Air, I need air. I drop the book to the floor and run into the bathroom. I splash water on my face and look at myself in the mirror. Uncle Joey is my father.
Uncle Joey is my father. I keep repeating that in the mirror. The relief and anger I felt when I found out Rowen wasn’t my dad floods back.
Why didn’t he tell me? The funeral. That’s why he came. That’s why there was tension with him and Rowen. It’s all making sense. He wanted to talk with me, but instead I got shitfaced and passed out. God damn it!
I rush down stairs as Miriam is pulling cookies out of the oven.
“They’re not quite ready, Jessup.”
“It’s fine. It’s fine,” I say, gasping for air. Am I this out of shape, really?
“My goodness, sweetheart, are you okay? You’re downright pale.”
“The suit I wore to Mama’s funeral.”
She nods. “I sent it to the cleaners. It just came back this morning. I hung it in your closet. Is something wro-“
I don’t let her finish before I sprint as fast as my busted knee will carrying me up the stairs.
I pull the suit from the hanger and search the pockets. Uncle Joey’s business is nowhere to be found.
“Fuck!” I scream.
Miriam appears in the doorway. “Jessup, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry, Miriam. I was looking for something I left in my coat pocket. It’s gone. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“This?” she asks as she walks over to my dresser. She holds up a small, black business with gold lettering embossed on it.
“Yes!” I shout and practically rip it from her hands.
“Is that your relation?”
I nod. “My unc-“ I catch myself. “He’s my father.”
She smiles. “Cookies will be ready in ten minutes. I’ll pour you a glass of milk.”
“Thank you, Miriam.”
“My pleasure, sweet boy.”
After Miriam exits my room, I inspect the card in my hand.
Joseph P. Rhodes
Motivational Speaker
San Francisco, California
415-686-9898
The back reads “Rhodes Are Always Open if You Follow the Right Path.”
No fucking way. Did he have that tagline before I did?
I grab my cellphone from the charger and dial the number.
Chapter 32: Rhodes
My leg is nervously bouncing under the table as I wait impatiently for Joey to arrive.
I’m at a steakhouse in downtown Minneapolis near the airport. Joey said he was glad I called, but this was a conversation to have in person. He had a speaking engagement in Tallahassee, but instead of flying back home to California he’s flying here to meet with me face to face instead. That was four days ago and I’ve been a wreck ever since, waiting impatiently for this day, for this meeting.
Besides this meeting hanging over my head, Stanzy hasn’t participated in my rehab since we returned from Georgia. I haven’t made an effort yet, but I will. I can only deal with crisis at a time, and while I wish she was here holding my hand through this bullshit, I need some time to process. I don’t want to drag her into this only to push her away yet again.
But, she isn’t getting out of a conversation about what she did and what she told her parents either. I still don’t think it was her who leaked my story to Paige, but I can’t be sure yet.
The waitress returns and refills my whiskey on the rocks. She’s diligent, I’ll give her that. But I could do without the incessant eye fucking with each return trip.
“Can I have a water too, please?”
“Anything for you, Mr. Rhodes,” she says with a smile while purposely squeezing her tits together in her tight button-down shirt.
“Thanks,” I mutter. Now’s not the time, sweet cheeks.
My phone buzzes on the table and I silently pray it’s not Joey calling to cancel. I can’t wait any longer.
Thank fuck, it’s Cassidy.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Hey, got a minute. I got news.”
Of course she does.
“Good or bad.”
“Depends how you react.”
“That doesn’t help, Cass. I’m meeting someone, but I got like two minutes. Hit me.”
“We found out who leaked the story.”
My heart sinks. If it’s Stanzy then my life is over. The realization is hitting me hard that I don’t want it to be her because I still want, need, and crave her in my life in any way I can have her.
“If it was Stanzy, just hang up now.”
The line is silent and I think I’m about to see the three tumblers of whiskey I just drank come back up on this white table cloth. I pull my phone away from ear to make sure she didn’t hang up.
