by Devney Perry
“We’ve had one kind-of date, Jess. And I wouldn’t call us friends.”
“Because we’re not just friends.”
“I’m not dating you. I don’t even like you. Find someone else to keep you company at the café.”
“You like me. Can see it in your eyes when you look at me.”
“Physically, yes. But personally, you’re a jackass.”
He yanked the truck to the side of the road.
“What are you—” I started but Jess reached across the cab, grabbed me at the back of the neck and slammed his mouth down on mine.
I wanted to protest, I really did. To push him away and assert myself so he knew that he couldn’t just dazzle me with his looks and muddle me with his kisses.
But he totally could.
And the jackass knew it too.
At first, his lips were hard as he unloaded his frustration into the kiss. Because I was mid-sentence, my mouth was open, so he took the opportunity to push his tongue inside. Frozen for a moment, I sat there as he ravaged my mouth with his tongue.
But once the initial shock passed, I melted into him, my fingers trailing across his forearms, feeling the muscles I had been longing to touch.
We kissed for a while, me leaning across the console, until the space was too much and he reached over and unbuckled my seat belt. Then he pulled me across the cab, never once breaking his mouth away from mine.
Settling onto his lap, my legs straddled his muscled thighs. The air in the truck was scorching. Our tongues dueled and our teeth nipped at each other’s lips. His hands framed my face to pull me closer and I slanted my head so he could have full access to my mouth.
I framed his neck with my hands as we went at each other with abandon for what felt like hours. His hands traveled from my face to my shoulders, down to my ribs, barely grazing my breasts before settling on my hips. He pulled me even tighter into him and as his hardness pressed against my core, wave after wave of heat pulsed through my body.
We broke away at the sound of a passing vehicle, our heads flying up to watch the car streak by. I was struggling to catch my breath and my heart was still pounding when I turned back to look down at Jess.
“Damn, baby. You can kiss,” he said.
I let my head fall forward so my forehead was resting on his. I could not believe that just happened. I just kissed the most perfectly handsome man I had ever seen in my life and it was effing incredible, like nothing I had ever felt before.
“We’re gonna see where this goes between us.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
“Okay.” I mean, what else was there to say? That kiss was life changing. From now until the end of my life, I would compare all first kisses with his. And I doubted any man in my future would ever measure up.
He lifted me at the waist and I climbed back into my seat, still dizzy.
I wasn’t sure exactly what to make of Jess. He was a lot all rolled into one confusing hot guy. He’d been a gentleman. He’d been playful at dinner, teasing me and making me laugh. When confronted with Wes, he’d acted as my protector.
But then as soon as I had disagreed with him, he’d turned into a jackass. Ordering me around. Not listening to what I was telling him. And instead of talking it all out, he’d manhandled me onto his lap and kissed the living daylights out of me.
Not that I was complaining about the kiss. I’d be okay with one of those every day for the rest of my life.
Damn.
Why had I let him kiss me? I shouldn’t have let him win the argument. I should have pushed away. I was effing confused.
I had hoped that by going to dinner with Jess, I would have a better idea of what he was up to. Learn more about his ever-changing moods. Unfortunately, I hadn’t learned a thing except what I had already suspected. Jess and I had some major chemistry.
As we turned onto the gravel drive, he said, “Need to come out and do the mowing tomorrow.”
“No, that’s okay. I’ve got a mower and can take care of it. There’s no need for you to continue taking care of the farmhouse.”
“Be there some time in the afternoon to take care of it. Around three or four. It’ll make me mad if you do it before I get there.”
“Really, I can do it.”
He grabbed my hand off my lap and laced his fingers between mine. “I am doing the lawn. Just let me take care of it, okay? Cook me dinner as a thank-you.”
“Fine. If you want to get all sweaty and gross mowing my lawn, be my guest,” I said.
Wait. What?
I’d given in again! Not that I wanted to mow the lawn. But two disagreements in a row, and he’d gotten his way.
