Owen nodded. "I'd have hated that too. We really appreciate you doing it."
Edgar patted Linda's hand then released it and got to his feet. "I look forward to it." He turned to me and gave me a warm smile, although the sadness was still in his eyes. "I look forward to seeing you walk down the aisle on Friday."
I smiled, since I didn't know what to say, and he left.
My mom said, "What happened last year?"
Linda shook her head. "His wife died unexpectedly just after Christmas. Heart attack. They'd been married forty-three years. Can you imagine? She lived on board with him and everyone loved her. The poor guy took a few months off work so we didn't get to see him last year. Must be hard to do weddings after losing your wife."
Nobody seemed to know what to say to this obvious truth, and the silence that fell on our table was heavy enough to crush all the sugarcane in the Caribbean. Eventually my mom broke it. She put her arm around Nicholas's shoulder and said, "You okay?"
He nodded, and Linda said, "Yeah, he's a tough cookie. All my boys are."
Tough cookie or not, the whole Nicole thing had to have been awful for him.
After another silence, Wendy said, "So, um, how about those Toronto Hogs?" and we all laughed at her oh-so-subtle attempt to change the subject and began discussing whether the Hogs would win the Cup yet again or whether another hockey team would steal it from them, and eventually we ordered our food and had a reasonably good dinner together.
But whenever I looked at Nicholas, he was looking back at me, and I couldn't help realizing that one of the obstacles between us had just been removed by his mother.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Once we'd finished dinner, Owen looked at me. "Guess I'll head back to the casino, Mel. I've got a tournament."
I wanted to beg him not to, because I didn't know what I'd do all evening without him and was afraid it would involve Nicholas, but he was telling me not asking. I made myself smile and wish him luck, and he gave me a kiss so short I barely felt his lips on mine before he was gone.
Wendy glanced between me and Nicholas, and I saw worry in her eyes. I was worried about him too. The steward had returned as we finished dessert and murmured a few words to Linda then handed her a room key card, which she passed to Nicholas while saying, "Throw out your old one, it's not active any more." Nicholas's blank expression as he nodded had made me feel sick, and he hadn't said anything since.
One of my mom's newfound buddies came over and said, "We're off to the slots, Deborah. Want to come too?"
She nodded, said goodnight to us all, and left, patting Nicholas on the shoulder as she went by.
"Well, I think I'd like to go relax in my stateroom," Linda said. "Ready, Raul?"
He stood up at once, probably glad to escape. "Have a good evening, guys."
We returned the wishes, then they walked away and silence fell. Before it could become overly heavy, Wendy said, "So, what shall we do with the evening?"
I expected Austin to have his own plans already, but he said, "I think we could all use a drink. Want to hit the martini bar for a while?"
"There's a martini bar here?"
He winked at me. "Mel, you've been missing out. Yes, there is. And now we have to go there."
"You're coming too, right?" Wendy said to Nicholas.
He pulled his mouth to one side. "I should probably go see whether Nicole trashed the place before she left."
"She didn't." Austin spoke with such certainty we all turned to him. He laughed. "That's why Mom sent the steward with her, so she couldn't. Geez, haven't you guys ever kicked someone out of your apartment before?"
A chorus of 'no's went around the table.
"Well, I have, and everything will be fine in there. But let's go look. When we find out she did nothing we can drink to celebrate, and if she did somehow mess things up we can drink to commiserate with Nicky."
After another moment's hesitation, Nicholas gave in. "Fine. I admit I'd rather not sit around alone tonight."
Sit around and think about his lost girlfriend. It hurt me to think that he'd be miserable about Nicole's departure. It hurt me in multiple ways, and I hated all of them.
Despite Austin's assurances, even he didn't look comfortable when we reached Nicholas's door. I could tell Nicholas didn't want to open it but he took a deep breath and said, "Here goes," and we followed him in.
Other than a mound of empty shopping bags piled in the corner, the only thing that seemed out of place was a folded sheet of paper on the desk with something silver atop it.
