Stepping out the front door, he saw the sun had set. There were high clouds above the valley, swirling like pink cotton candy across the sky. Roan sat down on one of the two rockers, the wood creaking beneath his weight. Across the street, everything was quiet. The tourists were all eating at the café. The other wranglers had called it quits for the day, heading home to the town of Wind River. He was sure Maud, Steve, and their family were dining at their ranch house right now. The lowing of the cattle soothed some of Roan’s fractious energy. He moved slowly, arms on the rocker. The creak was pleasant and calming.
What the HELL had caused this reaction in him? Roan scowled and stared out toward the wildlife loop road, the gate locked, pink clouds drifting silently above the valley. Shiloh had been genuinely scared as she talked about her stalker. His mind moved like lightning across possibilities. He didn’t doubt Shiloh. He believed her because he’d lived with her for a month and gotten to know her fairly well. She wasn’t the type of woman to become dramatic or blow things out of proportion.
Rubbing his bristly jaw, Roan gazed around the quiet ranch that was settling in for night to fall shortly. He knew something had happened to Shiloh today. There was no way to pretend that level of fear. He could see it in the depth of her guileless eyes.
He decided to go see Steve Whitcomb tomorrow after breakfast, and check the logbook on the tourists who had visited the ranch for the loop drive at the time she’d felt her stalker. That was a first step because each tourist had to put down their name, phone number, and where they lived. He could hand the list to Shiloh and see if she recognized any of the names, addresses, or phone numbers. It was a start. But that was all. Roan wished mightily that if this ever happened again, Shiloh would get on her cell phone and head for the safety of the main office. If her stalker was here, he could kidnap her. Kill her.
Roan’s mouth thinned, his dark brows drawing downward. His heart contracted with worry for Shiloh. Whether he liked it or not, he knew he was falling for her. He didn’t want to go as far as admitting it was love. She was gun-shy and he knew she couldn’t know how he really felt toward her. And yet, when she needed safety, she ran to him. And he swore he saw arousal deep in her eyes. So it wasn’t all about protection between them either.
There really was something beautiful, something hopeful, growing between them, regardless of their situation. But would Shiloh ever step out of the fear that held her, to walk into his arms?
Chapter Fifteen
Roan had just gotten his shower, the towel wrapped low around his waist, and padded barefoot down to his bedroom when there was a soft knock on his door. Brows dipping, he turned, wiping water that was still dripping off his short hair. He’d remained outside a good two hours after night had fallen, allowing the crickets, frogs, and lowing of nearby cattle to help him ratchet down from his gnawing state of needing Shiloh.
He walked to the door in his bare feet and opened it. Shiloh stood uncertainly, dressed in a soft ivory sleeveless pajama top and a pair of boxer shorts of the same fabric and color. His heart bounded once to underscore how beautiful, how innocent she looked standing there, hands clasped nervously in front of her. It was the shyness, the yearning and anxiety in her green eyes that made him groan internally.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice low and rough-sounding.
“I-I just had a nightmare.” Shiloh took a breath. And then she shook her head. “No . . . that’s not the whole story. . . .” she said, lifting her head, meeting his narrowing eyes. It felt like he was looking inside her. He was intensely male, the dark hair sprinkled across his broad chest, the flexing of his muscles as he stood in the doorway wrapped in nothing more than the towel hanging off his narrow hips. His flesh glistened with water. A sense of protectiveness radiated off him toward her, infusing her, steadying the fear running rampant through her, turning it into something else. Longing for Roan.
Shiloh saw him hesitate, as if torn, the expression reaching his eyes. Wrapping her arms around herself, Shiloh held Roan’s darkening gray gaze. His mouth thinned. She felt his unsureness about her standing at his bedroom door. “I’m not going to blame my nightmare as the reason I’m standing here,” she said quietly. “For the longest time, I’ve wanted to . . . well . . . be intimate with you. It has nothing to do with my nightmare.”
