Did it even matter? Jace didn’t know the real her. He probably wouldn’t have been half as sweet if he did. Maybe he didn’t ever have to learn about the rest. Maybe she could put the past behind her and actually become the woman he deserved, they deserved. Well, not Knox. He deserved her in “as is” condition.
“Ahh.” Amanda dug the heels of her palm into her eyes and tried to scrub the tension away. “I hate men. I mean, there are too many of them in this equation.”
Amanda’s hands dropped to the table as she settled into her tirade. “Take all the considerations you normally go through with a single man, and then multiply it by three. It’s too much. I mean, I like Cody, but do I see a future with him? Not really. Why would I? The man never talks about anything serious. It’s all just fuck, fuck, fuck.”
She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Cody drove her absolutely nuts. “Then there is Jace. He’s great. I mean, cuddle-up-in-front-of-a-fire great, but I don’t know if he’s starting any wild ones. Much more of a slow burner, if you know what I mean. Of course, Knox would burn down the whole house around me, and apparently he’s next on the menu.
“Please.” Amanda leaned in, dropping her voice. “I can barely keep up with Cody. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep since meeting him. Now I’m supposed to be scheduling two more brothers…that’s just too much sex. I’ll be getting laid more than the biggest porn star. I’m going to die young from exhaustion, probably waste away to nothing right there in the bed.”
Cindy blinked and then just burst into laughter, completely unsympathetic to Amanda’s plight.
“Gee, thanks.” Amanda swiped a fry. “Thanks for the love and support.”
Snorting back the chuckles, Cindy straightened up and made a show of clearing her voice. “You can go on all the tears you want, Amanda. End of the day, you only have two choices. Go forward or retreat.”
Instantly, the image of Cody and Jace appeared in her mind. Never see them again? The very idea was physically painful. The choice wasn’t just hers, and hadn’t Cody made his decision last night with his vanishing act?
“So?” Cindy prodded. “Which direction are you headed?”
“Maybe I’ve been spending a little too much time with Cody.” It hurt her to say, but Amanda felt compelled to be reasonable. “Jace and him have me so twisted up, I don’t know what I want.”
Cindy’s lips pursed as she nodded. “All these years, how many times have I given you advice?”
This time Amanda got to laugh. “About every other breath.”
“And how often do you actually listen to me?”
“Never.” Amanda smirked.
“My point exactly. You always do whatever the hell it is you want. That’s to say you always know what you want. Now you sit here and tell me you don’t?”
Amanda shrugged. “Yeah.”
“That ain’t right.” Cindy shook her head. “I can’t tell you what to do in the long run, but I think you need a night off. Why don’t we go out tonight?”
“Out?”
“Yeah, just you and me. A girls’ night out.”
Amanda thought about it for a second. “Sounds good, but what should I tell—”
“You’re not getting the point. Don’t tell them nothing. Let them sit and wonder what the hell is going on for the night.”
Amanda smiled. She liked the sound of that. “We can go bowling.”
Cindy stilled, giving her a funny look. “Don’t get too wild now, Amanda. Maybe we should start off slow.”
“Oh, come on,” Amanda pleaded. “I know you hate bowling, but with Will gone I haven’t got anybody to rent shoes with.”
Heaving a sigh, Cindy wrinkled her nose. “Fine, but I get to choose what we do after. Speaking of the old dipshit, you heard from him lately?”
“Don’t call him that.” Amanda knew Cindy detested Will, but that didn’t mean she liked the long-standing divide. “He’s not dumb.”
“Well, he certainly ain’t bright,” Cindy retorted. “Running off to find himself, he should try looking in a mirror.”
Amanda groaned. “Cindy, you know it’s not like that.”
“No?” Cindy met Amanda’s gaze. “You still think he checked himself into rehab?”
“It makes the most sense.” Amanda shrugged. “I mean, he’s completely incommunicado, which is what they do in those programs. Isn’t it?”
“Well, I’ll tell you this. If he comes back sober, I’ll have a lot more respect for him.”
