by Holly Bourne
“It started with a girl, and it’s ending with a girl, and the happily-ever-after is you.”
He sang beautifully, or maybe that’s just how I remember it. I mean, a girl is hardly going to sit through a song written specifically for her and say, “Hey, Reese, you didn’t quite hit that high E.” I cried with joy all the way through, and I can say, with some certainty, it’s the most romantic thing that’s ever happened to me. In that moment, I really, honestly believed he was The One. I believed his song. I believed his “I love you”. I believed I was his happily-ever-after. Everyone politely clapped when Reese finished and he ran over to kiss me once more. Despite being more in love than I ever knew possible, I turned it into a peck, aware of my parents in the audience.
The sound guy had cranked up some background music. We looked up, dazed, and saw a lot of the crowd had dissipated. People were mingling around, queuing at the bar, going out for air before the big gig started. Only a few determined fans remained at the front – one letting out a half-hearted whoop as we left the stage.
The “I love you” had set off a lust bomb though, and we kissed again the moment we were backstage. Reese pushed me against a wall and devoured me with his mouth. I couldn’t get close enough to him. I wanted to merge our skin, press myself into him until I imprinted.
“Oh, so now you kiss me properly,” he said. “Unlike Little Miss Prude back there.”
“I love you and I’m sorry,” I gasped, really meaning every word, and kissing him harder so he’d believe me.
We were eventually interrupted by Mike yelling, “GET A ROOM!” We pulled apart to find him beaming at us. “Dude – you pulled it off!” he said to Reese, giving him a triumphant high five.
“Mike was the one who let me gatecrash the stage,” Reese explained.
Mike punched his own heart through his chest. “What can I say? I’m a romantic. So…” He turned to me. “You love this guy?”
I nodded, feeling the tears threaten to fall again.
“Well, that’s just beautiful. Hold on to it, guys. Never take love for granted. Great set, by the way,” he added, giving me my own high five.
I wasn’t just on Cloud Nine as we walked back to my dressing room. I was on Clouds Ten, Eleven, Fifty, Gazillion… I had the penthouse apartment of clouds! My cloud had a view of the whole city and a rainforest shower in the en-suite.
We fell back through the door, kissing like it was about to be made illegal. I felt giddy with euphoria. I had to keep pulling away from him to throw my head back with laughter.
“What’s so funny?” he kept asking.
“Nothing. I just love you.”
“And I love you.”
“I, like, really love you.”
His grin. God, his grin. “And I really love you.”
“This is crazy. We hardly even know each other,” I said.
“When you know, you just know.”
We said it back to one another, again and again. Letting all the ones we didn’t say before come gurgling up from where they’d been suppressed. I cried again a little bit, and Reese burst out laughing.
“Was my song really that bad?” And I laughed. “Seriously?” he pressed. “Did you like the chord structure? I think the second verse needs a tiny bit more work, but I didn’t have much time to write it. I mean, I only got the idea to do this yesterday. And I’d only written half of it by then.”
Between kisses, he told me all about how he’d pulled it off, and how Rob had filmed it for YouTube.
“Oh god, please don’t let him upload it,” I groaned. “I’ll die of embarrassment.” I also got a twinge of panic that Alfie would see it.
His face hardened, so slightly it was hardly noticeable. “You embarrassed of me?”
“What? No!” I shook my head with full force. “I’m just shy, you know. Can’t it just stay our moment?”
“You’re not shy. You just sang to a room full of people.”
“Yeah, but it almost killed me.”
There was a knock at the door, rupturing what felt like the start of a potential argument. Our first ever argument. I felt ill suddenly, like the stage fright had returned.
Don’t upset him. Why have you upset him? Don’t ruin such an amazing night. What’s wrong with you?
“Yes?” I called out.
Dad’s Yorkshire accent floated through the door. “It’s your proud parents! We’re here to undeniably cramp your style.” He didn’t even wait for me to say “Come in” – he just walked in, with Mum alongside, clutching a bouquet of yellow roses.
