by Day Leitao
“I was told I needed an emotional spike.”
“Emotion will make you relax into focus, Karina. But you can’t count on using emotion like that. In a difficult situation, you can’t let emotion guide you, or you’ll be almost blind.”
“You could have told me this earlier.”
“It came to me just now. Like I told you, I don’t have any magic, but I think the principle would be the same.”
Karina wanted to ask him about his past, how exactly he was able to withstand pain, and how much pain, but this clearly wasn’t the moment, and it made him uncomfortable. She touched the mirror. No, it was wrong. She was putting her hand as if waiting for it to disappear, but if she waited for it to disappear, it meant it was there. Relax into focus. She looked beyond the mirror, even though she couldn’t see anything, and focused on what lay beyond. She took a step forward—and hit her foot.
“Easy, easy,” Sian told her, hands on her shoulders, his voice soft and smooth. “It’s coming. You know you can walk to the other side.”
Karina tried to focus and relax at the same time, but instead of seeing herself walking through the mirror and getting the staff, she ignored what was in front of her, and instead visualized the moment her lips and Sian’s met for the first time. She walked forward—and kept walking—until she found herself facing a glass display with a huge staff on it, mounted on two stands. Glass. That was probably not real either, just an illusion. Her hand moved across the glass and she grabbed it. Funny. Even though it was huge, it was lighter than a broom.
Beyond the now empty case, there was a huge metal door with delicate engravings, and she wondered what was there. Sian’s voice telling her to come back straight away echoed in her mind. Curiosity. Karina would need to let go of it. But just a peek couldn’t hurt, could it? Pick it up and return. His voice rang in her head.
Karina then heard a different voice. “Oh, do you really want to give him what he wants, girl?” It was a shrill, distant voice, neither male nor female. “He’ll get it and leave you.”
Karina looked around and didn’t see anyone. It could be her own fear speaking, and it had such a clear voice because she was in this weird in-between dimension. Karina turned around to return to the purple room. A mirror faced her. That voice, that fear. They were pointless, right? If Sian didn’t like her, he didn’t have to kiss her or hold her tight. She would have gotten the staff regardless, just to save herself from the kyons.
The voice laughed. “And you believe his deceit? It was never about you. Give him the staff, and he’ll leave you.”
Her stomach tightened. That voice was definitely not Karina’s own fear. “Who are you?”
“I am your fear, darling, and your hopes and wishes, and your dearest secrets in your heart. I am everything and more.”
Karina knew she had to go back, but a couple questions couldn’t hurt. “What is his deceit?”
“I can show you. Do you want to see it?”
Karina probably shouldn’t trust a disembodied voice in a place where a dangerous object was kept, but she wasn’t trusting it, she was just curious. “Well, show it.”
“Come to me and I’ll show you.”
“You want me to go across that door? No chance.”
“That’s too bad. You’ll never know.”
“If what you’re saying is right, I’ll know it soon.”
Karina walked to the mirror, upset at herself, upset at that voice, upset at the fear infecting her mind. But Sian liked her. He did. Nobody could fake it like that. Fake it even while sleeping.
The voice laughed again. “And who says he was sleeping?”
“Shut up.”
Karina touched the mirror, the one she should walk across, and it was solid. Of course, she’d need to open the portal again. She almost dropped the staff there, and considered telling Sian she hadn’t found anything, just to test his reaction. But her fear was that he would continue being sweet and loving, telling her to try again. The idea of not knowing whether his feelings were real or not was worse than prolonging her torture. She had to know. The best way to do it was by giving him the damn staff.
“Not so fast, girl,” the voice told her. “You could try to win him. Leave the staff, and give him time to fall in love.”
“I don’t want to win anyone. If he’s tricking me, I don’t want him.”
“You might still want the power. Have you thought that the power is yours? Why share it? Why give it away?”
“I’m not sharing anything, just giving him an object he wants.”
