When we reached my apartment and stood outside my door I offered him coffee with an eagerness that made me cringe inside when I heard it. Way to let him know I was an easy target.
"Sorry, I should get home." He gave me a wry smile. "My mother calls every Thursday night and if I'm not home she gets worried."
I smiled, touched despite my desire for him but also feeling guilty that I hadn't contacted my mother beyond a brief 'I got here and I'm alive' email.
"But maybe I'll call you tomorrow." He stepped closer and touched my cheek gently. "We could go get that coffee."
"Sounds good."
He moved closer, laying his palm more fully against my cheek, and looked into my eyes, and my heart sped up as I prepared myself for our first kiss.
It didn't come, though. Instead, he left his hand resting against my skin, setting it afire, for a long moment, then stepped back. "Okay, I'll talk to you soon."
"Okay," I said, trying to hide the hunger his touch had sent through me.
Trying and, by the half-hungry-half-satisfied way he smiled at me before he left, failing.
Chapter Fourteen
I'd long had the impression Kegan was a good kisser, but I wasn't sure that even he could beat out Leon. The hunger in my coworker's kisses and the feel of his hands on my back were weakening my knees.
He hadn't called me yesterday as he'd said he might. He'd left me alone all that day and most of today, giving me tons of time to wish he was interested in me and hate myself for wanting that so much, then called at five o'clock to invite me out for dinner.
We hadn't gotten past my front hall.
He'd come into my apartment to pick me up, smiled at me, and leaned in to kiss me without a word. I'd lost track of time ages ago and I felt alive for the first time since Greg had kissed me in the alley.
Leon drew back and smiled at me again. "That's one hell of an appetizer, Larissa. Ready for the main course?"
I wasn't sure what to say. Physically I was more than ready but--
His confused look cut off my thought, then he laughed. "I mean actual dinner. Although I like the way you look at the thought of... you know."
I laughed too, but couldn't help blushing. How had I looked? If he knew I wanted him, he'd have power over me. Like Greg had.
He took me to a Japanese restaurant, and once we'd begun eating our surprisingly delicious sushi he said, "So what have you been up to this weekend?"
I shrugged. No way would I tell him that I'd spent most of my time, when I'd been alone anyhow, thinking about him. "Work, laundry, a bit more reorganizing the apartment, some grocery shopping. Nothing exciting."
"Good stuff. You found the Sultan Center okay?"
"No problem," I said, then had to add, "Well, Omar found it, actually."
He tipped his head to one side. "Omar?"
I nodded. "He texted me yesterday morning and offered to take me shopping."
"I'd have taken you," he said, the heat in his eyes adding another layer of meaning to the words and making my cheeks flame. "Any time. All you have to do is ask."
I hadn't had to ask Omar. He had guided me through the somewhat confusing layout of the store and helped me unpack my groceries at my apartment while we chatted about Kuwait and the sights I should see. Then we'd made lunch from what we'd bought and talked about the future plans for our classes. He understood my Khalid concerns and gave me a few suggestions to try, and didn't once hint that I 'couldn't be bothered' as Leon had.
Remembering that made me say, "Omar was a sweetheart. Took great care of me."
Leon smiled, his expression showing nothing but calm amusement. "I bet his girlfriend thinks he's a sweetheart too."
"His..."
He tipped his head to one side. "He didn't tell you?" He shook his head, grinning. "That dog. Yeah, apparently he's been dating his cousin's friend or something like that for ages. She must be a sweetheart herself if she doesn't mind you spending so much time with him."
Omar hadn't mentioned a girlfriend at all, and it bothered me. I wasn't interested in him that way, but I wouldn't have expected him to hide his relationship. I'd thought better of him.
Leon shrugged. "Well, that's their problem. But he helped you?"
I nodded. "I'm ready for my next week at school, thanks to him."
"Excellent." He let his eyes linger on my mouth. "I want you to stay around."
