Fawn, Owner
From: Kyle Krazinsky
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 10:03 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Favorite Book Character Day!
Hey Fawn,
I pick Pip from Great Expectations. Aiden says I kind of look like Ethan Hawke anyway.
Kyle
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 10:30 PM
To: Staff
Re: Favorite Book Character Day!
Sam, Kyle, Angela,
Kyle, Pip is fine but you must be Pip from the book, not from the movie that came out in the nineties. Do you understand that there is a difference? Great Expectations is supposed to have occurred in the nineteenth century.
Fawn, Owner
From: Sam Asimov
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 11:03 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Favorite Book Character Day!
Hey,
I think any iteration of a book you like is fair game. It’s unfair to dictate strict rules this late at night.
Sam
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 11:36 PM
To: Staff
Re: Favorite Book Character Day!
Sam, Kyle, Angela,
I fear you are all having a hard time understanding exactly what I am looking for. I would be tempted to pull the plug based on everyone’s apparent confusion; however, I have already Parroted this, and therefore we must stick to our guns.
Sam, you will come in tomorrow as Huck Finn.
Kyle, you will come in tomorrow as Shane from the book Shane. Look it up if you don’t know it.
Angela, you will come in tomorrow as young Lolita from Lolita. If you don’t know this book, I am appalled.
Again, you will not be alone in this as not only are Butterscotch and I dressing up for this, our customers most likely will as well.
Failure to follow this dress code tomorrow may result in immediate suspension without pay. Please know that I do not mean to be harsh, and I am merely trying to drum up business and put this Parrot account to good use. If anything, blame Sam for the idea of us utilizing the Parrot in the first place. It has resulted in many beneficial ideas that some of you may find hard to stomach, but I believe in the long run it is good for the sake of the business.
Looking forward to tomorrow!
Fawn, Owner
Fawn Birchill/CuriousCatBooks/2m
Fawn here! Today only! Dress as Your Favorite #Book Character! Come see #Huck Finn, #Shane and #Lolita! What will you be???
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Feb 1, 2019 at 8:08 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Thank you for dressing up
Dear Sam, Kyle, and Angela,
I know it wasn’t your favorite thing to do, so I appreciate wholeheartedly that you stepped it up and dressed up today. I like to believe that without my threats of suspension, you still would have pulled together and done it; however, I shall never know for sure.
I find it charming but also slightly intrusive that Mark showed up dressed as Long John Silver and brought his cat dressed as Captain Flint, donning a parrot beak with two wings strapped to his back, the poor thing. It’s not even a clever costume because apparently that’s already the cat’s name. Yes, it was annoying that he was the only “customer” to appear wearing a costume, but we all did a very fine job not showcasing our obvious distaste. You all did a fine job keeping a stiff upper lip as he went around talking to customers about his own store, luring them in his creepy hippie way, parading his confused and bedraggled feline as if it were nothing more than a sideshow spectacle. At least I let Butterscotch wander freely (or as freely as he can while dressed as Miss Havisham). Unfortunately Mark’s pitching to my customers got so frequent that I had to ask him to kindly cease and desist. You won’t believe it, but he actually told me that they were asking him about his store and that he hadn’t been the one to bring it up in the first place. With all things that come out of his mouth, I have learned to take it all with a large grain of salt.
I will say that I appreciated him purchasing The Adventures of Tom Sawyer but couldn’t help but see this as an attempt to case the place for more ideas he could steal from us. Though he is welcome, please watch him carefully. I don’t trust him and find it rather suiting that he came in dressed as a pirate.
Thank you all,
Fawn, Owner
P.S. Who left the giant bag of cat food by the front counter?
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Fri, Feb 1, 2019 at 9:12 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Thank you for dressing up
He stole more than ideas. I saw like five people go over to his store after the event.
—A
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Feb 1, 2019 at 10:09 PM
To: Staff
Re: Thank you for dressing up
Angela,
Basically what you are saying is that this entire day was nothing but a clever way for the Grumpy Mug to gain more customers. Fantastic. Thank you for letting me know.
Fawn, Owner
From: Sam Asimov
Sent: Fri, Feb 1, 2019 at 10:15 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Thank you for dressing up
Hi Fawn,
Mark left that bag. I think Kyle told him we feed the alley cats, and he was pretty moved by that so he brought some stuff over. I don’t think he wanted to make a big thing out of it, so he just left it by the front and asked that we use it.
Sam
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Feb 1, 2019 at 11:13 PM
To: Mark Nilsen
Subject: Cat food
Mark,
I didn’t realize or notice that you had left the giant bag of cat food by the front register. What a thoughtful thing to think of all the cats we feed. It kind of makes up for all the customers you stole from me today.
