“I always do better with your ass. Every time.”
This gets a high pitched laugh from Kelsey. “Don’t I know it.”
But I can’t help pressing her more on us. “What do you think you’ll do when we have to get out of the house?”
I want to know if she has any plans to stay with me. To give us some sort of shot in her own way.
“Oh, who knows? Probably another country, maybe South America? Wherever the animals call me, I’ll go.”
She holds her hand up like she’s committed to some faithful mission. I chuckle at her quirkiness. “Not Africa?”
Her usually bright face turns dark, extremely so. A cloud of gloom crosses her hazel eyes, and I can tell I’ve hit some horrible memory.
“No. I don’t think I’ll be going back there anytime soon.”
“How come?”
She shrugs, trying to throw me off of the subject. “Just don’t want to.”
I think back to the day she had a near mental breakdown in her room. “Does it have something to do with your parents?”
Kelsey gasps and stares straight into my eyes. “How do you…?”
Her questions hangs in the air. “I just remember the day you came home in a panic. No one, no one told me a thing.”
She’s shaking now, and I reach out to put my hand on her face. It’s all I can think to do. I want to comfort her so bad. I want to see my sassy, biting girl come back. “What happened?”
Kelsey shakes her head, and whether she’s trying to erase some thought from her mind or if she’s trying to avoid me, I’m not sure. Her eyes look haunted, like someone who has lived through something horrific that they can never, ever forget.
“Talk to me. You can trust me Kels.”
Cautiously, she raises those beautiful, round eyes to me. And I see hope mixed in with all of that pain and fear. Then, in a low, slowly-paced voice, Kelsey starts to talk.
10
Kelsey
The lit path up to the scientific and research trailers simply glows tonight beneath the amazing-as-all-fuck African sky. Out here, it’s like you can feel the whole world in your tiny palm. Like the whole universe is speaking right through to your soul.
The fireflies buzz around me, sparkling as I trek the paperwork from the latest lion birth up to the office. I know it’s necessary to track and mark every single thing on a preservation. I know we need to keep order and files on our business to keep it running. But it doesn’t mean I want any part in the task. I’d rather get beaten over the head with a rubber mallet than spend my night documenting.
I’d been in Tanzania almost eight months and I doubted I’d ever feel the urge to leave. The work I was getting to do here? The people? Top notch. It was like living in a less jungle-like Jurassic Park. Without all the murder by dinosaur and bad Jeff Goldblum impressions.
Sure, I missed my friends at home. I wished that the time difference wasn’t so terrible so that I could talk to Clint more. I missed sleeping three to a bed with Chloe and Minka. I missed hanging out with Jackson at the East Coast preserves. But I felt my work here was too important. The things I was doing, the animals I was saving, they were too vital.
As I neared the small complex of buildings that was deemed the administrative offices, I noticed the lit panel of windows. It was late, no one was supposed to be in the office at this hour. As it was, I was way past due with my paperwork and it was the only reason that I was up here.
All of the buildings were basically walls of glass windows that allowed the office staff to watch the animals throughout the day.
Which was why, as I neared the conference room that was lit up like the Fourth of July, I could see two people clearly in the middle of fucking each other’s brains out on the sustainable wood table.
Awkward! I feel like I found myself in these situations a lot. Must be the world’s way of confirming just how odd I was. I giggled, trying to figure out a way to let myself into the building without disturbing their obviously secret tryst.
But then they moved. And I saw their faces. The woman, Candace, my parent’s executive assistant had her chest and stomach flat against the surface, trying to grip at something as she was fucked from behind.
The person giving it to her? My father. My very married father.
The whirring in my ears was so loud that I almost couldn’t hear the erratic beat of my heart. My face was burning with shame and embarrassment. One at finding them, but also because this was my father. The one who had never shown any ounce of compassion or warmth toward another human being, especially my mother.
I’d learned a long time ago that my parents did not have a typical marriage. They were not warm or loving, most of the time they seemed so uninterested in each other that I wondered why they were still together. And they could never be bothered with the needs of me, their child.
But for him to be screwing around on her? Behind her back? In such an obvious and cheap way. It was disgusting. My mouth filled with saliva and I knew I was going to be sick. I ran for the bushes that would hide my retching and let my stomach come up and out my throat.
When I glanced up again, they were still there out of the corner of my eye. I could feel the big, salty tears dripping onto my shirt and realized I was crying. My mother was not a saint, she could barely be concerned with anything outside of her animal science projects, but she did not deserve this.
I ran for the dirt path I’d just cheerily walked up. My thoughts were going a mile a minute as I sprinted back down to the housing village. And then it all came clear. If it were me, I would want to know. Not that it ever would be. My parents had guaranteed that. Love between two people was not everlasting, and hardly even existed. This cemented that even more.
My mind was made up. I had to tell her.
Checking her tent, I found it empty, as usual. There was only one place she ate, slept and breathed.
Trekking across the grounds, my stomach balled into ugly pit-sized knots, I still felt like I might toss my cookies. How did you tell your mother that your father was up in the office right now screwing the woman she worked the most closely with every single day?