“Mum! Dad!” I ran over and they pulled me into a giant hug.
“I’m so proud of you, pet. So proud. I kept telling everyone in the crowd that you’re my daughter. Some of them go to college with you.”
I broke off the hug to smack my hand to my forehead. “Oh god, because that’s not going to cramp my style AT ALL.”
Mum crossed her arms, smiling. “Hey, I grew you for nine months and then pushed you out of my body. It hurt. We’re allowed to cramp your style whenever the hell we want.”
Dad spotted him behind me. “And you must be Reese,” he said, striding past to say hello. He was behaving rather normally considering I only revealed Reese’s existence the night before, quickly saying, “So, I’ve got a new boyfriend called Reese down here. He’s really nice and he’s in a band, and I’m really happy and don’t want to talk about it.”
Reese took off his hat, like we were in the actual olden times. For a second, I honestly thought he was going to bow. “Nice to meet you.” He reached out to shake Dad’s hand.
“You too. That was, umm, quite the display you put on tonight.”
Dad said it neutrally enough, but my stomach twisted. I knew instantly from his tone that Dad didn’t approve of what had just gone down. Grand gestures and simple Yorkshiremen weren’t natural allies.
“What can I say? I’m a huge fan of your daughter,” Reese said.
“She did very well tonight, didn’t she?”
“Oh yes, she did. Brilliant. She was brilliant.”
And, you know what? I wonder sometimes. If you’d ever have mentioned how well I did, or even brought up my gig at all, if Dad hadn’t said something.
Mum got a full-blown Reese charm offensive. “Lovely to meet you… You must be so proud… I know how much Amelie adores you both… Didn’t she do well?… So you grew up around here, did you? Whereabouts?… Oh, my auntie lives near there… It’s got that weird clock, hasn’t it?… Yep, that’s the one…such a charming area.”
I love you, I thought, watching him speak. I love you, I love you, I love you. And you love me back.
There was yet another knock at the door and Hannah and Jack appeared on the threshold. “YOU WERE SO GOOD!” she screamed, running over and flinging herself at me, while Jack nodded.
“Yeah, excellent show, Amelie,” he added.
“You couldn’t tell you were nervous at all!” Hannah said. “I was telling Jack about all your vomming, and he couldn’t believe it because you came across so confident.”
“You’re making me blush.” I pulled her in for another hug. “But thank you. And thank you for being my shrink earlier.”
“Happy to help.”
I beckoned my parents over. “Mum, Dad, these are my friends from college, Hannah and Jack.” They all introduced themselves in a friendly clump.
Hannah, it turned out, was one of those people instantly at one with speaking to grown-ups. This different voice came out as she shook their hands. “Lovely to meet you,” she said. “Wasn’t Amelie fab? Oh yes, we’re in the same form group. Yes, I do Drama…”
The four of them starting talking, leaving Reese and me to fling ourselves together again. He pulled me in for a teddy-bear hug.
“So, you’ve met my parents,” I said, stroking his cheek with my finger.
“They’re lovely. Your dad has the most northern accent of all time though. I thought yours was strong… Man.”
I gigg
led and faux-hit him, just as the loud strums of Mike’s opening chord rippled backstage. Cheers from the arena thrummed through the air like a Mexican wave. The Contenders were starting.
Reese squeezed my hand. “Come on, let’s go watch the show. Rob and the others have saved us a spot at the front.”
Dad had already hilariously put his hands over his ears, complaining about “this racket”, and Mum looked like she was sucking multiple lemons.
“I think it’s time the old people left the building.” She came over to kiss me on the cheek. “Congratulations again, honey. We’re so proud. And it was nice to meet you, Reese.”
He tipped his hat. “You too.”
Her lips pursed, if only for a moment. Maybe I imagined it, or maybe it was because they were such Alfie fans and still struggling to digest this new plot line. I hugged them both goodbye, and after they left, the four of us were left standing in an awkward little circle.
“Right,” Reese said. “Shall we go watch the show?”
