Omar suggested we all go get a drink together. I assumed he was trying to defuse the tension but I knew it wouldn't work so I was relieved when Gunther said, "No, I think Katherine and I will spend some time together. I'm only here for the day because I have to work tomorrow." He turned to her. "You're all right with that, yes?"
It wasn't really a question the way he said it, and she nodded as though she didn't think she had a choice.
They left and the rest of us stood in awkward silence for a moment until Tara said, "Well, I don't know about you guys but I could definitely use a drink. Or three. And a meal or six."
We all laughed harder than this deserved and it did help to relax us as we set off again to the cafe where we'd had brunch.
Two drinks each with dinner relaxed us even more, and with Gunther gone the tension between me and Leon faded away too. He was more openly affectionate than he'd ever been before, and I would have liked it if I hadn't kept noticing how miserable Omar looked.
Once we'd finished eating and drinking Tara said, "Okay, I vote we split up for a while. Larissa and I can ogle shoes without being judged and you guys can... um... I don't actually care."
We laughed and Leon said, "Just don't turn her into a little pink princess, okay?" He pulled me close and kissed me. "I like her like this."
He'd never actually said he liked me before, and I felt an unexpected sense of relief mixed with my alcoholic buzz. I didn't want to lose him. Giving up pink was a small price to pay.
"Fine," Tara said. "Whatever. Ready to go, Larissa?"
I was, so we headed off. I was expecting her to discuss the whole Gunther thing but when we were out of the guys' earshot she just said, "Okay, we are free, lady. Anything you particularly want to do or see?"
"Not really."
"Good." She grinned at me. "Because I want to get henna."
"On your hair?" I said, surprised because her hair was already a rich shimmering red.
She wiggled her fingers at me. "Nope. Hands. When Katy and Leon came back from Dubai months ago she had these gorgeous intricate-- oh, crap. You know they were together, right?"
I nodded and she sighed with relief. "Good. Not like today needs any more awkward moments. Anyhow, will you come with me? Or even get it done yourself?"
"Is it okay to have it on at school?"
"For sure. Janet loved it on Katy. So you'll do it too?"
"I'll come with," I said, "but that's probably it."
I meant it, but when we got to the small exotic-smelling shop and I sat with her looking through the books of possible designs I changed my mind. The photographs of the stunningly detailed designs sparked something deep inside me and I had to have it done.
"Attagirl," Tara said, in what I assumed was an unconscious echo of Leon's comment to Katherine about not being girly.
I nearly backed out because of him, but told myself to smarten up. It wasn't permanent, after all. As we looked at designs the shop workers had told us that after three weeks at the most our skin would be back to normal. So why not try it out?
"Pointless," I heard my dad say, as he had whenever my mom got a manicure or colored away her gray hair. "It won't last, so why waste your money?"
"If it did last," I muttered in my mind, "you'd think that was wrong too."
My mental dad and I both sat in shocked silence. I'd never argued with him before, or with the real one for that matter. But I was right. When Rachel had had one of her ears pierced three times with delicate diamond studs he'd said it was ridiculous to do something permanent to herself just to look prettier. Anything done to look prettier, apparently, was ridiculous, no matter if it lasted forever or for five minutes. No matter if it made you feel good.
"Larissa?"
I blinked, and realized Tara was already having her henna applied and an employee was waiting for me to pay so she could start mine. "Sorry," I said as I scrabbled through my purse for my wallet.
Once I'd paid, the employee smiled and laid my right hand flat against the plastic-covered arm of the chair. I'd expected her to pre-trace the design onto my skin, but she picked up a small plastic bottle full of something dark and began drawing freehand while referring to the design I'd chosen.
I watched, fascinated, as the flowers and birds and stars began to appear on my skin, and for the first time since I'd left Toronto I found myself missing my makeup artist career. I hadn't drawn this sort of thing very often, of course, but I had frequently been given the freedom to apply all my artistry to models' faces and I now realized how much I'd enjoyed that. I had no artistic outlet in my life now, and maybe I needed one.