I found her in the lab, pouring over dozens of stacks of papers on her wide, metal desk.
“Mother…” My voice caught in my throat, threatening to unleash the well of tears behind my eyes.
She couldn’t even be bothered to look up at my entrance. “What is it?”
“I…up at the offices…” I didn’t know how to proceed with this. I’d never had a bonding or intimate moment with my mother, and this was certainly not an easy way to start.
Finally, she looks up, her fiery hair tamed back as usual in a sleek bun. “Spit it out, Kelsey Elizabeth, I have work to do.”
“Dad, he’s up at the offices with Candace.” I try to convey with my eyes just exactly what they’re doing up at the offices. I know she gets the message the minute her eyes fill with concern and upset. But after the flicker, it’s completely gone. Replaced by the cool exterior I have come to associate with Madeline.
“What your father does with his free time is none of my concern. As long as his work on the preserve is uninterrupted, he can have whatever flings he likes.”
I feel like she’s told me Santa Claus isn’t real all over again. I’m gobsmacked, and I know I’m crying at this point even if the rest of my body is numb. “How the hell can you say that?! He is your husband! He is your family!”
I can feel the anger and upset clouding my vision, building into a full on shit fit. “You’re just going to let her tear your marriage apart? How can you just sit here?!”
My mother sighs, finally picking her head back up from where she’d been writing some notes with her signature expensive black fountain pen. “I know you are a young woman, naive and inexperienced. So you won’t understand when I tell you this, but marriage is not about love. Love is a farce, a young girl’s fairytale. Real marriage? It supplies surety, a partnership to a better living. Your father and I
have not been a married couple, the way you think one should be, in a very long time. He has his ‘friends’ and I get to keep the rousing scientist as mine. The intelligent business partner that I came into this partnership for. Humans are so fickle, trying to make fate and feelings part of our cohabitation decisions. You’ve seen how animals are. They mate, they move on. No attachments or hard feelings. We would all be better off if that’s how we lived our lives.”
“And then I left the next day. I couldn’t stand to be there. I couldn’t stand them anymore.” I say to Clint as he stares quietly at me, Marnie snoring in her little kitten way between us.
What I don’t tell him is that my heart turned to stone that day. That while I couldn’t believe my ears, I actually could. My parents had been ice cold my entire life. It was part of the reason I had no idea how to love another human. Sure, I loved Minka and Chloe because they’d been there from a young age. They were ingrained in my soul like my own heart was. But a man? I’d never seen how to healthily connect with one, let alone fall in love.
And after that day, I never wanted to. My mother solidified my mission to never be tied down. To never enter a relationship, because look what it turned you into. Either a lying, cheating son of a bitch. Or an ice queen too buried in work to actually live. No thank you on both counts.
And I’d been running from them ever since. I didn’t want to see them, to face what they both put me through.
I was suddenly exhausted. The catharsis had come and gone, only to be replaced with a bone deep tiredness. My big yawn gave way to Clint move closer on the bed and wrapping his tree-trunk arms around my waist. Marnie’s soft fur brushed both of our arms.
“I’m so sorry, Roo.”
It was the last thing I remember hearing before I submitted to the dark, blissful cloud of sleep.
11
Kelsey
Am I back in Africa?
It’s the first hazy thought I have as I blink the sleep dirt out of my eyes and begin my morning crack and roll routine. Except when I go to put my arms over my head, they’re trapped.
Sliding my eyes all the way open, I’m greeted by a solid chest, soft snoring coming from somewhere above. What the fuck?
I’m trapped against Clint’s body, our legs tangled together in an intimate embrace. I fell asleep with him in his bed, without even fucking his brains out first. This is a problem.
The fact that it feels so good and natural is another problem. A very, very bad problem. A pimple on your nose on a Friday night kind of problem. When you get your period right before your hot hook up comes over kind of problem.
He stirs, mumbling something in his sleep and I can’t help but stare up into his face. His beard has grown longer as they move toward the championships, something about not cutting it out of luck and superstition. It’s adorably flattened on one side, and his face is just basked in a blissful, deep sleep.
He’s so gorgeous sometimes I wonder how I overlooked it. And then there is that typical guilt buried in the pit of my stomach. I realize that it’s shallow…me sleeping with him now. After he’s turned his body into a better version of the Michelangelo statue. And maybe I am. But I just couldn’t help myself.
I don’t admit that in the back of my mind, I’ve allowed myself to keep hooking up with him for this long because I feel safe. It’s not just fun and hot. It’s something else. But I won’t allow myself to dig that deep.
Marnie has curled up in a ball at the end of the bed, her drowsy kitten eyes lazily eyeing me as I look down at her. I’ve got to leave before Clint wakes up. He’ll take this some sort of way, and I really don’t need to put myself in that position.
Moving as quietly as I can, I creep off the bed, stopping at the end to pick Marnie up and stuff her in the crook of my arm. Tip toeing out, I slowly close the door and make a clean escape without Clint waking up.
“Did you sleep in there?”