Nicholas tipped his head sideways, looking at the object, then I saw recollection dawn on his face and he turned away.
Austin went to look. "Ah, the old 'I leave the necklace to make him feel bad' ploy," he said, holding up the pendant with "N&N" engraved on it. "I vote we throw it overboard since we can't do it to her." He clapped Nicholas on the back. "Unless you'd like to pick a girl whose name starts with N for your next girlfriend?"
Austin's joking was clearly meant to break the mood, and it worked. Nicholas gave a reluctant smile and shook his head. "I think I'll try a different letter next time."
Austin looked at me and I cringed inside for fear of what he'd say, but he just smiled and said, "Do we throw it off the front or back of the boat, Mel?"
"Bow or stern, you mean," Wendy said.
Austin grinned at her. "Don't get technical with me, lady. You're lucky I know 'front and back', never mind the rest. We can't all be as smart and beautiful as you."
Wendy giggled, Mark looked resigned but amused, and I said, "Off the back."
Austin gave me a wink. "Leaving the past behind, eh?"
I nodded, and Wendy and Mark agreed.
Nicholas looked at the pendant, still swinging from Austin's hand. "I hate myself for this, but should I keep it?"
I felt like he'd slapped me, though I knew I shouldn't.
Luckily, Austin said what I couldn't. "You don't want her back, do you?"
Nicholas blinked at him, startled, then to my surprise glanced at me before returning his attention to Austin and saying, "Nope. We haven't been working out for quite a while. She meant what she said at dinner: she was only still with me for the cruise. No, we won't be getting back together. It's just the necklace. Mom paid for it, after all. Is it wrong to pitch it overboard?"
"Do you want to?"
Brother grinned at brother and Nicholas said, "You have no idea how much."
"It's not wrong," Austin said, "and Mom won't care. Small price to pay. Hell, if she complains, I'll pay for it myself. Pitch the note too."
Nicholas sighed. "I think I should probably read it first."
Mark and Austin and Wendy jumped in at once, insisting that she hadn't said anything he needed to know. I agreed with that, but somehow throwing it away without reading it seemed wrong.
It must have seemed wrong to Nicholas too because he stuffed it into his pocket as he said, "That all makes sense, but I can't do it."
"Can you come have a drink or five?"
We laughed, and he said, "Yeah, Austin, that I can do."
*****
Several hours later, still feeling the last glow of the alcohol, I walked into the self-serve coffee area. We'd had a great time together, Austin flirting outrageously with me and Wendy while also keeping Nicholas and Mark in the conversation and making us all laugh, and I'd been delighted to see how much more relaxed Nicholas looked when we went our separate ways. I'd gone back to my empty stateroom planning to read for a while then go to sleep, but almost immediately I was craving a cup of coffee.
As I finished adding milk and sugar to my drink, I felt eyes on me and turned to see Nicholas sitting at a table in the far corner. My heart leapt, but I made myself wave and give what I hoped was a friendly smile.
He beckoned me over and I joined him at his table. "Long time no see. Why are you all the way back here?" The place was empty so he could have sat anywhere.
He shook his head, smiling.
"It's silly. I used to hide out here and watch people when I was a kid. It's been my favorite table on the ship ever since. Admittedly, they've redecorated so it's probably not the same table, but I like to pretend that it is."
I patted the wood. "It's very nice."
He laughed. "Just like all the others. But I'm sure it appreciates your support."
I smiled at him, then we lapsed into a comfortable silence.
Comfortable was an understatement. Sipping coffee and being quiet with him felt like slipping into a perfectly warm bath. The coffee area's dim lighting added to the soothing feel, but really it was all him.
Our eyes met and we gave each other a "I know, we're not supposed to be here together" smile. Neither of us left, though, and I for one didn't even consider it.
When my coffee was gone I said, "Look, are you doing okay? It's been a rough day for you."
His mouth pulled into a wry half-smile. "I've had worse."
