“Yeah, we are totally besties now,” Noah joked.
“Really? Tell me the truth. What’s going on?”
Rose closed her eyes again as the headache started to take over. She really did want to keep talking to Noah, but her brain felt like it was splitting right in half. Noah noticed she was having a hard time and pushed the call button so a nurse would come in.
“Can I help you?” the nurse said as she quickly appeared at the door.
“My head, it hurts real bad,” Rose said through the pain.
The nurse quickly came over and flashed a light in Rose’s eyes. She took her blood pressure and wrote everything down in her chart without saying another world to Rose or Noah. She seemed to be looking for something in the chart and then held up her finger to motion that she would be right back.
Rose couldn’t think or talk, the pain was getting so bad. Instead, she just laid there with her eyes closed and hoped that wherever the nurse went, it was to get some medicine to make the pain go away.
“He told me about your arrangement with him, but only because I told him I already knew. He also told me he wanted a chance. I’m not going to say you should or shouldn’t give the guy a chance, all I’m saying is that I’m not giving up. I’ll respect your time to yourself, but I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
Rose listened to his words as her eyes remained closed. He sounded sincere and confident that he would win out over Bronx in the end. Noah was a good man, and the way he was handling the situation in front of him proved it. Rose didn’t think she would change her mind about Bronx, though. Especially after his little stunt with his aunt, but she appreciated Noah being willing to have a grown up conversation with the man.
“Noah, I don’t know how long I’ll need.”
It was the truth. Rose wasn’t trying to play some sort of game with Noah and Bronx. She genuinely didn’t know how long it was going to take for her to feel like a normal person again. She wanted to feel emotions and feelings like she had in the past. Rose didn’t want to hide behind her sexuality anymore; she wanted to be normal, and she knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
Rose didn’t really know what she was going to do next; all she knew was that it couldn’t involve a man in any way. If there were a man available, she knew she would want him in her bed to numb the emotions, and that was exactly what she couldn’t do. She needed to feel the emotions, all of them. Rose needed to feel the panic, pain, sadness and everything else that she had been avoiding.
She wasn’t pushing Bronx and Noah away in hopes that one of them would fight harder for her and win her over. Rose was genuinely pushing them away so she could grow. She didn’t want to hurt either of them; she only wanted what was best for everyone involved.
“Oh, come on. You’re saying this to the man who’s been in love with you for a decade. I think a few more months won’t kill me.”
Rose couldn’t help smiling. Noah had given her the gift that she needed. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t pushing her, he was handing her the time she wanted and letting her decide what to do with it.
The last time she had asked for time, Noah had also given it to her. It was reluctant on his part, but he had agreed. But the last time Rose had asked for time, she wasn’t actually using it to deal with herself. Instead of dealing with things, she had taken Bronx on and used him as her crutch to avoid life.
Avoiding life had been her thing since Derek had died. She avoided feelings, friends, love and anything else that she couldn’t control. It was a scary proposition to think that she was going to try and live without avoiding things any longer. Rose knew she wouldn’t be perfect. She knew she was going to continue to make mistakes, but she was going to make those mistakes with her eyes open. Instead of hiding and pretending, Rose was ready to give life a real try for a change.
“Where is Bronx?”
“Oh, he went to your place to get you all the things he thought you’d need while you’re here. I pretty much just wanted him out of the room, so I could have you all to myself.”
“That’s nice of him.”
“Yes, it was. You should rest now. The nurse will wake you up when she brings your medicine. Close your eyes and try and sleep. I’m here; I’ll stay here. There’s nothing to worry about.”
They sat in silence as Rose tried to figure out what else she should say to Noah. Should she bring up the kiss in the courtroom? Should they talk about her relationship with Bronx? She didn’t know, and she felt like her head was going to explode, so she couldn’t think straight at all.
When the nurse finally brought the medication in for Rose, it was a huge relief. The medicine was pushed into her IV, and Rose started to feel the relief almost instantly. She also started to feel extremely tired, so tired that she couldn’t even open her eyes any longer.
Noah reached for her hand, and she held onto it in silence as she closed her eyes and hoped for her head pain to go away and never come back. The moment was sweet and kind, and Noah requested nothing of her. It was exactly what she needed.
Chapter 28
“I think I’m over this whole lawyer thing,” Bronx whispered to Rose as they sat and tried to pay attention in a boring staff meeting.
The comment didn’t catch Rose off guard because Bronx was constantly joking with her in meetings. It didn’t matter what the topic of the meeting was, Bronx would find a way to try and make her laugh or have some sort of other reaction. In one meeting, he had proceeded to tell her all about the bowel movement he had just had, in an effort to gross her out and get her to react. Rose could still remember trying to tune him out as he went on and on about the size, shape, and color of the stool.
She wasn’t about to fall for his mischief. Rose did the best she could as she continued to look forward, trying not to react to what he was saying.
“It’s because I broke your heart. I know. I know. I’m a soul crusher,” Rose joked.