The rest of our dinner went by in a blur of sexual innuendo and hungry eyes, and though the food was great I was more than happy to rush through it and go back to my apartment.
Inside, he pressed my back against my front door and locked his mouth to mine. We kissed, long and hard, until he broke away and said, "I'd better get going."
I caught my breath and did my best to look calm and amused instead of desperate for him. I sensed he wasn't the kind of guy who'd respond well to desperation, even though I was feeling it. His back-and-forth was making me feel even more insecure than usual. I wanted him to want me, and I needed it too. "Your mom calling again?"
He laughed and shook his head. "Nope. But if I don't go, I might not be able to. And I'm not sure we're ready for that."
"Me either," I said, feeling relieved and disappointed at once.
He smiled at me. "But I do think we're ready for..." He leaned in and kissed me again with even more hunger, his hands roaming my back and sending pleasant shivers through me, then stepped away. "See you tomorrow? I'll drop by at lunch."
I nodded then made myself add, "No kissing at school, though."
He laughed. "You take all the fun out of it, Miss Larissa. Okay, fine. Maybe. We'll see."
He winked and left, and I wandered around my apartment in a lust-induced haze until it was time to go to sleep. The excitement of falling into a relationship with him would make sure I couldn't get bored with my new life, not that I thought I would.
Seeing how well my new life was going made me think about my old one. Both Candice and Larissa had sent me multiple emails asking if I was okay and why I'd made such a huge move. I hadn't answered any of their notes, despite their ever-increasing intensity as my friends worried about my well-being, because I hadn't quite known what to say. Now, though, I felt like I could tell them that I was doing fine and making a decent life for myself, even though I still couldn't really tell them why I'd come to Kuwait. I didn't know myself. I'd just known I had to.
Maybe to find Leon?
I emailed both of them, and my mom too while I was at it, finding it easy to sound relaxed and happy since I felt that way after being with Leon, then curled up in my bed under the freshly washed sheets and inhaled their spicy-laundry scent that I'd come to enjoy and tried to ignore the noise of the cars on the Gulf Road so I could sleep. It was easier than it had been, and I liked that. Everything had felt so wrong when I got here, but now my world was beginning to feel right.
Chapter Fifteen
When I walked through my open classroom door at the end of my second week in Kuwait the sight of Janet sitting on a chair she'd pulled over beside my desk flooded me with nervousness.
I'd left school a little earlier yesterday because Leon had insisted we play tennis with his friends before we went out for dinner. Though I'd done most of my marking and given the room a brief tidying despite Leon's rushing me, I knew I could have done better. Should have done better. Did she know too? Was that why she was here?
Her solemn profile didn't tell me one way or the other. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. "Janet?"
She jumped and turned. "Sorry, Larissa. I was away with the fairies, as my mother always says." She smiled at me and I realized with surprise that she was wearing a vibrant pink lipstick. I'd never seen her with any makeup on, and though I'd have used a more neutral shade on her otherwise naked face I did have to admit the color brightened her skin and eyes. "Now that you've brought me back to earth, can we talk for a minute?"
"Of course." She was the boss, she didn't even need to ask.
I put down my
bag and settled into my chair.
She let me get comfortable then said, "So, you've been here two weeks now. How do you think it's going?"
I made myself not look at the pile of notebooks I hadn't put away the night before. "Pretty well, I think."
She nodded. "Tell me why you say so."
A sick feeling began churning in my stomach. She obviously didn't think I was living up to what she'd thought she'd seen in me on my first day. Not a surprise. I was always better at first impressions than second ones.
I cleared my throat and tried to calm myself. I had to say something to keep her from firing me. "I've been making my own lesson plans since the ones you left me ran out, and Omar says I'm doing them well. Katherine says she hardly ever hears my class from across the hall and she likes that." I felt my cheeks warm at the "hardly ever", since she should probably never have been able to hear my kids, but it was too late to correct it. "Zainab told me yesterday she appreciates that my attendance is always to the office on time, and Amal the Islamic Studies--"
"Larissa, that's all great, but what I want is to know why you think it's going well, not why everyone else does."