Busted. Minka stands outside the bathroom door on Clint and Owen’s side of the house, her hair pulled up into a curly brown rat’s nest. She’s gaping at me like she just saw a ghost.
“I just…it was an accident.” I can feel the sheepish grin on my face and the blush that surfaces in my cheeks. I turn to walk back to my room, aware that this little encounter may cause Clint to question my absence.
Except Minka only follows me. “So you’re sleeping over now too? What’s going on with you Kels?”
I can hear the questions in her voice. She knows me better than anyone. And right now, she knows this isn’t my typical MO.
“I told you Minks, I just fell asleep. It was an accident.”
“Why were you leaving with all of your clothes on?”
Shit, busted again. “We just talked last night and I got tired. We’re still best friends, you know. Sex doesn’t change that.”
She shakes her head. “Jesus, Kels, really? It changes everything. It already has. You know he bought that kitten for you, right? That ‘for the house’ bullshit was just a cover. I know you’re not this naive. And I also know that if I’m not mistaken, you’re catching feelings for him too.”
I scoff. “Come on, Minks. I don’t do boyfriends, you know that.”
“I do. But I think somewhere over the last month, you’ve started to break your own rules. You realize you haven’t brought anyone else home? Haven’t even looked at anyone else who doesn’t have a full black beard and piercing blue eyes?”
Her waggling eyebrows piss me off. “Are you saying this to try and scare me off? I know you never wanted me to go after him in the first place.”
Minka reaches out to hold the hand that the kitten doesn’t currently occupy. “I’m telling you this because I want you to be happy. You have a real shot of finding love here. True, decent love with an honest person. I’m telling you this because I want you to stop running. To stop hiding. Let someone love you Kelsey.”
I don’t respond. I just pretend to stroke Marnie and wait for her to leave.
“Just…think about it. Okay?” And then she’s gone. Leaving me with these thoughts and ideas that I didn’t ask for.
* * *
Everyone leaves the house in a whirlwind fashion, cleats and bats and lucky socks flying everywhere. Then they’re gone, headed to the airport in an overly stuffed cab, screaming out the windows. Clint and I don’t talk about me falling asleep in his room last night. He does ask one more time if I want to come, and I decline like I have the other six times he’s begged me to come.
Marnie and I are left in a quiet, empty house with no one to talk to and nothing to do. I try to start a Netflix marathon, but it’s just not the same without Clint’s running commentary on the stupidest of characters. I walk around aimlessly, touching random things as I go.
Minka’s words echo in my brain as I lay on my bed hours later, bored and petting Marnie who curled up and had gone to sleep on my stomach.
Something inside me has changed. I’m usually fine on my own. Better than fine, I’m usually great. I take care of myself, do what I please, no questions asked, no one to report to.
But as I’ve lived in this house these couple of short months, I’ve come to rely on the company of Owen, Minka and even Parker. And I’ve come to crave spending time with Clint. I miss them now that they’re not here. I miss the chaos and the bickering.
And I miss Clint. Thinking about not seeing him for a whole week makes me feel like there is a piece of my heart that’s detached and hopped on the 747 with him. So much so that I’m contemplating jumping on a plane and going out to join them.
What am I doing? I don’t think thoughts like this. I am a nomad, a gypsy. I make my rules, and then I break them. Damn, Minka. Putting these shitty romantic comedy thoughts in my head.
Except the loneliness sets in more as the week goes on. And I can’t seem to stem the ache in my chest each time I walk into the deserted house.
12
Clint
The past week days have been a total whirlwind. Between press conferences
, media days, signings, team bonding, practice and all of the travel…I’ve barely had time to think.
We’ve won three games straight so far against the other finalist, a college team from Arkansas who was rated number one. Everyone is freaking out — the media, our fans, even the team — no one expected us to sweep this team. Now we are one game away from being the best college team in the country, and I can hardly believe it.
On the field, I just feel so ON. There is nothing that can distract me, it’s like I can read every player on the field before they even react. I have some sixth baseball sense and nothing is going to come in between me and this trophy.
In all of my spare time, the only things I’ve done are sleep and eat. Which is why, when I finally flop down on my bed Saturday night, I have 11 unanswered texts from Kelsey.
“Fuck…” I hadn’t even remembered to keep checking my phone.
Kelsey: Did you land alright?
Kelsey: Hope Omaha doesn’t suck as much balls as I suspect it does. Marnie and I are just chillin like villains. But really, she’s an actual villain. She may have peed on the couch…
Kelsey: Why are peanut butter and chocolate so good together? You ever wonder that? Like if they could make a baby, fuck that would be heavenly
Kelsey: Hey, haven’t heard from you in like a day and a half, hope you didn’t die of baseball overload
The rest of the texts are much of the same, until I come to the last one.
Kelsey: Where is the fire extinguisher in the house?
This last one is from a couple of hours ago, and my heart plummets straight into my feet. I dial her before I realize I’m even doing it. She picks up on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Please tell me you didn’t burn the house down. I left my favorite pair of sneakers there.”
Catching to Win (Over the Fence #3) Page 9