She saw surprise flare in his eyes. A muscle leaped in his jaw. It didn’t take any guesswork as to the bulge of a growing erection she saw beneath the white towel. “This could all be one-way, Roan. You need to tell me now because if it is, I promise I’ll never do this again.” Shiloh gulped, feeling her heart beating like a rabbit in her chest. There was a thaw in his eyes, a lessening of tension around his mouth. She could smell the sage soap, and hungrily inhaled the scent into her lungs.
“We need to talk, then” was all he said, moving aside to allow her into his bedroom.
Her heart squeezed with need of him. Shiloh stepped into his room, wildly aware Roan was so close, almost naked, excruciatingly masculine, and calling to her in every way. She hesitated mid-room, turned, and looked toward him. Roan closed the door, facing her. Shiloh wasn’t sure what she saw in his expression.
“Sit over there?” He pointed to the couch in one corner of the room.
Nodding, Shiloh sat down. She saw him coming her way, his lean, masculine grace taking her breath away. She took one end of the couch, curling her legs up beneath her. Roan took the other end, a few feet in between them.
“Are you mostly here because of the nightmare, Shiloh?”
She held his gaze. “No. I mean”—she gave him a weak shrug—“it woke me up, but I’ve had them before and I never came across the hall to see you.” She saw him absorb her words, felt him wrestling with something known only to him.
“Why tonight?”
“You held me earlier. It felt so good, Roan. So right, but I wasn’t sure you felt the same way.”
“Shiloh, you’ve told me you’re afraid of commitment. I’m not built the same way. Do I want you? Hell yes. But I’m not the kind of man who wants one night in the sack. Sex is great, Shiloh, and if that’s all you want, then I’m not the one you’re looking for. I’d be lying to you and myself if I didn’t admit that I wanted you. And I think sex between us would be incredible. But for the right reasons.”
She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself, studying him in the low light provided by a stained glass lamp on top of the dresser. “You play for keeps.”
“I don’t mess with the heart, Shiloh. It’s too risky a proposition. My woman has to want a relationship with me in and out of bed. I like having that kind of connection with her.”
“I guess I’ve always known that about you, Roan.”
“It’s a curse,” he said, giving her a rueful glance. “If I’m going to risk my heart, I want to know it’s for all the right reasons. I’m entering into something with a woman who is as sincere as I am. You’ve admitted to having commitment issues.”
She held his gray gaze, feeling how much Roan wanted her. She felt as if she would die if she couldn’t have this man tonight, to feel his arms around her, loving her, taking her, making her his. “That’s why I came to your door tonight, Roan.”
“What do you mean?”
“I guess . . .” she began, looked away for a moment, and then reestablished her gaze with Roan’s. “I guess today impacted me differently. After I woke up from the nightmare, I wondered why I’ve been living half a life. Fear controls me. I’ve been afraid because I saw how my mother died inside after my father’s heart attack. It scared me. I thought that anyone I loved fully would die on me, leaving me suffering like my mother did.”
“It scarred you deeply,” Roan agreed, sympathetic, searching her expression.
“There’s something good between us,” Shiloh whispered. “I’ve always felt it, Roan. And I have a month left here, and I don’t know what to do. I want to explore whatever it is that we have. If you do. And I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel
like I’m strung between the past and the present. I don’t want to go home to New York City. I want to stay here. I never expected to meet a man like you. I was running to get away from my stalker.” With a grimace, she added sourly, “And now, he might be here. I keep trying to tell myself I made up my reaction earlier, but I know I didn’t. I’ve always been sensitive to threat. I have a radar.”
“Probably because you saw your mother murdered,” Roan said, his voice sad.
“Yes . . . exactly. Since then, it’s like I’m on constant alert and I can’t stop it or turn it off.”
“It’s PTSD,” Roan said simply. “Trauma affects every human, more or less.”
Frustrated, Shiloh said, “So I’ve learned.” She saw his expression relax, felt the tension dissolve in him. “Roan, I don’t know where we’re going with each other. If I leave in a month, what will happen to us?”