“Yep, it’s all your fault. Dragging me along for the last year, and I just can’t manage any longer. I have to move on,” the light-hearted tone of Bronx’s voice combined with the sarcasm had Rose almost laughing out loud.
“If you two have something you’d like to share, I’d be more than happy to give you the floor,” Elaine barked at the two of them. “Rose? Would you like to come up here?”
Rose hated when she got called out in meetings. It was never Bronx who Elaine singled out. No, he was her precious nephew and couldn’t do anything wrong. Elaine always seemed to target Rose.
“No. Sorry,” Bronx replied before Rose could answer.
It had been a year since the shooting at the courthouse, and although Rose had insisted that Bronx clear things up with his aunt, she wasn’t sure he had entirely done that. Elaine still assumed there was something going on between the two of them, but then again, so did many of the other people in the office.
Rose and Bronx had been a couple in the office members’ eyes ever since the shooting at the courthouse. Bronx had come out to his aunt about the relationship and then he went around and told everyone in the office. Even after Rose tried to deny the relationship was what it seemed, people just liked the idea of it and believed what they wanted to.
The truth of the matter was that for the first time in her life, Rose wasn’t sleeping with anyone. She didn’t have Bronx as her boy toy, and she wasn’t with Noah either, and the result was that she was happier than she had ever been. Not only was she doing great at work and winning almost all of her cases, but Rose felt more in control of her life than she had felt in years.
She still flirted and had fun with the men in her life, and she hoped that someday she would be ready for more. But for the time being, she was single and content with where life had brought her. The idea of a real relationship still scared her to death, but so did the idea of being lonely for the rest of her life. Rose knew she needed to move forward.
Life as a second-year law associate wasn’t all that much better than being a first-year associate. The main b
enefit was that she had a cubical of her own now and didn’t have to share the downstairs conference room with three other people. She got some of her own cases and still worked on cases with more senior associates. But most of her cases were in collaboration with Bronx, Stewart, and Shamus. The four of them had come a long way together and seemed to work well under pressure as a group. Sometimes, it was two of them or three, and even all four of them that were assigned to a case together.
As the meeting finished, Noah motioned for Rose to come to his office. Instant dread filled her. She hadn’t meant to distract everyone during the meeting, but even Noah had to admit those staff meetings were of no use and totally dull. Reluctantly, she followed Noah to his office.
Things between the two of them had settled back into the way they had been before she had arrived at the law firm. They flirted when they were around each other but then didn’t talk to each other for days at a time. Noah was a friend, and although Rose knew there was much more than just friendship between them, the fear of ruining what they had kept her away from him. Even in the desperate days that followed her hospital stay, Rose was grateful that Noah and she were friends and nothing more.
If she kept Noah as a friend, he would always be there. The fear of losing him was gone, and she liked that. But every now and then, Rose thought about what life could be like if they let things move further. Was she giving up her ‘happily ever after’ because she was afraid? She really didn’t know, but Rose could only handle one major change at a time, and currently she was at her max level as she navigated life without her boy toys on the weekends.
“I’m sorry for talking to Bronx during the meeting,” she said before even reaching Noah’s office.
“Elaine’s not happy lately; you and Bronx need to cool it a bit in the meetings.”
“I know, but they are so horrifically boring. Do I really need to go to them? I swear I haven’t gathered one useful piece of information in all of the meetings I’ve attended over the last year.”
“Yes, you have to go to them.”
“Fine, is that all boss man?”
“Actually, I was going to put your name in the hat to work with Theodore Stern on a lawsuit that was filed against him and his wife. They don’t trust the lawyers in New York and have asked if we would take the case.”
Rose was excited to have the opportunity to work on any big cases. She knew it was necessary to work her way up in the company, and she had done plenty of work on the small cases. A large lawsuit was exciting, though. It was something new and different, and she would jump at the opportunity.
“Do you even have to ask? Of course I’d love to work on it!”
“Well, there’s a bit of a problem,” Noah said as he looked back toward the conference room where Elaine was still talking with Bronx.
“If it’s working with Bronx, we are great together. There’re no hard feelings after our break up; trust me.”
“Actually, it’s with someone else in the firm. But Elaine wants Bronx to work the case with the third year associate.”
“So why are you asking me?”
“Because Bronx is going to take a sabbatical. He told me earlier this morning, and he’s probably telling Elaine right now.”
“Wait. What? He was serious? I thought he was joking,” Rose said in total surprise.
She really had no way of telling when Bronx was telling the truth and when he was joking. Rose had thought it was weird how well Bronx could keep a straight face when he was joking with her; it made conversations with him a guessing game.
“No, he’s serious. Bronx said he needs to live his life a little and feels pent up here.”
Rose couldn’t help laughing out loud; if anyone felt pent up, it was her. She hadn’t had sex in over three months, and her body was constantly in discord with itself. Rose had tried running, kickboxing, and even hot yoga as a way to relax herself, and nothing was as good as her boy toys had been.