How would I know I was doing well if nobody told me? "I... um..." I tried to think of something that didn't involve a colleague's comments about me. "Muneera finally understood multiplying fractions yesterday, after I tried every possible thing I could come up with or find online to teach her."
She smiled. "Great. What else?"
"I think the kids like me," I said, then had to qualify it to, "Most of them do," because Khalid and I were still struggling.
"I've never known a teacher that absolutely every kid loved. Keep going."
I looked around my room, searching for inspiration. "I'm here early and I stay late, most days anyhow, and I'm trying really hard." I shut my eyes. "I'm sorry, I am trying but I guess I'm not doing well enough. What do you want me to fix? I'll try. No, I'll make it happen. I will."
She didn't speak, and I opened my eyes to see her staring at me. "Larissa, not only are we not on the same page here I don't think we're in the same book. Maybe not even in the same library."
My turn to stare.
She smiled at me. "I'm not trying to say you're not doing well. In fact, I think you've done amazingly well."
Relief and pleasure washed through me. I wasn't ready to be sent home and I didn't have anywhere else to go. "Thank you. I'm trying, I really am."
She patted my shoulder. "I know you are. I can tell. Omar raves about you. Katherine's not the raving type but I know she's pleased too, and I've had so many great comments from your students' parents. I can honestly say I haven't seen anyone settle in faster than you have, and you get along great with the staff."
Something in her smile said she knew I was heading into a relationship with Leon, and I blushed, but she kindly didn't pursue it. Instead, she said, "And if you've been homesick at all you've hidden it beautifully."
I hadn't been. In this new world, with not a single person who knew me and the screw-up I'd been in Toronto, I'd felt too comfortable to feel bad about what I'd left behind. Nothing of my life in Toronto mattered any more except Lydia and Candice, and my ongoing emails with them were all light and funny. Both of them seemed to have decided not to press for details about why I'd left and I liked it. My past was irrelevant.
Janet pushed to her feet. "I just wanted to let you know how pleased I am with you. Please remember, if you need anything, let me know."
I smiled, thrilled she wasn't trying to get rid of me. "Will do."
She smiled back and headed for the door, and I watched her go and felt sure she'd lost quite a bit of weight. Her new boyfriend must have pushed her into it. I nearly commented on her size but caught myself before I essentially told my boss her ass was less fat than before.
At the door, Janet turned to me. "Larissa, I think you've got a great career in teaching ahead of you. I've never said this to anyone before, but I think you have now found who you were born to be."
She grinned, and I made myself grin back but it was astonishingly difficult as all my happiness drained away at once. I should have been thrilled that my boss thought so highly of me, and I was enjoying teaching a lot more than I'd expected to, but though I didn't understand it something about the idea of this being who I was born to be immediately made me want to throw up.
*****
"Come on, Larissa, your day can't have been that bad."
I glared at Leon. "It was. I completely forgot about my recess duty, I mixed up Abdul and Aziz four times and they both hate it when I do that, I told Katherine our team meeting hadn't been cancelled and it was so we both sat there like losers for half an hour, I tripped over nothing and spilled coffee all down my front, I snapped at my kids and Mohammed burst into tears because of it, I taught a whole lesson on the inner and outer core of the earth saying that the inner core is liquid when it's really the outer one and I didn't even notice until Muneera told me her textbook was wrong, I..."
I took a breath to carry on and Leon kissed me to stop me. I pulled away, too angry and upset for kisses, and he shook his head, smiling. "Okay, fine, I admit it. You had the worst day ever. Can we go out for dinner now that you've changed your shirt?"
I couldn't smile back, and I wasn't hungry. True, everything that had gone wrong had been little and petty, but together those things had made for a completely off-balance day. From the moment Janet left my room, nothing I'd done had been right.
