I was in the throes of a very massive panic attack and he was leaning back like he was on a Caribbean cruise. All he needed was a fruity drink with a freaking umbrella sticking out of it and a pair of sunglasses.
He pulled down my paper gown to cover me and then he rolled back on his stool and removed his plastic gloves.
“Let’s do an ultrasound,” he said as he rolled over a large piece of machinery with a tiny TV screen on the front.
He covered the bottom of me with another sheet before pulling my paper gown over to reveal my chubby stomach.
The clear jelly he squirted on my stomach felt warm and then he was gliding a little white wand over the surface.
The black and white screen lit up with a fuzzy picture. It looked like the screen that popped up when you forgot to pay your cable bill. There was nothing there, just a mass of black reminding me that my stomach would never house a child and then, there it was.
The profile of a baby—it’s overly large head and tiny nose. Two arms and two legs sprung from its tiny center. It was hard to make it out on the screen, but it was definitely a baby.
I looked away from the screen and down to my stomach as if I needed to make sure that these pictures were definitely coming from me and that he didn’t sneak and stick the little wand on another patient who had accidently walked into the wrong room.
He was still pressing it against me, moving it around to show me different views of the small person that was tucked away inside my stomach.
I was in shock and from the look on his face, he was shocked as well.
“Congratulations, Lilly. It looks like you’re about fourteen weeks.” Dr. D’s big, blue eyes crinkled at the corners with his big smile.
As if I didn’t understand, and technically I didn’t, I asked, “Fourteen weeks?”
“Yes ma’am. The baby measures a little over three months.”
“But I was just in the hospital, they didn’t say anything. Is it OK?” The words sounded as if they’d been crushed.
“Well, somehow they missed it, and yes, the baby seems to be OK. I’ll have to have some tests done, of course,” he beamed.
The baby—there was a baby in there. I looked down at my stomach again before turning back to the screen. I was in shock. Maybe I was dreaming. It couldn’t be real.
Then he pressed a button and a noise sounded. It was a heartbeat, strong and steady, soothing me and letting me know that it was real. I was pregnant and my baby’s heart was beating.
“Want to know what you’re having?” he asked.
“Can you tell that now?” I was still in a state of disbelief.
“Sometimes we can, if the baby’s willing to show us. Do you want to know or do you want it to be a secret?”
“What am I having?” My voice sounded off, like a really cool female robot from the future.
“It’s a girl.”
In that moment, my life was changed forever. A perfect little piece of me and Devin was coming—a little princess.
After setting four different appointments to four different specialists, I left the doctor’s office.
Dr. Dandridge had assured me after double checking everything over and over again, that I was indeed pregnant and the baby and I were both healthy. The follow-up appointments were just a precaution because of my past health issues, but it was definitely happening.
I cried once I was alone in my car. Happy tears streamed down my face and euphoria filled every crevice of my body.
On the drive home, all I could think about was Devin and what his reaction might be. His words from the first time we’d had sex rang through my mind.
Do you think I wanna get stuck with you like that?
Would he hate me, or would he be happy? A lot had changed since that very first time. We were together and we were in love.
How would I go about telling him? It’s such a sensitive time for him and his family with the second loss of his mom. Maybe a baby would be a welcomed thing for his family because of the loss of his mom.
I think Dad and Jenny would be ecstatic. It was Devin that I was worried about. If a baby wasn’t something he wanted, I’d have to let him go. I could do it alone and I could financially take care of a baby.
I decided that no matter what happened between Devin and me, the baby was a blessing, and I was going to treat it as such.
When I pulled up at my apartment, I sat in my car and laid my hand over my belly. Now that I knew why I was gaining, the extra weight around the middle didn’t seem like such a curse.
When I walked into my apartment I was met by my mother. She scared the crap out of me and I screamed a little.
“What the hell, Mom?” I clutched my chest. “I’m so having my locks changed. You’re trying to give me a freaking heart attack!” I reached down and picked up my dropped purse.
“Where have you been? I went by Franklin’s and you weren’t there. I called your phone and you didn’t answer. What’s going on with you, Lilly? It’s like you never have time for me anymore.”
For the second time in my life I saw my mother frazzled. The first time was when my father left.
“Everything’s fine, Mom, I’ve just been busy is all.” I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water.
“Where were you?” she asked again.
“I had an OB appointment.”
I wasn’t going to go any further than that. I’d tell my mom when the time was right, but somehow it felt wrong to tell her before I told Devin.
“Everything’s OK I’m assuming?”
“Yes, everything’s good.”
She eyed me for a few before finally sighing loudly.
“What aren’t you telling me?” She started tapping her freshly manicured nails on the kitchen counter. “Ever since you met Devin you’ve been different. At first I liked seeing you happy, but now I feel like your pulling away from me.”
“I’m not pulling away. I just have someone to spend time with now. We’re in love.” I flashed a big happy smile.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lilly. You don’t know what love is.” She ran her fingers nervously through her hair.