Over the last several years, Rose had used her exciting one-night stands as one of her adrenaline sources. Going to clubs, meeting new and interesting men, it had been just like a drug to her. But as she stopped those behaviors, Rose noticed dealing with life got much harder for her.
“Sorry,” she replied when she saw the stern look on Noah’s face.
“Anyways, I’d like to recommend you, but only if you think you can work with Susan.”
Even the sound of her name had Rose rolling her eyes as she dramatically fell onto Noah’s couch. Susan had been absolutely horrible to Rose her first year at the firm. Although things had calmed down a bit in recent months, Rose really had no desire to work with the woman at all. Susan was a self-absorbed woman basher, and Rose could go her whole career without working with that woman and be perfectly happy.
The problem was, Theodore Stern was one of the richest men in New York. His legal history was fascinating to Rose, and she was dying to get the chance to work with the man. The dilemma was real, and she let her head fall into her hands as she thought through the situation.
“So on one hand, I have a dream client with a big lawsuit that he will be eternally grateful for when I win it for him. On the other hand, I have the biggest bitch in the firm. This isn’t really a fair fight.”
“Don’t take the job if you can’t work with Susan. Elaine will eat you alive if she puts the two of you together and you can’t behave. She values professionalism, and if you start becoming known as that woman who can only work with male lawyers, it won’t suit you well in your career here.”
Rose really didn’t know what to do. She wanted to take the job, but the idea of working with Susan was horrifying. Not only would it be difficult to have to see the woman every day of the week, but Rose felt like things could go horribly wrong.
“If you put it that way, maybe I shouldn’t take it,” Rose said as she looked at Elaine arguing with Bronx.
“On the other hand, if you and Susan can get along, and you can win the case, well, that’s going to show Elaine that you are truly a woman who can control her emotions. She values that and really wants a woman to be a partner someday with us.”
His words were like a drug to Rose’s ears. She had replayed the possibility of becoming a partner in her head many times and hadn’t figured out what it was that would finally win Elaine over. This might be just the opportunity she was looking for, but Rose wasn’t sure she could control herself around Susan. The woman had been so horrible and downright rude to her; it would be a miracle if Rose didn’t punch her in the face during their first meeting.
“I can do it. Get me on the case,” Rose said with as much fake confidence as she could muster.
She would just have to make it work. There were no other options. If Rose wanted to move up in the firm, she had to show Elaine, and everyone else, that she was a powerful woman, who could control herself even in horrible situations. Surely, working with Susan couldn’t be all that terrible. Rose had even seen her in the coffee room the other day, and Susan hadn’t made a single horrible comment to Rose.
It probably wasn’t the best predictor of their future working together, but Rose thought Susan had moved on. For whatever reason, when Rose had started at the firm it had infuriated Susan. But things were different and much calmer now. Instead of fighting, they just totally ignored each other.
“Now don’t go taking this just for your pride. It’s better to know when you can’t handle something than to take it and bomb.”
“I thought you were on my side.”
“I am,” Noah said as he sat down next to Rose. “I’m always on your side. I just won’t be able to defend you if you punch Susan in the face.”
“Hey, how did you know that was what I was thinking of doing?” Rose laughed.
“This is serious. You’ll need to get along with her, so make sure you are ready for everything that this entails before you say yes.”
“I’m not a child, Noah. I understand how to get along with my co-workers when I have to. Have a litt
le faith in me,” Rose said as she gently grabbed Noah’s hand. “I’m great with the ladies,” she winked at him.
Noah looked down at their hands, but he didn’t move at all. The electricity between the two of them was undeniable. Even when they had stayed away from each other for weeks, Rose felt it too. But pulling her hand away would be too obvious, so Rose let their hands continue to embrace.
It felt good to be close to Noah. When she was around him, it felt like home and the thought of losing that was terrifying to her. She had already lost one love of her life, and she couldn’t lose Noah too. Their relationship wasn’t strained, and Rose wanted to keep it that way. Being friends wasn’t as good as being in a relationship together, but it was enough for Rose at that moment in her life.
“I’ll go to bat for you if it’s what you want,” Noah finally replied as he looked up at Rose.
“Yes, it’s what I want. I have to move up. I can’t just stand still, and this is my way to the next floor. Both literally and figuratively. I promise I’ll behave myself.”
“I’ve heard you are good with the ladies when you want to be,” Noah joked.
“Hey, that was a onetime incident in college.”
“Still,” Noah laughed as he shot her a side glance. “Maybe you could win her over with your incredible skills.”
“If she were the last woman on earth, you wouldn’t convince me to lick her peach. How about we look for me to be nice enough that she doesn’t punch me and restrained enough that I don’t punch her.”
“Well, that’s another way of going about it.” Noah laughed and finally pulled his hand away from Rose. “Look out, Elaine’s on her way.”
Noah stood up and opened his door as Elaine approached. The anger in her eyes was palpable, and Rose could only hope that it wasn’t focused on her. She couldn’t think of anything she had done that would be particularly hurtful to Elaine. Surely, her little talking spell in the meeting hadn’t gotten Elaine that worked up.
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