“Stanz, really?” he questions me with a raised eyebrow.
“What? I don’t even know who you lost your virginity to. Rachel, Becca, and Kimmy all claim to have been your first.”
He laughs again and his smile is so wide it almost looks fake. “And who do you think it was?” he asks as his voices lowers and intertwines the fingers on my free hand. So deep and low that it vibrates against my heart. My body heats in his presence.
“Um, I’d put my money on Kimmy.” Kimmy is the head cheerleader. Curvy with a small waist, gorgeous coffee hair, and flawless makeup. She’s fake as shit, but completely stunning.
“You think Kimmy is my type? I’m dating you and you think Kimmy Douglas is my type?” he asks with an exaggerated eye roll.
He’s dating me. The words still make my pulse race even though we’ve been together for months now.
“Well then who, big shot? It couldn’t be Rachel and I just can’t picture you with Becca.”
“Why are you picturing me with anyone except you?”
“Uh, I don’t-“ I’m at a loss and his words make me swoon. I shake my head to snap myself out of it. With a shaky voice I ask, “If it wasn’t one of those three then who was it?” I’m dying to know who my former best friend turned boyfriend slept with. I have no idea why exactly, but a corner of my jealous brain is desperate to find out.
“None of them took it,” he says he runs his hand through my hair.
“Well then who did? Aspen?” She’s another one who claimed she slept with Jessup junior year. “She didn’t say she was your first though.” I keep going, unable to stop regardless of the heat pooling in my panties.
He slides his face into my hair and inhales. “No one. I’m still a virgin, Stanz,” he whispers into my ear.
Mind. Blown. I’m not sure how long my brain short circuits, or what my face must look like, but Jessup’s voice snaps me back to reality.
“Stanzy?” he asks pulling back. I’m sure he was expecting some kind of reaction.
“Nuh uh. No way. The rumors,” I pause to think. There are so many girls at our school who, over the last almost four years, claimed to have had sex with Jessup.
“Just that. Rumors.”
“All of them? But you’ve never denied it.”
“Eh, helps me save face in the locker room. If a girl wants to lie about her sexual escapades, far be it for me to stop her. If the guys think I’m pulling some tail then they leave me alone. The girls get the bragging rights and I don’t get my balls busted. Win-win.”
“I have no words.”
Jessup laughs at me again. “No one knows the truth except Rollie and as much of a dick as he can be he’d never out me like that. You can ask him if you want to, but if suddenly I hear that my reputation is shot to hell I’m totally blaming you,” he says as he pulls me onto his lap so I’m straddling him. I set the ice pack down on the bed. His cheek red from the hit and the cold.
“Your secrets are always safe with me, Jess,” I say as I gently rub a thumb over his soon-to-be bruised cheek.
He reaches up and runs his thumb over my lips. A sensation runs through my body as he touches me. It happens every time. Jess cups my face in his hands, his deep brown eyes burning into mine.
“Can we make out now, please?”
“I don’t make out with virgins,” I quip.
He quickly stands and tosses me softly onto the bed so I’m lying just below my pillows. I squeal, but quickly try to quiet myself. Jessup climbs up after me, hovering above me, caging me in with one arm on either side of my head.
“Are you telling me that I wouldn’t be your first?” he growls. There is a jealous look to him that I’ve never seen.
“What if I am?” I ask with a devilish smirk.
“Then I would have to remove that dick from the person it is currently attached to.”
Oh. My. God. My cheeks flush with heat and I can feel my pajama bottoms start to get damp. Those words leaving his mouth. His possessive, jealous nature is turning me on big time. I don’t understand it because I consider myself a strong woman, but fuck me, I want him to own me.
“Someday I’ll be your first, Stanzy. And your only.”
I nod.
“Not Parker, or Braeden, or Colin. Me.”
I nod again.
“Tell me.”
“Only you, Jess.”
With that he leans down, pressing his concrete chest to mine. My body is engulfed and it’s exquisite. He bites my bottom lip and sucks it into his mouth. I moan softly because I can’t help it.
