Fifty-three minutes later, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was a red pruned towel clad version of her normal self. Her eyes and nose were particularly telling of her state. She couldn’t remember when the last time was that she looked this broken. Maybe never. Turning, Hannah stared at the bathrobe Gavin had bought her that was hanging on the hook between the shower and the tub. She longed to wear it, but refused to let it touch her skin. It would be too much like Gavin holding her and she couldn’t allow that either.
She grabbed the robe with two fingers and her thumb, holding it away from her as though it was foul, and dropped it on the floor in the closet. She sighed. That would be the start of the pile of things she wasn’t keeping, things Gavin had purchased, things that would be a constant reminder of him. Opening her pajama drawer, she saw one of her old ratty t-shirts and pulled it on. There were clothes all through the closet that Gavin had bought her. And they would still be there in the morning when she felt capable of dealing with them. There was one more thing Hannah needed to do before she would allow herself to sleep. Turning on the computer, she waited for the Internet to connect. Then she opened the site that consumed so much of her time. Her bank account was slowly growing, but after running the numbers, she realized there was no way her small stash would be enough to get an apartment, especially since she no longer had a job.
On top of that, she had allowed Gavin to convince her to register the girls for school in the area. If she wanted to keep them happy, she would be forced to pay significantly more for rent than was typical of other areas of the city. She held her head in her hands for a few moments, willing the new throbbing pain in her temples to disappear.
Later than Hannah typically started her morning, she woke, eyes red from tears she’d shed, nose plugged, and her head continued to throb. Hannah wasn’t sure she could get out of bed, as weak and sad as she was. Yet she knew instinctively, that if she was to save the girls from becoming not only aware of the situation but also concerned for their future, she had to move from the top of the comforter. At least she didn’t have to worry about making the bed since she had merely curled up on it and never disturbed the bedding. Even the thought of climbing under the sheets had required too much effort.
Mustering all the strength she could, she finally lowered her feet to the floor and moved painfully slowly toward the bathroom. Maybe the hot shower would revive her, but she seriously doubted it. And then she had to put on her happy face, since the girls would be expecting her…and Gavin.
All night, Gavin had lain awake, staring at the ceiling, once again wishing that he had x-ray vision and could see what Hannah was doing. Instinctively, he knew that she was in as much pain as he was. He also knew, with deepest regrets, that he was the source of that pain. He may have helped Hannah heal once, but now he had created a deeper wound than she had ever before had to contend with.
She had taught him much in the short time that they had lived together. Through her patience and understanding, he had discovered that showing his feelings didn’t make him weak. And in truth, it brought them closer together. He had to get close to her. That was all that was needed. There had to be a way for them to fix this.
One thing was certain. There was no way Hannah was going to go to Florida with him now. And he couldn’t bear to be away from her. Sighing, knowing that he was going to regret even more than the actions that brought him to this point the phone call that he was now forced to make, he slowly sought out his cell phone on the nightstand. It rang three times before his mother finally answered it.
“Mother,” he began quietly.
Immediately, she was alarmed. It wasn’t like Gavin to reach out to her. He had to be in trouble. “Gavin, what is it?” She asked anxiously. “Is everything okay?”
His throat constricted. “No, everything is most definitely not okay.” He sighed, then cleared his throat before speaking. “Hannah, the girls and me, we were going to come visit this weekend…a surprise for Mother’s Day. But I…I need you to come here,” he began.
“Tell me what’s happened.” She sat heavily in the chair in her bedroom.
It didn’t take more than a few minutes for him to explain the entire situation. His mother hadn’t interrupted at all, hadn’t asked a single question, and hadn’t even stopped him to berate his idiocy. And that’s when he knew how much trouble he really was in.
“Will you come?” The words were spoken quietly. It was as though he already knew she would refuse his request.
“Gavin,” she said gently, “I can’t fix this for you.” She sighed, the ache in her chest growing for him, for the hurt she couldn’t heal. “You want me to come so that Hannah’s forced to share a bed with you…again. And the truth is that she isn’t.” Mrs. Meyers stood to pace now. “She could just as easily decide to leave town while I’m there, or sneak down and sleep on a sofa, or even camp out on the floor in that monstrous bedroom.”
The truth of her words hit home. That Hannah had spent the night with him, shared a bed with him in the past was clearly the result of mutual desire. She didn’t mind then, but she would certainly mind now. His mother was right.
“So what can I do?” He asked helplessly. “I don’t know how to fix this.” He could feel the all too familiar panic rising. “I only know that I can’t be without her, mom. I can’t lose her.” He swallowed hard. “I love her.” He nearly whispered the admission.
“I know you do, my sweet. I know you do.” Her eyes were tearing up because he had simply called her ‘mom.’ He never did that. “You’ll figure this out. She loves you, too.”
