I had invited only those people who hadn't expected money from me, who hadn't made me feel like nothing but a walking wallet, who treated me just as they had before. I was surrounded by the most important people in my life, and knowing that made me choke up.
Once again, my notes saved me. I peeked down and saw, "Tell them why then what," and the words I'd practiced began to come back to me.
"So, I must admit I had another reason for inviting you here besides just feeding you this amazing meal. I want to say thank you. The money has been wonderful, of course, but I've also faced a lot of challenges. None of those challenges, though, have come from any of you. You've all been terrific, and I appreciate that so much."
They clapped and cheered, and I smiled and waited for them to finish. When silence again reigned I said, "As I think most of you know, I've now finished putting together my final plan for the money. It hasn't been easy, but Tiff and Tyler have been amazing in making sure I know what I'm doing and why. Stand up, guys, please."
They did, and Zack called, "Yay, Mom!" while everyone clapped again. I clapped too this time, and when we finished I said, "They don't necessarily agree with everything I've done, but I hope they know how much I appreciate their advice."
I locked eyes with Tiff, since she was the one I was worried about, and was relieved when she gave me a small smile.
Feeling better, but also increasingly nervous about what was to come, I said, "I want to give you all a brief explanation of how I've allocated the money, and I figured it was easier to do it here than one-on-one." I also didn't much want to face individual sessions of everyone saying 'you did what?', but I didn't share that reason with them.
"Well, as you know, I bought the apartment building in which I live, and in which my good friends John and Zack live too."
Zack jumped up and waved, and John pulled him down, rolling his eyes.
I smiled at them both then went on. "That left me with forty-one million, and I have given one million of that directly to the Saint Angela shelter and put another four aside into a fund for charitable donations. The plan is to keep the principal in the fund and donate all of the interest, which should be somewhere around twelve thousand dollars a month. The first few donations will be to that poor woman with cancer whose friend scammed people in her name, until all of her debts are gone."
They clapped again, and I saw my dad lean in and whisper something to Mom. She smiled and blinked several times, and I figured he was saying something about it being good that I was targeting such a large chunk to charity. My parents had been so happy upon their return from their trip a few days ago to hear about what I'd done. Would they still be happy when they heard what I'd given to Shane?
I licked my lips, took a deep breath, and said, "As you know, I was recently involved again with my ex-boyfriend Shane. Back when we were first together I did promise him half of anything I ever won, and he promised me the same thing. And a promise is a promise. So..."
Before I could finish several people gasped.
"Yeah," I said, smiling because my decision suddenly felt so right to me. "I have given him half of my original winnings."
The room buzzed, but I hardly noticed. I had looked directly at John when I made my announcement, and the fierce pride in his eyes made it impossible for me to notice anything else. He mouthed, "Really?" and I nodded, and he shook his head slowly as a smile as proud as his eyes curved his lips.
"Um, why?"
My dad's voice made me look away from John.
"I appreciate that you made a promise," Dad went on, frowning, "but wow. I didn't think you were going to do that."
Murmurs around the room proved that others agreed with him.
"I didn't either," I admitted. "It wasn't easy. It turns out it's nice to know you have that much money in the bank." Everyone chuckled but sobered quickly as I went on with, "But it's also incredibly nice to know that I did what feels right to me even though it was hard, and to know that I honestly have everything I could need." My throat tightened but I kept going. "I've been waiting to get back to my perfect life since I broke up with Shane, back to the life I thought I wanted. But I have everything I could ever want right here in this room, and if twenty-five million is the price of learning that then it was cheap. I wanted everything to be different and I didn't realize that..." I had to clear my throat. "I didn't realize that everything I truly value has been with me the whole time."
The others clapped, but John and I again locked eyes, and I spoke over the applause. "So many things matter more than money, and I have those." I sent those words right to John, and I saw them reach him. His eyes softened, then he looked down at the table and rubbed his hand over his mouth in that familiar 'I don't know what to do' gesture of his.
"You are the most important people in my life," I said, still looking at him, "and you are also the ones who didn't ask me for money, didn't expect me to be anyone different from who I was before I won. You all liked me the same as you did before, and I like you so much more than you know."
John raised his eyes to meet mine and again the noise of the others clapping faded away. I saw him struggling with his feelings, and I wished with all my strength that he would find a way, but I forced myself to break our eye contact before anyone else noticed.
"So," I began, but I caught sight of Tiff staring at me with her eyebrows raised so high they disappeared into her bangs and I realized my observant advisor had in fact noticed. I couldn't tell if she was just surprised or disapproving, and it rattled me enough that I lost my train of thought.
"Umm... Oh! I remember. The money, right? We were talking about money?"
They chuckled.
"So you know where thirty-nine million of it went. I'm keeping about three million invested for myself so I can live off the interest and not have to give up my hair extensions," I said, pausing to smile at their mock rolling eyes, "and I also have a million set aside to take care of the apartment building if it needs more repairs. And that leaves about seven million unallocated." I cleared my throat, nervousness welling up in me again. "And... reach under your chairs."
