She turned to Nico. “Let me look at your injury.”
He began shaking his head; the pain would subside eventually. He needed to get back to Talofofo, but one look at her face and he stopped. Maybe fate had intervened to give him the courage to do what he’d been putting off for more than a year. A jab in the arm caught his attention and he looked down to see Nana, her eyebrows raised at him. He didn’t need her to speak to know what she wanted him to do. She’d been bugging him for months to get in touch with Anna.
After nodding to his mother to let her know he understood her silent message, he followed Anna silently to a tent that had just been erected. A man was delivering boxes.
She opened a zippered bag and one-handedly pulled out a folded cot. Anna had always been self-sufficient, preferring to do the hard work herself rather than ask someone else for help. It was her strength that he’d been drawn to when they’d first met, and also what he had counted on to get them through their son’s death.
“Sit,” she said sternly.
He was lower than her on the cot, so he tipped his head back to take her in. She looked the same, yet different. The luscious brown and golden locks that had hung all the way to her waist were cropped short now, close to her earlobes. Once vibrant blue-gray eyes were tired and had crinkles around them that hadn’t existed five years ago. Her face held more definition, less of the fullness that used to be there. She was far more beautiful, but hauntingly so. Sadness shrouded her.
“You’ve lost a lot of weight.” He winced as the words left his mouth. Didn’t mean to say it out loud.
She pressed her lips together. “Yeah, well, I haven’t had your relatives stuffing food down my throat.”
His gut twisted at the bitterness in her voice. One of his favorite memories was right after she’d given birth to Lucas. Her face had a plumpness to it, her skin shone brightly, her normally slim figure had a wonderful feminine roundness. His relatives had showered her with attention and food, and she’d welcomed the nurturing for herself and baby Lucas. It was the only time in their marriage she’d embraced the presence of his extended family.
“Remove your shirt.”
He wasn’t going to make this any easier on her than it was on him. She had left him. Nico had done everything he could to get her to stay. When he finally let her go, it was with the hope that distance would heal her. He’d emailed her. Once a week for the first year, then monthly until he’d given up two years ago when she still hadn’t answered. Not a single text, email or call. Not even to tell him she was okay. She’d even shut down her Facebook page, so he had no idea where she was or what she was doing. He’d finally resorted to emailing her sister Caroline, who at least had the decency to give him regular updates on what was happening with Anna, and let him know that she wasn’t lying dead in a ditch somewhere.
He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and lifted it, wincing at the stab of pain across his belly. She inhaled sharply as he slid the shirt across his head and balled it up.
“How did you get that cut?”
“Tito got himself trapped under a car. The door had a jagged edge I didn’t see when I was pulling him out.”
“It’s dirty and likely to get infected.”
“It’ll be fine.”
“Some things never change,” she muttered.
“Anna.”
When she was upset at him, her eyes would normally turn an icy blue, a color he loved so much he would sometimes needle her just to see it. But now there was nothing but darkness. The same one that had been there when she left the island. He had hoped time would heal her. That leaving him would somehow bring her comfort. It hadn’t.
“I’m going to stitch it up, then give you antibiotics.”
She went to leave, but he grabbed her hand. Her skin felt soft, her hand small and fragile in his. “Why aren’t you at peace with what happened to us?”
Her eyes flashed. “Because it didn’t happen to us, it happened to me.” His chest burned. No matter how hard he tried, she had never let him share her pain. Looking at her now, a familiar tightness choked his chest. He had grieved for Lucas, but he had moved on with his life. Taking a breath, he tried to shake off the suffocating feeling. What was wrong with him? He was at peace with what had happened. It was Anna who obviously still needed closure.
“Anna, you have to stop blaming yourself. You’re not the reason Lucas died.”
“I’m not the only reason. This island is the other reason. If we had been in California, he never would have died.”
He let go of her hand and she stepped away. After Lucas’s death, she had begged him to leave Guam, to come with her to California where they could start a new life. When they married, he’d thought she understood the man he was, a family man, one who wouldn’t leave his home, his land. Not like his father. But ultimately she hadn’t understood. She’d left without him and he’d let her go, thinking she would come back after time healed her wounds. But she hadn’t come back. Nor had she healed.
Anna rummaged through some boxes and returned to him. He started to say something but stopped when a man entered the tent and began unpacking medical supplies.
Anna held up a needle in one hand and an upside-down bottle in another.
“Lie back,” she ordered.
Nico lay on his back and felt her pouring liquid over his belly. It stung. He closed his eyes; there was no point in repeating the same conversation they’d had for months after Lucas’s death.
A needle pierced his stomach, sending a sharp pain through his body, but then everything went blissfully numb. He opened his eyes and craned his neck. Anna was bent over him, stitching away. He remembered the last time he’d seen her like this and a different pain speared his chest.
“Anna...”
“Not now, Nico.”
He waited patiently until she was done and saw her place a dressing over his wound. When she turned away, he sat up.
The man who’d been unpacking boxes left with an armful of empty containers.