“Cass?”
“It’s not Stanzy.”
I let out a breath. Thank fuck something is going right.
“Then who?”
“Do you know a Dr. Ashley Gottlieb?”
I nod. Motherfucker.
“Rhodes?”
Oh right, she can’t see me nod.
“Yeah, she was my therapist after I got drafted.”
“She sold you out my man.”
“Well, I’m relieved.”
“Really?” Cassidy sound surprised.
“Yeah, it’s no one close to me. She became a bit…” I pause looking for the right word, “clingy during our sessions.”
“You fucked your therapist, didn’t you?”
I shrug.
“Rhodesy,” Cassidy says with a long sigh.
“I know! Better life choices. I tried to be good, Cass. I can’t help it. Abandonment issues or some shit. Call Phillip. I’m going to sue the fuck out of her for violating my patient confidentiality.”
Cassidy full blown laughs. “Perfect, I’ll call him.”
Just then I see Joey enter the restaurant. He stops at the hostess stand and I assume is asking if I’m here. She laughs and smiles at him before pointing to where I’m seated. Joey looks at me and then back to her, saying something before he walks away. The hostess looks heated and actually fans herself after Joey walks away.
Well, I got something from him anyway.
“Cass, I gotta run. My meeting is here.”
Chapter 33: Stanzy
Weekends are my reprieve and also my hell. I know I don’t have to see Jessup at physical therapy and on one hand that’s a relief. On the other it makes me crazy wondering what or who he’s doing.
“Come on,” Staley grunts as she pulls my covers off of me.
“No, I’m taking a me day. Get out.”
“No, you’re coming with me to The Cove. You’ve been a cantankerous old maid. Snap out of it. We’ve got a hockey game to watch.”
“Ugh, you suck.”
“You suck!” she sing-songs as she leaves me coverless and lying on my bed.
After a few more protests from me, we’re out the door.
When the weather is nice The Cove is rocking with volleyball, but in the winter, when the lake is frozen they host pond hockey tournaments and they’re so much fun to watch.
“Extra marshmallows!” I shout to Staley as she orders our hot chocolate from the concession stand.
“Duh,” she says as she walks back over to me with two cups and hands me one. We walk up the bleachers and find a spot to watch the game.
I blow on the cup and watch as the steam rolls off of it.
“It’s been a month since Jessup’s mom died. How long are you going to avoid him?”
“Well, that came out of a nowhere,” I reply and stare at my sister.
“You can’t avoid him forever. Why are you even mad at him again?”
“I think I’m still mad he broke up with me over text.”
“I knew you never let that shit go. That was like almost ten years ago.”
“Seven.”
“You know he has a fucked up life, Stanz. Now that everything is settled, go get your
answers. I don’t think you’re ever going to forgive him or move on or whatever it is you need until you get them.”
I think back to when we were in Jessup’s childhood home. His mom left him her diary and Rowen isn’t his father. I can’t imagine what he is going through. I’ve been selfish.
“You’re right.”
“Excuse me? Say that again.”
“Stop it. I’m being serious. He’s going through some shit and I’ve been terrible. It’s like we just can’t get it right, you know?”
She nods and takes a sip. “Then fucking fix it.”
“You know, you’ve been pretty hot and cold about him.”
“I know. Because I hate him when he hurts you, but I love him when he makes you happy. I’m pretty sure that is what sisters are supposed to do.”
“Touché.”
I pull off my mittens and set them next to me on the bleachers. Taking my phone out of my pocket I text Jessup.
“I’m here if you need me or if you’re ready to talk.”
It’s simple and to the point. It’s public information that my heart can’t take much more, but I need to suck it up. I need to be there for the boy I loved and the man he became while we were apart. To love him is to love all of him. Through the happiness, sadness, pain, regret, and disappointment.
Chapter 34: Rhodes
“Hey there, Jessup!” Joey practically shouts as he approaches my table. “I’m glad you called.”