Before long, Tara and I had the backs of both hands covered with thick mud-like lines that smelled like a spice market. "Leave it as long as you can," Tara's artist said in heavily accented but understandable English. "It will dry and fall off but do not pick. Then it will last longer."
We nodded and thanked the ladies then left, holding our hands carefully in front of us.
"Ooh," Tara said, gesturing toward a store across the aisle. "Pretties."
The huge display at the front of the store was filled with nail polish, each color only slightly different from its neighbor. Pinks and purples and reds and blues and greens, the colors melded one into the next like a glorious rainbow.
"I'll take one of each," Tara said, then she glanced at me. "You must have a ton of nail polish already, given your past career."
I shrugged. "Not here. I only brought a few, and they're all neutral. Beige, mostly. I figured that was better for school."
"I wear pinks like this all the time. Nobody cares." She extended a henna-covered hand toward me so I could see her nails, painted a glowing fuchsia. "I wouldn't wear black or something like that, but you can definitely wear pink."
Before I could speak, she said, "And I have to say, you did look gorgeous in that dress. Gunther's a jerk, but he was right on that one. While it's just us we can go back and get it if you want."
I shook my head. "Thanks, but no. Leon's right, it's not me."
I tried to say this firmly enough that she'd know I didn't want to discuss it further, and I must have managed it because she said, "Understood." She laughed then, a little awkwardly, and added, "Then can we switch bodies? Because I'd love it to be me."
I laughed too. "If you can figure out how to make that happen, sure."
"I'll work on it. In the meantime, nail polish!"
We spent a good ten minutes examining all the colors. Tara already owned many of them but still managed to find four she wanted, and though I tried to mentally talk myself out of it I ended up buying one in what I thought was the exact shade of the pink dress.
"Pretty," Tara said when I handed it to the cashier. "I've got that one at home. We'll be twins some day."
I smiled at her then carefully fished my wallet from my purse so I wouldn't disturb the drying henna. I doubted I'd ever wear the nail polish, but the color called to me too strongly to resist. If I had to have pink, and apparently today I did, this was the cheapest and easiest way to give into an urge I'd never allow myself to indulge again. I'd always known it but today's events had proven it even more strongly: pink wasn't me and it never would be.
Chapter Twenty-Two
On Sunday morning I stood in my classroom doorway watching the kids come in and feeling happier than I had in a long time. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed hanging out with friends. My coworkers were no Candice and Lydia, of course, but after the weekend we'd spent together we were now indeed friends.
Katherine had texted Omar as we ate dinner that first night to let us know Gunther had left for the airport and to ask where we were. Though it was awkward when she showed up because she'd clearly been crying, she worked hard at being friendly and happy and we all began to relax again.
We didn't relax, although we had a great time, when we went for a dune buggy ride in the desert where we whipped around screaming our heads off and bouncing over and occasionally through sand dunes, and then w
e capped off the day with a little more alcohol together before retiring to our respective rooms.
Leon shocked me in ours with his assurances that he didn't blame me for Gunther's behavior in the store. Before I could find a response to this he'd started kissing me with a new depth of intensity, and for the first time he made sure our sex was fully satisfying to us both. I didn't feel good about being the monkey in the middle of his dominance battle with Gunther, but I did like the outcome.
I slept better that night than I had in ages, only waking up a couple of times and getting back to sleep almost at once, and then on Saturday we all again visited the mall, where I ate more candy than was good for me from the amazing store Katherine loved and once my stomach recovered Omar and I went snorkeling in the aquarium while the others checked out the ice skating rink. I'd never snorkeled before, but Omar's calm presence made me relax and then I had a great time floating in the salt water watching fish swim around and into the metal cage that separated us from the rest of the tank and especially from its several sharks.