Usually I had much more willpower. What was wrong with me? It had to be the kiss. My head was still fuzzy. I needed to make sure I didn’t let him kiss me again. But I really wanted him to. Quickly, I thought of an excuse. If I gave into the mowing, I couldn’t give in to dinner.
“I don’t want to have a sitter two nights in a row, so we’ll have to do dinner another time,” I said.
“You got a problem with me meeting your kid?” he asked.
“It’s a bit early. We’ve only gone out once.”
“Right. Dinner tomorrow after I mow. You can decide between now and then how to introduce me to your kid. Either as the town sheriff or something more. Your kid, your call. But as far as the rest of the town is concerned, we’re more.”
I was definitely still messed up from our kiss because once again, even though I had just told myself to stay strong, I didn’t put up any kind of a fight. I just whispered, “Okay.”
The next morning, I was consumed with worry, wondering if Jess coming over was a mistake. Never once had I brought a man home to meet Rowen.
I hadn’t really dated since she was born. When she was a toddler, I’d been set up on two blind dates that had gone so badly, I’d vowed never to be set up again. Since then, I hadn’t met anyone worth seeing. Until Jess.
He showed up around four that afternoon in his non-work uniform of a white T-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes and a faded green baseball hat. Rowen sprinted out the front door and practically attacked him the second he stepped foot outside his truck.
“Are you a police officer?” she asked, bouncing around his legs.
He chuckled. “Yep. I’m the sheriff.”
“That is so cool! Do you catch bad guys and put them in jail?”
“Sometimes.”
Before she could ask her next question, I interrupted, “Rowen, what do we do when we meet new people?”
She looked at me for a second before sticking her little hand out to Jess and reciting, “Hi. My name is Rowen. Nice to meet you.”
Jess took her hand in his. “I’m Jess. Nice to meet you too, Rowen.”
“How does jail work?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.
He smiled at her without answering and then gave me a quick peck on the cheek. Just that little kiss and I was woozy again, swaying a little as I shifted weight from one foot to the other.
Damn.
Jess turned back to Rowen and gave her his undivided attention, answering all her questions regarding jail, bad guys, speeding tickets, badges and police cars. I finally had to pull her away so he could get to work on mowing and we could go inside to start on dinner.
Roe selected the dinner menu of hot dogs wrapped in Grands biscuits, Velveeta shells and cheese, green beans (my requirement) and watermelon.
Dinner conversation was light and easy. Rowen peppered Jess with her “why” questions and when I could finally get a word in edgewise, I asked, “Roe, did you know that Papa Ben was friends with Jess?”
She gave me a long stare but didn’t respond.
Turning back to Jess, she said, “I go to Quail Hollow and my teacher’s name is Miss Billie.”
Jess and I shared a look. It wasn’t lost on him that her reaction to Ben’s mention was odd.
I shrugged and let her change the subject. I wasn’t going to press. Not tonigh
t.
After dinner, Roe showed Jess all around the farmhouse.
I remembered the look he had given me the night I handed him Ben’s letter. The disapproving glare he’d had when I sat on the swing. So all through the tour, I watched him closely, seeing if I could catch a glimpse of the same behavior. I was eyeing him so intently that I tripped twice.
But not once did he let on that he knew the house better than she or I did. And I never got the impression that he felt like we were intruding on his space. That he should have been living here instead of us.
Was I was reading too much into Maisy’s comment about Jess living at the farmhouse? Regardless, I wasn’t ready to trust Jess. His actions earlier in the week had left a mark.
I had given Nate my trust after one night. A colossal mistake. Until I could say with confidence that Jess was not a jackass, I was on high alert.
Around eight o’clock, Jess announced it was time for him to be heading home. Roe and I walked him to his truck, where he knelt to say good-bye to my girl. He caught her chin between his thumb and the side of his index finger.
“I had fun getting to know you tonight, Rowen.”