“Now, can we please make out?” he asks as he releases my lip.
“Yes,” I whisper.
✽✽✽
“It’s the Final Countdown,” Staley sings from the shower and snaps me from my thoughts about Jessup’s confession last night. He’s a virgin. My mind is freaking blown. I wish I could tell Staley and get her advice, but she’d tell Mary Lou and then all hell would break loose. I’d never betray Jessup like that.
We’re getting ready for our last day of school and I recap the year in my mind while I do my hair. Staley and I finished our volleyball season with a loss in the state semifinal game. It was a deep run, not what we hoped for, but we’re happy with how our careers ended.
Jessup and the Eagles football team won the state title. He’s a two time state champ. The only Rhodes to ever do that. He rushed for 234 yards and scored twice against Afton Academy. He was the MVP of course. I hope he made his dad proud, but that’s not something that’s easily achieved.
Jessup spent Christmas with us. My parents even bought him Christmas presents. It’s like he’s part of the family again, only my parents still don’t know that he sneaks into my room almost every night.
It’s like old times, but with a lot more making out.
“Will. You. Shut. Up!” I shout over the sound of her wailing and the water spray.
“Oh stop. You’re only huffy because this thing with Jess is almost over.”
“No shit,” I snap as I run my fingers through my hair.
“You think he’s going to try to make it work? Have you even talked about it? And!” she pauses for dramatic effect, “you need to start putting out or his balls will shrivel up.”
“That can’t be a real thing and no we haven’t discussed what’s going to happen when we leave. But you’re right about one thing. I want him to be my first and I need to do this soon,” I acknowledge that my crazy ass sister, who lost her virginity sophomore year, is actually right. As soon as we were allowed to date she had sex with a classmate of ours under the bleachers at the football stadium. Not her finest moment, but she was dying to know what having sex felt like.
I’m much more reserved. I’ve always imagined losing my virginity to my boyfriend. But I could never really picture who that boyfriend would be. All my dreams about having sex were just faceless bodies, which sounds freaky, but I wasn’t scared.
“I’m sorry, I think I hallucinated. What?” she gasps and peeks around the shower curtain. Water dripping onto the tile flooring from her wet hair.
“I love him, Stay. I don’t want to leave for the U without having sex with him. What if I lose my virginity in a drunken one night sex fest and totally regret it. I’ll never regret having Jess be my first.”
“I could have told you that when we were thirteen. You’ve always loved him and he should be your first. Your first time will be so much better than mine was with Lance. Uh-uh-grunt and it’s over.”
I laugh at her description of Lance. It wasn’t good and it lasted about twenty seconds. She was counting the seconds in her head as he was thrusting.
“Besides,” she says as she closes the curtain and resumes her shower, “you’re not a drunken a sex fest kind of person. There may be a college boy who catches your eye one day and you’ll have sex with him, but he’ll never be what Jessup Rhodes is to you. This is the right choice.”
We finish getting ready and head out for school. Staley parks our Jeep in our usual spot
near the gym and I hear Jessup as we’re grabbing our backpacks.
“Stanz!”
“Hey, baby,” I reply with a wave.
Jessup wraps his arm around me like he’s done every day since our first date. Clayton picks him up every morning. Some kind of bro tradition I guess, but we meet in the parking lot and we walk into school together. And today, for the very last time. Tears form in my eyes, but I push them back. I will not cry today.
Just like any other day, some of the girls sneer and the guys high five Jessup as we walk. Typical high school. It was quite the spectacle last fall when we first did this, but the reactions now are more passive. Not gone, but quelled.
We stop at my locker first. “So, you’re still coming over tonight, yeah?”
“Obviously. I’ll be there after spring workouts,” he kisses my forehead in reassurance. “I’m going to head to class. I will see you at lunch.”
I nod and give him a peck on the lips. The thought of losing my virginity soon is causing my stomach to flip in circles, but I think it’s excitement. I don’t feel like this the wrong decision. I do love Jessup and what better way is there to lose your virginity? Staley said it herself.