“I’m not asking you for what will eventually happen to us, Shiloh. No one can know that. What I do want is a full hundred percent commitment from you. I want your heart without strings attached. I don’t know if our relationship will last or not, but I don’t want to enter into something with you and feel you’re going to bail because you’re afraid to fully commit to me at some point down the road if it works out in that direction for both of us.”
She tucked her lower lip between her teeth for a moment. “I’ve never had a conversation like this with a man before. I’ve met guys and they didn’t seem concerned about commitment.”
“Maybe all they wanted from you was sex?”
“I’ve thought that, too. They weren’t into a heavy-duty relationship,” she admitted. “And I made it clear up front that I wasn’t interested in getting tied down, that I wanted to be free to be with whomever I wanted. They were okay with that. They wanted the same thing.” She saw his mouth curve faintly.
“But you’re more mature now. You may want something different at this point in your life.”
Warmth flooded Shiloh as she thought about Roan’s cabin, the labor of love that it was for him. The man worked hard and consistently toward his dream. He was willing to put his heart and soul into it. “Maybe I’ve just never met a man who demanded a serious, honest commitment to him.”
Shrugging, Roan murmured, “Only you can answer that, Shiloh.”
“Doesn’t it bother you that I’m leaving in a month? It bothers the hell out of me.”
“Sure it does, but I don’t see it as the end of anything. It’s just distance,” he said. “There are airplanes. You could come out here for a visit.”
“Or you could fly in and visit me?” She saw him grimace, understanding he didn’t like big cities.
“I would,” he said, holding her gaze.
She felt his words in her heart, which was opening widely to him. “I believe you. I can’t promise you where this will go, Roan.”
“I’m not asking that of you. All I need to know is that you’re not going to let fear stop you from exploring me, finding out who I am. Discovering what we may have together.”
Giving him a wry look, Shiloh said, “I think you’re forcing me to look at myself, what I want, who I am.”
“Good relationships always do that for both people, Darlin’. It’s just a natural progression between them. It can bring out our self-awareness. It’s not easy. But it’s rewarding. None of us were born to live alone or be alone. It’s natural to evolve into relationships, whether it’s in business, friendship, or on a more intimate and personal level.”
Shiloh stood up. “Then,” she said in a low voice, holding his eyes, “I want to know you, Roan. All of you.”
He stood and held her softened gaze. Slipping his hand into hers, he dug into her wide green eyes. “And I’ve been wanting to know you ever since I laid eyes on you for the first time at the airport, Shiloh.”
She wondered why she’d fought so long and hard not to know this man who was the salt of the earth, who was blunt, straightforward, and brutally honest with himself and with her. Roan drew her into his arms, his mouth barely skimming hers, inviting her. A soft sigh escaped Shiloh as she moved into his arms, pressing her breasts against the wall of his chest.
“Are you protected?” Roan asked, his voice thick with arousal.
Sliding her arms around his broad shoulders, feeling the muscles tighten as she skimmed them with her fingers, she whispered against his mouth, “Yes . . .”
Roan eased her back just enough to hold her gaze. “I don’t have condoms here, Shiloh.” His smile was crooked. “I wasn’t expecting to ever use them here on the ranch.”
Amusement tinged her voice and she smiled up at him. “It’s all right. I’m clean and healthy.”
“So am I.”
“Then,” she whispered, leaning up on her toes, her lips meeting his, “I want to love you. . . .”
His mouth cherished hers, in no hurry to explore the shape and softness of her. There was an exquisite heat that flowed through Shiloh and she languished in the strength of his arms. Roan kissed her gently, as if introducing himself to her. She was wildly aware of his hand ranging slowly downward, as if memorizing her.
“Tell me what you want?” he asked, leaving her wet mouth.
Blinking, Shiloh stilled in his arms, dampness settling between her thighs. Her channel felt as if on fire, cramping and wanting Roan. “W-what?” She saw him smile a little and he eased his fingers through her tangled red hair.
“What pleases you, Shiloh? What do you need from me? We’re a team. I want to know what will make you fly apart in my arms.”
The man shook her to her foundation. His eyes were hooded, flecks of silver in his narrowing gaze. Shiloh felt as if he were drinking her into his hard, male body and he’d barely touched her. Barely kissed her. “No man has ever asked me before,” she said, giving him a bemused look. She saw his expression grow thoughtful.