She gave him a wide, beaming smile and turned to me. “He’s like a prince from my movies. Can Jess be your boyfriend, Mommy?”
“Ah . . . we’ll see.”
It should have made me happy that he was so good with her. That she liked him. And deep down, it did. My heart swelled with warm and fuzzy feelings because he was so sweet to her.
But on the surface I was annoyed. My own daughter had just foiled my plans.
I’d been planning to keep some distance between Jess and Roe, using her as an excuse to control the speed of our relationship. I’d be unavailable for dinner dates because Roe had this or that going on. I’d be busy on the weekend taking Roe out and about. But now that she’d declared her wish for Jess to be my boyfriend, he’d see through all of my excuses.
Jess stood and gave me a knowing grin. “Yeah. We’ll see.”
Unlike my response, it was not a deflection of her question. His was a challenge. He was daring me to try and keep up my walls, block him out. The defiant and determined look in his eyes told me that no matter how many barriers I put in his path, he’d crash them all down.
Eff.
Roe and I stood watching his truck as he drove it down the lane. She waved like a crazy person at his taillights until he was no longer in sight.
She was completely smitten.
And if I was being honest with myself, so was I.
But I wasn’t going to be honest with myself. I was going to keep up my guard, just in case.
Over the next two weeks, Jess and I fell into a comfortable routine.
Phone calls to say hello. Texts to check in. Quick lunches if we both had the time. Dinners at the farmhouse one or two nights a week. Rowen, Jess and I at the café on Friday nights.
Everything I learned about him made me like him more. What Ben, Maisy and Milo had said about him was true. He was a good man.
But I still had reservations about our relationship.
I was just waiting for the inevitable. For him to realize that he could do so much better. He had a good job, was loved by his community and was the most perfectly handsome man I’d ever laid eyes on. I was just . . . me.
I had to be missing something. Maybe if I’d had more dating experience, I would have been able to see past his charming demeanor and beautiful face. But as it was, I hadn’t a clue.
I’d slept with Rowen’s father because of his charisma. That, and I’d been lonely. At the time, my mother’s treatments hadn’t been working and when I wasn’t at work, I was taking care of her. It had been extremely stressful and emotionally draining. So when a hot guy dressed in an expensive tux had started showering me with affection, I had believed he was sincere. It wasn’t until after we’d had sex that Nate showed his true colors.
At least with Jess, I had maintained some sexual distance. The most we’d been doing was kissing.
Every day I reminded myself to proceed carefully. To put some distance between us. To take a step back so I could more objectively judge Jess’s character.
But the trouble was, I couldn’t stay away.
Maybe once I got to know him a little bit more, I’d be able to make sense of Jess Cleary.
And I told myself that when he did dump me, it wouldn’t hurt that much.
The farmhouse property included twenty acres in total. Since I didn’t know what type of creatures roamed the wild areas of Montana, Rowen and I had limited our outdoor explorations to the areas where the grass was short. And I had only spent a few minutes in the barn.
Today I was cleaning it out so I could park the Explorer in there this winter. Eventually I wanted a garage but this year, it wasn’t in the budget.
The barn was an old building. The wood siding had long since lost its original color and was now a battered shade of gray with small patches of brown too stubborn to fade. Rust splotches from old nails dotted the boards.
I heaved open a large paneled door and assessed the room. The main area was spacious and empty. Filthy, but otherwise bare. My sandaled feet were dusty from the inch of dirt covering the floor and my nose was scrunched from the musty smell.
At the back of the barn was an old stall I presumed was built to keep a horse.
I decided that was where I’d start my cleaning. The small stack of moldy, rotting hay bales in the corner was likely the cause of the smell.
Along the stall’s walls were rows of leather straps and ropes. I knew nothing about horses so they were either for riding or bondage. The image of Ben practicing bondage jumped into my head involuntarily and I gagged.