“You should have some now,” Amanda snapped. “You know what he’s been through.”
“The same things you have. Don’t be trying to justify his problems to me. We all make our own decisions. If you just open your eyes, you’d see the man’s no good.”
It didn’t matter to Amanda. Will was like kin, and a person never turned their back on family. “He’s trying.”
“Or maybe he’s dead.” Cindy snorted.
“What a horrible thing to say,” Amanda gasped.
“Just saying, you looked at the news lately, Mandy? There’s a drug war sweeping across the county and a whole bunch of bodies are piling up.”
No, Amanda hadn’t heard or paid any attention. Why would she? “None of that has anything to do with Will.”
“I didn’t say it did. It’s just he could be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Innocent people do die.”
Amanda blinked, letting Cindy’s comments sink in. She could be right. It’s not like any morgue would know to call her. Will didn’t have any other family. They could just dump his body in a potter’s field and he’d spend eternity lost.
“Oh, for God’s sake, forget I said anything,” Cindy muttered, drawing Amanda’s gaze back to hers. “And don’t be looking at me like that."
* * * *
“Where the hell did you run off to last night?”
It had been a long morning, and from start to present, it didn’t go right in one single way. Jace had gotten back to the ranch late, missed his brothers and his breakfast. Catching up meant suffering Knox’s annoyance for his tardiness. Dirty and tired, Jace had finally caught up with the originating source of his bad day.
Sidling his horse right alongside Cody’s, Jace blasted his younger brother with the question he’d been waiting to ask. One he was sure Amanda would spend all day wondering. Jace had seen her look when she’d spotted Cody’s truck parked under the carport. It hadn’t been good. It had been thoughtful.
A scary thing in Jace’s book. Instinctively, he knew a thinking Amanda could very quickly become a dangerous Amanda. After all the work he’d put in to setting everything to right, Jace intended to take his anger and his pound of flesh out of the brother who’d wrecked everything. Not that Cody looked particularly contrite.
“What’s your problem?” Cody growled back.
“I don’t know,” Jace shot back, real short on patience. “Maybe it has something to do with my brother ditching me mid-course with Amanda last night. Why the hell did you leave?”
Cody shrugged. “I was tired. Honestly, that woman wears me out, and since I had you filling in, I figured I could just sneak off and actually get a night’s sleep.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Cody.”
“I’m not bullshitting you.” Cody shot him a dirty look, one that had Jace stilling. He didn’t believe his brother for a moment, but he began to suspect Cody hadn’t simply sulked off. Something a good deal more volatile moved in his little brother’s eyes.
“Is everything all right?”
“I’m fine.” Cody scowled. “I would have thought you’d thank me. You pretty much asked for time alone with Amanda last night. I gave it to you. So why are you coming at me now?”
“Because you hurt her.”
Cody swallowed and looked away. “Yeah, well, I didn’t mean to.”
“Just tell me why, Cody?”
“Amanda loves you,” Cody snapped, showing Jace an honest emotion. “She loves you and not me. Okay? I’m sorry if it ha
ppens to bother me, being the third wheel.”
Jace blinked, not following Cody’s logic at all. Problem was, Jace kept getting stuck on the first part. “You think she loves me?”
“Oh, God,” Cody grunted before shooting Jace a dirty look. “Yeah, I do. In fact, I know it. She looks at you the same way Sharon used to look at me.”
Jace’s goofy grin started to flatten out as he began to recognize Cody’s problem. “I’m sorry, man. I know how hard it is for you. We all miss Sharon. It’s—”
“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Cody spat. “It’s not missing Sharon that’s the problem. It’s because I don’t miss her…not around Amanda. I look at her and she’s looking at you the way—”
“You’re looking at her,” Jace finished. “You’re in love with Amanda.”
“And she’s not in love with me.”
“You don’t know that,” Jace snorted. “I think she’s pretty damn addicted.”
“To the sex.” Cody’s shoulders slumped and Jace’s heart went out to his younger brother.
