“And what’s between us exactly? Or is it all about you thinking you have to take care of me because I’ve never done a good enough job on my own?”
“Ellie.” He closed his eyes. “Don’t do this.”
“Guilt,” she said tightly. “You’ve helped me out of guilt because of a silly mistake you think you made as a kid.”
“I wasn’t a kid. And you paid for that mistake. My mistake. You paid dearly.”
“I paid for my own stupidity. You weren’t responsible for me that night, Jack. I was. And I survived. I took a really horrific experience and turned my life around. So did you. You should be proud. You should celebrate life every single minute. You should…” Want me. That’s what she’d nearly said, but she had more pride than that. She closed her eyes, shook her head and then opened her eyes again. “You have to go,” she said quietly. “And so do I.”
“Ellie—”
She stepped out into the warm afternoon sun, and felt cold all the way to the bone.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Dear Diary,
So as it turns out, I let a stupid guy take my self-esteem. I let a guy be more important to me than…me. Good thing I’m done with being stupid.
I have the power. And while I’m learning to rein it in, I’m discovering something else. I don’t want other girls to make my mistakes. I asked Ms. Cahn and she said that at the next session at PIC, I can lead a discussion on how to ditch bad boys. Can’t wait to show the girls some good moves.
Thanks for listening, diary. Sorry I said I hated you.
Kia
Dear Diary,
Okay, so I did get hurt. I put my heart on the line and it got a little trampled. My fault, really. I knew Jack wasn’t open or receptive to what I wanted, but I can admit I’d hoped… Oh, well, that’s what life is for, right? It’s okay.
Or at least, I’m working on it being okay. Probably that’s going to be a while. A long while.
Ellie
“No, Grandma,” Ellie said into her cell phone, resisting the urge to thunk her head down to her kitchen table. “I don’t want to join one of those internet-dating services.”
“I’d love to see you get a man who appreciates you for the wonderful woman you are. Just don’t tell them that you work with teenagers—that’ll scare any man off. At least the smart ones.”
Ellie sighed. “You’re right. I want a man who understands what I do. And I’m not going to find that on the internet.”
“Honey, what you do is amazing, a real service to the community. But let’s face it, you need more in your life. Someday you’ll get it, you’ll see that you can’t save them all, but you can save yourself.”
“By finding a man?”
“By being happy.”
She’d been working on that. Too bad it had blown up in her face. Her doorbell went off. “Grandma, someone’s here. I have to go.” She looked through the peephole and her heart leaped into her throat.
Jack.
She drew a deep breath to find her cool and calm, but she had none left in the tank so she opened the door.
Distance. That was key here. He’d helped her. He was fond enough of her to be there for her, big-time. And not just her, but the people she cared most about—the girls.
But he didn’t want what she wanted, what she’d secretly always wanted from him.
His heart.
“I thought maybe we’d have dinner,” he said in greeting, eyes hidden behind reflective sunglasses.
Reaching up, she pulled off the sunglasses and looked into his eyes. “Why?”
“Because I’m hungry.”
“Jack.”
He stared at her for a long moment, swore, then backed her inside, shut the door and pulled her into his arms.
“What—”
“I am proud of you, El.” He tightened his grip on her. “So goddamn proud of all you’ve done and the woman you’ve become. I hate that you didn’t know that.”
She opened her mouth, but he covered it with his fingers. “I think about you 24/7. If I’m not thinking about you, I’m dreaming about you.”
“Which scared you,” she said.
“It surprised me.”
“Yes, well, you can join my club.” She gave him a push. “Now tell me why you played guardian angel without saying a word.”
“Angel?” His mouth curved. “I was pretty sure you were thinking I was an ass.”
“No. An ass is a guy who neglects to tell you about his wife.”
“The dentist. Want me to hurt him for you?”
“Okay, I’m not going to even ask how you know about the dentist,” she said.
He kissed her softly. And then not so softly, and she forgot about the dentist.
“I helped you out because you’re important to me,” he said. “I didn’t want to be intrusive, but I wanted you to be okay. And safe.”
“Oh, Jack.” She cupped his face. “I’ve always been okay. But I could be better.”
“How?”
Look at him, all big and tough and willing to slay her dragons. “You helped me,” she whispered. “You helped the girls. That means so much to me.”
“But…?”
“But there’s something else I want from you.”
“Name it.”
“You.”
He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to hers. “El.”
“You going to tell me you don’t feel the same? That you haven’t always felt the same?”
He drew in a deep breath. “But you remember who I was back then—a complete punk, always looking for trouble and finding it. I was never going to bring you down with me.”
“Jack, I was as wild and messed up as you were. You have to stop thinking of me as…as some good girl you needed to protect from yourself.”
He just looked at her.
“You were not a punk,” she said softly. “You were a troubled kid, just like me. Then you went into the army, which made you all dark and badass.”
His brow shot up, and that sensual warm mouth quirked.
“Yes,” she said. “Dark and badass. The military gave you direction and discipline, and now you’re a business owner who sneakily rescues old friends when they need a helping hand. Which actually means you’re also a big old softie, too.”