I struggled to picture happy thoughts. Anything to replace the icky image in my mind’s eye.
I was so focused on lollipops, unicorns, butterflies and rainbows, I wasn’t paying too much attention to anything else. When I bent to pull a moldy bale away from the wall, I heard a quick hiss, which was followed by a sharp, blinding pain in my right forearm.
What the hell? That effing hurt!
I gasped and pulled my arm to my chest as a rattlesnake darted out in front of me. I stumbled backward and nearly fell on my ass.
Oh my god, there is a rattlesnake in the barn!
Holy shit! You just got bit by a rattlesnake!
It was probably about three feet long and as wide as a baseball bat. In the second it took me to realize what had happened to my arm, it had slithered into the corner and coiled in on itself. Its head was poised a foot off the ground, hissing through hideous fangs dripping venom. Its tail was sticking straight in the air, rattling with abandoned fury.
It was warning me that it was ready to strike again.
And it didn’t need to warn me twice.
I regained my footing and backed out of the stall, then whipped around and ran toward the barn doors as fast as my flip-flopped feet could go.
Did snakes chase people? Running as fast as I could, I cursed myself for choosing flip-flops instead of tennis shoes. Because of my poor footwear selection, I was going to be eaten by the biggest rattlesnake on the planet.
I hit the barn door and glanced over my shoulder.
I relaxed marginally when I saw it wasn’t chasing me.
My arm was really starting to throb and blood was running toward my fingers. It was either the poison or the adrenaline coursing through my veins, but my vision started to blur and my head was swimming.
I needed to get it together. I needed to get to the hospital. I needed to slow down my heart rate so the poison wouldn’t spread too fast.
I needed to effing breathe.
So I forced myself to take two extremely long and slow breaths before moving away from the barn and walking straight to the house.
By some miracle, I’d had the foresight to keep Rowen out of the barn while I was cleaning. She was currently reenacting Sleeping Beauty with a couple of dolls in the front yard.
“Rowen!�
� I screamed, rushing toward the house.
She looked at me and knew instantly something was very, very wrong. A look of sheer terror came over her face and she went ghostly white.
I was clutching my arm to cover the bite mark but my face was pale and my eyes were wide. I wasn’t hiding my fears from her.
“Get in the car, baby girl,” I said as calmly as I could, which meant it came out shaky and a little too loud.
“Mommy?” Her lower lip started to quiver and tears started pooling in her eyes.
“I’m okay, sweetie. Just do as I say, okay? Quick, get in the car and buckle yourself into your seat.”
She nodded and I passed her running to the car as I jogged into the house. I took two seconds in the entryway to stop and think through what I needed.
Keys. Purse. Phone.
I grabbed them all and hightailed it back to the car. After glancing over my shoulder to confirm Roe was strapped in, I threw the car in drive and flew down the driveway to the hospital.
I didn’t freak out. I didn’t cry.
I just drove. Fast.
“All set, Gigi. Try and relax.”
“Thanks, Everett.”
He had just finished putting an IV into my arm that would administer an anti-venom plus some morphine for the pain. The puncture marks on my arm were covered with gauze and I was praying they wouldn’t leave much of a scar.
Because every time I thought about that snake, I shivered. To say I was terrified of snakes was an understatement. Bugs, rodents, heights. Totally fine by me.
Snakes?
No thank you.
I didn’t want to be reminded of this incident for years because of two circular scars.
I’d been in the ER for about ten minutes and was going to need to sit there and let the medications do their work for an hour.
Ida was working in the ER today, and since it was slow, she’d taken Roe to get a snack and walk around a bit while Everett tended to me. He was the weekend’s on-call doctor and luckily, he was already in the building when I arrived so I hadn’t waited long to be treated.
This was a very good thing. Because I had firmly held it together on the drive into town and when explaining my situation to Ida, but as I was getting set up in the ER bed, the adrenaline was leaving my system and pain was taking the spotlight.
