images I’d been able to pick out, I’d never seen Animus. The sword was tied to my power because it had been made that way, but it wasn’t a power I naturally had in me. Baldur’s gift was all about my abilities.
I took the box and Mew-Mew with me to a quiet spot, a small clearing in another forest. I didn’t want the crows watching me, because this might end up being really embarrassing. I was going to try to transform into a cat. My abilities included changing into several different kinds of animals, typically associated with “evil” (which is bullshit because animals aren’t evil, unless you count humans). So I could be a cat, wolf, rat, crow, goat, snake, bat, or black horse. Practically an animal for every occasion.
I was going for cat first because of my connection with Mew-Mew, plus he could stand there and be a living model. Cat had to be easiest.
I fiddled with the little box before setting it aside.
Would you like me in profile? Standing or sitting? Mew-Mew was teasing, trying to get me to relax.
“Just sit there and be quiet.”
He settled in the grass and I copied his posture as best I could. Then I closed my eyes and reached for the power coiled inside me. All those times when I was younger that I wished I could be a cat, or a little mouse, or a fly, so I could escape my parents. To run away and disappear somewhere they’d never find me. I called up that desperation and opened my eyes, focusing on Mew-Mew.
I imagined my hands turning into paws, my legs shifting, pointed ears growing up from my head. Power shifted around me, but nothing happened. I tried again and again, but after half an hour I had nothing to show for it.
I took a break and walked around the clearing for a few minutes. “This is fucking frustrating.”
You just need to be patient. Mew-Mew licked a paw and cleaned his ear.
“Yeah. Mr. Patient. That’s me.”
I spent another half hour trying to transform, and still nothing. Not even a whisker or a patch of fur. I flopped on my back and growled. “Why is this so fucking hard?”
Maybe you need help. Someone to teach you, he suggested.
I rolled onto my side to face him. “Like who?”
He tilted his head, thinking. Bast could help you, or at least she’d be a good place to start. The Egyptians are very good with animal forms. I could go ask her tonight.
My stubbornness tried to kick in, insisting I could figure this out for myself, but I shoved it aside. Learning to transform was the important part. It didn’t matter if I needed to ask for help. “Yeah. Thanks.”
***
That night Mew-Mew came back from his mission. Alex, let me in. He showed me the back door of the apartment building. Nearby in an alley was one of the entrances to the Cats’ Paths, a magical way to travel that seemed to connect to places all over Earth and other realms. I went down to open the door for him.
As we went up the stairs, I asked, “So what did she say? Will she help me?”
She won’t teach you herself, but she said she had a better teacher in mind.
“Who?” I pushed open the apartment door.
Raven, the Native god.
“Raven?” Did Bast just not want to deal with me, or did she really think he would be a better teacher?
Yeah. She said she’d send a messenger to him for you. We should have an answer by tomorrow morning.
“Huh.” I flopped down on the couch. “I guess it does make sense. Native gods change forms pretty fluidly. If you want to know how to do something, ask a master.” But what if he said no?
When I went to bed I tossed for a while, a little nervous flutter in my stomach. What if it took me months to learn how to transform? What if it took years? I guess if it didn’t work, I’d have to put it aside and try a different power. How useful would changing into a cat or a crow be in a fight with Satan anyway? But I wanted a solid grasp of all my powers, just in case.
In the morning I woke to tapping at my window. It was still mostly dark and I groaned, keeping my eyes closed. The tapping came again, louder. “Hey, lazybones! Get up!”
That got me to open my eyes. I sat up and looked at the window. Through the half-open curtains I saw a huge black bird sitting on the windowsill. “Raven?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Are you gonna let me in?”
“Oh, sure.” I pulled the window up and struggled with the screen for a moment before I got that up too. Raven hopped in and settled on my rumpled bed.
“So you want to learn shapeshifting?”
“Uh, yeah.” I was still groggy, but having a huge bird deity on my bed was doing a good job of waking me up.
“You don’t sound sure.”
“I’m tired,” I said, rubbing my eyes. “I’m not a morning person.”
He made a low caw. “Well, sleepyhead. I got a message from Bast that you wanted to learn shapeshifting. Why?”