I stand and shake his hand before we sit. My heart is practically pounding out of my chest. This is awkward, but he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to talk about this. He knows the truth. I keep telling myself.
“Thanks for coming all this way to meet me.”
“Jessup, I’m just glad you finally called.”
The waitress approaches and we both order a Jack Daniels on the rocks. I should be sober, but I won’t make it through any of this without Stanzy or several glasses of whiskey. Since Stanzy can’t be here, I guess I’ll settle for the whiskey.
Jack Daniels has seen me through a lot of shit over the years. Caused a lot of shit too actually.
“Thought you were sober, kiddo,” he asks as the waitress walks away.
“Past tense. A lot of shit swirling around up here,” I point to my temple, “and I need to take the edge off.”
“No judgment here,” he replies and I actually believe him.
Joey and I make small talk while we wait for our drinks. I fill him on physical therapy and my career. He’s fascinated and seems genuinely proud of what I’ve accomplished. He said he was at my national championship game and the Citrus Bowl. He didn’t want to interfere so he didn’t tell me he was there. He also watched the draft on TV and had several buddies over who all went fucking nuts when my name got called.
It feels good to hear that I had people there for me all along, even if I didn’t know it. I wasn’t alone. I had a silent cheering section, but a cheering section none the less.
After the waitress leaves, I just go for it.
“Did you know you were my father?”
Joey practically chokes on his sip of whiskey.
He nods. “I did. Rowen was always jealous. I know for a fact that he got Jac pregnant on purpose. After we broke up she had a target on her back. He wanted what was mine. Always has, always will. That included you. I begged for a paternity test. He wouldn’t allow it, but we knew.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me? Do you know what I went through living with Rowen?”
“Jac told me a lot and I’m so sorry. I tried intervening several times, but every time I tried Rowen threatened your life and sometimes even Jac’s. I didn’t want to risk it. He became deranged at the idea of her leaving him for me. Of losing to me again. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of you and I wasn’t able to be there all the time to keep you safe.”
“It was hell.”
He nods and looks away, guilt flashing across his face.
“I called CPS a few times, but Rowen was charming. Convincing everyone it was always ‘boys being boys’ or a football injury. They believed him every time. Shit, if it was too bad he just kept you out of school until the bruises healed. I felt helpless.”
“You and me both. I never knew why he hated me the most. It makes sense now.”
“After a while, after you grew up, it became evident you were destined for great things. I didn’t want to interfere and throw your life into a tailspin. I didn’t know Rowen told you until a few months before Jac died. She reached out and we reconnected.”
“Do you think he killed her?” I blurt.
He shakes his head. “No, it was a confirmed heart attack. Jac was diagnosed with heart disease a few years ago. When she contacted me I think she knew her condition was worsening. She didn’t tell you kids because she never wanted you to worry about her. This world was better with her in it though.”
“So you knew she was sick?”
“I did. She sent me her diary to make sure I gave it to you when the time was right. I put it in your old bedroom figuring you’d stop home. Rowen never went upstairs from what Jac told me.”
That’s true. His recliner or his bedroom. He didn’t even eat at a table. He ate all his meals in his chair.
“I’ve never regretted anything more than breaking up with your mama when I went to college. If I had one redo, that would be it. I was a selfish prick back then. After Rowen got her pregnant, I knew it was over. He locked her down. He won and he gloated.”
“You really loved her?”
“I did. She was the most beautiful woman I’ve laid on eyes. Even to this day. You have her dark eyes. You didn’t get much from pale white Irish ass.”
“Mama was beautiful.” I think back to her almond shaped eyes, almost black they were so dark brown. Black hair that she kept short and neat, and flawless skin like Lupita Nyong’o.
“She was also a hell of an athlete. She was so fast, Jess. She would have been an All-American if she didn’t get pregnant.”
I shake my head and look to the ceiling to fight back my tears.
