She frowned, considering his words. “Are you saying you can’t feel or that you won’t?”
“Both. Neither. The point is that whatever is lacking enabled me to drain Mary to the point of death. And don’t forget, I was only a few days removed from being a human. Only one thing stopped me.”
“What was that?”
“What was left of my conscience.”
Her forehead furrowed as she tried to understand. “Are you telling me that you have no conscience left?”
“No,” he denied, ready to tear his hair out in shreds. He stormed over to her, then stopped, wanting desperately to reach out and hold her and know that everything would be all right. But it wouldn’t. “I’m telling you what little conscience I do have left may not save you. Or sustain you.”
She didn’t answer right away. “Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”
“Yes. And no.”
That made her rear back in surprise. “I think you’d better explain.”
“It’s rather simple. A vampire is as close to an inanimate object as a living being can be.”
“Says you.”
He threw her a look and continued. “Vampires have no feelings, no emotions, and they don’t expect to have any. They are pure selfishness, not because they want to hurt others but because they don’t see themselves as selfish. They live to survive.”
He paused to find he wasn’t getting through to her. So he added, “Look at Hunter. He’d have had no trouble killing you when you first met.”
She gave him a weary smile that said she knew something he refused to see. “But what about now, Chaz? What about now?”
He shrugged and refused to answer.
“Don’t you see? Hunter’s changed. Not a ton, I’ll grant you that. But for the better.”
“He’s a vampire, Stacy. And so am I. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“But he’s learned to respect me as a human being,” she said. “And he’s smart enough to know that there are other humans in the world that can be beneficial to vampires.”
Could they coexist? It was the question that haunted him. It was the question that became the key to whether or not he had a future with Stacy.
Very slowly, Stacy undid the first two buttons on her shirt. The sight tantalized with promise. But then he watched as she lifted the silver chain and cross from around her neck.
“This belongs to you. I think it saved my life with the rogue. I could be wrong because all bets are off when it comes to them. But it doesn’t belong to me. I want you to keep it.” She held out her hand and dropped the chain in his palm. “Because it represents all the good and all the bad in our future.”
A future he now knew he wanted very badly. He closed his palm around the metal, and a voice came to him out of the past. A conversation with Mick. His mentor. His friend. On a night much like this night, with a hint of promise in the air.
* * *
“You, my young friend, are unique,” Mick told him.
He frowned, having no idea what Mick was talking about. “How so?”
“Of all of us, you have come closest to becoming rogue. Of all of us, you have the most understanding of what that feels like.”
Terror gripped his insides. Dark memories flooded his brain. “Which is why they must be destroyed.”
Mick nodded in agreement. But a curious gaze caught his. “Do you not feel pity, my apprentice?”
“Yes, of course, I do. But pity is a human emotion. Vampires lose their humanity when they turn. And to some extent, we have as well. Even you and I.”
“Perhaps.”
Chaz remembered his heartfelt sigh. “And now, as centuries turn into more centuries, it seems as though my emotions are becoming harder and harder to find.”
“Aye,” his mentor nodded. “That is true. But must it always be so?”
* * *
At the time, Chaz thought long and hard about that question. He wanted to believe that he retained part of his humanity, that there was goodness still left inside him despite what he’d done and been forced to do since. That he could make up for his mistake by keeping humans and vampires safe from a greater evil.
But the sad truth was he was still a vampire, and that would never change. So he told Mick the truth. “As long as we remain vampires, I believe it does.”
Now Stacy was asking him that very question. He’d thought nine hundred plus years had destroyed the very essence she was seeking. And yet, stubborn as it was, the will to live not simply exist, the desire to do the right thing, the goodness inside him refused to be destroyed. Like a plant in the desert, it kept adapting, changing, shrinking and growing, whatever it needed to do to survive.
And he realized how wrong he’d been. No matter what they were or had to become, the choice to be good or evil rested inside the individual. As did the strength to resist temptation. But most of all so did the ability to love and be loved.
A great weight lifted off his shoulders. He smiled and opened his arms, knowing he couldn’t stand another second of not holding her. His arms banded about her shoulders, and she burrowed her head deep against his chest.
“You do realize the odds against an ‘us,’ don’t you?”
Her shoulders began to shake. “You mean, besides the rogue stalking me? And young vamps going zombie on you?”
“Yes.”
She lifted her face, and Chaz knew exactly where his emotions were. Better yet, where they’d always been.
Chapter Thirty-One
Chaz
Chaz bent his head. Her lips feathered across his. He wanted to take his time, go slow, and savor the moment. But he couldn’t. It felt like years since he’d last held her in his arms and eons since he’d last kissed her.
“Make the world go away,” she begged. “For just this moment, make the world go away.”
That, at least, he could do.
Chaz bent down and captured her lips with his. She opened her mouth, and his tongue dove inside. She fenced with him, and a fire erupted inside. Part of him wanted this moment to go on forever. His lower half had an altogether different opinion.