If I were a normal person I'd have figured I got up on the wrong side of the bed and I'd be fine tomorrow, but it felt far too much like the start of the kinds of disasters I'd caused at home with Eric's christening and my devious behavior that had gotten Hayley into trouble. Was I reverting to my old awful self already?
Leon's eyes softened. "You're really upset, aren't you? I've never seen you like this, so emotional. Look, don't worry about it." He pulled me close and hugged me tight, then kissed my neck. "The kids were annoying you so you snapped at them." His tongue slid along the outer edge of my ear. "If one crying kid means you're a disaster then there's not a good teacher on the planet." He nipped my earlobe. "And Katherine should have known when her meeting was and your recess duty partner should have reminded you and I'm sure the earth's core will survive your mistake and the only thing I think is your fault is that you're so sexy I can't think straight."
We'd spent a lot of time kissing over the last few days, but he hadn't once tried to take things further even though I'd been growing steadily hungrier for him and the comfort of knowing he truly wanted me. Last night, in desperation, I'd hinted that I'd be happy to go to bed with him right then but he hadn't done anything but kiss me and say he didn't want to rush things.
It felt like he might have changed his mind.
"But," I said weakly, shivering as he laid a delicious line of nibbles along my neck, "I screwed up. A lot. I should be better than that."
His mouth stopped moving against my skin and I realized I'd screwed up yet again by losing myself that sweet sensation. "Larissa?"
"Yeah?"
He bit me lightly. "You've been teaching two weeks. If people are expecting as much of you as you're making it sound, they're idiots."
"Maybe I'm the idiot."
He chuckled, though I hadn't been joking. "You are a lot of things but an idiot's not one of them. Sadly, neither is naked." His lips began moving along my neck again and he slid his hand under the back of my shirt and pressed his palm to my bare skin. "We should change that."
Desire swept me, but with my usual backwardness I wasn't sure I was in the mood to indulge it. "Don't you have to go home so your mom can call you?"
He burst out laughing. "Honey, she can wait. I can't."
He kissed me hard, his hands busy with the zip of my pants, and suddenly I couldn't wait either.
Chapter Sixteen
Leon's kisses had written a check his sexual prowess couldn't cash. I'd barely realized we'd started when he'd finished.<
br />
"You're amazing," he said when he rolled off me far too soon.
I couldn't return the compliment but I also couldn't tell him the truth, so I ran my hand along his bare chest and said, "We'll have to do it again sometime." Maybe it had just been a while for him and he'd have a little more stamina next time.
"Definitely." He gave my hand a squeeze, then pulled it off his chest and got to his feet. "But for now I need to get going."
"I..." I hadn't expected to spend the night cuddling and murmuring sweet nothings to each other, but I also hadn't expected him to take off immediately. We'd been planning to have dinner, after all. "Okay," I said, since begging him to stay would have made me feel even worse.
He stood with his back to me but I could tell he was pulling off the condom he'd conveniently had in his wallet. While he wasn't looking in my direction, I grabbed my clothes off the floor and dressed as fast as I could.
"You don't feel like a hooker," I kept telling myself. "He just has to leave. You don't mind. You understand."
I didn't think I was listening.
When Leon was dressed too, the condom disposed of in my bathroom garbage can, he came around the bed and gave me a hug. "You're the best, Larissa. You're right, we have to do it again sometime."
I wasn't going to ask him when.
He left a little pause, as if to see whether I would, then smiled and kissed me. "All right. Walk me to the door and I'll get out of your hair."
At my front door he pulled his jacket off the wall hook and knocked down my purse which I'd forgotten to zip up after stuffing my house keys into it when we arrived. "Sorry," he said, helping me gather everything that had fallen out. He scooped up my bulging wallet, now even more full than it had been in Toronto with my school and gym ID cards and my Kuwaiti money, and waved it at me. "Look at this." He tapped the snap on the front. "When this thing blows it's going to take out half a city block."
Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13) Page 40