“I want to be able to use all my powers.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “Because I want to be strong.”
“Why?” He tilted his head one way, then the other, deep black eyes watching me.
“I want to fight my father and win. I did it once, but I want to make sure I can do it again. As many times as I need to.”
“Nothing is sure.”
“As sure as I can be, then.”
He nodded. “I’ll teach you. Get ready and meet me outside. Fifteen minutes.”
Shit. That wasn’t even enough time to eat. Unlike my human tutors, I wasn’t going to argue with him. Well, I’d try not to. “Okay.”
He hopped out the window and I went to the bathroom. I barely made it outside in time, cramming a cold Pop-Tart in my mouth.
“Good. You can follow directions.”
I nodded, my mouth still full.
“Let’s go somewhere less populated.” Then he shifted, going from raven to man, just like a well-done movie effect. Damn, he made it look easy. How long would it be until I got that good? Raven was now a tall, copper-skinned man with long black hair. He held out a hand. “Come on.”
I took it and a second later we were in a forest. In the distance I heard the roar of surf. “Have you done any shapeshifting?” he asked.
I shook my head, still swallowing the last of my Pop-Tart.
“Then how do you know you can?”
I explained about Baldur’s gift. “Even without that, considering who my dad is, it’s not a stretch to think I can shapeshift too. I know it’s possible, I just don’t know how to do it.”
“Back when the world was young, it was easy to change shape. Everyone could do it. But the world changed and now all but a few humans are stuck in one shape. Even many gods have a hard time shapeshifting. But you have the ability—I can see it.”
“If you know I can, why did you ask me?”
“So much hinges on belief. You need to believe you can in order to do it.”
“Huh, really? Most of my powers happened for the first time by accident. I didn’t believe in it because I didn’t know I could. It just happened.” Like how I’d made it snow in the dining room.
“Some things are trickier than others.” He tilted his head, birdlike.
“Okay, so if I believe I can do it, then I’ll shapeshift?”
“Hm, not quite that easy.” He tilted his head back and forth a few times, looking at me. “Let’s give it a try.”
I got down on my hands and knees and rolled my eyes at the amused smirk on his face. “I’m trying for a cat first.” I tried for half an hour and nothing happened. It was just like the day before, except more annoying and embarrassing with Raven there. He kept giving me suggestions just like the crows had done when I was learning to fly.
“Maybe I could concentrate better if you shut up,” I told him.
He chuckled. “So impatient. Is that what you feel when you’re trying? Impatience?”
“Yeah. This shouldn’t be so hard.”
He crouched down in front of me so we were almost at eye level. “What do you see? What are you thinking of when you try to change?” He tapped a finger against my forehead.
“I think about the times I wished I could change and didn’t know I could. I pull on the desperation and try to make it fuel my power, the way anger fuels my fire.”
“Desperation and frustration.” He shook his head. “What have I been telling you?”
“That I have to relax, believe I can do it, and feel what I want to become in my bones.”
“You don’t listen, little demon.” He tapped my head again and I bristled.
“Don’t call me that.” My skin warmed a little, chasing away the morning chill.
“What does a cat think when he’s being a cat?”
“What?” I blinked at the topic change.
“If you want to be a cat, it helps to think like a cat. You’re still thinking like you. So, what does a cat think?”
I assumed he meant a normal cat and not Mew-Mew. “I don’t know. I guess they think about what the best places to sleep are, and hunting mice, and how much they should clean their fur, and how good tuna is.”
“Keep going.”
“Curling up in a patch of sunlight, and all the things they get to smell when they’re let outside, and if their owner will give them milk tonight, and how good it feels to sharpen their claws on the leather couch, and if they’ll be able to catch the bird before it takes off.” I was still looking at Raven, but I wasn’t seeing him.
“The way the grass feels under my paws, the perfect way to turn my ears to catch the sound of the ocean, where that interesting smell is coming from, how good it feels to stretch every limb one by one, including my tail.” Power moved through me like warm liquid. I looked at my hands, and they’d turned into paws, covered in black fur like extra-large versions of Mew-Mew’s paws.
