Sent: Thu, Nov 15, 2018 at 8:02 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Introduction
Good morning, Fawn,
My name is Mark, and I’m the owner of the new bookstore down the street. I’m so sorry I haven’t stopped by in person yet, but things have been nonstop here since we moved in. I would love to sit down with you sometime for coffee and a talk. Do you have a free half hour in the coming weeks? Maybe we can discuss ways in which we can work together. At the very least, it would be great to sit down with a fellow bibliophile.
Sincerely,
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Nov 15, 2018 at 8:17 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Introduction
Dear Mark,
How nice of you to reach out to me! Though it would be lovely to meet, I am so very busy with Black Friday approaching. Surely you understand (or maybe not?) that it is a very busy time for successful businesses like mine and so next to impossible to meet each and every local store owner that reaches out to me. As you may know, I have been in business for a very long time and have established quite a loyal following, so it is paramount that I meet the needs of my customers first and meet fellow business owners second.
I couldn’t help but notice that you are closed on Sundays. Is this for religious reasons, or do you close because you’d like to have a day off? It might be wiser to be closed on Mondays and Tuesdays, as most people are working weekdays and shopping on the weekends. Food for thought!
Perhaps another time we can make introductions, and I can give you some advice on your new business. At the start, I would suggest doing a better job landscaping your small front lawn, as it is the outside of your store as much as the inside that will draw people in. I’m sure you’re simply hoping it will snow soon and cover the dead leaves, grass, and ever-present candy wrappers and soda cups; however, I hear this winter is supposed to have minimal snow, so I certainly wouldn’t rely on nature in this case!
Best of luck!
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Jacob Whitney
Sent: Thu, Nov 15, 2018 at 9:52 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Manifest
Greetings!
Attached please find the manifest. I’ll see what I can do about getting the books out to you before Black Friday. Since there are so many, this will be costly both in time and money. No promises, but I’ll do my best.
Regards,
Jacob
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Nov 15, 2018 at 12:20 PM
To: Jacob Whitney
Re: Manifest
Dear Mr. Whitney,
Though it was somewhat helpful for volume’s sake, the manifest you sent me certainly wasn’t what I was hoping for, which was to receive the titles of these many books and not simply the number of books you will sell to me. Nevertheless, I will take them off your hands. I cannot spend my time arguing about the manifest since Black Friday is approaching. I have mailed you the check as requested, so you should see it in your mailbox soon. Perhaps this will drive the idea home that I am very serious about having these books before the most important selling day of the year. I will pay the extra delivery costs to ensure they arrive sooner than early December. Though I understand that life moves a bit slower out in Paoli, please remember that I am the owner of a retail store and as such it would be detrimental not to have this exciting inventory to incentivize customers to walk through my door. Please reconsider.
Many thanks,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Nov 15, 2018 at 11:30 PM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Subject: Thank you
Mother,
Thank you for the birthday card and the Starbucks gift card! I had never been in a Starbucks before to order a drink—I usually go just to buy their coffee beans—but the card inspired me to give it a try. I have never been so overwhelmed in all my life. There are code names for sizes and variants on how much flavor one pumps into the cup to determine the strength of the drink. The young woman in front of me ordered a two-pump nonfat no-whip venti white mocha (I wrote it down). Instead of decoding the menu and holding up the lengthening line, I just asked the cashier to duplicate her order. It was actually quite good. I don’t know how the young men and women keep it all together behind the counter. I have never done anything like it before, aside from that horrible job busing tables when I was sixteen. I kept confusing the regular with the decaf coffee. I hope those baristas are paid a hefty salary for their wizardry. I am fortunate to have such a slow-paced occupation.
I wish you would come visit the store. Your dust allergies can be regulated with medicine, and Butterscotch is declawed and therefore completely harmless. He’s a very interesting cat in that he is so uncatlike and reminds me more of a rabbit or a lamb. My staff consists of three young people, all in their twenties. Sometimes I think they are some of my closest friends. As you know, I never had many growing up (Father kept us too busy with his store), so it’s important to me that I have found camaraderie in them. Our tight-knit friendship would be apparent if you could see it yourself. I feel truly rich. Do visit soon; I am getting an embarrassment of Mark Twain books shortly, and I’d love for you to see it all shelved and alphabetized in its glory.