He dropped his head to her shoulder. “Is there a point in there somewhere?”
“I know what I want,” she said again, wrapping her arms around him. The way he squeezed her back told her everything she needed to know. “And I’m willing to wait for you to want it, too.” After a quick hug, she backed away from him, grabbed her keys and walked to the door. “You coming?”
He just stood there, looking a little baffled, poor baby. “Coming?”
“Food,” she said very gently. “You’re hungry, remember?”
They ended up at a little Mexican place on the outskirts of town, eating and talking, and even laughing. They had a good time, and in his eyes Ellie could see what she’d wanted to see. She wasn’t alone in this. Yes, she was falling for him, and hard.
But so was he.
So when he walked her back up to her door several hours later, she dragged him inside with her.
Because if they couldn’t yet say it out loud, they could at least show it.
When Ellie woke up the next morning, Jack was gone. Not allowing herself to give in to the disappointment, she got up and headed into the kitchen, and caught sight of herself in the hall mirror. She was wearing an undeniable glow.
Not to mention a goofy, ridiculously dreamy smile.
And nothing, not even the realization as she stood in front of her empty kitchen cabinets knowing she didn’t have any caffeine in the place, could make it go away.
She was contemplating her breakfast options—severely limited since she hadn’t gotten to the store—when her cell rang. She glanced at the ID and frowned. “Kia?” She was surprised to hear from the teenager on a Sunday, much less at six-thirty in the morning. “You okay?”
“N–no.”
The sole word was choked out and followed by a sob. “I…I need a ride.”
“No problem,” Ellie said, her stomach plunging as she grabbed her keys and stuffed her feet into her running shoes. “Where are you?”
It took Ellie ten long minutes to cross town and get to the address Kia had given her. The buildings on this side of town were close together, neglected and dilapidated.
Forgotten.
She parked, and with her phone in hand, she ran up the walk to a small duplex. She was not happy to see Bobby’s truck in the driveway, because that meant they were on his home turf. With a knot of fear in her gut for Kia, Ellie knocked on the door.
It swung open, revealing a dark cavernous room she couldn’t see into.
Not good… “Kia?”
All she heard was a soft whimper. Worry drove her forward as she walked through the dark, running a hand along the wall looking for a light switch to combat the fact that the curtains were drawn. “Kia.”
A light came on farther inside the place, illuminating a kitchen. Kia appeared in the doorway, giving Ellie a frantic “come here” gesture.
Ellie rushed toward her through the still-dark living room, her relief short-lived when she tripped over something on the carpet and went sprawling.
Kia gasped and ran forward, helping her to her feet. “Hurry! Move away from him before he wakes up!” Him?
Ignoring her now-burning hands and knees, Ellie let herself get dragged into kitchen. “Tell me I didn’t just trip over a body,” she hissed.
“Bobby.”
Oh, God. “Is he—?”
“No. Just sleeping.” Kia nibbled her lip. “Sort of.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.” And then Kia smiled grimly. “He didn’t want to hear no, so I dropped him.”
Ellie stared at her. “You what?”
“Yeah, just like Jack showed us at PIC, remember? I dropped him to the floor. Except he hit his head on the corner of the coffee table going down.” Her face fell. ‘Which is my fault, right?”
“No,” Ellie said firmly, grabbing Kia’s hand to tug her close. “Did he hurt you?”
“No. And he’s still breathing, I checked. I just got scared that he’d wake up and be even madder. I wanted to leave, but he drove me here, so I—” She broke off with a startled scream at something behind Ellie, but before Ellie could react, a hand wrapped around her ankle and tugged.
For the second time, she hit the linoleum floor hard, then rolled and blinked up into Bobby’s menacing, pissed-off face.
Uh-oh.
“You,” Bobby said, pinning her beneath him, frowning as if he had a headache. No wonder, given the bruise blooming across his forehead and temple.
“Let me go,” she said with a remarkable calm that she didn’t feel.
“I don’t think so.”
“The police are coming,” she lied.
“Good. I did nothing wrong. That bitch attacked me.”
“It’s illegal to sleep with a minor, did you know that?” Ellie was proud of her cool, even voice as she struggled like mad to wriggle free. “You’re eighteen, she’s seventeen. That’s statutory rape.”
“Not if she wanted it, it’s not.” Bobby dipped his head, looking Ellie over lewdly. “You want it, too?”
“No.” And she jammed her knee up between his legs.
His eyes widened. He let out a squeak and slowly fell off her to his side, curling into a fetal position.
Ellie reached for her phone, but she must have dropped it at some point between tripping over Bobby and being taken down by him. “Call 911,” she gasped to Kia, rolling over, getting to her knees. “Hurry.”
“But I hit him.”
“Self-defense. Call!” Ellie staggered to her feet and looked up in time to see someone step inside the front door. It couldn’t be the police or medics, not yet. Her biggest fear now was facing Bobby’s friends—which wasn’t going to end well for her or Kia.
The tall, looming shadow stepped through the living room, and she realized there was only one man that big who could move so silently, with the grace of a cat.
