by E. Cullen
“I`m afraid to say it. You might hurt me if I say the truth.”
“I will give you a clue. I`m like a crazy person.”
“Are you from the mental hospital?”
“Try harder. Keep guessing until you get it right.”
“Are you Batman? A werewolf? An angel? Are you a pirate? Are you a drug dealer? A demon? Iron Man? Spiderman? What are you, Edworth?”
Bellduh wasn’t the brightest witch in the west, but her red poison filled me with joy. I felt bad for her.
“I will give you another clue. I love to suck on the red stuff.”
Bellduh`s mouth dropped, and she looked shocked.
“Are you… Frankenstein?”
“Wow. Do I look like Frankenstein?”
“What? You mean you’re not Frankenstein? I don`t get it, Edworth. What are you?”
“I will give you another clue. I’m like Dracula.”
“You’re not like Dracula. Where is your cape?
I was surprised Bellduh was not blonde.
“I`m a junkie!” I shouted.
“No way in hell you’re a junkie! I don`t believe it! You are a liar!”
I move around so abnormally, and tear up the trees. I rip the trees right out of the ground with the roots out.
“Can a junkie do all this?”
“Like, what the hell? You just damaged the trees! Are you crazy? A junkie can`t rip trees out, but Superman can!”
“Oh, sorry! I didn`t know you were into green peace. I promise I will plant the trees back just for you, Bellduh.”
“You better. What kind of junkie rips trees out of the ground and moves super-fast?”
“A super-fast and super strong one? I guess I`m an unusual junkie. I also glow in the dark and sparkle. It`s really neat. I should show you someday.”
“So you are one of them.”
“Say it, Bellduh. I want you to say it. Say junkie right now. I want to hear you say it. Say it like you mean it.”
“ Junkie! Junkie! Junkie!”
“You said junkie. How does it feel Bellduh?
“You’re a junkie!”
“I hope you don`t mind.”
“You must be old. How old are you. Tell me the truth, Edworth.”
“I look much younger than I am.”
“Wow. I heard junkies never age.”
“I have been this young for over one hundred years, Bellduh.”
“Well, you should stay the hell away from me then. I heard junkies carry sexual transmitted diseases.”
“Not all junkies carry sexual transmitted diseases. I once had slurpeeze, but it cleared up fast. Junkies don`t usually get diseases. It`s rare, and I haven`t gotten anything ever since. I promise I won`t contaminate you. We could date and be disease free. Have you ever considered becoming a junkie, Bellduh?”
“A junkie? You have to be shitting me! Where do I register to become a junkie?”
I really thought Bellduh had been living under a rock for the past eighteen and a half years of her life. Why would she think that you would have to register? It was such an insult to my kind. Bellduh smelled like sweet cotton candy, and I couldn’t seem to stay away from her. I decided to be nice to Bellduh since I didn’t want her to put a curse on me.
“You register with me, of course. All you have to do is ask, and you shall receive, Bellduh. I have a question for you now. Are you a witch?”
“I… like, study witchcraft, but I’m no witch. Don’t worry, Edworth. I won’t put a curse on you as long as you don’t piss me off.”
“Well, that’s good to know, Bellduh. However, studying witchcraft and putting spells on people make you a witch.”
“That is like so cool, Edworth. I always wanted to become a junkie. If I change my mind, though, I will unregister.”
There was no way that Bellduh could be that dumb.
“Bellduh, have you been drinking while at school today? Have you been smoking weed?”
“Uh… no. Why do you ask? You’re a silly junkie, Edworth.”
“I was just wondering how much you really know about junkies, Bellduh. I thought witches were supposed to be smart.”
“I’m not a witch; I swear. I just like to practice witchcraft with my friends and put curses on people.”
“Well, Bellduh, the truth is that I’m not really a junkie. I just like to suck the life out of people and move like Superman because junkies don’t move that fast. I also like to sprinkle sparkles on myself to trick people into thinking that I’m a sparkling junkie.”
“I knew you weren’t a junkie, Edworth. You’re just some sort of junkie, but that’s cool with me. I will try not to put a spell on you. The truth is that my friends and I have already put a spell on most of the town.”