Thank you for the update on Father. I would see him, but I am so busy with these books that things are extremely difficult—no doubt being a former proprietor himself, he would understand. The impending winter is pushing me unwillingly toward the holidays and my busiest time, and therefore I can’t leave for Thanksgiving or otherwise. I know Father would understand, even if you may not. The holiday season is the determining time of year in which businesses know whether they will sink or swim. Need I mention Black Friday? That is the single most important day, and I cannot be traipsing around Pennsylvania on visits like some carefree prima donna. Surely you must understand on some level that this is all that I have and all that I am. I cannot risk ruin. Father knows only too well the sacrifices one must make for one’s livelihood. Or have you forgotten those mornings when he would drag Florence and me out of bed at 4 a.m. to help him open his shop before we had to go to school? To comfort us, he would quote Winston Churchill: “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
Perhaps I can visit when things slow down in the spring if he is still in hospice. What a horrible place, by the way. Last time I was there, I noticed that their sitting-room library (if you want to call it that) consisted of nothing but Jesus books, cookbooks (how are they going to cook?), and travel books. How very depressing—though the book on Croatia was fascinating. Did you know that they have a city called Split and also a Dalmatian Coast? I imagine countless dalmatians running in packs along the cliffs, as common as white-tailed deer.
Fawn
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Nov 16, 2018 at 1:30 AM
To: Staff
Re: Store Cleaning
Dear Staff,
Thank you for your effort in helping me clean tonight. Although only Kyle bothered to show up, it was still a great help, and he was able to leave around midnight. We ordered pizza, had some wine, and listened to his music. It was a nice time despite the duties, and you all missed out.
DO NOT SMOKE with the back door open. Not only does it let the cold air in, but also Butterscotch could wander out and get in a scuffle with the alley cats. Additionally, the smoke’s cancerous tendrils have a way of reaching my old used books and permeating the very fibers of the fragile pages, burrowing in and sticking there for eternity. If I wanted my business to smell like cigarettes, I would have opened a bowling alley.
Best,
Fawn, Owner
P.S. Does anyone know how to fix a leaky toilet? Every time the toilet flushes, water seeps from the pipe that connects the floor with the ta
nk. Help!
November 16
Dear Fawn,
I found this article in the paper about how ship captains would keep cats on board to mitigate the mouse and rat population. I thought you would enjoy it because of your alley-cat-feeding hobby, so I cut it out for you. It seems that you are doing the neighborhood a favor! Also, I’ve included a few CVS coupons for toothpaste and aspirin.
Much love,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Nov 17, 2018 at 8:07 AM
To: Philly Small Biz Journal
Subject: My Annual Ad
Dear Sir or Madam,
For nearly twenty years, I have been putting my ad in your journal, so understand my shock when I opened the front page and saw not my Black Friday sale advertisement but the Grumpy Mug’s. I turned each page with haste, trying to find mine, only to see that you had put it toward the very back by the hardware store ad.
I know I didn’t submit it as early as I normally do, but as a longtime patron and advertiser of your journal, I thought we had a gentleman’s agreement that the front page is where it would surely go? Did Mark offer to pay you more money than I normally do? I’m just trying to get to the bottom of his scheme, for not only does it devastate me, but also the public expects to see it there each year. I know it is too late to change it now that you’ve distributed all the journals, but is there any way that we can ensure this will not recur next year? Name your price, and I will pay it.
Many thanks,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sun, Nov 18, 2018 at 11:23 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Subject: Black Friday Advertisement
Dear Mark,
I would like to know how much you paid the Journal to replace my long-standing Black Friday ad (which is always found on the inner front page of the paper) with yours? Surely you do not live under a rock and saw the ad there these many years. What inspired you to do such a nefarious thing to me? Are you really that threatened? Do you have friends over at the Journal?
Curiously yours,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Sun, Nov 18, 2018 at 2:51 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Black Friday Advertisement
Hi Fawn,
Nice to hear from you again. I paid the Journal the standard amount for a full-page spread and absolutely did not dictate to them where my ad should go. I believe that is 100 percent their decision, so it must have been an honest mistake on their part. I am sorry for any stress this might have caused you.
Take care,
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sun, Nov 18, 2018 at 2:56 PM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Black Friday Advertisement
Dear Mark,
I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that for a minute. I have an excellent sense for sniffing out deception. I thought we might be able to have a functioning, amicable relationship, but sadly that will not be.
I would love to give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you can try to earn back my trust this year and we can, in fact, someday be friends.
Best wishes,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Florence Eakins
Sent: Sun, Nov 18, 2018 at 5:16 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Pics
Fawn,
Sharing these cute pics we took when visiting Dad the other day. I think number two is particularly funny because Charles is crying in it. He was getting tired, as kids do. Dad looks good in it, doesn’t he? It was a good day for him cognitively. He remembered their names and asked me where Joseph was, which he never does. Most of the time he ignores him when he’s there, so Mom and I were a bit shocked.
Little Joe sang for him. He seemed to like it. Wish you were there to be in the pictures!
Flo
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Nov 19, 2018 at 8:12 AM
To: Jacob Whitney
Subject: Black Friday?
Mr. Whitney,
I have been patient and have given you four days to reply to my email regarding the delivery of the books. Black Friday is November 23, if you aren’t aware, and therefore I have very little time to spare if we are to have a decent inventory of this exciting new stock for our Black Friday customers. This is not a joke, nor a hobby, nor do I ask for these things to happen on a whim. This is strategy. Let us set up a time. Please email me ASAP or give me your phone number, and I will call you.
