by Day Leitao
“I guess.”
He pulled her close to him in a tight embrace.
In the evening they had a fire outside, by the woods. Even though it was chilly, Aline and Georgia managed to build a huge fire, more like a celebration bonfire than a campfire. Of course, they wouldn't have been able to do this before, when she'd been afraid they could be attacked. Now that Karina knew that it was all Sian's fault and that they were safe even outside, it felt good being there, warmed by the heat of the fire and Sian's tight hugs. Aline and Joel sang. Their voices were harmonious together.
Karina felt happy with her heart at ease, having forgiven Sian. Yes, maybe his flirting methods were quite unusual, but in the end what mattered was being beside him. She wasn’t even eager to go back to the Queen’s castle and reopen a portal to go home, as she wanted that time to last forever. Well, there was that little pang and fear that if she returned home, she wouldn’t be able to come back to Whyland, but she didn’t want to think about it just now and waste those precious moments worrying about the future.
Back to the castle, Karina no longer felt the slight panic at having to be with a guy in a bedroom. It wasn’t “a guy”; it was Sian. And yeah, it was weird to realize that she had panicked before about what could happen or what he could try, but now she trusted that he’d never trespass any of her boundaries, and so she could relax.
Karina had already changed into her sleeping clothes when Sian came out of the bathroom. Loose v-neck shirt and pants, this time dark blue. Did he really have a whole collection of pajamas as well? It was a little silly because everything looked good on him. She wondered what he would look like without his shirt, though. Being so tall made him look skinnier than he actually was, but he was quite fit, and from what she felt, had an amazing body.
Sian smiled, walked towards her and kissed her, holding her tight and lifting her from the ground. She could kiss him a million times, every time it would make her weak in the knees and give her a pleasant chill down her spine and her stomach. Karina put her hands under his shirt and moved up to his back.
Sian put her down and stepped back. “Don't.”
Karina was startled. Well, in truth she felt rejected. She looked away and sat on the bed. “Sorry.”
He also sat and started brushing her hair out of her face.
This time it annoyed her as if it was a consolation prize. Karina jerked her head away and stared at him. “You know, I wasn’t going to take off your shirt, and it definitely didn’t mean I wanted to…” She looked away, unable to continue.
“I know.”
She was going to ask what the problem was, but maybe he also had the right to have boundaries. It was just that it was weird to see a guy being that much of a prude.
Sian said, “You’re upset.”
Karina shrugged. “No. I mean, surprised. You really have a problem with me touching your back?” Even Karina wouldn’t mind if he touched her back.
“Don’t know if you noticed; I’m weird, Karina.”
Fair enough. He was a prude, but it was his right. “Hum… all right.”
He looked down. “Give me some time. I need to trust you more.”
Karina shrugged. “No problem. I also need some time to take off my shirt, I guess, so we’re even.”
Sian caught his breath, and his eyes flickered towards her chest before looking away. Karina flushed, trying not to think of where she’d taken his mind. He fiddled with his hair and looked away. It was the first time Karina saw him looking that embarrassed. “It’s not that. It’s not that I don’t want to… Not now. Of course.” He stared at her. “It’s different. I… I have…” He closed his eyes. “I have reasons why nobody ever sees me without a shirt or touches my back or chest.”
She shrugged. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. You’re upset.”
“Just surprised, that’s all.”
He sighed. “It’s everything that I hate about myself. I don’t want you looking at me in pity, horror, or both.”
She tried to be playful. “Do you have scales or something?”
He snorted, even more annoyed. “Perhaps. I just want to make sure everything is settled between us. Give me some time.”
Karina smiled. “We have plenty, don’t we?”
“I hope so.” He looked away as if thinking.
Karina’s mind was spinning with curiosity. What was it? A very ugly tattoo? Well, she hadn’t seen any tattoo so far in Whyland, so she assumed they didn’t have them, and she wouldn’t be able to feel it just by touching it. Fur? No, hair. Maybe he had a really hairy chest and back. That didn’t make sense, though, because his beard was thin. His words came to her mind, about learning to resist pain. Karina looked at him. “You have scars.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t want to talk about it. Nobody’s seen it since I was twelve.”
Scarred at that age? Karina felt something unpleasant stirring inside her, and fury towards his father, but she kept her face steady because her anger would only upset him. “I don’t care, Sian.”
“Well, I do.”
Fine, she wasn’t going to push it or ask about it. Boundaries were for both of them. Still, she wondered what bothered him so much. Burning scars? She tried to imagine the ugliest red, scorched skin beneath his shirt. She’d still like him. Was it cutting scars, bumps? Maybe it was some infected gooey thing and that was the reason he always changed clothes. No, it would leak through his thin shirt. Regardless, she tried to imagine the very worst, disfigured skin on his back, and there was no horrific scenario where she would no longer like him. She had to tell him.
“Sian, you know I like you regardless, right? Whatever you have, however you look under your shirt… I don’t mind. Nothing changes. I’ll still like you.”
He was still looking away. “Think about it. I’ll understand if you change your mind.”