I’d never seen my mother look so unsure and with the way she was acting, I was almost convinced that the doctor had called her and told her the big news already.
“I think it’s time you stopped spending so much time with Devin,” she said flatly, like I was some fourteen-year-old girl that had to listen to her.
It wasn’t going to happen.
“Did you just hear me, Mom? I love him. I’m with him every night.”
Her eyes got large as she looked me in disgust.
“Are you having sex with him?” She looked so irate that I stepped back a little.
“That’s personal,” I blushed.
“Oh my God, you are! What have I done?”
What had she done? She had nothing to do with it.
“You didn’t do anything. It just happened, but he’s a great guy and I adore his family. I’m not saying we’re going to get married or anything like that, at least not any time soon, but you need to get used to Devin being in our life now.”
I wanted so badly to tell her that he was the father of her granddaughter, but I wouldn’t take that away from Devin. If I was the first to know for sure, then he should be the second.
“Over my dead body!” She screamed.
I’d never heard my mother raise her voice like that and it really freaked me out. Maybe I should’ve been more worried about her response to the baby and not so much about Devin’s.
She didn’t even give me a chance to respond before grabbing her purse and running out the door.
She just needed some time to cool off. Once she had some time to relax, maybe a spa visit, things would be better. Soon I’d invite her to lunch somewhere and fill her in on the big news. She just needed some time.
I knew Devin was busy at work so I didn’t call, but I did send him a text.
Me: I miss you. Is it cool if
I come by and see you a little later?
Devin: I miss you more. Absolutely! I can’t wait to see your sweet face. I’ll be done with work around five.
Me: OK. See you then.
Devin: OK. I love you, beautiful.
Me: I love you, too.
I’d tell him that afternoon. I’d lay all my cards on the table and pray that my hand was good enough to win.
Twenty-Nine
Rule Changes
I stared down at her last text.
I love you, too.
I never thought there’d be a time when those words would warm me. I loved Lilly and I was happy. For the first time in my life, I was really content. I’d kept the fact that her mom was paying our loan in the back of my mind because it didn’t matter anymore. Her mom would never tell and I’d decided I wouldn’t either. It didn’t matter why we met. The fact was we did meet and she was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me.
I couldn’t wait to see her later. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her all day and I fully planned on taking my time and kissing every square inch of her body later.
It kind of threw off me that she wanted to come to my house, instead of me going to her apartment as usual, but I’d do whatever she wanted. It had been a while since we had sex in my bed. It sucked having to be quiet because of Dad and Jenny, but it was good just the same.
I loosened the lug nuts and removed a flat tire from a Caravan that was brought in. The tire needed to be replaced since the wires were starting to come out. The woman hadn’t said anything about replacing the tire, but she had four kids and there was no way in Hell I’d let her leave here with her tire in such bad shape.
I’d take it out of my pocket, no big deal.
I was humming along with the radio and not paying attention to anything around me when I heard a car door slam.
The she-devil rounded the corner and my entire day went to shit.
“You!” She pointed at me. “You stay the hell away from my daughter, got it?”
Her face was flushed in anger. It was a big change from her usual reserved, bitchy nature.
Then her words sank in. She was telling me to stay away from Lilly. My heart skipped a beat and I suddenly couldn’t swallow.
“What?” I forced the single question out.
“If you want your money, stay away from my daughter! Break it off. I didn’t mean for it to go this far. I didn’t think you’d actually start to care for her or that she would honestly fall for you. I want better for her. I specifically said not to touch her and you did it anyway!”
I felt as if I’d been slapped in the face. Why would Lilly put our personal business out there for the world to know, especially her bitch of a mother? It felt wrong for her to know such delicate things about our relationship.
“I love her. I won’t leave her alone. We belong together.” I tried to stay calm and be as respectful as possible.
She was a total pain in the ass, but she was still Lilly’s mom and if I planned on spending the rest of my life with Lilly I needed to start being nicer to her mother.
“Don’t you want better than this for her?” She motioned to the dirty garage around us.
I wanted Lilly to be happy and I knew I could make her happy. I wasn’t the richest man in the world, but the one thing I knew about Lilly was she didn’t care about material things. She loved me and she wanted to be with me. We could make it work together.
“I can make her happy,” I said coolly.
“If you care about her at all, you’ll stay away from her, and if you want this house, this land, or this shack you call a business, you’ll break up with her and never find yourself in her presence again.”
This wasn’t happening! It couldn’t be happening.
Calm, cool, and respectful went straight out the fucking window.
“You bitch! Do you get off on this? Do you go around and ruin people’s lives for enjoyment? You can’t play with people like this! I won’t do it—I can’t do it.” I threw my lug wrench across the room and it crashed into a wall before pinging to the floor.
