by Lydia Dare
***
Simon watched the sunlight reflect off Lily's pretty locks as she intently studied the pile of letters before her. He was supposed to be looking at his ledger and tending to his Blackmoor holdings, but none of the entries were nearly as engaging as his wife. As if she felt his stare, she looked up and he averted his eyes to the open pages before him.
"Simon," she said quietly.
"Hmm?" He raised his head, as if he had not been gazing at her for the last ten minutes.
"I don't know some of these names. Do you want me to call them out to you?"
He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. If she wanted to read Cook's grocery bill, he'd readily listen. "Go ahead."
"Phineas Appleton."
"Toss it."
"What if it's important? Shouldn't I look?"
Simon laughed. "I went to school with Appleton. He was a degenerate then, and he still is. He writes once a month wanting me to join some club of his. I'd rather not."
"Have you told him so?"
"One would think my unresponsiveness would be enough of a hint, Lily."
"Apparently not." She waved the letter in the air. "A simple note stating that you are uninterested might stop Mr. Appleton's interest."
No one who wanted Blackmoor money or name would stop hounding him because of a simple note. But it was endearing that his sweet, naïve wife thought it would. "You may pen one, if you'd like. I'm not going to waste my time on Appleton."
She put the letter aside and lifted the next one to her nose. "This one doesn't have a name, but it's drenched in some perfume."
Damn! He hadn't thought about Lily coming across those sorts of letters. Perhaps he should rethink her helping him. Who knew what she might come across? "As I said before, no one who knows me well would send me a letter. Toss it."
"It's from a female admirer."
This was a bit awkward. "Lily, please toss it."
She smiled at him and put it on top of Appleton's letter. "I could write all of your admirers, too, and inform them that you are married now and that your wife goes through your post."
Simon scowled at Lily until her smile vanished.
She cleared her throat. "This is from Lieutenant Schofield. Isn't that the—"
"Let me have it." Simon sat forward with a start. Who knew what Schofield wrote in his letter? He'd really rather Lily not read whatever it was. He'd give her the edited version later.
Lily looked at the letter and then passed it across the desk to him.
Dear Duke of Blackmoor,
I understand from Major Forster that your ward, the Earl of Maberley, will be in attendance at Harrow for the Michaelmas term along with my son, Leo. Forster suggested we bring the lads together before the start of term, so that Maberley will have someone to guide him. I was in Spain with my regiment when Leo began his first term at school. I wish that I had been here for him to help make his transition into the human world easier. We would be honored to assist Maberley with his adjustment.
Perhaps the earl could pay us a visit during the September moonful and give the lads the opportunity to sniff each other. I will await your reply.
Your humble servant,
Lt. Harold Schofield
Reston House,
Guilford, Surrey
Transition into the human world? How did the Schofields normally go about their lives? It was a stroke of luck that he'd been able to snatch the letter from Lily's fingers.
The September moonful. That was the perfect excuse. He could take Oliver to Surrey to experience the change with Schofield, while he returned to the woods of Westfield Hall without Lily knowing. He could tell her he was going to London after dropping Oliver off along the way.
He frowned, realizing he would have to come up with a different excuse once a month for the rest of his life. He was going to have to become much more creative, or he'd run out of ideas before their first anniversary.
"What did he say, Simon?" Lily's voice interrupted his thoughts.
Simon looked up from the letter to find Lily's eyes focused on him. "He'd like for Oliver to come visit them next week. Let the boys get acquainted before the start of term."
"Oh. Well, perhaps the Schofield boy could come here instead."
And have three wolves in close proximity to Lily? Not a chance. "I think it would be rude to turn down Schofield's offer, love. Perhaps we can invite the boy some other time." Like when the moon was in its crescent state.
"But Oliver will be leaving us so soon anyway," she said sadly.
Simon pocketed the note and rose from his seat. He walked around his desk and placed his hands on Lily's shoulders. "It'll just be for a few days. He needs this. It'll give him a bit of confidence to start school with."
She nodded her head. "I know you're right."
"Come on, love. We've been doing this long enough. I asked Cook to prepare a basket for luncheon and thought we could enjoy the grounds."
She smiled at him. "That is a lovely idea."
***
Simon took Lily's hand in his as they walked down the garden path. Lily still had trouble reconciling this Simon with the dangerous Duke of Blackmoor. He had such a bad reputation, and she knew without a doubt that much of it was earned.
Lily worried her bottom lip between her teeth. She couldn't get the thought of all the perfume-scented letters off her mind. Before they'd left his study, he'd scooped up all the letters with feminine scrawl and tossed them into the wastebasket. Why would he do such a thing? He hadn't read them. Did he have something to hide?
She would like to imagine that the letters meant nothing. But how well did she really know him?
Simon squeezed her hand in his. "Is something bothering you?" His eyebrows drew together.
Lily shook her head. "No. Why do you ask?"
"Because, if you chew on that bottom lip any harder, I'll have to take drastic measures." His eyes twinkled at her, the grey depths reflecting happiness and contentment.
"Drastic measures to do what?"
"To protect those lips I love so much. I might have need of them later." He pulled her closer and touched his lips to hers. "Or now," he murmured, then smiled at her.