Karina rolled her eyes. “Don’t be silly.” She pulled his face and lay her lips over his. His mouth relaxed for a long, passionate kiss.
After a moment he stopped and looked in her eyes. “You’re just like I thought you would be.”
“And what is that?”
“Sweet. Lovely.”
“And how did you know that?”
Sian had a relaxed smile. “I read people well.”
“And you knew I was sweet?”
“I knew you’d fall in love with me.”
The nerve! But he had a point. She looked right in his eyes. “I guess you were right.”
Having to wake up early the next day or not, they spent a long time alternating between kissing and looking into each other’s eyes, bodies closer and closer. Their clothes were the barrier preventing them from going too far. For a few brief moments, though, Karina wished there were no barrier and she could be all his.
21
Understanding
Karina walked down a dark hallway, towards a room with a flickering reddish light. As she entered, she noticed that a fireplace was lit and was the only source of light illuminating a chair with a small dark-haired boy around seven to ten years old. A man whose face she couldn’t see took a poker from the fire and pressed against the boy’s chest. She could smell burning skin. Horrified, she wanted the man to stop, wanted to do something, but couldn’t move.
The man asked, “How does it feel?”
The boy smiled. “Comfortable.”
The man pulled the poker away.
Karina woke up suddenly and tried to sit up, but she couldn’t move, as if someone or something were tying her. She tried to shake herself free until she realized that what was tying her were Sian’s arms, which tightened around her as she moved. She exhaled, realizing it was just a dream, in the pleasant sensation of being near him. A dream. Was it something she saw, or was it just that she had fallen asleep impressed with what he’d told her?
She closed her eyes and tried to relax and fall asleep again, but then memories and sensations from the previous night overcame her as she remembere
d his body in her hands and hers in his. As amazing as it had felt, what was left now was a weird feeling like guilt and embarrassment, as all the advice about what a girl could and couldn't do at the beginning of a relationship circled in her head. Had he tried something more, would she have stopped him? She didn’t know the answer. But nothing had happened, had it? She didn't want to overthink the definition of nothing, or the answer could be complicated. Perhaps she should think about the definition of relationship. What were they? Where was this going?
Sian’s sleepy voice interrupted her thoughts. “Are you awake?”
“Yeah. A dream woke me.”
“Was I in it?” he asked in a teasing voice.
“Not sure.”
A light, relaxed chuckle. “How can you not be sure?”
“It was a young boy.”
“I see.” He kissed her neck. “We might as well get up. Powerful time for powerful deeds.”
Karina turned and faced him. “Right. You gotta make sure you're doing something important when you’re sleepy and starving.”
“We’ll get something to eat.”
Karina had a sense of déjà-vu as she sat on the still dark kitchen, eating cake and drinking tea. She hoped there was some caffeine in it.
Sian’s overcoat today was in very thick leather. He took a long sip from his cup and asked her, “What do you know about Whyland?”
A big question. “Hum… A lot. A little. I know some secret passages, names of rivers, I saw the maps in the book you gave me. I mean, I don’t know. In terms of politics, people seem to backstab each other often, right?”
Sian chuckled. “That’s good to keep in mind. There’s something important: the portals. This is a hub of portals going everywhere. The castles control the portals, sort of. Or at least keep them closed just enough so that things won’t get in.”
The creepy voice at the other side of the mirror came into Karina’s mind and she shivered.
Sian continued, “So that’s one thing important to know, that when we’re talking about kings and queens here, it’s not just political leaders but more. It’s not like in other kingdoms. But there are more portals though, to precise dimensions. My father wanted to find magical peoples living here, but I think they had their own portals, to subdimensions. He would only find the ones who chose to stay here, and there isn’t much magic left. Darian came from one village considered magical, they were among the Lost People in the north, but he doesn’t know a thing about magic.” His voice had the sneering tone he used when referring to his brother, and Karina was reminded that they hadn’t been raised together.
“And why is this important?”
“Because you can’t simply put anyone on the throne. But it doesn’t have to be Lylah either.”
Karina was about to take a bite of her cake but she paused. “But she’s fine there, isn’t she? And you said you didn’t want to take the throne anymore, right?”
Sian blinked as if startled. “I never said that.”
Karina trembled. Do you want to take the throne? The question was on the tip of her tongue, but the possible answer terrified her. She asked something else, “What does it have to do with this castle? And the staff?”
“Finish and I’ll show you.”
Her stomach was shut. “I’m done.”
“What about the tea?”
Karina had always hated tea, and this tea was the worst she’d ever tasted. She’d been drinking it just because Sian had made it for her. She pushed away her cup. “I had enough.”
He looked disappointed. “Oh.”
Karina shrugged. “Sorry. I should have said I didn’t like it, I—”
“It’s fine. Come, then.”
He got up and extended his hand. Karina took it, feeling his thin long fingers wrapping hers and that pleasant sensation that came with it, now with an accompanying chill in the stomach with the memory of his touch.