I’ve been feeding the alley cats for about twenty years, and the price of cat food has only skyrocketed. Every little bit helps, so the kitties and I thank you much.
Best,
Fawn
From: Florence Eakins
Sent: Sat, Feb 2, 2019 at 9:18 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Sorry
Hi Fawn,
Thanks for the email. Sorry it took me a while to reply. Life has been hectic here. I really do wish we could have gotten you that microwave. Maybe next Christmas and all Christmases following, we adults should just skip gifts?
Flo
February 2, 2019
I fear that I will need to let one of my staff go.
I fear that I have made a terrible mistake with the advertisements for the Mark Twain event. I am beginning to sell tickets, but I am unable to deposit the money in my account for fear that the estate won’t accept my offer. I did say the tickets were nonrefundable, but I am suffering from some unexpected bouts of guilt and regret. I need the money desperately, and what is fifteen dollars to one person? Surely with this influx of money, I may not have to fire one of my employees . . .
Jane just called me and asked that I come over to pick something up that she dropped. When I came in, I found her struggling and reaching for it with a cane. It was that box of Valentine’s chocolates, still unopened. So not only did I pick it up, but I opened it for her and she was very pleased. The chocolates looked fine even though it’s hard to tell how old they are. Those drugstore chocolates are incredibly resilient—ironically, perhaps more so than most relationships.
Anyway, I helped her back into her chair and as I started to move away, she gripped me by the arm and looked deep into my eyes. She said, “You poor, poor thing.”
“I’m not poor,” I said. “I’m fine. I’m wonderful.” I hoped she didn’t detect the catch in my voice. Her eyes were so kind, but I don’t appreciate being pitied, even if the person means well. Then she said
the most extraordinary thing.
She looked around her small apartment and said, “I have so much. So many things I don’t use anymore. If certain things were to go missing from here, I probably wouldn’t even notice.” She put a chocolate in her mouth and continued to gaze around the room. “It’s so nice,” she said, “when you have reached the point where you can let things go.”
“Thank you, Jane,” I said. I think I knew what she meant.
“For what?” she said, her mouth packed with chocolate.
I have decided that I will do everything I can not to let any of my staff go. It frightens me to think that I could be alone in this drafty place with no one to speak to, for if one goes, the two remaining may band together and quit. And as much as I complain about them, I must admit that I not only enjoy their company but I need it. In all my years running this store, I’ve never had a staff of less than four, including myself, but none of them have stayed long. And each time they leave, it hurts because I get so attached and I can’t help but take it personally even though I know I shouldn’t. What am I doing wrong? I honestly want to know what I’m doing wrong.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sun, Feb 3, 2019 at 10:20 PM
To: Schuylkill Photo
Subject: Thank you!
Dear Schuylkill Photo,
Thank you for the enjoyable time at your photo studio and for the warm hospitality I received therein. The photos themselves were quite acceptable for what I needed; however, I was hoping that you could have done something about hiding my double chin. I know you will say, “What double chin?” And though it may be quite hard for others to notice, it stands out to me. Perhaps you can fix it with your computer program?
I also wanted to apologize for the boa. It was not my intention to “egg on” your dog, as you said that I might have done. I hear Labs eat a lot of garbage and household objects and will not hesitate to eat an entire pink boa if given the opportunity. I imagine it will pass through his system naturally in the next two days or so. When the feathers stop appearing in the feces, you can rest assured it has passed. My cat ate a Christmas ribbon once, and it passed completely through his system as one whole strand over the course of a couple of days. Imagine what that looked like!
Additionally, I thank you for being such a friendly, affordable company. Money is tight these days, so I give myself few allowances to splurge. I find that it is not only healthy but necessary to treat oneself sometimes. You have allowed me, for at least an hour, to forget the things that are going on right now in my life, and for that I thank you.
I await your response regarding the double chin.
Best wishes,
Fawn
From: Schuylkill Photo
Sent: Mon, Feb 4, 2019 at 8:00 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Thank you!
Hi Fawn,
It was great having you here, and we are thankful for your patronage. Regarding the double chin, it is not something that we are able to erase; however, it is minimal and very hard to notice, so I wouldn’t worry.
Also, the boa has already passed through Buster without any complications, so all is well. In fact, when the last of it came through, he appeared completely thrilled, like a jackpot winner at a slot machine, and started going for it again, but this time we were quick enough to grab the remains from his exuberant jaws.
We are glad to be of service. This is why we went into this business in the first place—to brighten days and capture moments with grace, sometimes humor, and skill. So happy that you were satisfied.
Take care,
Sarah
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Feb 4, 2019 at 10:11 AM
To: Angela Washington
Subject: Blog Entry
Angela,
I just came up with the most fabulous idea! Will you please write a blog entry for the store? Theme will be a day in the life of an employee (or something like that). I think it would be fantastic for the public to hear from someone other than me. Please have it to me within the next few days. Only a page will do.