I knew it. That’s the only reason the town was so weird, but there was not much I could do. I loved Bellduh’s blood; I mean I loved Bellduh too much to stop her.
Act 8
Meet The Parent
When I finally had the opportunity to meet Bellduh’s dad, I was excited since I wondered if his blood was as sweet smelling as hers. His name was Mr. Charsleeze Swansinner. He was the town’s stand-up comedian and also the town drunk. He was a retired dogcatcher and had made a side living doing stand-up comedy around the town bars. Bellduh’s mother was living on the streets, but no one cared about her. I stood in the living room waiting for his arrival as Bellduh stood by my side. I could hear him walking down the stairs. Bellduh looked at me with a nervous smile. I could hear him whistling as he made his way down the stairs. He took his sweet time. He looked at me with a straight face.
Mr. Swansinner wanted nothing more than to point his shotgun in my face and pull the trigger. He was very observant as he noticed how perfect my hair was. I smiled as he looked at me. He must have thought that my hair was much better than his own daughter’s hair, although he thought I wore a little too much make-up. He thought I belonged in a circus, which was not such a bad idea since it would have been fun. He couldn’t believe that his daughter was involved with such a pretty boy. Mr. Swansinner believed that I was too good for Bellduh and that I could do much better. He wanted me for himself. Mr. Swansinner swung both ways.
Even though he wanted to hurt me, he felt that he could trust me with Bellduh, since he thought that I looked like a queer, not that there was anything wrong with that. He thought that Bellduh could kick my ass. He approached me and offered a handshake. He wanted me to feel his hard grip to show me who was boss, though I could have easily crushed his hand in an instant, but I wouldn’t have actually done it. Could you imagine the look on Bellduh`s face, or even her father`s face if I had crushed his hand? It would have been priceless, and somewhat funny to me, but Bellduh would not have appreciated it, and her father would have been in agony. I could have because I’m a junkie and junkies are like crazy.
His mustache reminded me of Adolf Hitler`s styled mustache. He seemed like he had a bunch of carrots up his behind.
Our hands shook as I gently squeezed his hand. I could feel the warm grip of Mr. Swansinner`s hand. He tried to intimidate me with his tight grip, but I felt nothing. Bellduh watched as her father and I shared a stare down contest. His eyes had burned a hole into my own eyes. He had felt how cold my hand was as I gripped his.
“Edworth, you have a really cold hand. It doesn`t seem that cold outside today. Bellduh has told me so much about you.”
“It`s always a pleasure, Sir. Bellduh has told me so much about you as well. So I hear you like dogs, cats, and squirrels.”
Gees, I couldn’t believe I said that. I was actually embarrassed that those words came out of my mouth. I would have said anything since I was so nervous. Bellduh looked embarrassed for me, and Mr. Swansinner giggled. That was just one step closer to Bellduh`s sweet blood.
“Well, Edworth, I`m glad that you think I like dogs, cats, and squirrels. I also like hurting things. Did you know that? Did Bellduh tell you what a great fighter I am? That`s right, I like to hurt animals and people.
It`s my hobby. I shoot and hurt them when I`m out hunting. Doesn`t matter what animal I hurt, as long as I hurt one. Scared yet?”
“My dad was like so joking! Don`t worry about it, Edworth. Dad, you were just joking as always.”
“That`s right, Edworth. I was just pulling your arm out of your socket. I`m a joker, one big joker.”
“I knew that. This is a peaceful town. I didn`t believe it for a second.”
“Sure, Edworth. I believe you, son. You were just ready to fly out my front door.”
“Mr. Swansinner, you are right. I was getting ready to crash out the front door. You got me good. You’re good, you. You’re so funny, Mr. Swannsinner.”
“What do you mean, Edworth? How am I funny? Do you think I’m a big joke? Tell me, Edworth. How am I funny? Funny in what way?
“I… it was a joke,” I said.
“So… Edworth, what are your gruesome plans for my daughter? Now don`t be lying to me now. I want the truth, only the truth, and nothing but the truth.”
“Dad, Edworth only wants what’s best for me.”