By the time we flew home that night, tired but happy, Katherine and I had several inside jokes from our skiing experience and firm plans to hang out and share the candy we'd brought home, Tara and I were constantly admiring each other's henna, and Omar made fish faces at me whenever our eyes met. Even my relationship with Leon, though we had already been more than coworkers, had evolved past just sex with his new concern for my pleasure. He hadn't even hated my hennaed hands that much, saying only, "I can put up with it until it wears off." Life felt pretty damn good.
Tara wandered past and waved at me. I waved back, and she frowned and came over. "Let's see those nails."
I held out my hand, still with its golden-beige polish.
"I figured you'd do the pink." She showed me hers, freshly done with the rich purple she'd bought. "I can never restrain myself when I get a new one."
I had put the nail polish on my bedside table, but I hadn't even considered using it. In fact, I regretted buying it. The nail polish might decorate my house but I didn't think it would ever decorate my nails so it was a waste of money.
I couldn't tell Tara that, though, so I said, "They haven't chipped yet, though. When they do..." I didn't want to lie. "We'll see how I feel."
She looked like she wanted to push me, then seemed to change her mind. "Sounds good, henna buddy."
We bumped our fancy fists and grinned at each other then she moved on, and for a second I felt my happiness begin to waver. I took a deep breath and told myself everything was fine. It wasn't like wearing pink nail polish would change anything. I was happy the way I was.
I did convince myself of that again, and my attitude seemed to affect my students, making them more cheerful and focused too. Khalid arrived half an hour late, as usual, but when he walked in I was reading to the kids and we were all laughing at my attempts to do different voices for the characters and so I smiled at him and said, "Come join us," and was too amused to feel nervous about what he'd do, and he didn't do anything but settle down at my feet and listen and laugh too.
All of our lessons went well, but the highlight was the afternoon's math class. Khalid and I had been battling for days over how to measure angles, since he always insisted on going the long way around and getting a far bigger answer than what was actually between the two lines, but this time as I tried to show him I thought of my ski tips moving down the mountain. "Khalid, do you ski?"
He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but nodded.
I looked around the class and found two yardsticks in a corner. The kids giggled as I laid them on the floor and stood on them so each of my feet covered one end of a stick. "Pretend these are skis."
Khalid nodded with more enthusiasm.
I shuffled my feet until the stick tips were barely a degree from touching. "Can I ski like this?"
They all shouted no, including Khalid.
"No shouting, guys. Khalid, why not?"
"They're too close together."
I gave him my best fake confused look. "But last time you said this was a really big angle, not a small one."
He stared at me, then at my feet, then at me, understanding lighting up his face. "But between the lines, it's small."
I wanted to shout, "That's what I said before!" but kept myself under control. "That's right," I said. "That's the part we measure unless we have a good reason to go around the outside. And right now, we don't."
I shifted my 'skis' to about fifteen degrees. "Khalid, estimate for me. How big is this angle?"
He frowned at my feet. "Don't know, miss."
Ignoring the calls of "I do" I said, "Look at my hand, Khalid." He did, and I made a forty-five degree angle with my thumb and index finger. "If this is forty-five, what are my skis at?"
I waited, hopeful but worried, until he said, "Twenty, miss?"
Excitement tore through me and I grinned at him and couldn't resist clapping too. "Excellent. Great estimate. Do you think you can do the problems on the board now?"
He went up, grabbed the big wooden protractor, and measured each angle with a precision that would have impressed a top scientist.
"Oh, Khalid, great job." I grinned at him again. "Good for you, you get it."
He grinned back, happier than I'd ever seen him, and took his seat where he began measuring every angle he could find on his desk with his own protractor.
I floated through the rest of the day on the joy of having finally found a way to reach Khalid. I could never have imagined it would feel so good. A few minutes before dismissal I pulled out a box of maple sugar candies I'd found in Dubai and gave each kid one to try since Janet had confirmed that was all right. They nibbled away while I read them another chapter of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", and I felt more like a teacher than I'd ever thought I could.
