Percy
I fired off a text message immediately.
No way. You can't quit like this. At least tell me why.
He didn't, so I tried a guilt trip.
You owe me for getting you the job. Meet me for dinner and tell me what's up. I won't leave you alone until you do. And don't quit yet!
I waited a few more minutes and was about to send another message when his arrived.
Fine. I don't know why I bother arguing with you, you always win. How's six o'clock?
I checked my calendar.
Volunteered for dog walking at 6:30 so I can't. Five instead? At Setherwood Cafe? It's close to where I have to go.
His last response made me smile through my concern.
Yeah. Sounds good. Thank you.
Chapter Twenty
At twenty after five, I still sat alone at the cafe. I'd sent Percy three text messages, with no response, and I was both worried and annoyed.
The booth where I'd been seated would be hard to spot from the door, so I was checking out each person who came in to make sure I saw Percy when he arrived. If he arrived.
Two women came in.
A group of four men.
A guy alone.
I perked up, but the way he carried himself was all wrong for Percy. He was hot, though, and when the hostess walked him past my table the eye contact that jolted between us made it clear he was a sexy guy. But I wasn't waiting for one of those.
The hostess hurried back past me and I looked at the man who was waiting for her, beginning the 'nice guy-sexy guy' analysis without even thinking. Tall, unshaven in that 'I'm manly and dangerous' way that always caught my eye, and--
And Percy.
So much for my analytical skills. The stubble had thrown me off, and for that split second I hadn't seen my long-time friend but a new and potentially sexy guy. But no, he wasn't a sexy guy. He was Percy.
He spoke to the hostess and she looked in my direction. I waved and Percy said something else to her then came over alone.
"Sorry I'm late," he said, slipping into the booth across from me.
Up close, I could see past the stubble and he just looked like Percy to me again, so I had no trouble saying, "You should be sorry. I thought you were standing me up."
His eyes met mine. "I thought about it."
I blinked. I'd expected a denial. "You did?"
He nodded. "Not because it's you, of course. I just don't know what good this will do."
The bleakness in his voice stopped me from making a sarcastic response. "What good does it need to do?"
He leaned back in his chair, studying me. "That's the question, isn't it? And I don't know."
I didn't know what to do with that, but the waitress's arrival meant I couldn't do anything right away. I'd been to the Setherwood enough times that I didn't need to bother with the menu to order a chicken club sandwich and a salad, and Percy told the waitress he'd have the same. She left, and I took a deep breath and said, "So. Talk to me."
He held my gaze again then said, "How do we get to be who we are, do you think?"
"Part how our genes are and part how we're raised, I guess. Nature versus nurture, right?"
"Which one's more important?"
I leaned forward, putting my elbows on the table. Percy had the genes of an absent father and was raised by a mother who'd done everything she could for him. Easy to see why the question mattered to him. "You tell me."
He gave me a smile so sad it hurt to see. "I'd like to say nurture, but..." He shook his head. "I don't know why my father ran away but man, I want to do the same thing."
I considered this. "Why now, though? I know losing your mom must have been awful." I found myself imagining how I'd feel if one of my parents died, and it was too horrible even to contemplate. "Of course that's made everything seem weird. And I can see why you're thinking more about your father, but you've got a great job now. Doesn't that make you want to stay around? Make you want to succeed at it?"
He shut his eyes and murmured something I couldn't catch.
"Pardon?"
Without opening his eyes, he said, "She'll never see it so what does it matter?"
Of course it mattered. But I knew what he meant. His mom had tried so hard to get him on the right path and it hadn't happened before she'd died. But it would still be great if it happened now.
I was trying to find the right words to say that when he said, "And if I can do it now..." He swallowed and shook his head. "Let's just call it a fear of success and move on, okay?"
No, not okay. This felt important. Everything he'd said swirled in my mind and I tried to assemble it into something that made sense. Afraid of success if he manages to get it now. Why?
Now.
I looked into his eyes, which were both sad and afraid. "You wish you'd done it a year ago."
He gave one curt nod. "Then she'd have seen it and been happy. She worked so..." He cut himself off and swallowed hard. "She deserved to see me pull my life together. Now she never will so maybe I don't..."
I waited for him to finish, then realized what he meant and burst out before he could. "Maybe you don't deserve it? Percy, no. Come on."
"I'm as bad as my father," he said, his voice low but intense. "No drive, no focus. Everything's too little too late. Or else we do nothing at all. I don't know if I can hack being a grownup but I hate not doing it for her, but if I try it and fail then I'm as useless as he is. If I don't try, I can't fail. Not really. Of course, I can't succeed either."
The waitress arrived with our food. Once she'd made sure we were okay, she left again, and I ignored my plate and reached out to take Percy's hand. "Look. I've known you a long time. You're not useless. You never have been. And you're not going to fail."
"How do you know?" His voice was soft and not remotely sarcastic, and he was clearly desperate for me to give him a reason.
"Because I won't let you."
He gave a grunt of laughter and tried to pull his hand away but I didn't let go. "I'm serious. I won't. I know you're not useless. I know because you were at work only a few days after your mom died and because you've worked really hard."