“No, no, Bellduh. It`s ok; I can speak for myself. The truth is, I really would like your permission to see more of Bellduh, Sir. The truth is, I`m a junkie. I want to taste Bellduh`s red honey and suck her dry. Bellduh`s red rum smells so good; I can`t help myself, Sir. I wanted to taste every student in the classroom at school, to impress Bellduh, but I didn`t. That`s how disciplined I am. You can trust me with your daughter Bellduh, Sir. I know I`m a junkie, but just give me a chance to prove myself, and you will see that I am not a bad junkie. I wouldn’t mind tasting your red wine, Sir.”
“Oh no, you didn`t! Edworth, I can`t believe you just told my father the truth!”
“Yes, yes I did. Trust me Bellduh. Honestly, it is the best policy.”
Mr. Swansinner started laughing out loud.
“Edworth! You are seriously the man! I haven`t laughed this hard since I was in high school! You and Bellduh really played a good joke on me. Welcome to the family, Edworth. I look forward to more of your smart-ass jokes. That really made my day. Bellduh, don`t you dare let this one go, he is a keeper.”
“Thanks. Whatever you say, I guess. Yes, Edworth and I really worked hard rehearsing that joke.”
“Mr. Swansinner, I`m glad you loved the joke. Bellduh and I plan to get you again with another one sometime. You are an easy man to please, Mr. Swansinner. I`m really happy that you have welcomed me into the family. I am very happy to be seeing your daughter, Bellduh. She can have such an attitude sometimes, but since she is your daughter, I will be easy on her.”
“Edworth, Son, don`t ever let Bellduh give you attitude. I know how she can be hard. You just take charge and show her who`s boss. You will have good moments and bad moments, but I`m sure you will overcome them. Just take it one day at a time, Edworth.”
“Sweet deal, Mr. Swansinner. I will take your advice and do whatever it takes to make sure things go well between Bellduh and I. Relationships are never easy.”
“No, you are right about that, Edworth. I know a thing or two about relationships. Marriage can be a real bitch.”
Act 9
Vanity Fair
Every single day at Eclipse High was like a soap opera. You loved one day and despised another. Everyone gazed at me from the other end of the hallway as I walked in Bellduh’s direction. She looked at me as if she wanted to tell me something.
She was not smiling and had a tense look on her face. That made me nervous, as I admired her beautiful complexion. There was no time to check my hair and do my make-up. Bellduh should have done me a favor and kept far away from me. I was not prepared to be cornered by her or her beautiful stench of blood.
I seriously did not want to confront Bellduh since I felt like I was having such a bad hair day. My breath smelled like my last bloody meal, and I could have just gone insane! I needed some breath mints fast. I needed to get a hold of myself. How could this have been happening to me? I wondered if I was having a Bellduh withdrawal.
I wanted Bellduh to stop looking at me since I felt that I looked like crap. I stuck my head in my locker, as if to reach for something. I hoped that it would distract her to move on, just that one time.
It was my best attempt at avoiding her. I prayed that it was going to work. I slowly peeked to see if Bellduh was still gracing me with her beautiful eyes. Bellduh caught my eyes in the act, and it was so awkward.
Bellduh was practically marching towards me, and I could smell her from where I was standing. Bellduh smelled so scrumptious. I wanted to drink her red liquor in front of everyone, but I knew that I could never show my perfect face again. I quickly inhaled to relish her scent. It just killed me to be in that situation. I just had to simply endure every second of it.
I absolutely hated school with a passion, but with Bellduh walking the halls of Eclipse High, I thought that I would stay a while. Bellduh made almost everything worthwhile. She was as sensational as they came.
We could have made love right then and there, but I was temporarily friendzoned by Bellduh. I wanted to grab her, and I wanted to kiss her. I was in love with her blood. Bellduh was very beautiful, and she made me this way. It was all Bellduh’s fault. I couldn’t help but feel that way.
I was sure that she had some sort of magical spell on me and all of the guys at Eclipse High. I wondered if that witchcraft she liked to practice took control of her life. Even the girls had girl crushes on Bellduh. I wondered how that was possible since Bellduh wasn’t the best looking girl around. It was like totally ridiculous. No girl should have been as hot smelling as Bellduh. It should have been illegal.