They went through a door on the ground floor. Behind it, they descended stairs to a room with glass windows overlooking a huge hall with circular columns.
Sian looked at her and brushed her hair away from her face. “I fear this might be rushed, but I can’t wait any longer. You'll have to trust me.”
Karina stared at the hall with dread. “For what?”
“You’ll see. However you feel, hang on. We’ll sort it all together.”
This didn't sound good. “Well, show me.”
Sian took a deep breath. “All my life, Karina, all my life I learned to fight. Not only to fight one-on-one, but to fight wars. Win, conquer, be powerful. It sounds great, doesn’t it? In theory, it does. But the reality is sad, pitiful, and bloody. If I’m going to have power, I’ll do this in a clean way. I came to this castle, well, I took the trouble to find this castle, searching for answers, and I found a lot more than I hoped. Want to know what I found?”
Not really. She had a terrible sense of foreboding, but she had to say something, so she asked, “What?”
“A clean army. Everything I always dreamed.” He let go of her hand and took the staff, which stood in a corner, and lifted it. “Rise.”
The ground started moving. No, something was moving, coming out of the ground. Hundreds of kyons. More. Karina didn’t fear them this time, maybe because they were beyond the glass, or maybe because she knew they were under Sian’s control. Whatever Sian was planning to do with them was what caused her to fear. The creatures were becoming better and better formed, not the same amorphous, unfinished forms from before. They had eyes and faces.
Sian had a smirk. “They don’t kill, they don’t hurt, they just stop my enemies.”
“And who are your enemies?”
He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “Anyone who stops me.”
The question came out of her lips as a whisper. “From what?”
He stepped closer to her and fiddled with her hair. “Today we march to the castle. You’ll be queen.”
She must have misunderstood something. “Which castle?”
He kissed her lips lightly. “Yours. Mine. Ours. Whyland will be our kingdom.”
Karina stepped back. “Uh, are you planning on taking the kingdom?”
“Why are you even asking that?” Sian tilted his head, blinking slowly.
“You are?”
“When did I ever say I wasn’t?”
Perhaps this was a horrible misunderstanding. “You mean you’re going to Siphoria with this army? To become king by force? Is this what you mean?”
Sian waved his hand. “Clean war, Karina, clean war. No blood, no killing.”
“Was this why you needed the staff? To bring war to Whyland? To depose the queen?”
“I don’t understand why you’re surprised.”
“Why I’m surprised? Well, remind me when exactly you told me your plans. Remind me.”
Sian looked confused, eyebrows drawn together. “I never said I wanted you to be my queen?”
Karina took a deep breath. “You did, but I didn’t… I mean, can’t you just take this castle? It’s nice. We’re fine here, and—”
“I want to bring peace to my kingdom, and I can do it. Not only that, now I have the power to protect it.”
Karina looked at the window, at those horrid creatures. “Are you really planning on launching these things on your people?”
“You say it as if they were some killing machines. They aren’t. And they’ll only stop whoever opposes me. A lot of people support me, even inside the government. It’s all a lot more complicated than you know, even though you know a little.”
“You have support, great. I know people like you. Suggest an election then. Convince people to demand a change in the system of government. Come to power in a way that’s right, if you want it so much.”
“It doesn’t work in Whyland, I told you.”
“Just leave the current queen there, then. Why do you have to change anything?”
Sian stepped back. “I don’t understand you. Why would you rather her
instead of you?”
“I don’t even live here!”
He stared at her, then turned his head away, in a mocking sneer. “You don’t live here! What was it then? A joke for you? Was all this a joke? Tell me.”
Was he talking about them? “Not a joke. I would come to visit, I would find a way. But that doesn’t mean I want to be queen. I hate politics.”
Sian exhaled and seemed to calm down. “It seems scary and overwhelming. I understand. You don’t have to do anything. I have it all under control. You’ll just have to be you, and everyone will love you. You’ll have songs written about you.”
Karina was trembling. Anger, fear, disappointment, she didn’t even know. “Right. I’ll just sit all day while you do everything.”
“I’m not saying that. You’ll do whatever you want. What do you like? Science? Discovery? We’ll have it all for you. I can bring scholars from all over the world. You can do whatever you want.”
“Yeah, I can. And I don’t want to be a freaking queen!”
Sian stared at her. “It was a joke, then. All a joke.”
“It wasn’t. But you never told me what you wanted to do, never. You spent time away from me, probably planning whatever it is you’re going to do, and you never said anything. You never asked what I thought of that. How was I supposed to know you wanted to take the kingdom by force, how?”
Sian raised his eyebrows. “How?” He snorted. “How? Maybe because that was the first thing I ever told you when we met. How’s that?”
“You said you changed.”
“For better. Not for pathetic. Tell me, Karina, who the hell do you think you’ve been kissing for three days? Who?”
“You.”
“No. I never pretended I was anything I wasn’t. Never.”
“Really? Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted to come to Whyland to raise an army of creepies and take the throne? Why didn’t you ask me that? Did you think I was going to say no? Well, you guessed right.”