The mirror was solid, and it was hard to focus after that voice had told her those things. As much as that voice was poisoning her mind, she wished she had Sian beside her calming her down, telling her what she needed to do. But that was stupid. The portal opener was her, she should be able to crack this.
“That’s the spirit, that’s the spirit, little girl. The power is yours.”
Karina realized that she wouldn’t be able to make that voice shut up, so it was better to get to the bottom of it. “And?” she asked.
“Keep the staff. Or better, come to me and I’ll show you all you can do with it. Or even better, I’ll explain what you’ll gain if you give it to me.”
So whatever was talking couldn’t take it by force. Interesting.
“Why? I’m fine.”
“No, you aren’t, little girl. You’re consumed with doubt and fear, and well aware that the thief beyond the portal is using you. He thinks you’re weak.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll figure it out for myself. Thanks for the warning.”
Karina tried to look beyond the mirror and remember it was an illusion. Her foot hit the mirror.
The voice said, “You’re taking the wrong exit, girl.”
Karina puffed, more than annoyed. “Who are you and what do you want?”
“I am more than you can comprehend. All I wanted was to show you your power. That’s all.”
“I’ll tell you what. Next time you want to convince someone of something, don’t show up as a disembodied voice and don’t talk in that creepy tone. I mean, really.”
“I’m sorry if I can’t talk to you in that sweet, smooth, hypnotic voice that the thief uses. Do you think that’s normal? Have you ever wondered how he convinced you to do all he wanted so easily? How easily you let him kiss you?”
“Not that mysterious, invisible dude or dudette. He’s quite kissable.” Karina remembered him at the Junction. “In fact, girls fawn over him.”
“And he knows it, doesn’t he? He knew how lonely, needy, insecure you were, he knew you’d be easily pliable. Oh, so much power, so much power and it could be all his.”
Karina was trembling in anger. “I’ll find you and stick this staff down your throat. If you have one.”
The voice laughed again. “You know. Deep down, you know I’m telling the truth, and that’s why it bothers you. But I’m your friend.”
Karina took the staff and launched it against the mirror. She wanted to smash something, break it. Maybe that was how she’d open the portal. She also wanted to drown out the voice, but it kept talking while she hit the mirror as if it were inside her head.
“Have you ever wondered why nobody has ever wanted to kiss you? Have you ever wondered why your thief would choose you? You, out of so many he could have picked? You know your answer deep in your heart, little girl, you know it, and now you can see it.”
The mirror cracked. That was a beginning. Hopefully. Karina kept hitting it, and it kept cracking.
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the voice said.
More reason to keep trying to break that stupid mirror. Karina was so angry she hit it with all her might. Crack, crack, crack. It was working. And then, suddenly, the mirror disappeared, as if had indeed been made of mist.
But she didn’t see Sian beyond the place where the mirror had been. There was no purple room, no other mirrors, and no well. All she saw was a desolate landscape at night. Rocks an
d ruins until the eye could see, some burned trees, that was all. She turned around and didn’t see any door. All she saw was the same desolate landscape, but far away, there was a hill leading to a sleek silver rectangular tower by a river. Karina felt so stupid. She’d let the voice play her. She’d done exactly what the voice had wanted her to do.
Looking around her at that bare wasteland, without any distinguishable portal, her insides knotted. Maybe she should see what that voice wanted.
Karina yelled, “Yo, you! Voice without body! Where are you?”
Her voice echoed and echoed, even though there were no walls to reflect the sound, as if she’d yelled a lot louder than she had. Karina closed her eyes. That was probably the direst situation in her life. Alone, in a place she didn’t know, without any clue on how to come back.