She was just too much for Eclipse High. Bellduh was like royalty. All she had to do was ask me to do anything for her, and I would have in a heartbeat.
Bellduh was the cause of my obsession. There was a possibility that she could have been the one for me. It didn’t really matter to me if she wanted just to be friends, but I hoped it was not forever. Just friends simply sucked. I felt this strong connection with Bellduh’s blood.
I undressed her with my eyes. She obviously didn’t get much sun living in this crap town of Eclipse. The local weatherman practically forecasted cloudy days every week.
The odd day would be sunny out. I thought I was pale, but Bellduh was almost like a ghost. I was so pale that I lightly powdered my face with some blush. Bellduh had her moments of looking great. Bellduh just loved to wear nice miniskirts, and had nice smooth legs.
I couldn’t help but admire myself. I loved to impress every girl since I had a reputation to maintain. I had to stuff my pants sometimes to make myself look well hung. The girls loved judging guys by the bulge in their tight blue jeans. I really stuffed my pants for all the attention. I added a touch of stuffing to make my butt look firmer since I had a flat butt.
My bulge looked very reassuring. Every guy at Eclipse High copied me with my tight blue jeans. I had started a really nice trend. I loved every single day of it, and I was a total sex symbol. I was pretty sure that Bellduh enjoyed seeing me all dolled up. Bellduh could have used a little lesson from me about how to apply make-up. I was that good.
I could honestly say that I enjoy a little mascara and a touch of red lipstick. I loved to wear a hint of pink blush on my high cheekbones. Even the girls at Eclipse High could not compete with the way I wore my make-up. I should have probably given them some tips.
I loved to wear heavy cologne. It still didn’t mask Bellduh’s breathtaking sweet smell of blood. I wanted to drink her right away. My dad was the town’s dentist. That explained my perfectly—heavenly white teeth.
I had a smile that mesmerizes a crowd. I had the opportunity to make the cover of a magazine and every perfect guy should. I was the perfect junkie, yet I didn’t really belong at Eclipse. I was way too good for the town. I admit that sometimes I used a little too much lipstick, but people still adored me. If Bellduh only knew how much I loved her blood. I fantasized that her blood and I were together foreve
r. I would fantasize that her blood would be in a glass container, and I would take a sniff of it while sitting by the fireplace. My ultimate fantasy is too strong for words. Her blood and I would never ever be apart. I loved my fantasies about Bellduh’s blood.
I walked the hallway as if I walked a supermodel runway. I walked with my chin up; my feet were in the perfect walking position, and I looked ahead of the crowd, knowing that everyone was investing their attention to me only. I loved to smell the different scents of blood. I had this half smirk on my face that showed that I was pleased with all of the attention I was getting. I was so very conceited and proud of it.
The students stood aside and observed me as I walked down the hallway. I wanted someone to roll out the red carpet before I entered the school. They seemed to admire my every move. Students gathered as if they waited to receive an autograph or even the privilege of my eyes meeting their own eyes. I was a total superstar at Eclipse High. You didn’t dare talk to me unless I spoke to you. One girl tried to talk to me, but it was like a total fail. She went right up to me, to make small talk. As she spoke to me, she had this kind of spell on her, which made her mumble her words.
She was so embarrassed that she ran away from me, and was laughed at by all the students at Eclipse High. She was totally humiliated, but I had a lot of respect for that poor girl. She had the courage to talk to me and at least she did what no girl at Eclipse High dared to do.
I could have scarred you for life at Eclipse High if you couldn’t successfully talk to me. The girls of Eclipse High all had their mouths dropped like a bunch of dogs as I walked by them.
One word from my beautiful mouth and any girl would listen, and she would have obeyed my every command. I didn’t blame them. I bet that I could have put them all on a leash and taken them out if I really wanted to. I would have done anything Bellduh wanted at her command. I would have been her slave. I would have let her put me on a dog leash if that meant I could have her blood.
She never caught me off guard, since I could smell her beautiful erotic blood, as soon as she was close by.