He tugged me after him, and we all followed through the maze of corridors back to the gig. We squeezed past the barriers, and spotted Rob and the band, who high-fived us as we squidged in. The music cracked loud, my eardrums already buzzing. A few people recognized me from my show and came up and congratulated me.
“THAT WAS SO ROMANTIC,” one girl from college yelled into my ear. “YOU ARE SO LUCKY.”
I nodded because, right then, I was – the luckiest girl in the whole goddamned world. Reese passed me a hip flask of something strong and scorchy and I grinned and swigged more than I should have. He took a sip too, keeping eye contact with me as he did. Then he wiped his mouth and kissed me and kissed me and kissed me until at least two songs had passed and Rob threw an empty plastic cup at our heads. We broke apart and he stood behind me, his arms wrapped possessively around my waist. Occasionally he would just kiss the top of my head and it would melt all my insides into goo. I couldn’t focus on the music, or the vibe, or the people telling me how well I’d done. I couldn’t focus on anything other than I loved Reese and Reese loved me and, somehow, on this spinning orb crammed full of broken humans, we’d managed to find one another, and now the chaos of the universe made sense.
I kept sipping from the hip flask. Warm and fuzzy from alcohol and love, my face glowed red and I couldn’t stop smiling. I remember thinking, Nothing can ruin this. Which is a silly thing to think really, because the moment you have such a thought, the world goes, Oh, you think, do you?
“I’m dying for a wee,” Hannah yelled into my ear after the band had been on an hour or so.
Her saying it made me realize I was desperate too.
“So am I.”
In true girl fashion, it didn’t need discussing that we would go to the loo together. I unpeeled myself from Reese while Hannah waited impatiently, her arms crossed. Then we wove through the crowds, apologizing as we asked to be let through. The cooler air hit us as we pushed into the lobby and the band’s music faded to thumps.
“I’m worried about leaving Jack with all that lot,” Hannah said as we followed signs to the ladies. “But I’m actually busting.”
“They’re really okay.”
“Hmm.”
That was the first rupture. That “Hmm”. Annoyance rippled across my skin. We pushed into the empty bathroom and I could still just hear the music as we both peed and flushed. When I came out of my cubicle, Hannah was reapplying her lipstick in the mirror.
“You seriously need to sort your face out,” she said.
My hand went to my chin and my eyes went to my reflection. Red lipstick was smeared across the entire bottom half of my head. It looked like I had face scabies.
“Oh my god, I’m so glad it was dark in there,” I said, before realizing something else and smacking my forehead. “Shit! Was my face like this when my parents were here?”
Hannah laughed and nodded. “Yes! I tried to make eye signals, but you were too busy making gooey eyes at Reese.”
“Oh god. I’m going to die.”
“It’s fine. Just wipe it off, and I’ll reapply for you.”
I soaked some loo roll and got to work rubbing my face clean. The lipstick was surprisingly hard to remove, and Hannah giggled as I scoured myself like I was a grill pan with food stuck on it.
“I’m not sure I want to go through that again,” I said, as she launched towards me with her lipstick bullet.
“Just stop making out so much, then it will be fine.”
She instructed me to open my mouth again and leaned forward as she repainted my lips. With only my top lip done, she pulled away and tilted her head.
“Are you alright?” she asked quietly.
“Me? Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“It’s just, what Reese did. You’re handling it really well, but you can talk to me about it if you want. I mean, it was such a dick move.”
I paused.
Time paused.
I mean, What?
Mistaking my silence for agreement, Hannah rattled on. “I know you’re loved up, but did he have to gatecrash your big moment? And make it all about him? I’d be livid! I wanted to run onto the stage and yank him off. Bless you. You were so good at pretending you didn’t care—”
“Because I didn’t care,” I interrupted. “I love him. It was a beautiful thing to do.”
She raised both eyebrows. “Really?”
My pinpricks of annoyance morphed into giant oozing holes of anger. How dare she? I stuck out my bottom lip like a stubborn child. “Yes, really.”