Being the youngest had always been Cody’s cross to bear. He’d never been better than his brothers at much, never gotten to do anything first. The only thing Cody had all to himself was Sharon’s love. Jace had known, it had been obvious. Sharon had loved Cody differently—more.
“Listen.” Jace didn’t have any more anger left in him. “I get you got your issues, but here’s the thing. You’re punishing Amanda for something you don’t even know is true. I don’t know if Amanda loves you or not, or if she loves me. I do know running out in the middle of the night doesn’t help.”
Jace tugged his hat down low and gave Cody one last hard look before spurring his horse forward.
* * * *
Cody watched Jace ride off feeling worse than he had all morning. Right up until Jace’s talk, Cody had convinced himself he’d done the right thing last night. Now, though, a part of him felt itchy, argumentative.
It had been foolish to tell Jace he loved Amanda. Jace probably thought Cody was some kind of sop, and wasn’t he? Running off in the middle of the night like some chickenshit? Turned yellow by a woman, Cody’s shame knew no end.
Amanda wasn’t anything like Sharon. With Sharon, Cody had just known. It’d been easy to talk with her, to be with her. She’d relaxed Cody, and Amanda made him want to climb walls. God, but the woman lit an ache in him that just wouldn’t end.
He’d thought about it all night, trying to accept that all he had with Amanda was passion. Cody didn’t want to accept it though, because, God’s honest truth, he hadn’t felt this alive in so long. Cody had been lonely a long time now, and it had to end.
It would, starting tonight. Tonight Cody would undo the damage he’d done. Tonight he and Amanda would talk. No sex.
* * * *
Amanda glanced at the clock on her radio as she pulled into her drive. Three-thirty, more than enough time to shower, change, and get the hell out of Cody’s way. He was coming. Even if he hadn’t left a message on her cell phone saying he would be over at five, Amanda could have guessed his intent by the eight other missed calls she’d gotten from his phone.
Cody wanted to talk, but Amanda didn’t want to listen. Jace and he had already screwed her head so far around, she didn’t know which direction was forward anymore. Well, tonight she was going to untwist. And Cody? He could sit on her porch and wait.
Maybe the time to think would do him some good, because Amanda honestly didn’t think Cody knew what he wanted. He said he wanted to get to know her, but the truth was he didn’t make much effort. Hell, half the reason she didn’t know what to do was because Cody didn’t know what he wanted.
“Amanda.”
Keys in hand, inches from her door, she froze at the familiar-sounding voice behind her. Slowly, almost fearing to see what she’d find, Amanda turned. There it came, the stillness, the numbness. She didn’t know what to feel, much less say.
“What?” The large man in front of her smirked. The gesture pulled on the scar running the length of his cheek—a beer bottle in a bar fight. “No greeting for your old man?”
The snide humor in his tone hardened her emotions and Amanda knew instantly what she wanted to say. “You aren’t my father.”
“Oh.” Davey Johnson’s squirmy little brown eyes rolled up in the hairy ridge of his eyebrows. He had thick eyebrows, and they waggled when he got mad, something that used to strike fear into her as a child. “That’s the line now, huh? Last time it was ‘get the hell out of my life.’ Now I don’t even exist.”
“I haven’t got time for this,” Amanda muttered, turning back to her door.
“I drove all the way from California, and you ain’t got time?” Amanda knew violence could easily follow the hard sound of Davey’s voice, and she rushed to get her door unlocked. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
“No!” Amanda kicked the door in. Gaining the confidence of an escape, she turned to glare at her dad. “I don’t take orders from you, Davey. I don’t give a shit about you. All that I care about is that your ugly, old ass is littering up my yard, and if you don’t get lost, you’re going to be talking to the cops.”
“Had that conversation more than once, dearie,” Davey snarled. “So don’t think that’s much of a threat.”
“Tony’s sheriff now.” Amanda ran a disrespectful glance down her father’s large frame. “You know it’s not uncommon for an old man to have an accident, especially in jail. Men your age…bones break so easily.”