He inhaled sharply. “You think so? You think she loves me?” He sat up in his bed. That was the first thought that had given him any hope.
“I’m certain of it. How could she not?” She was smiling a bit now that he was sounding a more secure.
“I really hurt her.” It pained him to admit it. He would have rather cut off his own limb than cause her even the slightest injury. “If you had seen her…”
“Give her some time, dear. She’ll come to her senses. Help her come to her senses.” Mrs. Meyers sighed. “And keep me informed.”
With that, they ended the call. Gavin was convinced that he could make this work. He had to make this work. His very life depended on it.
When he finally walked down the hall to the kitchen, Gavin found the twins eating alone. He looked at them in surprise. “Did you make that all by yourselves?” They each had a bowl of cereal.
Zoe, “Yes. Could you help us with the milk, please?”
They both looked so pathetic eating dry cereal with a spoon, that Gavin immediately poured milk in each bowl. “Where’s your mother this morning?” He tried to sound casual, but he was worried. Hannah usually made an appearance by now. She would never let the girls go without milk for their cereal.
“Mommy said she’d be down in a minute,” Rory explained. “I asked her.”
“Did you actually see her?” Gavin asked.
“No. She spoke through the door.” She scooped up another spoonful of Honey Nut Cheerios before he could ask another question.
He wanted to wait for Hannah. He wanted to see her. He was afraid of leaving her alone. He didn’t want her to have too much time to think, too much time to plan her big escape. He may have half-heartedly planned to trap her in the house before as part of some ill-plotted attempt to teach all women a lesson, but now Gavin was determined to keep her…somehow. The problem was that he now had to go to the office and deal with an even more challenging issue. After last night…he had to let Aaron Maddox go. It wouldn’t be easy. The man had practically worked for the company since he passed the bar. Still, he had made a grievous error and that was all it took to ruin a company…or a life. After puttering around a few more minutes, Gavin decided to send Hannah a text message explaining that he had to run to the office, but would be back soon.
When her phone vibrated, Hannah was upstairs, cleaning the mirror. Okay, it started with cleaning the
mirror. No…it was the shower. That steamy shower caused Gavin’s message on the mirror to pop up again. And when that happened, she very nearly wept. Though she had cleaned her bathroom numerous times since then, she had always left the message. It made her smile. It always was a happy way to start her day…with a message left after that first night they spent together. Only now that same message made her sad, made her question every aspect of their relationship, made her wonder if any of it had been real.
So she cleaned. She started with the mirror and moved on to…everything else. No corner of the room was safe. She cleaned and hoped that in so doing she could also effectively clear her head. Sadly, it hadn’t worked. And when she walked out of the bathroom to her phone vibrating, any of the benefits of the cleaning were already undone. It seemed like Gavin was still thinking they were going to Florida together. He was letting her know he’d only be gone to the office briefly.
Without hesitating, she picked up the phone and called one of the few numbers that she had stored in her phone. It rang three times before it was picked up. Her mother answered in her usual pleasant tone.
“Mom,” she said slowly. “I thought I might come visit for Mother’s Day.”
“That would be lovely, Hannah.” Her mother sounded genuinely happy.
Of course she recognized that other tone in her voice. It was pity. Her mother could already tell something was going on with her. She decided she would spend the four hour drive pulling herself together. With any luck, the farther away she was from this house, the happier she would be.
When Gavin returned, he was pleased to see that the SUV was still there. Unfortunately, the same could not be said of Hannah and the girls. He had called to Hannah when he entered the house. He had looked everywhere…the studio, the boat, the bedrooms…including Hannah’s. Then he went to the garage. Her big, old, half dead SUV was gone. Furious and frightened for her safety he stormed into the house while calling her cell phone. Hannah didn’t pick up, so he left her a message wondering where she was, when she was coming home, and listing the common courtesy rule. Then, just for good measure, he reminded her that he still had 29 days before she could leave him. 29 days. And he would need her for each and every one of them. Gavin stomped into the kitchen and there on the counter he found her phone, vibrating to announce that she had a new voicemail and a missed call.
Gavin sat down on the stool and let out a frustrated growl.
The drive wasn’t long enough. Four hours and she was still just as upset as she was when she left. Worse, because Hannah didn’t have her phone, because she hadn’t taken the SUV he bought her, if she broke down, as he had so often predicted, she would be good and stuck. There would be a long drawn out ‘I told you so’ and an even longer lecture on common courtesies. Shoot. She’d be getting that lecture any way. What she wouldn’t be getting after 29 days was a paycheck. She would be back to hunting for a job well below her skill set once more. She smirked for a moment. What were the chances that Gavin would give her a reference? She laughed out loud as she imagined how that conversation would go. And that’s when she pulled into the driveway at her parent’s house.