“She never achieved anything. She never got anything she wanted and it’s too late now.”
“She got you. All of you. You all became her dream and she lives on through you. If you learn anything from your mother, it’s don’t waste this life. Live it. Love it.”
Something about Joey’s words click in my brain. Stanzy.
“What’s going on?” he asks, noticing the change in my expression.
“I need to go.”
He smiles. “Go get her.”
“What?”
“It’s time you forgive yourself and let yourself be happy. You deserve everything good in your life, Jessup.”
I give him a smile and nod. I hope he’s right because I still don’t feel like I deserve Stanzy. Not after everything I’ve done and everything I didn’t do but should have. But I have a crazy fucking idea that just might work.
“And Jessup,” he says and I pause. “Your mama named you after me.”
“She did?”
“Jessup is a version of Joseph. And you carry my last name. You’ve been my son all along and I plan to make up for what I’ve missed. If you’ll let me.”
“Let’s stay in touch, Joey,” I say. I don’t know if it’s right to call him dad yet. That’s something for another time. Right now, I need to go.
Throw back the remainder of my whiskey and head for the door. Pulling out my phone I see a text from Stanzy.
I reply, “I’m on my way.”
My car is parked down the street and I practically sprint to it.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I answer it expecting it to be Stanzy.
“Hey baby,” I answer.
“No chance in hell, Rhodesy.”
“Hi, Cass. Sorry, thought you were someone else.”
“Just wanted to let you know that the response to the Paige article was incredibly positive. Your donation is making a huge difference to
four women’s shelters around the metro. And, Nadia is in love with you. Anytime you’re ready for another go so is she. Her publicist called me today and her agent has been texting me non-stop. How about Tuesday?”
“Cass, I’m on my way to win back my high school girlfriend. I’m glad the donation is helping women, but there is no way in fuck I can endure another sit down with Nadia. Unless you can dig my eardrums out with a spoon beforehand.”
“High school girlfriend?”
“Nice takeaway. I’ll explain later and you decide how to spin it… if all goes well anyway.”
“Fair enough. I assume this is a one who you kissed in the airport and started a shit storm in my office?”
“Same one.”
“Please avoid the paparazzi this time. And don’t do anything stupid.”
“Sure thing.” With that I hang up and drive straight to my house. There’s something I’ve been hanging onto for a long time that I need to grab. I saw it in a store several years ago and I knew exactly where it belonged, who it belonged to. If I want to take a page out of my buddy Mac’s do-epic-shit-to-get-your-girl-back playbook, I’m going to need it.
This meeting is a long time coming for many reasons.
Chapter 35: Stanzy
I keep staring at my phone and Jessup’s last text. He’s coming here. Staley and I just got back from the pond hockey tourney a few minutes ago and I’m a mess. My hair is piled on top of my head in a bun, I’m wearing a gray oversized U of M sweatshirt with a gopher head on the front and black leggings.
Why do I always look like a train wreck when I see him?
I shrug. I don’t want to impress him. I want the truth.
“All right, good luck,” Staley says as she grabs her keys and heads for the door. She is leaving to go to the coffeehouse so we can have some privacy. I can’t believe after all this time this conversation, that’s almost a decade overdue, is happening so fast.
About thirty minutes after Staley leaves there is a knock on the door.
“Come in!” I shout from my spot on the couch where I was watching The Office, hoping to be inspired by Jim and Pam. My voice cracked with nervous energy and I’m sure he heard it.
Jessup walks in and I’m pretty sure my vagina is crying at the sight of him. After he slips off his black peacoat and hangs it on the hook by the door, all I can see his masculine body in a well-tailored charcoal suit, white button up shirt, and black tie with faint charcoal stripes. His thighs stretch the fabric of his dress pants. He loosens his tie and unbuttons the top two buttons of his shirt. A gold chain peaks out and I know exactly what it is. My pendant.
Completion (Cambria University Series Book 3) Page 30