Many thanks,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
November 19, 2018
I must defend myself here. I’ve run this store for twenty years, and I’ve dealt with my share of questionable characters in my time. Therefore, I know better than to just send a check to someone I’ve never met who claims to have a thousand books for me. You might ask, What exactly were you thinking? Honestly, I shouldn’t have been so trigger-happy. I was so wrapped up in the fantasy of actually having something unique to offer that it clouded all judgment. Perhaps he is just disorganized and busy? I will have to believe this, because to think otherwise would inflict me with insomnia for the next few months.
I should call Florence and see what she thinks. Or perhaps I should call her husband, who is in retail. But I can’t! I can’t possibly ask them. If this turns out disastrously, understand that I didn’t have a good feeling about this, but my desperation got the better of me. Like that time I got asked to a sleepover by the popular girls only to discover that I had been invited so they could make fun of me and send me on errands the entire night. I should know better than this. I should know better.
The toilet continues to leak, so I’ve closed off the bathroom to customers and employees. I let Sam, Kyle, and Angela use my personal bathroom, which works for now. Kyle tried to fix the bookstore bathroom, but the leak only became worse. I drained the tank, and when trying to unhook the connection I managed to break one of the pieces. After the store closed, I spent a good hour on the floor, despite my bad back, and taped the broken connection with so much duct tape that I was sure it would work. Well, I turned the water back on, flushed the toilet, and discovered firsthand just how much water is used to flush. Now soaked, I grabbed what towels I could find and laid them out on the floor. I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford a plumber right now.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Nov 19, 2018 at 3:09 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Thanksgiving, Black Friday
Dear Staff,
I’m sure it is rather unnecessary to announce this, but the store will be closed on Thanksgiving Day, Thursday, November 22. Equally obvious, the store will be open on Friday, November 23. Unlike last year when I spent exorbitant amounts of money on advertisements for doorbuster sales that amounted to a piddling show of about ten people at 7 a.m.—most of whom bought nothing but drank all my free coffee (Kyle and Sam, this was before your time)—this year we shall do something a little differently. We shall be open during our usual Black Friday hours of 7 a.m. to 8 p.m., and since it is a fairly popular day without the need for advertisement, we will simply let people know when they come in that the entire store is 40 percent off. Meanwhile, I am trying very hard to get Mr. Whitney to deliver the books prior to Black Friday, but he is being extremely unresponsive and irresponsible. If we end up getting this inventory early (fingers crossed), I will require all of you to help shelve the books.
Black Friday is a mandatory, all-hands-on-deck day. Come to me if you have an issue with this, but unless you are bleeding from your neck or any necessary appendage, you are REQUIRED to show.
Many thanks and enjoy your Thanksgivings!!
Fawn, Owner
From: Sam Asimov
Sent: Mon, Nov 19, 2018 at 8:07 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Thanksgiving, Black Friday
Hi Fawn,
Would it be all right with you if I took off Black Friday? My grandpa is very old, and it might be his last Thanksgiving. He lives in Pittsburgh, so it’s a haul to get there and would be impossible to get back in time for Black Friday. My grandpa and I are pretty close, so it would mean a lot if I could do this.
Thank you,
Sam
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Nov 19, 2018 at 9:18 PM
To: Sam Asimov
Re: Thanksgiving, Black Friday
Sam,
I understand that your grandfather is old (my father is old as well), but please be reminded that I am not taking away your Thanksgiving. You will, no doubt, still have plenty of time to eat with him and drive back from Pittsburgh as long as you don’t leave too late. Need I remind you, as I needed to remind both Angela and Kyle, who had the courage to approach me directly, that you are in retail, and you must understand that this commitment comes with the territory. I will not be visiting my family on Thanksgiving as I will be here preparing for Friday. You should count yourself lucky that I am not asking you to come in the evening before Thanksgiving—or worse, the evening of—and help me. I make sacrifices so that the three of you can have a semblance (in fact, more than a semblance) of a family life while still working in retail. My brother-in-law has been in retail for fifteen years and has never had a long Thanksgiving weekend or a decent Christmas break, and he is still a functioning family member. This should give you some comfort.
See you Friday,
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Nov 21, 2018 at 7:00 PM
To: Jacob Whitney
Subject: HIGH IMPORTANCE: Please Advise
Dear Mr. Whitney,
I can only assume that you are either injured or with family in a location that does not have the internet. I have been informed that my nemesis, the bookstore down the street, will be opening its nefarious doors for the first time on Black Friday! Though this is a potentially cataclysmic event, what would greatly allow us to stand a chance against this monster is if we simply had the Mark Twain books. I have paid you the money and saw that you cashed the check. PLEASE deliver the books before Friday, and I will be eternally grateful.
Confessions of a Curious Bookseller Page 3