Eighteen of my nearest and dearest friends and family bent over in near-unison and came up clutching matching envelopes and bearing matching expressions of 'you shouldn't have'.
"Please," I said to the room at large but really targeting it at John, "please understand that I appreciate you so much. This is just one way I can show that. You didn't ask me for anything, but I want to give it to you, and I am begging you, begging you all, to accept it. Please."
They all ripped open their envelopes, except for John. He sat holding his, staring at me.
"Please," I mouthed, and he frowned but did open it.
I'd wanted to give him the same three hundred grand I'd given to Claudia and to Terrence and Kerr and Zack, or at least the hundred and fifty thousand Emily-Claire and Mia and Tiff and Tyler had received, but I hadn't because both of those amounts were more than his debt and I knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to accept a gift that would wipe that out. Instead, I'd given him ten thousand dollars with a note saying, "Please use this on whatever you think will make your life easier and better. You deserve that. You deserve so much more. You're amazing." I hoped he'd accept it but I wasn't sure.
Watching his furrowed brow as he read my note and studied the check, I still wasn't sure, but everyone else's happiness took my attention from him. My parents and my siblings in attendance and their spouses came over in a group and buried me in a hug, everyone laughing and Mom crying, and then Natalie whispered to me, "Did you mean to give me a million and them each only half of one?"
I pulled back and gave her my best shocked face, then laughed at her horror. "I totally did," I said. "Each Hollingsford family gets the same amount. Although Linlee got a little bit on her own." Two hundred grand, to be exact, for my niece's college fund.
I'd written five-hundred-thousand-dollar checks to each of my parents and to each of my other present siblings a
nd their spouses, but giving Natalie the same amount would essentially mean she'd only get half what the others got and as a fellow single woman that felt wrong to me.
"You're the best," she said, grinning. The rest of my family echoed it, then Tuesday turned to the rest of the group and said, "Yeah, she's not bad. Don't you guys agree?"
They laughed, and then they all began clapping and in fact gave me a standing ovation. John stood with them too, to my relief and happiness, and even managed to smile although I could tell he wasn't comfortable with his gift.
My eyes filled with tears, and I waved my hands at them until they sat down and shut up.
"No way. It's the other way around. You guys are all amazing and I'm so lucky to have you."
I ran my eyes over them. A few people were missing, people I'd never have expected would turn on me. Cody and Sydney, of course, hadn't been invited, and some people I'd thought were my friends hadn't been in touch other than to beg for money. But their absence didn't hurt as much as it could have because of all the great people who were there.
I was so lucky to have eighteen amazing people in my life. My great friends, my siblings and their lovely partners, my parents, my amazing advisors and my wonderful boss... and John and Zack. Especially John and Zack. They were such a huge part of my life, and I....
As my heart clenched and I realized for the first time that I loved them both, although of course in very different ways, my dad said, "Well, I think a toast is in order. Raise your glasses, people!"
Wine glasses went up all over the room, with only two exceptions. Zack had Sprite in his glass, and so did Claudia, who had greeted me that night with an ecstatic, "The doctor confirmed it. It worked!"
I couldn't have been happier for her, and to my delight I wasn't jealous. I had wanted to be a mother for so long, but that wasn't my path, and that was okay.
It was a little bittersweet, though. Seeing her happiness was like being on a wonderful train ride and looking out the windows at the boat you thought you'd take. The train may be amazing, and exactly what you need, but that boat still calls to you.
But it turned out I was meant to be on a train, and that was just fine.
"To my daughter Angela," Dad said. "May she win another lottery and share it with us again!"
It was perfect. Everyone burst out laughing and clinked their glasses, and I said over the din, "Now finish eating, and then... anyone heard of Tabitha Nelson?"
Zack shouted, "Shut up!"
"I can't, buddy, because she is here! So eat up. She'll be out over dessert."
They all clapped again, and I sank gratefully into my chair.
"You rock, Angela," Zack said through a mouthful of spicy but not mouth-torturing steak. "I'm gonna buy the new Call of Duty combo pack. You got it yet?"
I shook my head. "Just came out today, didn't it? I've been busy with the party."
He nodded. "So, um, I'll buy it for you too then." His cheeks reddening, he tapped the check. "As a present. Okay? I was thinking I'd keep like five percent to have fun with, and give away another ten percent to charity or something, and save the rest. For university and stuff. Does that work?"
"Sure," I managed, my throat so tight I could hardly speak. "I like it."
I looked at John and gave him a small tentative smile. He returned it, but then he looked at his check which lay face-down on the table and his smile faded away.
Chapter Forty-Five
Two hours later I walked along the hallway toward John's apartment, trying to decide what to do.
At dinner he had tucked the check away into his wallet when Zack pointed out he shouldn't leave it lying around, but he hadn't spoken about it through the rest of the meal and hadn't laughed nearly as hard as the others at Tabitha's hilarious jokes.
As he left the party with the hyper Zack a minute or two after a serious-looking Tiff, though, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Thank you," then took off before I could respond to his words or the emotion in his tone.