Amanda bet on getting hit, and Davey took a step in like he planned to deliver, but at the last second he relaxed. When he coughed up a smile, she knew he wanted money. Never beat the person you’re about to beg from, first rule in Davey Johnson’s book.
“Yeah, you are most certainly my daughter. Guess I can’t keep telling people that slut bore me another man’s bastard, huh?”
Amanda didn’t jump to his bait, not wanting to take the trip. Instead, she worked on getting him off her porch. “How much?”
Davey’s eyes widened at the question, and for a moment it looked like he’d play insulted innocent. At the last second, he just shrugged. “I need thirty thousand.”
“Dollars?” Amanda gaped. He had to be out of his mind.
“No, chickens,” Davey snapped. “Now, you are going to be nice and help me out, or we going to do this the hard way, Amanda?”
She didn’t even have to think about it. Stepping back, Amanda slammed the door on Davey and wisely threw the latch. Not trusting he’d play it nice, she backed away, fumbling for the cell phone in her purse. The worry over calling the cops became moot when Davey’s heavy stomps moved down the porch steps.
Not a minute later, she heard the roar of his motorcycle. He must have been waiting on her or she’d have heard him coming. Anybody Davey Johnson took an interest in had a right to be concerned. Amanda, as his daughter, had the right to have a drink. Forget bowling.
Chapter 26
Tuesday, July 8th
“Come on, sweetheart. Wake up.”
The words might have been sweet, but the tone held the hard cut of impatience. Amanda blinked, trying to process the strangeness of her surroundings. The unrecognized male voice, the too thin mattress beneath her, the shoes still on her feet and a world defined by lines…actually metal bars. Oh, yeah.
Smacking her lips, Amanda rolled into a sitting position on the small cot tucked into the corner of her jail cell. She was too afraid of what the former occupants of the Humble City jailhouse’s lavish accommodations might have left behind to even take off her shoes when she’d stretched out on the cot. Even now she could almost feel bugs all over her.
A shower, Amanda needed one now. Rubbing a rough hand over her eyes, she watched the lights exploding behind closed lids as she worked her hand up and over her forehead to shove her hair away from her face.
“Come on,” the deputy snapped. “I don’t have all day.”
“I don’t really care,” she mutte
red to herself. Everything had just gone wrong since yesterday evening. It was all Cindy’s fault.
“That’s nice.” A beefy hand closed over her arm and jerked her up. “And I don’t really care if you want to sit on your fat ass all day doing nothing. You can’t do it here.”
“And I always used to wonder why people shot cops.”
That earned her a forceful yank as he dragged her out of the cell and down the short corridor leading to the exit. “Come on.”
“You know I’m a personal friend of the sheriff.”
“I have no doubt,” the deputy shot back not even looking at her. He just pulled her through a metal door and back into the little office they’d used to book her.
“What happened to Cindy?”
“Who?” The deputy pushed her over toward the corner.
“The blonde I came in with last night,” Amanda snapped.
“I wasn’t here then.”
Just because of the deputy’s surly attitude, Amanda pestered him with questions for the next fifteen minutes. She managed to drag out the release process long enough to actually have the deputy all but shove her out the door—probably hoping she never came back, which Amanda could get behind. Being arrested hadn’t been fun, and she didn’t really want to do it again. Neither did she enjoy stepping out into the bright sunlight.
Given how quiet the square was, Amanda knew it had to be late morning, meaning late for work. Screw it. She hadn’t taken a day off in over a year. Time to call in for once. Flipping open her phone, her eyes widened at the number of missed calls the little machine had logged…twenty-three. Amanda bet all of them were from either Cody or Jace. I’m in trouble now.
Amanda had drawn the line in the sand last night, and for the life of her, she still couldn’t understand what had possessed her. She’d given up a night of wild pleasure in the comfort of her own bed, and for what? To be caught half naked in public, arrested, and put to bed in a filthy little cell? And where the hell is Cindy?
Kansas Heat Page 23