“Anna...”
She turned to him, her eyes wet. “I can’t do this, Nico. Not here.”
He stood, then reached out and took her hand, pulling her close to him. She rested her face on his chest. Wrapping his arms around her, he placed his hand on her head, feeling her soft cheek on his bare skin, weaving his fingers into her silky hair. The years melted away as he felt her body against his. She belonged to him, always had. But her wounds were still as raw as the day she left. This island had never been her home because she hadn’t let it be. And never would.
“I’ve missed you, Anna.”
She nodded against his chest and he knew she still loved him, had felt the agony of their distance just as he had. Lifting her head, she stepped back, eyes shining, cheeks wet. He felt what she wanted to say. The very words that were on his lips. “Anna...we...” They were simple words, yet they stuck in his throat, threatening to choke him.
Her big, wet eyes stabbed at his soul. “Nico, I can’t do this. I can never come back here for good. We...we...we need to divorce.”
CHAPTER THREE
SHE FELT HIS pain more acutely than her own. Yet Anna stood poised to cut into the delicate heart of her two-month-old son. Her hand trembled slightly as she touched the precision steel blade to pale pink skin. Right before it pierced, she retracted the scalpel. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Even a minuscule tremble could end Lucas’s life. She wasn’t a cardiac surgeon, but if she didn’t correct the big hole in his heart, he would die. If she made the tiniest of mistakes, he would die. If any one of a thousand things went wrong during the surgery, like the electricity going out again, he would die. She was six thousand miles away from California and they were out of time. There were no other options.
She opened her eyes and looked up to see Nico’s tall frame fill the
viewing gallery window. His hair was disheveled, his eyes bloodshot, the normally smiling face creased. He put a hand on his heart, then onto the window that separated them. The gallery was meant for medical students and other physicians to watch surgeries. No father should witness his wife cutting into their son, but Nico had insisted on being there. Even across the room, she could see the wetness in his eyes. He mouthed, “I love you,” then kissed his fist, relaying confidence she didn’t feel.
She lowered her eyes from the viewing gallery to see the entire operating room staring at her. The panic in her chest was clearly visible in their eyes. The cold, sterile air reeked of desperation. They weren’t going to stop her, tell her how foolhardy this whole thing was. Not today. They were used to letting their babies die.
“Dr. Atao, you need to begin.”
The gentle but firm voice of the nurse anesthetist reminded her that the longer she waited, the more her son’s life would be at risk. The hospital didn’t even have a physician anesthesiologist. No one in their right mind would do this surgery. She looked at Nico one last time. His brown eyes reached into her soul, filling her with love. I have to do this. Lucas couldn’t die.
She took a deep breath, willing her heart to slow its frantic beating. She looked down at the small square of exposed skin, the rest draped with a blue sheet, as if the sheet could hide the fact that her little baby, the one she had nursed only an hour ago, was lying underneath. He was totally still, his normally wiggly, giggly, crying body as still as the air in the room. Ice seeped through her bones.
She pressed the scalpel into the skin above her son’s heart.
* * *
ANNA SAT UP with a sharp pain in her chest.
“Dr. Atao?” Her brain registered someone calling her name.
“Dr. Atao!”
She rubbed her eyes. A hazy face slowly came into focus. “Sorry, Doctor, you asked me to wake you. It’s eight o clock.” Anna thanked the clerk and checked her watch. Three hours had gone by fast, but at least she’d slept. The dream! She hadn’t had it for 392 days. But then she shouldn’t be surprised it had returned. It wasn’t so much a dream as a replay of the worst day of her life. The day she had performed surgery on her two-month-old son, hastening his death. It was technically a routine surgery; had she been in California, it would have been performed by a team of pediatric surgeons and Lucas would be a happy child today, five years, three months and four days old. But she’d been here on Guam, basking in the glory of being a new mother, ignoring the early warning signs.
She swung her leg off the cot, went to the latrine and splashed water on her face using the jug she’d brought. Time of death, 10:56. She’d done CPR for more than an hour, until finally the staff had pulled her away from Lucas and another physician had been called in to pronounce the death of her little baby.
For days after, his cries still woke her up at night.
She wiped her face with a paper towel. It was time to get back to work. There were still only two physicians, and patients were coming in by the truckloads as roads were getting cleared. Linda and Anna were taking turns sleeping. Anna had to keep moving; it was the only way to get through the remaining 319 hours on Guam.
A canteen hadn’t been set up yet, but the medical command tent had a corner stocked with a box of MREs—military grade “meals ready-to-eat”—instant coffee and hot water. She made her way there and was surprised to find hard-boiled eggs and basic bread. Compared to the MREs, any real food was a treat.
The PHS personnel and several of the local firefighters who had been helping were huddled around the cardboard box that served as a table. There was even fresh coffee, courtesy of a French press. Anna helped herself to a cup.
“Dr. Atao, thank you for the treats,” one of the firefighters said.
“What?”
“Your husband brought them in.”