Did Sian know that picking up the staff could be dangerous? Go there, pick it up, and return. Don't look back and don't do anything else. He knew it. And had made her go regardless. Her heart was cracking like the mirror. But this was not a good time to think about that. She held on to the staff. If it was indeed a powerful object, it would help her, even if only using it for bargaining. At this point, she didn’t give a crap whether Sian got it or not. But the most important thing was finding a way back, a way home, a way anywhere else. She decided to walk to the tower just because it was the only thing in that landscape. It would probably take some two or three hours. Karina sighed. Would Sian be worried? Did he care about her, though? Right now, it didn’t matter.
Karina walked, but then stopped, as she thought she’d heard something on the ground. She looked back and didn’t see anything different. Another sound, this time from her left. Oh, this was going to drive her crazy. Then she heard a screech. And another. She froze. But she had to look. Up in the sky, a black cloud. Birds—no, not birds. Some dark winged creatures. More were coming, and she had no idea from where. They encircled her, flying lower and lower. Karina looked at the tower. Tower. A tower.
She focused on being there, and nothing happened. She tried to think about all her anger at Sian, or her anger at the voice. Nothing happened. She tried to remember her first kiss, but the memory was now tainted with fears and doubts. One creature dove towards her, and Karina threw herself on the floor. It flew right past her but then turned around. It had golden eyes and bat wings, but it was several meters wide. Karina focused on the tower while relaxing. Relax into focus. Detach from emotion. She saw it as if it were a movie, as if it had nothing to do with her, as if the danger wasn’t real. The screeches were deafening now, and she closed her eyes.
When she opened her eyes, she was on the bottom of a very tall circular room with a spiral staircase leading to different doors. She exhaled, relieved. That was probably the tower she’d seen from afar, even if it was rectangular from the outside. Not as good as being back in Whyland or home, but hey.
This was a tower. A tower from where she could teleport, or at least she hoped. She wondered where the owner of the voice she’d heard earlier had gone, or if it was here. But maybe it didn’t matter. Teleport, that was what she needed. Karina heard distant screeches and tried to think. She needed a tower, a tower to teleport to. Other than the odd mirror crossing, her teleporting usually ended in a teleporting tower, or at least passed through one. She needed a tall, vertical room. The well in the purple room flashed in her mind. But it was a well, with no way to come up. Karina heard screeches and noises coming from the top of the tower. The creatures were trying to enter. If only she knew what to do with her staff.
But this was a tower, and she should be able to do teleport. Karina focused on the purple room, kept focusing, and soon had the familiar feeling of loss of balance. When she opened her eyes, she was back where she’d been before, in the middle of the desolate landscape, staring at the tower far away, by the river. A swarm of flying creatures left the tower and came in her direction. Teleport. Karina was back in the silver tower. That wasn’t very good.
The well came in her mind again. Could that work as a tower? Would that be the teleporting portal in the Darloom castle? Karina focused on the well and teleported. She found herself outside, in that dreadful landscape with winged creatures very close to her. She teleported away, finding herself again in the silver tower.
If she remained in this loop, between the plain and the tower, she’d never go anywhere. Perhaps she should go up in the tower and check its doors. Maybe there would be something for her. The well again flashed in her mind. The well. That was where she had to teleport. She focused on it, but tried to calm down any strain. Water, water, she needed water. The river! The tower was by a river.
Karina wasn’t sure if her idea would work or not, but it was—hopefully—worth a try. Karina turned around and opened the door on her level. It led outside, to a platform over the river. Winged creatures flew towards her, but she ran and jumped on the water. She hoped those things didn’t know how to swim, as she let herself be submerged. The well in the purple room came clearly in her mind. She focused there. There was no change. Wait, the screeches were gone. Karina extended her hands to her side and felt solid wall. Hopefully she’d come to the right well.
20
The Lake
She wanted to swim up for air, but the staff weighed her down. Weird, because it felt light when she’d carried it. She let go of the staff, and it went up. Weird again, of course. Karina had to swim up to reach the surface, but her clothes were thick and heavy. The surface seemed to be far away. Perhaps coming to the well had been a bad idea. Up, up, she had to go up.