The kiss deepened, and they both staggered backward, needing support from absolute free-fall. The kitchen counter finally stopped their progress, allowing them both to come up for air. But only for a moment. They tried to inhale each other. He tightened his arms around her back in his need to become one with her. Her fists kneaded the flesh surrounding his shoulder blades with the same idea in mind. They both broke apart, knowing they were both beyond slow and gentle.
Chaz let his feelings shine through his gaze as it roamed every inch of her face. He traced the outline of her cheek, and jaw with his tongue and she growled with desire. He reared back, knowing there was a forbidden place nearby that he didn’t dare go near yet and focused on the rest of her body instead. He ripped her blouse out of her pants and pushed her bra up to get at her breasts.
His thumb and forefinger worried first one nipple, then the other while he captured her lips again. He swirled his tongue into her mouth, and she moaned. When he tore his mouth from hers, gasping for breath, she wrapped her hands around his neck, but now they sought his flesh too. His shirt buttons popped open one by one, and he couldn’t get over the sensations when she returned the favor.
With trembling fingers, he helped her remove her blouse. Then she reached back with her hand and unsnapped her bra. His inability to get the hang of doing that was damned funny. His answer to her now was a quirk of his lips and a what-did-you-expect-from-a-guy-born-before-the-damn-thing-was-ever-invented look.
She smiled back at him. Chaz knew, at the moment he saw her walk out of the room with Hunter, how much he loved her. He knew she stood up to Sam. He knew most of all, when she insisted she was strong enough to continue with their insane plan, because the thought of losing her, of her not being there, of not putting his arms around her became an emptiness too stark to bear.
That smile, this moment, filled tha
t emptiness back up. In fact, his heart started to overflow. Tears formed in his eyes, something a vampire couldn’t do. Another gift? He wasn’t sure. The only gift he knew was holding her in his arms.
Bending down, Chaz licked his way down the valley of her chest. H then he began to suck on her nipple. She moaned, which did funny things to his insides. He turned his attention onto the other, and her hands started clawing at his belt. Once they reached the prize, he was a goner.
Thoughts of taking her right there on the counter-top entered his mind. But that wasn’t what he wanted to share with her. He wanted warm and, yes, slow had gone out the window a long time ago.
Lifting her up, Chaz carried her into the bedroom. They both undressed with fumbling fingers. They fell onto the bed.
She urged him to roll on top of her, but he wanted to savor one more kiss. He slid his tongue over her lips, and when her mouth opened, he explored every crevice inside. He could feel every beat of her heart, wanted to sink himself into the life within her. But all he could do was sink himself into her flesh and come as close to being alive as he would ever get.
Chaz rolled on top of her and lifted onto his arms. He slipped inside as if he were meant to be there. She wrapped her legs around him, and he held still.
“Stacy, I love you.”
Another hope flared, one that she would return the sentiment. When she didn’t answer right away, a shaft of disappointment seared his guts. What had he expected? That she would simply say she loved him back? That she had automatically followed suit?
Not everyone fell in love at the same time.
What she did do was to draw his head down to hers and give him a searing kiss that left him breathless. He began to move, tried to go slow, but his body was firing on all eights. He spread light kisses all over her face and began to love her. Harder and harder until there was no other reality than the joining of their bodies.
She writhed beneath him, begging for more. He gave it to her. He let his love for her shine through. He brought her to the brink first, then held his breath. He opened his eyes. Her rich, bronze hair scattered in magnificent disarray all over the pillow. Sweat beaded her face. Her head thrashed back and forth. And he watched her shatter completely. For him.
Then his own release followed. He cried out as the reflex of his body pumped into hers. He moved until every pulse was gone, reveling in the sensation, until he collapsed on top of her.
Chaz pulled out of her knowing what he had to do.
But that would mean trusting himself. Could he do that? After being the cause of Mary’s death? After trying to absolve himself for over nine hundred years?
He dared not open his eyes for fear she would see.
Terrible memories surfaced. Watching Mary grow haggard and frail. But most of all, seeing the light of life die in her eyes. She’d always remained young to him because of her soul. She loved to tease, she lived in the moment, and she took pleasure wherever she could despite their meager existence.
On a night he’d rather forget, Chaz took that all away from her. Because he had no willpower. Could he find it within himself to flirt with the brink of disaster now that he’d found the one true love of his life?
Stacy was willing to lay down her life to save his. Could he do any less?
With his head on her chest and her heartbeat pounding in his ear, could he resist the temptation and not cross the point of no return?
He thought back to the rest of the conversation he’d shared with Mick that night.
“I would answer your question with one of my own. Can the most terrible of acts, the taking of another life, ever be redeemed?”
Mick shrugged. “I do not know, but every day I exist, I seek that redemption.”
Now was the time to find out the truth of that answer.
A core of steel formed inside his being. Chaz knew he’d have to be stronger than he ever thought possible to do what he’d set his mind to do.