Anna choked on the lukewarm coffee she had just sipped.
“Excuse me?”
“The man with the same last name as you.”
“Hi, Anna.” She turned to see Nico, all six feet three inches of him, looking strong in a fresh T-shirt and jeans.
“Um...thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Actually, it’s a bribe.”
Anna grabbed his arm and pulled him outside the tent. She didn’t want her colleagues overhearing their conversation.
“I have no problems signing the divorce papers, but you might have some trouble getting them drawn up and adjudicated today given what’s going on,” she said. Last night after she’d asked for a divorce, he had sighed with relief, telling her that’s what he wanted to talk to her about.
“Oh, I already have them drawn up, but you’re right, it’ll be weeks before the courthouse is open for us to file them. That’s not what I was going to ask.”
He already has the papers drawn up? How long has he been thinking about this? While she had considered divorce many times, the thought of calling a lawyer and actually having papers drawn up had never crossed her mind.
“What is it, then?” She shifted on her feet, eager for him to leave. She had work to do and the last thing she needed was Nico hanging around distracting her.
“I have a hospital building in Talofofo. People who can’t make it to the camps on this side of the island have been coming there. Dr. Balachandra—you remember him, don’t you?”
How could I forget the doctor who pronounced Lucas’s death?
She must have nodded because he continued on. “He’s been treating those patients, but he went to Cocos Island late last night to see a woman in labor with a breech birth and the currents are too strong this morning. He can’t make his way back on the little boat he took out there.”
Anna took a sip of the now cold coffee she was still holding and studied him. The only sign that he’d aged were the stray gray hairs around his temple. Nico was four years older than her, which meant his fortieth birthday was just around the corner. Yet aside from those wisps of gray, nothing else had changed. His face remained smooth, his milky-brown skin, inherited from his mother, unmarred. His high cheekbones gave him the kind of exotic handsomeness that made women swoon, and he hadn’t lost any of his legendary charm.
“You built a hospital?”
“It’s the private hospital I told you I would build in Lucas’s memory. It’s three months from opening.” He looked around. “Maybe a little longer now.”
Don’t leave, Anna, I’ll build a hospital in Lucas’s memory. We’ll make sure no one ever has to sacrifice like we did. I need you to do this with me.
He gave her a small smile. “It took a few years, but I built it to the best hurricane standards so it fared pretty well. It’s damaged but still standing.”
The pride in his voice cut through her. Before she left, he had tried to show her the land he’d bought in Talofofo, vowing to make enough money to build a private hospital where specialists from around the world would be invited to care for the locals so they would never have to rely on the substandard facilities of the chronically underfunded public hospital. It had been his way of making sense of Lucas’s death. As if anything could make sense of Lucas’s death.
“I need you to come see the patients who aren’t in good shape. I used the tractor we brought last night to clear off the road to Talofofo. It won’t take more than a few hours.”
Spend the day with you? Go see the hospital that memorializes the fact that I couldn’t save our son?
“I’ll see if Dr. Tucker can go out. I have patients to see here.” She somehow managed to keep her voice steady.
“I already talked to Dr. Tucker—she asked me to get you.”
Anna stared at him. How dare he?
“It was her decision to send you.” His voice was hard, his eyes dark and unreadable. There had been a time when his open face couldn’t h
ide the emotions in his soul.
Anna shifted on her feet. How am I going to get myself out of this one?
“Dr. Atao.”
She turned to see Linda walking toward her, and sighed in relief. “Dr. Tucker, just the person I was hoping to see.”
“I see you found Nico, and what’s this I hear about him being your husband?”
Anna opened her mouth to answer, but Nico jumped in. “We’re actually separated.”
Linda looked from Anna to Nico. “Well, I hope that doesn’t make working together awkward.”
“Dr. Tucker, I think it might be better if I stayed here, I...”
Linda glared at her. “Dr. Atao, I’ve made a lot of concessions for you. I’m expecting additional staff and supplies today. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m in charge here.”
Anna pressed her lips together.
“There are no kids at the Talofofo hospital,” Nico bent down and whispered in her ear.
Her face warmed. They were all but divorced; he needed to quit acting so familiar with her.
Before Anna could find the words to respectfully tell Linda and Nico to shove it, Linda was gone.
“Come on, Anna, the whole family is at the hospital helping out. They want to see you.”
Why? She almost asked, then stopped herself. His mouth was stretched into that broad smile that used to melt her heart. But even his smile had changed. It was more reserved.
“Doesn’t seem like I have much choice, so let’s go gather up supplies.”
It didn’t take them long to fill a box with the things she needed. Anna lifted the box and Nico reached over to take it from her, his hands brushing hers.
She stepped back. “I can carry it.” One thing she could never fault in Nico was his chivalry. There was an incident once when they had hiked up to the Fonte Dam, and she’d twisted her ankle. Even though she’d been able to walk on it, he’d carried her on his back the entire four miles home. He hadn’t listened to her objections.
Mending the Doctor's Heart Page 3