Karina was almost out of air when she felt a burst of water from beneath her, lifting her. When her head reached the surface, she was in the purple room with the mirrors, and the water had reached its top. The staff floated by her side. Sian faced the mirror she’d crossed, which was still intact.
Karina threw the staff on the floor outside the well.
Sian turned, saw her, and looked alarmed. He pulled her out of the well, her body dripping water. “What happened? Why are you in here?”
Karina didn’t know what to say.
He looked at her and took her hand. “You’re cold. You need to change.” Sian hugged her. “C’mon, you have to put some dry clothes on.”
As much as she had told herself that the voice was a bunch of nonsense, now she looked at his eyes for a trace of a lie. Well, he certainly didn’t seem worried that she’d taken more than twenty minutes to return—dreadful, terrifying twenty minutes.
Karina pointed to the staff lying on a corner. “Aren’t you worried about that?”
Sian stepped back. “Karina, I… Are you all right?”
“Do you even care?”
“Come, get some dry clothes, then we can talk.”
Sian pulled her hand to get out of the room. He acted as if he didn’t even care about the stupid staff, the one she’d risked her life for. Or was it just a front? Either way, that voice still ringed on Karina’s head, and she didn’t want to leave the staff unattended. “Bring that thing with you.”
“So you’ll think that’s all I care about?”
“No. So no creepy creature comes out of those mirrors or that well. Do you have any idea what’s out there, Sian? Do you? Did you know and forget to tell me, or did you just send me on a fool’s errand you had no idea about? Did you care?”
Karina pulled her hand and walked to the dark corridor.
“Karina!” Sian was right behind her.
“Take that thing.”
Sian held her hand. “I can’t. You’d have to give it to me. If you want to.”
Karina went back to the room, grabbed the staff, and threw it beside him. “Here. It’s yours.”
Sian flinched.
CRASH.
One of the mirrors shattered. There was nothing beyond it, just wall. That was the mirror Karina had crossed. A little late to crash on this side, though.
Sian crouched to grab the staff, a glimmer in his eye. Karina passed him and walked fast to the
dark corridor, then downstairs to her room. Ugh, not her room, their room. As if they were married or something. Some stupidity.
“Karina!” Sian came in right after her.
She entered the bathroom and locked the door. “I need a warm bath. You can’t come.” She took off her clothes as she prepared the bath. She stayed there for a long time, trying to relax, trying to think, trying to go over what had voice had told her, trying to understand what that horrible place with the tower was, but she didn’t understand anything. Sian. She wanted to figure him out, but it was hard. Why had he sent her on a dangerous errand? Was he pretending he liked her? But could he really be that good, to show it in his eyes, in every kiss, in every tight hug, even at night, hugging her tightly, almost squeezing her, the whole night?
The door lock clicked, and Karina tensed, furious at this breach of privacy. But the door was opened just a little, and dry clothes were tossed through the crack. Indeed she needed them. Karina got out of the bath. The water would not help her clear her thoughts.
Sian was sitting on the bed when she came out of the bathroom. He got up and walked to her, touching her face. “What happened?”
Karina moved her head away and sat on one of the chairs. “What did you know about the, uh, the place I went?”
“It’s a subdimension, created to contain the staff.”
“And you had no idea it could be dangerous?”
Sian sat and took one of her hands. “What happened?
Karina pulled it back. “I’m asking first. Tell me. How much did you know about the danger of going there?”
Sian shook his head as if confused. “Nothing. It’s a subdimension containing just the staff. Since you can open portals, you’d be able to walk in and out. I have no idea why you turned up in the well. I didn’t know it would happen.”
“And you sent me there without knowing.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d come back that way. I’m sorry. I’ll never ask you to do anything that could put you in risk again, never. I promise. No matter the price.” He did seem concerned, though, his voice pitching with urgency. “Believe me. I thought there would be no danger for you.”