Jack.
He had a dangerous, edgy air to him as he came into the kitchen, the light falling over the taut, tense features of his face as his gaze landed on her with relief and concern.
“I’m okay,” she told him.
He didn’t speak until he’d made sure for himself, looking over every inch of her before hauling her up against him. “What happened?”
She gave him the short version. Behind them, Bobby stirred and groaned. Jack let go of Ellie and turned to Bobby. “Get up.”
Bobby held on to his crotch and shook his head.
Jack shook his too, as if he couldn’t quite believe Bobby was going to let go of his bully status with such a whimper. Then he hauled Bobby to his feet, pinning him against the wall so they were nose to nose.
Bobby closed his eyes.
Jack gave him a little shake until he opened them again. Jack didn’t raise his voice or give any indication of being furious, but the air crackled.
Bobby swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean to mess with your chick.”
“Don’t talk. Listen. You’re not going to touch Kia ever again. You’re not going to talk to her, see her or think of her. Same for Ms. Cahn. In fact, you’re not going to be within twenty feet of either of them. Do I need to tell you why?”
Bobby shook his head vehemently. He didn’t have to be told why.
“You sure?” Jack asked in that terrifyingly quiet voice.
Bobby nodded like a bobblehead.
“Jack,” Ellie said, setting a hand on his bicep, which might as well have been solid rock.
Jack let Bobby go.
Bobby slid back to the floor and curled into a ball, still holding on to his family jewels, which Ellie hoped were in his throat.
Five minutes later, the police arrived.
Followed by an ambulance.
In the organized chaos, Ellie turned to Jack. “How did you know where I was?”
“I went to make you breakfast but you were low on supplies. I went to the store.”
She stared at him, then winced guiltily. “I thought you’d left.”
“When I pulled back onto your street, you were peeling out of your driveway like a bat out of hell.”
“I thought you’d left,” she said again. “And then Kia called me needing help.”
“And you went running.” He wrapped his arms tight around her. “Trying to take care of the world.”
“I was afraid for her.”
“And I was afraid for you.” He buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply.
He’d held her plenty of times now. In fun. In heat. In simple affection. Each and every time she’d sought the comfort in his embrace. But this…this was different.
Because this time he was taking comfort from her. “I’m okay,” she said again softly, tightening her arms around him.
“I know.” But he didn’t let go. His scent was familiar, as was the feel of his strength and warmth surrounding her, and she sighed and pressed her face to his throat.
“Ellie.”
Lifting her head, she looked into his face.
“I did leave.”
She went still. “What?”
“When I woke up, you were all warm and soft and…” His mouth brushed her temple. “Perfect,” he said quietly. “And I felt…” He let out a breath. “Everything. I felt everything.”
“So you…ran?”
“Yeah.” He grimaced. “I’m really hoping you can get past that part.”
“You ran,” she repeated, trying to absorb that.
“But not far,” he said. “I only got to the corner before I realized I was an idiot. Then I saw the bakery, and went in to get you breakfast.”
“A goodbye breakfast.”
“No. By then I’d realized something.”
“What, that you were acting like a li
ttle girl again?”
“A little bit.” He kissed her, soft and coaxing, and then not so soft. “You hit me hard, El. I didn’t know what to do about you.”
“And you think you figured it out?” She already knew the answer. It’d been in his kiss.
He ran a hand down her arm until his fingers entwined in hers. “In the military I survived off brute strength. It’s what I use in my job, too. But with you…” He shook his head. “Strength doesn’t seem to impress you all that much.”
“No. Neither does you writing a secret check instead of telling me how you feel. I told you, Jack. I don’t need a guardian angel.”
“And I had no idea that I did.”
He was still holding her. She had her hands on his chest, and could feel his heart beating strong and sure beneath her fingers.
“You opened me up,” he said. “You reminded me to live.” And while her heart fell out onto the floor at his feet, he added, “I love you. I think I always have.”
She felt her throat go tight. “I love you too, Jack. So very much.”
His smile came slow and sure, and stopped her heart. “I thought it’d be so hard to say,” he murmured. “But it turns out it’s not hard at all.” He cupped her face. “I plan on feeling this way about you forever, El. Does that work for you?”
“More than you’ll ever know.”
EPILOGUE
One year later
Dear Diary,
Sorry it’s been a while, but you’ll be happy to know that I’m finding lots of great ways to release my pent-up feelings that won’t get me in trouble. Who knew all it would take was thinking about Bobby’s face when I practiced my kicking at No Limits gym?
I graduated high school last week, and with a 3.0, which means Ms. Cahn has to buy me ice cream every week for a year. She promised.
Oh, and I think you’ll be happy to know I’m going to a junior college in the fall, and I’m thinking of studying to become a social worker. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll be helping teenagers the way PIC helped me.
Speaking of PIC, I work there. Cool, right? I just answer phones and make files and stuff, but Ms. Cahn says I can be in charge of social media. So I get to make PIC a Facebook page and give it a Twitter account and stuff. Better than flipping burgers, right?
More Than Words, Volume 7 Page 21