Thank you,
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Feb 4, 2019 at 11:00 AM
To: Staff
Subject: PIZZA LUNCH!
Dear Staff,
Due to low morale, I have ordered Domino’s! It will be delivered at noon, so you don’t need to leave for lunch today. I ordered a large half-plain/half-pepperoni and a large Philly cheese steak pizza. Hope that’s enough food for the four of us!
This is not necessary, but if you wouldn’t mind throwing me five dollars toward the pizza, it would be much appreciated.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Feb 4, 2019 at 1:13 PM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Grumpy Mug Sign
Dear Mark,
I am surprised at how fast you remedied the issue. I believe your sign was only down for about twenty minutes, which thankfully wasn’t enough time to impede any possible sales. It would have been terrible if a fire broke out or any other disaster came to pass and whoever was on the second floor was stuck, forced to crash onto the sidewalk below.
Happy to help!
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
P.S. Thank you for checking in regarding my exit sign. I am taking care of it in my own time. Many thanks again!
PSB Classifieds
Rectangular End Table ($50)
Romantic, solid, and young—what more could one want in a man? Can’t find a man with these qualities? Why not settle for an end table!?
Parquet design
Strong
No dimensions (sorry, do not have tape measure)
In good shape. Used gently by an elderly woman to hold pills and Kleenex—needs a new good home!
Please see “pic”
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Feb 5, 2019 at 9:44 AM
To: Twain Estates
Subject: Last Chance
To the estate of Mark Twain:
This is your last chance to accept my offer. Had I known you would all be so uncommunicative, I would have never made the effort. Surely you are not too busy or important to do some marketing for your own books. I am disappointed and shocked at your silence.
Please reach out to me in no more than twenty-four hours upon receiving this letter. I have sold over a hundred tickets, and most guests are traveling from Wilmington and Princeton, so it would be exceptionally cruel to continue in this way.
In case you have a change of heart, I have reserved three rooms at the Best Western, so please let me know by Friday if you can’t make it so I can cancel on time without penalty. I’ve also cleaned my apartment militaristically and rid it of all if not most of the cat hair. For a shorthair, Butterscotch loses fur like a golden retriever.
Best wishes,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
PSB Classifieds
Seeking Actor/Actress for Lucrative Job
I am currently seeking an actor or actress with an open mind and a sense of confidentiality to participate in an improvisational, unscripted acting role. Details to follow if interested. Pay is good and negotiable. Must be or look over 25 years of age. Please email if interested.
PHILLY LOVE FINDER
Butterscotch,
These photographs are the most vivacious and unique I’ve seen on here by far. I’m intrigued! My eye is drawn, admittedly, because I’m a bit of a photographer. I mostly dabble in modeling photos, but I do some weddings on the side for money.
What are the things on the parasol? Some of them look a little phallic, so I have to ask where the heck you got something like that.
Would you like to have a drink sometime?
Capitan_Murph
y
PHILLY LOVE FINDER
Dear Capitan_Murphy,
Thank you for your interest in my profile. I appreciate your feedback on the photography work. What kind of camera do you use? I run into so many photographers that say they would like to take more modeling photos, but I imagine it is difficult to find attractive people who are also good in front of the lens. As you can tell, I was a little shy in these, and the camera never lies! I was also distressed, as I had hoped to use my pink boa for most of them, but the dog in the studio ate it when we were all taking a break.
The parasol was a gift from my mother when I was a little girl. The figures thereon are of sea life such as seals, whales, and squid. I understand that the squid may look like something lewd, but that is not the intention of the parasol manufacturers nor my own. I do not want to give anyone the wrong impression, so I will take the parasol photos down. Thank you for your concern with this.
Incidentally, it has been some years (count ten) since I have been intimate with a man, which is fine with me. No doubt my married sister may be able to claim the same thing. Ha! However, due to this my mind rarely goes to these sensitive places where I would be so astute and perhaps lewd enough to see what a squid looks like at a certain angle.
I enjoy going to bars, though I haven’t been to one in over a year. I would be interested in going to one with you, I believe. When and where?
Are you really a captain?
Fondly,
Butterscotch
From: Scott Farmer
Sent: Wed, Feb 6, 2019 at 9:32 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Job Posting
Hi Fawn,
I hope this finds you well. As you will see on my résumé, I have been in the Philadelphia theater scene for many years after moving here from Toronto. I have experience in television (soap opera), Shakespearean theater, and my passion, improv, with which I have been involved these past ten years.
What is the nature of the work?
Many thanks,
Scott
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Feb 6, 2019 at 11:35 AM
Confessions of a Curious Bookseller Page 16