"Until I bailed out."
"So bail back in. Be there tomorrow."
He wasn't trying to get his hand out of my grip any more. "It's not that easy."
"Sure it is. Tell Felix you'll be in and come in and get to work. Then come in again on Monday. And Tuesday. And so on. Day by day."
His head dipped down. "I'm afraid I'm just like my dad."
I tightened my grip on his warm hand. "I think you're just like your mom." A joke about 'except for the penis' crossed my mind but I restrained myself. Not the right time to be talking about his crotch. Or thinking about it, for that matter.
"I hope so," he said quietly but fiercely.
We sat in silence for a moment then he raised his head and said, "You promise to hound me if I don't come in?"
I smiled. "I have an unlimited text message plan and I'm not afraid to use it. You will be at work every day or suffer my wrath."
"The wrath of Flipper. Sounds like a bad movie."
We smiled at each other, and relief filled me. If he was back to making jokes, he'd be okay.
His next words comforted me even more. "So, what's been happening at work? Since I'm going back apparently."
"You're definitely going back." I shook my finger at him threateningly. "No apparently about it."
"Yes, ma'am." He gave me a salute.
"That's better," I said, then we began to eat and I gave him a brief update on how badly Patricia had messed up her web site in his absence before I launched into the tale of my night taking care of Daisy.
"Maybe Felix should hire Daisy. She sounds smarter than Patricia."
I laughed. "I think she is. She was certainly in charge."
He smiled at me. "Really nice of you to help Sasha out like that. Giving up your own work time, and your evening."
Felix had said
nearly the same thing but he'd seemed surprised and almost disappointed I'd done it. Percy didn't sound surprised at all and he clearly didn't think I'd made a mistake. I nearly added, "And I missed a date too," but then didn't for some reason. "Daisy was a lot of fun. If I ever have a kid I'd like her to be like that. Although maybe a little less intelligent so I can keep up."
"Outwitted by a four-year-old. Tragic."
I gave him a mock glare. "So?"
"So nothing." He smiled innocently, then the smile faded into a serious expression. "It sounds like you did a great job. I'd have been terrified."
"And you think I wasn't?" I shook my head. "She was so little, you know? Little and cute. I spent the whole night worrying about her hurting herself. I don't know how parents do it."
We sat silent. No doubt he was thinking about his mom, just as I was thinking of how my parents had raised me.
"You'd be a great mom," he said eventually.
I blinked, touched. He didn't know I was fast nearing the end of my fertility, of course, but it was still sweet. "Thank you. Not to be a copycat, but you'd be an awesome dad."
He tipped his head from side to side. "Mom thought so, which was nice. She always said that if I got myself together enough for a good woman to want me, I'd be the best father ever."
I ran my mind back over the girlfriends I'd seen Percy with, none of whom had really been what a mother would call 'good women'. They'd been struggling to find their way, to figure themselves out, just as Percy had been, and none of the relationships had done Percy any good. He and those women had dragged each other down, never raising each other up and lending each other strength. "Moms are always right. You know that."
He gave me a sad smile. "I do indeed."
He looked like he needed a hug, but the crowded café didn't seem like the right place, so I reached out and gave his hand a squeeze, nodding to the waitress who was dropping off our bill and waiting until she left to say, "It'll be okay, Percy. It'll work this time."
His grip tightened. "I hope so."
"I know so."
He looked down at our hands. "I'm still thinking about trying to find my father."
"Oh?" I wouldn't have thought he'd want to.
"I guess I feel like he should know Mom's gone, and I also kind of want to see him. To see what he's like."
To make sure he's nothing like you, right? I didn't say it, though. Instead, I said, "Well, if you think you'll feel better, if you think it's good for you to do it, then I hope it works."
"Thanks." He squeezed my hand again then released me. "Thank you for being such a good friend."
His awkward tone made me smile. "You're not so bad yourself." My cell phone's alarm went off to let me know it was six-fifteen. "Aw, crud, I should get going. Those dogs won't walk themselves. I guess not, anyhow, or else why am I volunteering to do it?"
He grinned. "Good point. I guess you could set them all free but the shelter might disapprove."
"Probably. Whiners. Now, I will be seeing you tomorrow morning, right? By nine?"
He pulled cash from his wallet and dropped it on the bill, waving me off when I tried to protest. "Not a chance you're paying for this, Flipper. And yes, I will be there. With bells on."
We stood up and walked out together, and on the sidewalk I said, "I don't think bells are necessary, but maybe you should do something about this."
As a joke I reached up and brushed my fingertips over his stubbly cheek, but the heat and sensation that flooded my hand was no joke. I'd never before had that kind of reaction to touching Percy. Must have been the roughness of his hair against my soft skin.
"I suppose." He smiled down at me. "Whatever you say."
He held out his arms to me and we gave each other a quick friendly hug.
"See you tomorrow."
"Yes," he said, his eyes locked to mine. "You will."
Chapter Twenty-One
I reached the shelter about a minute late because the two traffic lights on my route didn't cooperate, and when I asked at the front desk where I could find Martha the woman there glanced at her watch and said, "She'll be down that hall, so hurry," as if I'd been an hour late.