His eyes met mine again, and I found myself wondering whether seeing me and Owen kissing counted as 'worse'. Before I could think much, though, he added, "No, getting dumped like that, in front of everyone, wasn't much fun. But I knew it was coming. She was getting tired of me before, I thought, but then Mom said I could bring her on the cruise and I mentioned it to Nicole and..." His neck turned red and he didn't finish his sentence.
In my head I finished it with the image of Nicole using that gorgeous body to make sure Nicholas invited her, and I hated it. I cleared my throat and pushed the thought away. "Did you read her note?"
He shook his head and patted his pocket. "Can't decide if I should throw it away or not." Leaning a little closer, he said, "What do you think?"
I sighed. "I don't know. If you read it and she makes you feel bad, then..."
"Then I'll feel bad?"
We chuckled and I said, "Yeah, exactly. But somehow ditching it unread seems bad too." I shrugged. "I know that's no help. I just think if I were you I wouldn't want to have her words in my head."
He nodded. "That's how I feel too. But I feel like I should know if she was nice or mean at the end."
Before I could think it through I said, "What if I read it?"
He blinked. "And then tell me what it says?"
"I... yeah, that was the idea, but now that I hear it I kind of wish I hadn't said it."
"Why not?"
"Well, because the letter's to you not me."
He leaned back in his chair. "Those rejection letters, if you end up sending out your book, will be to you but you were okay with me reading them."
More than okay. I'd been so touched by his offer. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to let--"
He raised a hand, cutting me off. "If you're willing to read it, I think I'd like that."
I wasn't quite sure I was willing, since it might be cruel. Worse, it might talk about their sex life or something like that. But if it was unkind I'd rather I read it than he did, so I said, "I'm willing," and held out my hand for it.
"Not here." He patted the table as I'd done. "Don't want to wreck my favorite place."
I smiled at him. "Got a less-favorite place?"
He considered, then said, "Let's go."
He led me to a different deck, lower, just above the water line, that we hadn't been on together, and we stood alone watching the ocean swirl behind the ship in a vast wake that stretched all the way to the horizon. We weren't open to the sky the way we were on the observation deck but I could still see some of the stars and the shimmering moon.
"You sure you're okay with this?"
I nodded. "Are you?"
In answer, he drew the note from his pocket and handed it to me.
From the 'dear spineless loser' opening, I knew I didn't want him ever to read this, and it got worse as I went on.
I hope you have a great time being stuck with your mommy for the rest of your life, because no girl's ever going to want you with her around. Not that anyone would want you without her either. I sure as hell don't.
If I see you on the ship I'm going to turn around and walk away, and if you have any brains you'll do the same. Although brains aren't your problem, really. It's more a lack of balls. Maybe someday mommy will let you have some and you'll stand up for yourself, but I doubt it.
You'll do exactly what you're told forever, and I'm going to find a man who knows what to do all by himself. Sucks to be you, and it always will.
When I got to the end I crumpled the note hard in my hand, so much anger stampeding through me I could barely stand still.
"It's not nice, I take it?"
I had to laugh. "Gee, what gave you that idea?"
He took my hand and gently pried open my clenched fingers. "Just a hunch."
I looked into his eyes, and in an instant I wanted to kiss him so much it hurt. "She didn't deserve you," I said, fighting against the desire to do what I knew I couldn't. "Don't read it. Please."
He nodded slowly. "I'm sorry you read it."
So was I, but I couldn't say so. Then, without meaning to, I did. "Yeah, me too. Nobody should read it. The stuff she said... it's not true..."
His eyes softened. "Melissa, it's okay. I know how she can be." His cheeks reddened. "God, I didn't think... she didn't talk about me and her in..." He closed his eyes. "Sorry. I shouldn't have made you read it."
"You didn't, and she didn't."
Relief filled his eyes as he opened them. "Well, that's something at least. I assume she didn't praise my strength of will?"
I couldn't hold back a giggle. "That's a fair assumption."
He moved closer and took hold of both my shoulders. "Melissa, thank you for reading it. I hope you can forget it. I don't care about her any more. I haven't since..." His eyes told me before he said, "Since we got here."