When the bell rang for dismissal I got them all lined up then sent them out to find their parents and nannies. Khalid was the last out of the room, and he took a step into the hall then froze there.
"Khalid?"
He turned back and I saw his eyes were full of tears. "Miss?"
Worried, I said, "Yes?"
"You made me feel smart today."
This teary-eyed thing was contagious. Happiness filled me and I blinked hard. "I'm glad, because you are smart."
"Really?"
I smiled at him. "Definitely. And now you're good at angles too."
He smiled back, then threw himself forward and hugged me hard, pressing his face into my stomach. Before I could pat his shoulder or something he let me go and ran down the hall, but skidded to a stop and rushed back.
"Sorry for running, Miss."
I laughed. "I'll let it go this one time."
"Bye, Miss."
"Bye, Khalid."
He left, walking decorously this time, and I watched him go and wondered how I'd managed such a huge success. At the end of the hall he stopped and waved and smiled at me, and I smiled and waved back, then went into my room and dropped into my chair and stared grinning at my desk because I couldn't control my delight.
I knew how I'd done it. I'd been the new Larissa, not a quitter, not a whiner, not running away. I'd kept trying and trying and I'd succeeded.
Kegan was right, people could change.
I had.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I sat in the staff room before school the next day, sipping a strong coffee and chatting with Omar and Leon and for the first time really feeling that I belonged. I had reached Khalid, so maybe I truly was a teacher. It felt good.
Amirah walked in and said, "Oh, I'm glad I found you."
"Me?"
She laughed. "Leon, why would I want to find you? No, Larissa." She dug in her black tote bag and pulled out a small flat box wrapped in silver paper. "I got you something."
I looked at her, confused. "Why?"
Her cheeks turned a dusty rose against her dark skin. "Because of Khalid."
"I didn't tell you about that for a pres
ent," I protested. I'd told her, and everyone I'd seen, because I'd been ecstatic at finally connecting with the kid.
"I know." She held the box out to me. "I got it anyhow."
"Thanks," I murmured, feeling as shy as she looked, and undid the wrapping then opened the box and lifted out a long scarf. The feel of the fabric in my hands told me it was real silk, and high quality silk at that. Its soft pink was so rich it seemed to shimmer, and at the ends it had a fringe made of silk threads in pink and purple and white. I'd never seen a prettier scarf. I wound it around my neck, loving the feel of the cool silk against my skin. "It's gorgeous, Amirah. Thank you so much."
She smiled. "I hope you like it. I know you don't wear much pink but when I saw it I thought of you for some reason."
I stroked the scarf gently with my fingertip, and Leon said, "It is pretty," in a tone that told me he didn't like it but knew he couldn't come out and say so.
I didn't acknowledge him. I did like it. I loved it. But I couldn't imagine I'd ever wear it. It was so feminine.
"Don't worry about wearing it today," Amirah said. "It doesn't really suit your outfit."
I looked down at the pink against my red blouse, feeling mingled relief and regret that I hadn't chosen an outfit that would work with her gift. I wasn't sure it was really me but it had been so sweet of her that I wanted to prove my gratitude by wearing it. "Yeah, I'm afraid you're right." I removed the scarf from my neck, missing its soft touch as soon as it left my skin, and carefully folded it back into its box. "Thank you so much, though. Really, you didn't have to."
"I know." She smiled at me and I saw tears in her eyes. "You didn't have to try so hard with Khalid. So we're even."
I blushed, but smiled back at her. "Good enough."
She turned to leave, and bumped into Katherine who'd just arrived.
"Sorry," they said in unison, then Amirah left and Katherine went straight to Omar, who was sitting across from me and Leon, and put her emerald-sweater-clad arms around his neck from behind. He bent his head and kissed her hand.
"Um, what?" Leon said, asking exactly what I wanted to know.
Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13) Page 44