Within moments of meeting Martha I knew why she'd seemed so relieved to have me sign up, since I couldn't imagine she kept volunteers around for long.
"We did say six-thirty, didn't we? I'm sure we did."
"Yes," I said, wanting to insist I was almost never late for anything but also not feeling I should have to defend myself to her over one lousy minute.
She looked at her watch. "Well. Anyhow, you're here now."
And regretting it, thank you very much. "Yes, I am. So what do I need to do?"
"Do you have your forms?"
Luckily I'd remembered to bring them all, so I retrieved them from my bag and handed them over.
She flipped through then said, "I guess they'll do."
I'd filled them all out completely so I nearly protested this, but then decided I'd be better off getting away from her and on to actually walking the dogs.
Sadly, I was wrong.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I walked into the office the next morning afraid of what I might not see, but warm relief flooded me at the sight of Percy sitting on the edge of his desk talking to Felix and Patricia.
They looked over at my arrival, and Felix said, "Hey there. Look who showed up."
"I'm looking." I dropped my stuff off at my desk and joined them. "Welcome back. I hope you're feeling better."
Percy smiled at me. "Much, thanks. And how are you? How were the dogs?"
I grimaced and gave a mock shudder.
Felix said, "Dogs? I thought you only had the one."
Annoyed with myself for being pleased he'd remembered something so simple about me, I said, "I do. But I started volunteering at a pet shelter last night. Walking the dogs. Well, trying to, anyhow."
"You have to let dogs know who's boss," Patricia said, "or they decide they are."
"Yes," I said, trying not to sound annoyed, "I know that from my own dog. But these guys have been caged up much more than they should be since the volunteers have mostly all quit, so they're pretty hyper."
"You didn't lose any, did you?" Felix winked at me. "A shame to get fired on your first day."
"Nothing that bad, fortunately. No, I had to walk twenty of them, two at a time for about ten minutes each, and I had four fights to break up and six pees on the floor and one very confused dog who thought the other male I was walking with him was his mate."
My eyes met Percy's as I said "mate", and a flicker of something electric zipped between us. It disappeared as quickly as it came, though, when he laughed with the others at my disastrous outing, and I decided I must have imagined it and joined them in chuckling.
"So I guess you're not going back then," he said when the amusement died down. "Doesn't sound like much fun."
"It wasn't." I sighed. "But I am going back. The coordinator didn't give me much choice. She's the queen of guilt trips."
Martha had come back, after I'd finished cleaning up the floor for the sixth time and was washing my hands to get rid of twenty dogs' worth of spit and fur, and said, "It'd be great if you could come in every day, but even three times a week would be wonderful. I'm sure you're busy but we'd appreciate it so much." Then she gestured to the dogs, back in their cages, and said, "And they'd appreciate it."
Every fiber of my exhausted being told me to refuse, but I was looking at the poor lonely dogs and I couldn't make myself do it. "Monday and Thursday nights would work."
"And maybe Saturday morning too? Then they'd be nice and relaxed when the potential forever homes come to visit them in the afternoon."
It took me a second to remember the pet rescue referred to adoptive owners as 'forever homes', and in that time she said, "Ten o'clock on Saturday and six-thirty Monday and Thursday. Thank you, Lydia. Thank you very much."
She sounded so sincere and so grateful that even though I didn't wan
t to lose my Saturday mornings I hadn't been able to say anything but, "You're welcome." Then I'd gone home and given my own dog a far-too-short walk because I was simply too tired to do anything more.
Patricia gave me a condescending smile. "Well, just show them who's in charge and it'll be fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I should get some work done."
Her slight emphasis on "I", as if she was the only one who ever did any work instead of the one who most frequently palmed off her tasks on others, grated on me, but I said as sweetly as I could, "Yes, me too."
Sasha came in then and we all said hello, then I turned back to Percy and said, "I know you've got stuff to catch up on but can I work with you from eleven to twelve? I'll be busy all afternoon with the four-week traffic report."
"Your turn this time?" Felix clapped me on the back. "Well, make sure it's on my desk by five."
"Will do." I'd do it as fast as I could, since I hated every moment I spent on the stupid thing. At least I only had to do it a few times a year, since everyone but Felix and Kelvin took turns with it, but it required picking through pages and pages of site tracking results to find out exactly where our visitors were coming from and what they did while they were on our site. I hated the job with a passion, and so did everyone else. I wasn't actually convinced Felix read the finished product but I was afraid to ask.
"And eleven to twelve is fine," Percy said. "Want to do lunch after?"
"Sure. But it'll have to be quick so I can get back to work."
He gestured at the pile of work in his inbox, next to the Lego blocks he fiddled with when he needed a break which he'd left built into a bridge. "Yeah, I hear you."
I headed back to my desk. Felix followed, and as I sat down he said, "You're volunteering now."
I looked up at him, puzzled. "Yup. And?"
"Oh, nothing. Monday you didn't seem to think you had the time. I'm just glad something changed your mind."
Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13) Page 12