Since he and I met again.
Nicole might have doubted his spine, but I saw him fighting not to pull me close and though I desperately wanted him to I knew he was doing the right thing despite how difficult it was.
Instead, he brushed one hand over my hair, sending shivers through me, then said, "Let's get rid of that note, shall we?"
"Yes," I managed, and took a step back before I gave in and kissed him.
He flattened the paper by rubbing it face-down over the railing, then folded it into an airplane. When he was done, he held it out to me and said, "Want to throw it?"
I smiled. "You should."
He took my hand with his free one and laid it atop the airplane. "We should."
Throwing a paper airplane isn't really a joint activity, but he counted to three and we managed to launch it off the ship. The wind caught it and pulled it away, but I saw it hit the water then vanish in the waves. He pulled Nicole's necklace from his pocket and tossed it overboard too.
He turned to me. "We'll probably get arrested for littering."
I shrugged. "It'd be worth it."
"Definitely."
We looked at each other for a moment then fell into each other's arms. Though I knew I shouldn't be holding him, it felt so good that I couldn't do anything but cuddle in closer.
He squeezed me tight, and I felt him murmur something I couldn't hear against my hair, then he released me and set me away from him. "Thank you." He swallowed hard. "I'm busy all day tomorrow, but I'll see you Friday."
At my wedding.
I looked up into his eyes, my throat so tight I couldn't speak, and he touched my cheek lightly. "You'll be a gorgeous bride," he said, his voice rough, then turned and walked away before I could do anything.
When he was out of sight, I leaned on the railing and stared at the ocean, the churning water matching the churning in my heart and soul. Nicole had been awful, but she'd been right: Nicholas didn't have the nerve to stand up for what he wanted.
I didn't want a husband like that.
I whispered to the waves, "I love Owen," and willed myself to remember how I'd felt before the cruise, before everything changed.
Chapter Thirty-Six
; I didn't sleep well that night, my head and heart too full of turmoil to let me rest, but I must have slept a bit because when I went to bed I was all too alone but at four in the morning Owen lay on his side facing away from me. I stared at his back in the dim light, then wriggled across the sheets and pressed myself against him, needing the contact with my fiancé. The man I'd be marrying tomorrow.
He mumbled something in his sleep, and for a brief awful moment I thought he'd pull away from me, but he stayed put and so did I. I stayed curled against him, feeling the heat of his body and trying to keep my mind blank, until I finally fell asleep.
When the sun shining into the room woke me again I was alone. A note sat atop Owen's pillow, an uncomfortable echo of the one Nicole had left for Nicholas, but unlike the rage I'd experienced reading her note Owen's didn't make me feel anything but a dull weariness.
Mel, I've got a big tournament today. Figured I'd play extra-long today since I'm going to be kind of busy tomorrow. If you need me for anything you know where to find me.
I sure did. In the casino, where there was probably a seat with a permanent Owen's-ass-shaped dent.
I buried my face in my pillow and sighed. There shouldn't be much wedding work to do, although Derek had arranged a meeting this morning before my manicure appointment to take care of the last-minute details, but Owen wasn't going to help with any of it. Of course, why would he change that now? The sum total of his involvement had been renting himself a tux and buying my rings. And proposing, of course.
My mind went to the bottom of my travel jewelry box where I'd hidden Owen's wedding ring. He hadn't wanted anything fancy, so it was a simple gold band. I, honestly, hadn't wanted anything fancy either, but Owen had bought my band at the same time as my engagement ring so they were equally swirly and decorative.
I pushed myself out of bed and took a shower, studying my engagement ring as the water poured down over it. It was pretty, even though I'd have preferred a simpler one, and though Owen hadn't told me what it cost I knew it couldn't have been cheap. And neither was my dress, or the wedding preparations here on the cruise, or even the gold cuff links I'd bought for Owen's wedding present. So much money, all going into making tomorrow the perfect day.
Toronto Collection Volume 2 (Toronto Series #6-9) Page 88