The morning ticks by painfully slowly, but finally its lunch.
I meet Staley in the hallway and we walk into the cafeteria with our lunch bags. We find our table near the windows, sit and begin to unpack our food. Jessup should be here soon.
“You bitches!” I hear someone shout and the high pitched squeal tells me it’s Mary Lou.
I give Staley a what the fuck? look as we watch Mary Lou stomp her Louboutin clad feet over to our tables.
“When were you going to tell me you’re fucking Jessup Rhodes?” Mary Lou screams as she slams her palms on the table and leans so close I can feel her breath on my face.
Oh shit.
I can feel the whole cafeteria shift to see the commotion at our table.
“What?” Staley snaps her head to me.
“You two twats have been my best friends since practically birth. We’ve been through some shit together and I have to hear that you’re sleeping with someone from Tara Trevail? And not just anyone. Jessup fucking Rhodes! You lost your virginity and didn’t fucking tell me! Tara fucking Trevail!” Mary Lou shouts and is breathing so erratically she is practically hyperventilating. Her face is completely new shade of red. It is beyond beet, practically purple. She may not be breathing.
“What the fuck?” I push back from the table looking for Tara.
“All this time fucking and you don’t tell me? And you,” she grinds and points to Staley, “you told Talon during your little locker room tryst and he told Tara. Fucking Tara Trevail. You know I hate her. Now everyone knows and I was the last one. I was the inner circle. You know how that makes me feel? Chicks before dicks. You two suck,” she sighs in defeat and tears roll down her cheeks.
I ignore the eyes boring into me at Mary Lou’s proclamation because I’m searching for that rumor spreading bitch, Tara.
“You told Talon what??” I glare, turning my attention to Staley.
“I told Talon nothing! I swear,” she holds up her hands in defense. “He must be making shit up because she’s not sleeping with Jessup, Lou.” Staley confirms.
“What’s up ladies,” Jessup says as he strolls up, sets his lunch tray down and takes a seat next to me at the table. “Whoa. Bad vibes.” He looks from where I’m standing, to Mary Lou’s beet red face, to Staley’s ashen complexion. “What is going on here?”
“Yeah, there’s rumor about us, Jess. How did that happen?” I ask, accusation dripping from my voice. Maybe it was locker room talk. Talon plays football. Did Jessup let those boys talk shit about me or let them think we’re sleeping together like he did with others girls?
“Damn,” he replies and pops a piece of popcorn chicken in his mouth. He doesn’t seem to care in the least.
“Emotional maturity of an amoeba,” Mary Lou sneers.
“Sorry, but I just don’t get why you’re mad. Lou, you’re kind of a bitch and it’s really none of your business what I do with my girlfriend. Or anyone else’s. I’d never talk shop in the locker room or anywhere else. Especially not to Talon,” Jessup continues. “It’s not about you, Lou. And Talon is a piece of shit who got crabs from his latest fuckfest. Not you, Staley,” he says and looks to my sister who now looks positively sick. “He’s trying to deflect his shit onto me. He’s been getting razzed bad in the locker room.”
For a second I think the wrath of Mary Lou Albright is about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting Jessup Rhodes, but to my surprise her face softens.
“You’re right, Jess,” she concedes and I think mine and Staley’s chins hit the table as our mouths fell open. Mary Lou is not one to concede on anything. You tell her the sky is blue and she will fight you to the death if she believes the sky is red regardless of facts or evidence. “But I’m still going to fucking kill Tara for spreading the rumor,” Mary Lou seethes.
“And I’m going to kill Talon,” Staley mumbles. “We only made out one time. What an asshole!”
“I’ll help,” I say a bit too chipper for their liking. “What?” I’m just relieved.
“I’m going to miss you so much next year. If you have sex in college I better be the first person to text,” Mary Lou whines. Jessup shoots her a pointed look and then back to me. I feel a heat creep up my neck. We’ve never discussed what happens next and I don’t think either of us wants to think of the other meeting someone else.
“Lou, we’ll remain friends. We’ll visit and you’ll come to Minnesota,” I offer.