“Then, Darlin’, as we start loving each other, you let me know in your own way if it feels good to you or not. If you want more. Or less. Or for me to stop.”
Her mind was already shorting out by sexual hunger and need of Roan. “Y-yes . . .” She sounded like a neophyte; someone who knew nothing. His chiseled mouth curved a little and he nodded.
Roan slid his ams beneath her, lifting Shiloh against him, carrying her to his bed, which had yet to be turned down for the night. She trusted him completely, slipping her arms around his neck, her brow resting against his jaw. He deposited her and turned, shutting off the light. Only faint moonlight peeked around the edges of the heavy drapes at the other end of the room.
Shiloh saw him pull the towel away from his body, her breath catching. He was fully erect and a keen yearning flowed sweet and hot through her lower body. As he placed his knee on the bed, the mattress sank beneath his weight. He sat facing her. The silence ebbed and her heart pounded with anticipation. The look on his deeply shadowed face was intense.
She sat up, pulled her top off, revealing her breasts beneath. And before she could wriggle out of her boxer shorts, Roan’s fingers eased beneath the waistband, helping her to remove them. Shiloh wasn’t one to lie helpless and let the man orchestrate their mating. She wanted to be an equal, enthusiastic partner in this beautiful dance that she was eager to consummate with him.
She knelt before Roan, her hands flowing around his hard jaw, watching his eyes shutter nearly closed as she leaned into him, taking his mouth eagerly, not wanting to wait any longer. His mouth was equally hungry, deepening her kiss, his breath hot and ragged against her cheek. As his large, callused hands slid around her rib cage, cupping her breasts, Shiloh moaned. He took that low sound into him, drawing her closer until her breasts were cupped fully in his hands. Her skin was on fire, the calluses on his palms causing skittering flames to pucker her nipples until she was desperate for Roan to touch them, tease them.
His mouth branding hers with a fierce passion, she felt his thumbs move languidly across her nipples as if reading her mind. Tearing her mouth from his, eyes tightly sh
ut, Shiloh cried out his name, the sensation so scalding and making the gnawing ache between her legs intensify. She arched against him, his hands cupping her, his mouth drifting down the slender length of her neck, setting her skin on fire. Gripping his taut, bunched shoulders with her fingers, all she could do was enjoy what he was sharing with her.
Roan lifted Shiloh, easing her onto her back to lavish her breasts even more, his hand drifting firmly down her body, sliding across her right hip, his long fingers opening and caressing the length of her thigh as he suckled her. Shiloh couldn’t lie still beneath him, his hand wreaking a burning magic that was making her mew with anticipation. She couldn’t catch her breath and she found herself as if in a tornado of pleasure as he began his sweet assault down the centerline of her body toward her restless hips and legs. She had wanted to please him, too, but the man had a plan and she was helpless beneath his onslaught, wanting to give him mindless pleasure, too.
As his mouth drifted to her rounded abdomen, kissing it, licking her belly button, her hips rose, her cry breathless with anticipation, her fingers digging frantically into his shoulders. Her breath was ragged and the expectancy of his mouth upon her sent her into a primal wildness. Roan eased her thighs apart, his fingers moving slowly inside her curved flesh, testing her, moving slickly into the dampness near her entrance. Her whole world burst into scorching fire as he traced his finger around her gateway.
An uncontrollable shudder worked through Shiloh as she arched against his exploring finger teasing that tight pearl near her entrance, sending her into a spinning universe. He captured one of her nipples, gently biting it and simultaneously placed a second finger within her. She cried out, her back arching, her hands frantic against his shoulders. Within moments, her body convulsed, a seismic shock wave of rupturing pleasure from an orgasm that saturated her lower body and flooded her with keen pleasure. And Roan didn’t stop there. He knew how to get her body to give him everything she had. Shiloh felt a second orgasm shatter through her, her lower body throbbing with such scalding pleasure she felt faint as she suddenly collapsed against the bed.
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