Jealous. She was just jealous – of Reese and me, of what we had. Yeah, she and Jack seemed into each other enough, but I’d been in one of those slow-burn, we’ve-been-friends-first relationships too, and, though things with Alfie felt safe and cute, they were nothing, nothing, like how I felt about Reese. It was beginner’s love. Slow-lane love. Love with training wheels on. It was dipping your toe into the shallow end of the pool, whereas Reese and I had jumped off a cliff into a giant sea of love.
And of course she didn’t leave it, even though it was so obvious she should.
I stand here in the drizzle, looking up at the drab exterior of where a fairy tale came true but a new friendship floundered. I clench my fists, still angry at Hannah for not leaving it. Still angry at her for…being…
…right about you.
Hannah was so right about you.
Everyone was so right about you. Apart from me.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” Hannah pressed. “That out of all the moments to tell you he loves you, he chose the one where he can promote his own music?”
I didn’t reply. I was too scared of what would come out of my mouth. I spun and I left, with only one red lip on my face.
“Amelie? Amelie! Come on.”
She followed me out into the lobby just as loud cheers erupted around us, signalling the song finishing.
“AMELIE?”
I stopped and prepared for an apology, not sure if I was ready to receive it. She ran up to me, her lipstick still in her hand.
“Look,” she panted. “I know we don’t know each other very well, and I really didn’t mean to upset you. I’m happy you’re happy, but…I need to warn you about Reese. I don’t think I have properly. Things between you guys have gone so fast and I’ve just not had a chance to talk to you about it, and I’ll kick myself if I hold my tongue. The thing is—”
I put my hand up. “Stop. I don’t want to hear it!”
“You don’t want to hear what I have to say?”
I shook my head. “No.”
Why was she so determined to ruin things? Then it hit me… Hannah must fancy Reese! It all made sense. That’s why she was so horrid about him, why she didn’t approve of our relationship. Even why she was hesitant about getting together with Jack.
“I know you like him,” I said.
It didn’t sound crazy in my head at the time. Though now, in this car park, I almost can’t bear to relive it.
&nb
sp; Hannah’s mouth dropped open into a giant “O”. “Are you kidding?”
“Why else would you be trying to sabotage things?”
“Sabotage? What the fuck? I’m trying to be a good friend!”
“A good friend would be happy for me right now.”
“MORE, MORE!” I heard the crowd shout through the arena doors.
Hannah laughed and started applauding. “Okay, okay. Well then, congratulations. Well done on being upstaged by your WONDERFUL boyfriend on the most important night of your music career. I’m so happy for you that you’re in love with such a selfish twat.”
“Hannah.”
I just said her name. I didn’t know what to add to it.
She looked at me with pity, and shook her head slightly. “Look. I can’t pretend I like him. I actually can’t stand to be around him. You’re cool, Amelie. I don’t know you very well, but you can do better.”
“Please stop talking,” I begged.
“Fine then. I’m going to go rescue Jack.”
She pushed through the solid doors, just as more cheering announced the band had returned. I waited, stunned, for a second, my brain and body trying to catch up with everything that had just happened and all the emotions it triggered.
Anger – that she’d ruined my perfect night.
Confusion – it had all come out of nowhere.
Sadness – as I had no idea where our friendship could go from here.
And…insecurity – what if she was right?
She’d given me a niggle, an itchy piece of sand, and I didn’t like how much it made me want to scratch.
I didn’t scratch the itch though. For reasons I’m still trying to understand, here, in this car park, I closed my eyes and pushed the niggle down into my gut. Because the love of my life was on the other side of those doors, and he’d just made my life like the movies, and you don’t want a piece of grit in a story like that.
I sighed – the sigh that ended a friendship. The only friendship I’d really managed to grow since I arrived. We wouldn’t walk to English together after that day. Hannah was never cruel after that moment, just cold. No more invites to BoJangles or chats about coursework. Just tight smiles when we bumped into one another.