He lifted his head and pinned Stacy’s hands to the bed as he shifted his body up a little. Then he began nuzzling his way over to her lips. He seared his way through her mouth, plundering, tasting, and invading until she was breathless. Her body writhed beneath his seeking a satisfaction only he could give.
He tore his mouth away and sought first one breast, then the other, but these were not light kisses, they were demands. He sucked, he teased, and he worried her nipples. He even bit them a little until she became a wild woman underneath his body.
Then he spread her legs. Letting go of her arms, he captured her thighs so she couldn’t move. He lifted her core to his tongue and lathed the outer regions then plunged into the furnace that awaited him. She cried out, but she was nowhere near where he wanted her to be. Not yet.
He lapped at her nub until she reached the brink then backed off, kissing and licking the inside of her thighs until she cooled off. He repeated the stroke until she was nearly mindless, begging him to take her, growling out demands he finally wanted to meet.
Without waiting, he let go but kept his hands under her legs. He centered himself at her core and thrust his shaft deep inside, holding her captive. Her legs wrapped around his back and he pinioned her hands again against the bed. He began to thrust, so hard she would have moved up the bed if he hadn’t held her steady. She began to build, he could see it in the tension in her face. As she did, he responded to the call inside his own body.
Chaz let the river of her blood pound with the beat of his heart. He could hear the rush of the fluid, taste the coppery tang on the tip of his tongue.
Just as she reached her pinnacle, Chaz sank his incisors into her neck. The sensation floored him. Her life ran into his, singing through his veins. Energy flooded his system, and as she screamed her release, he reached his. He pushed and pumped as her blood became his as he drank. He had to drain her to the brink and then stop. Because he knew it was what he had to do.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Stacy
Something was wrong. Stacy couldn’t right herself. The world kept spinning out of control.
“I’m sorry, Stacy.”
Her body still pulsed with the aftershocks of an amazing orgasm, but she couldn’t get the room to balance, she felt drunk, higher than a kite. Damn him, he’d used the thrall.
“I won’t let you sacrifice yourself for something you should never have been involved in.”
“You won’t what?” Stacy tried to lift her head. The room tilted when she did. “You bastard,” she cried, realizing what he’d done. “You…you didn’t…”
Such sadness. After such pleasure. “Not exactly.”
Stacy tried to gather her thoughts. As she did, he covered her with a sheet and rose. She’d never seen such steely determination in his face before. “You’re going after him by yourself.”
“To keep you safe.”
“That’s not your choice.”
“It is now. I drank enough of your blood so you won’t get out of this bed and try to be a hero.”
“Did you really think that was my only motivation? That I was doing this to be a hero?”
He stared down at her, his gaze unchanged. “You’ll be all right after you sleep it off. Go to sleep.”
“No, I won’t.”
She struggled to sit up and fell back onto the bed, too weak to get up. She tried again, only to have the room spin out of control.
“Why?” she asked, her thoughts a mass of contradictions.
“Because I love you.”
She watched Chaz turn on his heel and leave the room. She had to close her eyes again to get the room to stop spinning. She could hear him throwing his clothes on in the other room. Then she heard him stop in the doorway.
“I’ll never forgive you,” she said, her tone flat and her stare hard as she opened them. He was leaning against the doorjamb. He looked anything but nonchalant.
“I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you. So we’re even.”
She read the regret in his gaze an
d pushed it away.
“You’ll never pull it off without me.”
“Guess I’m gonna have to try.” He lifted off the doorjamb, turned, and walked out of the house.
“You are such a man, Charles Tower,” she cried out after him, slamming her hand down on the bed, which didn’t do much for her head.
Chaz had forgotten exactly who he was dealing with. She might be weak and woozy, but she was smarter than him any day of the week. There was no way she was going to get up at this moment, so resting came first. She closed her eyes, picturing Chaz in her head. Damn him! He had no right. This was her fight just as much as it was his. She’d put herself out there for him. The least he could do was respect that.
Not quite sure how much time passed, Stacy finally felt the world begin to steady. She lifted her head off the pillow and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. The room tilted. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and then opened them—one step at a time. First, an ice-cold shower, a fast scrub dry, clean clothes, and yes, a short rest on the side of the bed. After that, she made it to the kitchen using the walls as a guide to get there. Then a bottle of Gatorade, the last few swallows joined a double dose of her iron supplement to put some life back in her veins.
Then another rest in a kitchen chair. That freaking vampire! Stacy ended up having to put her head between her knees for a couple of moments. He was going to get more than an earful when she found him. She lifted up. The room swam a little then just started to rock. Okay. How about some coffee? Caffeine would certainly help. After finishing half a mug, Stacy started to feel more like herself again.
She looked at the wall clock in her kitchen. The process took longer than she wanted, but a couple of hours later, at least she was on her feet. Functional? That remained to be seen.
Stacy knew where Chaz was going and drove as fast as she dared; the other cars’ movement tended to make her dizzy. She stopped at a convenience store for another cup of coffee and decided she needed another dose of sugar. A package of cupcakes did the trick. She got back in the car and drove until she reached the warehouse.
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