“Whoa.” I picked up my right paw, but the transformation slid away and it was just my hand again. “What the fuck? What happened?” I looked up at Raven.
“You lost hold of it, but that was a good start.”
I took a deep breath and tried not to be disappointed. “I guess so.” Better than nothing.
Chapter 10
Hayley and I went on a few more dates, and I hung out with Casey and my other new friends. I did my best not to feel too bad about lying to them. Then suddenly Halloween was around the corner… and my birthday. I had to figure out if I wanted to tell my new friends about my birthday and if I wanted to have a party.
Fuck yeah, I wanted a party.
I wanted my demigod friends at my party too, but I thought putting the two groups together was a bad idea. First of all, I’d have to explain who they were, and that meant more lies and half-truths, and second, I didn’t quite trust them all not to let something slip. So, the bright side of all this was that I was going to have two birthday parties, the kind I’d always wanted and not the kind of parties my parents had for me. For one thing, I’d never had kids at my parties, and this time I didn’t have to worry about the possibility of anyone trying to sacrifice animals.
Having a birthday party on Halloween was probably a bad idea, so I planned it for the weekend before. Friday night with my school friends, Saturday with the divine ones.
“Your birthday is Halloween?” Casey said when I told him.
“Yep,” I said. “How perfectly Gothic.”
“I’m having a Halloween party at my house,” Lucia said. “We can turn it into a birthday party too.”
I shook my head. “I was thinking of having a party the Friday before, but I would love to come to your Halloween party.” I wanted to see the fun side of Halloween, not the stupid-ass Satanist rituals. Halloween with my parents sucked, and my birthday sucked. The only good thing about them being on the same day was I got it over with all at once.
She smiled, “Oh, you’re totally invited.”
“So what are we doing for your birthday?” Hayley asked.
“I haven’t thought it all out yet.” I knew it couldn’t be anything too expensive, and since it would be after school we didn’t have a lot of time. “Right now, I’d be happy just with you guys coming over, playing some games, cake and presents, that kind of thing.”
“Well, keep thinking about it,” Hayley said. “If you want to do something special, just let us know.”
“Thanks.” I kissed her cheek. We’d kissed a lot since our first date, and it still gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.
***
My party ended up being at Hayley and Casey’s house. That way we had more room a
nd we didn’t have to worry about being quiet. They decorated and everything. It was really nice. Their parents kept an eye on all of us, but they were pretty relaxed about it.
We played some video games, a board game, had cake, and everyone sang “Happy Birthday.” I almost got a little choked up, thinking about how much I’d wanted this, and now here it was.
The next day I went with my other friends to Six Flags. Holy shit, that was fun. Colin almost barfed after one of the coasters, Stefan got soaked on a water ride, and Emily convinced me to go on the craziest roller coaster in the park, which was at first terrifying and then awesome.
On the downside, waiting in line sucked so much I was tempted to use my powers to get everyone out of the way. I kept thinking of how many more rides I could have if it wasn’t for the fucking lines. Still, it was one of the best days of my life, and I went home exhausted and happy.
***
A few days later it was Halloween, and for the first time ever I got to wear a costume. I’d agonized over it for weeks. It was so damn hard to decide. I didn’t want to be anything “evil,” but I didn’t want to be anything boring, either. I finally settled on being a cowboy. I’d wanted to be one when I was little, and it seemed to fit. They were generally good guys, but not pure. A little rough around the edges, but they still saved the day.
Just before I was about to leave, I got a text from Lucia. Party delayed. Have 2 take bro out b4.
I called her up. “Hey, it’s Alex. What’s going on?”
“I have to take my stupid brother out trick-or-treating before we can start the party. That or stay here while my mom takes him out. She won’t let me have you guys over if she’s not here.”
“That sucks.” We’d lose at least an hour or two, and we already couldn’t stay up too late because it was a school night. I was jealous of her, actually, having an excuse to go house-to-house. With a mask, no one would know she was high school age. “Oh, hey. Would your mom mind if I took him?”
“What?”
“I can take your brother trick-or-treating.” The thought made me feel giddy. I’d never gotten to go trick-or-treating, and now I was supposedly too old.
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