“Not in the winter. I’m too fragile,” she wipes a sniffle onto my shoulder.
I look at Staley who has tears bubbled on the edge of her eyelids, desperately trying to fight them back. Jessup is moving his food around on his tray with his fork. While his speech was sincere, I know the thought of us leaving has him just as sad Mary Lou. And now he’s probably thinking about me fucking other guys at college. Thanks, Lou.
“Come on, let’s get to Spanish before my shirt gets crunchy from your dried snot,” I snuggle Mary Lou under my arm and we walk out of the cafeteria.
I look back at Jess who is sitting alone for all of two seconds before his boys move in and football talk explodes throughout the cafeteria.
He’s going to have to commit soon. We’re all leaving. It’s fucking depressing.
Chapter 11: Stanzy
In two months we’re moving to Minnesota. Volleyball preseason starts the last week of July so we move onto campus with the rest of the fall athletes before other students return to campus. Staley and I are rooming together in an all-girls dorm. It’s called Shubert Hall and is thirteen floors of only freshman girls. Sadness and anxiety have been creeping deeper and deeper, invading my every thought and it is almost crippling some days.
I can’t stop thinking about not seeing Jessup every day. It is really hard trying to stay upbeat and enjoy the moments we have together when all I can think about is walking to classes without the muscular arm of my boyfriend around my shoulders.
I’m lying on my bed scrolling through Instagram when I hear Staley shout from her room across the hall, “Stanz!”
“What?” She and I have been packing for the last week. Boxes upon boxes of clothes, books, and memories from a life I hope I never forget. Mine are all neatly stacked in a corner of my room. Staley’s are scattered everywhere making her room feel like an obstacle course.
“Come here!”
I walk across the hall and admire the abstract mural she painted on her wall. Navy blue, sky blue, white, gray and black. It’s stunning. She’s talented.
“What’s up?” I ask and plop down on her queen sized bed.
“When are you going to do it?”
“What?”
“You know, it,” she emphasizes the last word and drops one her romance novels into a box. I know exactly what she means. She and I have been planning this for weeks now. “You’ve b
een talking about it for weeks and you’re really running out of time.”
“You’re packing all your lovey dovey sex books and it made you think of me and Jess? That’s weird, you creeper.”
“Huh, never thought about it like that, but yeah. Are you actually going to do it tonight like you planned? You’ve planned and bailed like six times now.”
“Yeah, I think so. I’m just so freaking nervous,” I squeak. My stomach flutters and my palms get clammy just thinking about it. I’ve had plans to do this a few times over the last few months, but I’ve always backed out. I’m nervous, scared of the emotion that will be attached to this. Scared to leave him.
We’ve had some serious make out sessions and a lot of dry humping. A lot of dry humping. But this is a major step for both of us.
“And he has no idea?”
“Nope. You sure Mama and Daddy will take us up on our offer?”
“Do they have a choice?”
“Good point,” I nod.
Staley and I made reservations for our parents at a swanky French restaurant in downtown Atlanta under the guise of our going away present. Lame excuse, but whatever, I need them gone for a few hours.
L’Atelier is at least a forty minute drive with traffic each way, plus a five course dinner that Staley and I preordered in a private room. They really can’t say no and with Staley going over to Mary Lou’s, that should give me at least three hours with Jessup all alone in my house.
A little after four in the afternoon, Staley and I call a family meeting.
“What’s going on girls?” our mom, Avery, asks as we usher her and my dad to the couch in our living room.
“Stanzy and I have something for you,” Staley smiles.
“It’s our going away present to you and you can’t say no,” I chime in.
“Oh girls, you going away is gift enough,” Dad jokes and Mama whacks him in the arm.
“Cada!” Mama pretends to be mad, but she is trying to hold in a laugh. My dad is always joking about how he and Mama will finally have freedom when Staley and I move out, but I know he is going to miss us like crazy.
“So with our time here coming to an end, we wanted you guys to have a romantic night out,” I tell them.
Completion (Cambria University Series Book 3) Page 9