I needed to respond, though. I wanted to be with him, and I had to let him know. He'd reacted so strongly to my giving the money to Shane. Had it proved to him that the money hadn't changed me as much as he'd thought it had? I hoped so, with all my heart, and I had to find out where we stood.
But I didn't know what to say to him to convince him, if I needed to, and the idea of being rejected by him on what had been such an amazing night held no appeal. So when I reached his apartment I stood in the hallway, torn.
Then adrenaline ripped through me as I heard Tiff's voice from behind the thin apartment door. "Yes, of course I do," she said with passion. "I can't believe you'd think I wouldn't."
John said something, but his lower voice didn't carry enough for me to understand his words.
"Well, I do. I have for months. I just didn't think you did until recently. And you're more than good enough. Way more."
He answered again and my stomach twisted even though I couldn't hear his words. There was passion in his tone too, equal to hers, and I stood sick and frozen as I heard the start of them getting back together.
Then I heard the sweetest words ever spoken. "John, she's perfect for you. Are you really going to let her money ruin everything?"
He must have moved closer to the door with her because I heard him clearly this time. "I can't... I don't know how..."
The confusion and sadness in his voice tore at my heart, and when Tiff said, "I know. It's part of what makes you you," her tone told me she felt for him too. Luckily, though, she kept going. "But Angela gets that. You know she knows what you owe. But she didn't give you that much, and she could have. She gave me, she gave Tyler, fifteen times what she gave you, for God's sake. You don't think that was intentional?"
It had been intentional, and I adored her for recognizing it and even more for telling him.
John didn't answer, and she said, "I saw you guys tonight. I saw it. I thought you'd be cute together, I've thought that for months like I said, but tonight I saw it's way more than that. And you had better not screw this up. You love her, don't you?"
Before I could even fully register the question, or the certainty in her voice when she asked it, he said, "I do."
Joy flooded me, and she said, "Then go tell her, you stubborn bastard, and figure out together how you'll handle it. Go!"
The door flew open before I could move, and John almost mowed me down.
He grabbed my shoulders so I didn't topple over. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I gasped, grinning so hard my face hurt.
"How long have you..."
He trailed off, but I answered it anyhow. "Long enough. I've been here long enough."
He grinned too, and tightened one hand on my shoulder while his other brushed over my head. "Angela. You're beautiful. No matter what color your hair is."
Tiff cleared her throat, and John dropped his hands to his sides as we both turned to her, startled at realizing we weren't in fact the only people on the planet.
"I think," she said, giving me a brilliant smile and blinking back tears, "you don't have much need of an accountant at the moment. Correct?"
I laughed. "I think that's a fair assessment."
"Then I'll get out of your hair. Your fabulous extended hair."
She pulled me into a hug, and whispered, "The gambling ruined our marriage but he's a good man. Don't let him get away."
"I won't," I whispered back.
She squeezed me tighter, then let me go and hugged John. She whispered something to him too, and he laughed, then she said, "Well, good night," and took off without looking back.
John closed the door behind her and I said, "What did she say to you?"
He smiled at me. "Told me not to be an idiot. You?"
I looked up into his eyes, thrilling at the love I saw there. "Told me not to let you get away."
He stroked my cheek, then his eyes dimmed as confusion pushed the love aside. "I don't know, I really don't know how to make this work. I ow
e that money. I screwed up and lost it, and I promised I'd pay it back all on my own. I have to do it."
"Who did you promise? Tiff? I'm sure she would--"
"No." He took hold of my shoulders again. "I promised myself. I have to do it, to have any respect for myself. I have to. But to be able to afford even the minimum payments I have to keep working nights and it's killing me."
I loved how determined he was to make amends and to honor his promise. Obviously, I loved that. "There has to be a way."
"I can't let you pay it off. The money you gave me tonight isn't even going toward the debt. I'm putting it into Zack's education fund. I have to pay every cent I owe myself."
"Okay, but... look, I am not going to let you get away. And not just because Tiff told me not to." I touched his cheek, shivering at the feel of his stubble on my fingertips. "John, I love you."
He held my hand against his cheek. "I love you too."
I reached up to kiss him but he drew back and released my hand. "I want to. Trust me. But I can't until we know how to handle the money. I can't sponge off you, and I will not let you deal with my debt."
"How much is it now?"
He licked his lips. "About forty-one thousand eight hundred. I've paid another nine hundred against it since we last talked but that took less than two hundred off the principal."
Compound interest. It worked in my favor, but so not in John's.
A lightbulb flashed in my mind. Interest. That was what was really killing him. And I knew how to stop it. "What if I give you an interest-free loan for exactly what you owe now? You can pay off the debt then pay me back over time. And you won't have to work nights any more."
His eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't let me off the hook?"
I shook my head, excited that he hadn't immediately shut me down. "Not a chance. I expect every last penny to be paid back."
"But you could be earning interest on that money."
Almost certain now he was going to go for it, I gave him a mock frown, trying to hide my joy, and said, "John, what did Tiff tell you?"
Toronto Collection Volume 3 (Toronto Series #10-13) Page 104