The first night, Gavin had food delivered. He wasn’t going anywhere…except maybe the liquor store. Too bad they didn’t deliver. And he ate alone in his big empty house. The next morning, Madge came at her usual time. She wondered over where Hannah and the girls were. She had found Gavin in the study. It looked as though he might have slept there. He was asleep in a chair by the fireplace. All the curtains were drawn. The room had been closed up for too long.
Madge paused a moment. She would have simply left him to his own devices, but she knew that Hannah wouldn’t. She thought for a moment on how Hannah might handle the situation. And that’s when Madge straightened her back and walked over to the windows and opened the curtains. Then she threw open the doors. Before she had even crossed the room to exit, Gavin had reacted.
“Hey! I was sleeping!” He nearly growled at Madge.
“Yes, I saw that. And I have a job to do. You should sleep in your room,” she suggested gently. She knew that Hannah would have been far more forceful, but only Hannah could get away with that. Madge knew she was too old and set in her ways to have to find a new family to take care of.
“Would you believe I’m out of liquor?” Gavin asked, slightly slurring his words.
Madge was beginning to get frustrated. “As a matter of fact, I would. I can smell you from here.”
He laughed as if she had said something funny, but at the moment, Madge could not find the humor in this situation. What had happened? She didn’t see Hannah and the girls yesterday, but she thought they were out running errands. And Gavin seemed fine when she left last night. Maybe he was a little irritable, but she wasn’t unaccustomed to his mood swings.
“Would you believe the liquor store doesn’t deliver?” Gavin asked incredulously. “Someone should remedy that right now.”
Madge ignored him and went to work picking up the room. At some point he had removed his shoes and socks. He had also left cabinet doors open and empty glass bottles lying about. Evidently he had finished the last of the scotch, bourbon, and whiskey. That would explain things.
Gavin watched Madge start picking up the bottles. “Did I tell you I’m out of liquor?” He slapped the arm of the chair for emphasis.
“You may have mentioned that,” Madge said before she scurried out the door.
It was hours before she saw Gavin again. When she did, he was sober, clean, and shaven…a vast improvement. Madge was almost afraid to make eye contact. She wasn’t sure what he was going to say or do next. She really wasn’t sure if she wanted to be around for it either. And that’s why she busied herself cleaning the counter.
Sitting down in front of her, Gavin had a grave look on his face. “I need to apologize.”
That stopped Madge immediately. She looked at him and tried to conceal her shock. “To me? For what?”
“Well, I was a bit drunk.” His face colored some in shame and he looked at his hands, clasped in front of him on the counter. “I messed up. And Hannah is gone. And I don’t know if she’s coming back. And I really reacted badly.” He put his hands over his face. “I don’t know what else to say.” With that, he stood up and walked away, leaving Madge to her duties.
She stood there in shock for a moment…shocked because of the apology, shocked that Hannah had left, shocked that Mr. Meyers would even admit to making a mistake. Hannah had changed him. In all the best ways…she had changed him.
Slowly Gavin walked up the stairs to that room. He had successfully avoided ever going up there for the longest time. Then it was remodeled for Hannah. There were nights spent there reading with her and the girls. There were nights spent there holding her while they fell asleep. And now he was spending all his time worrying over when and if she would return. He forced himself to enter that room. He had to look around, see if there were any obvious clues as to her whereabouts. He just needed to know that she was safe. If she needed time, that was understandable, but mostly he needed to know that she was safe, that they were safe.
In the bathroom, he realized that her toiletries were gone, of course. Her suitcase was missing from the closet. There was a pile of clothes in one corner of the closet floor. He recognized that he had purchased everything in that pile. At least she hadn’t burned it. He sighed. And then he saw her laptop sitting open.
The first tab was to an etsy shop. Did she have an etsy shop? He recognized some of the candles. Apparently she did. He glanced at the number of sales. She seemed to be reasonably successful. Of course she would be. Hannah was smart. He couldn’t imagine her failing at anything she set her mind to or put her heart into.
There was that hope again. She had put her heart into him. She had told him so. They had something here. They couldn’t possibly lose it already.
The next tab was her bank account, which had timed out from lack of use. And the final open tab was MapQuest. Wilmington. Her
family was there. His heart sank. Maybe she wasn’t coming back after all.
Standing, he headed out of the room, wondering what to do with himself next. What he knew for certain was that if he couldn’t be with Hannah, he wanted to be alone. Madge deserved some time off anyway. And with that, he headed to the kitchen to tell her she was on vacation.
The first day, all Hannah wanted to do was sleep. She was worn out from the drive. She was worn out from the lack of sleep the previous night. She was worn out from the emotions that had been coursing through her ever since she discovered Gavin’s motives for moving her in. Her mother had taken one look at her and announced that she would love to spend some time with her granddaughters. And with that, Hannah had trudged down the hall to the guest room and slept.
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