“You’ll do it or you’ll lose everything. I’ll make sure Lilly can’t stand the sight of you. Once she finds out about you cheating on her that’s all it’ll take. Don’t think for a minute that I can’t pay of some piece of trash to lie for me.” She was beginning to calm down which meant she felt like she had the upper hand again. “I’ll do whatever I have to do to secure my daughter’s future. I’ve already got a nice young man picked out for her—he’s a lawyer. Can you compete with that?” Again she motioned to the area around the garage. “Do right by her Devin, let her go. If not, you get nothing and I’ll ruin your life.”
With those final words she turned and walked away. She wasn’t willing to even listen to my argument, and honestly, I was tired of arguing. Lilly was more important to me than the house or the business.
It was time I came clean. I was sick of having that bitch pull me around like a puppet.
I’d tell Dad and Jenny, too, since this meant we were more than likely going to lose everything. They loved Lilly as much I did, they’d understand, and as a family we’d make it work. The only difference was now I included Lilly into that situation.
She was my future, my everything, and I’d do right by her. I’d start over fresh somewhere and be the best Devin I could be for her. Even if it meant losing her, I was going to come clean. Hopefully, she’d understand. Hopefully she’d forgive me and we could move past it and start over fresh.
I finished up all the work in the garage, and when Dad came in we quietly cleaned up some old oil and swept the place.
Once I was done, there I went inside and took the hottest shower my skin could handle. Lilly would be there soon and the possibility of my life being flipped upside down was hanging in the balance.
I knew Lilly. What I was going to tell her was going to hurt her and thinking about hurting her was making me nauseated. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt her, but if I wanted to feel secure in our relationship, it needed to be done. I had to tell the truth.
“You look like you just saw a ghost. What’s on your mind?” Jenny asked as she flopped onto the couch next to me.
“Just thinking. What’s up with you?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
“Josh kissed me,” she blurted.
I swung my attention to her.
“Did you punch the shit out of him? Do I need to punch the shit out of him?”
I would, too. No questions asked.
“I think I like him, Dev.” She blushed prettily.
My baby sister, the tomboy, the girl who could kick the asses of every boy in her school, blushed. The room suddenly felt smaller.
“Well, I should hope so. Y’all been friends for a long time.” I played it off.
“No, I mean, like, I really like him like him. Is that OK? I mean, do you like Josh?”
Alarms went off everywhere in my mind. She was talking about dating. I knew the day would come at some point. My sister’s a pretty girl, but I was hoping it would be after college once she got out of her awkward wannabe-boy stage.
“As long as it’s what you want, I guess I’m OK with it. If he hurts you, I’ll break his legs.”
She squished herself closer to me and threw her arms around my neck.
“Don’t worry, if he hurts me, I’ll break his legs.” She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
She was going to be the death of me.
“Listen, Jenny, I need to sit down and talk to you and Dad tonight about something serious. OK?”
“You’re going to ask Lilly to marry you?” she asked hopefully.
“That would be kind of fast, don’t you think?” I laughed. “No, I’m not asking her to marry me, but it’s something important, so don’t be at Josh’s house all night, OK? And no making out and shit, video games only or I’ll kill him, got it?”
She shook her head. “Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’ll be her
e and if he lays a finger on me, I’ll break it for you.”
I laughed as she walked out the front door and left me alone with my thoughts and fears. Today was a game changer all around and I was starting to worry about whether or not I’d win the game.
Thirty
Big News
I drove the thirty minutes to Devin’s house with a huge smile on my face. I still couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in the last couple of months. I used to be so lonely and now I had a wonderful guy in my life that I loved with all my heart and a baby on the way.
I’d had the entire day to think on it, and I’d decided that I was ecstatic about the baby. I’d already started thinking about the baby names I liked and all the fun stuff I was going to buy. I thought about houses and buying a new “mom” car.
Even with all the good stuff running through my head, I was still worried about whether or not Devin would want to be a part of all of it. I hoped more than anything that he would.
Jenny would be the perfect aunt and Dad would love our little girl like there was no tomorrow, but what about Devin? What would he say when I told him the wonderful news?
The subject of kids had never been brought up, mainly because our relationship was just getting started, but also because the subject of kids hurt so badly. It had never been a possibility for me and it killed me to think about how lonely my future looked without little ones running around.
I sat under a red light praying for it to turn green and pulled out the ultrasound picture that the doctor had printed out for me. I couldn’t wait to show it to him and get his reaction.
It felt like the trip to Devin’s house had gotten longer. By the time I arrived in his driveway, I was almost jumping out of my car and running to his front door. When I knocked, a swirl of anxiety hit me. What if he didn’t want the baby? What if he wanted a family, just not with me?
What was I thinking? He was Devin Michaels, the sweetest, most unselfish, loving man I knew. He was the man that I had fallen madly in love with, and the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I shook all the bad thoughts out of my head and knocked once more.
On the Plus Side Page 21