He spread a blanket on the soft ground and sat, tugging her fingers until she sat with him, then he drew her to sit between his spread knees. She leaned back against him. The body supporting hers was strong and supple. She sighed with contentment. Yet some doubts still nagged at her.
"Out with it, Lily," he said.
Lily took a deep breath and started. "I never thought I would marry, Simon."
"I am very lucky that some other man didn't snatch you from my path years ago."
"No one was ever very interested in me. You are the first."
"Their loss," he murmured.
"I'm sorry you got stuck with me, Simon," she said, turning to look at him. "But I do need to tell you one thing. And it's something you may not like."
Simon tensed behind her, his body at alert. "Continue."
"I watched Emma change after her marriage to Daniel." Simon inhaled behind her. She turned to look at him. "And I don't think I could stand it if you did to me what Daniel did to her."
"Change in what way?" The calm beneath his voice belied the rigid set of his body. "What did he do to her?"
"Emma was always happy and carefree. She laughed readily. She loved with all her heart. And she loved Daniel."
"If I remember correctly, she had his whole heart as well."
"I'm not so sure."
***
Simon took a breath and tried to remember snippets of conversations he'd had with Daniel about his marriage.
"I'm fairly certain he loved and adored her," Simon could truthfully say.
"Then why did he have relations with other women?" Lily's eyes dodged his, looking everywhere but at his face.
He captured her chin in his hand and waited for her gaze to rise.
"Daniel was faithful. I can attest to
that."
"She always thought he had a mistress," Lily whispered.
"She told you that?"
Lily nodded.
"What made her draw that conclusion?"
"The way he left her all the time. He took trips every month." Lily paused, then looked directly into his eyes. "Perhaps you can explain it to me. Maybe you know something I don't."
"Daniel was faithful. He adored Emma."
"A few months after they married, she changed."
"In what way?" Simon had to find out how much she knew.
"She feared him. They were fine for a few months. And then Emma told me Daniel was taking her with him on one of his trips. And she came back changed."
"And what do you think happened?" Simon thought his heart might pound out of his chest.
"I think he hurt her. She told me as much," she blurted out when Simon tried to deny it.
"It wasn't intentional," Simon sighed. How could he possibly ease her pain?
"You know about it?" Lily gasped.
"I don't know details," Simon said, which was true. He had never delved deeper into the relationship than Daniel wanted him to, so he didn't know specifics. "But I have an idea of what happened." The same thing that could happen if Simon took Lily under the light of the full moon.
"What do you know?"
He closed his eyes and tried to arrange his thoughts.
"I know he got too rough with her." Simon shrugged.
"In what way?"
Please let it go, Lily.
"In what way, Simon?" she prodded.
"Intimately," he confessed. "He scared her intimately." He didn't know how else to verbalize it.
"You mean like when they were together?"
"More like when he was inside her." When he
placed his teeth upon her shoulder. When he tore her flesh. When he marked her as his own.
"Oh." Lily looked confused.
"There are times…" Simon started. Then he stopped.
"Times?"
Simon closed his eyes tightly. "Times when a man, men like Daniel and me, feel like we could lose control."
"Do you feel that way with me?"
"I'm sure I will."
"Simon, you would never hurt me." Her hand moved to cup his face. Such tenderness, even when he revealed some of his inner battle. He didn't deserve it.
Simon kissed her palm. "I wouldn't intend to. And neither did Daniel. Once he realized he was capable of it, he took himself away from her."
"Where did he go? To other women?"
"Never."
"I could never bear it if you left me."
"You're stronger than Emma. You would adjust."
Lily shook her head and touched her lips to his. "I'll have to coerce you to stay."
She could try. But even she couldn't stop the cycle of the moon.
Forty-Two
Simon hated lying to her. He simply detested himself for it. She deserved so much more. But he'd decided before their marriage that she would never know about his Lycan side, so certain measures had to be put in place. For her safety. He kept reminding himself that this was for her safety.
"You're leaving me?" she asked, her hands on her hips.
"I'll only be in London for a few days," he said as he avoided looking into her eyes. If he did, he would confess all his sins. He would tell her every untruth. Then he would watch her turn from him in revulsion. He couldn't bear it. He simply could not.
"Why can't I go with you?" she asked. Her eyes pleaded with him, demanding that he answer.
"You simply cannot. It's not that kind of journey."
"Then what kind of journey is it?" Lily began to pace from one side of the room to the other.
Simon clenched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He'd been feeling more and more out of control as the days passed. And the night before, he'd nearly taken her too hard when he'd made love to her. She'd cried out when he'd gotten too rough. He couldn't allow himself to hurt her. He surely would if he stayed at Westfield Hall.
"It's the kind you can't go on!" he snapped at her.
Lily's indrawn breath made him cringe.
"Lily," he said softly as he walked to her. Perhaps he should grovel at her feet. He could drop to his hands and knees before her and lay his snout over her slipper. Maybe she would take the hint.
He reached for her.
She raised her hands to fend him off. "Don't touch me, Simon."
He stepped back, surprised by her tone of voice. "This is really bothering you?"
"As though you have to ask," she said before she turned on her heel and left the room, slamming the door behind her so hard that the portrait of an old ancestor in front of a lake shook from its hanger and hit the floor with a bang. His Lily certainly knew how to leave a room.
"Billings!" Simon called. The man appeared in the doorway. "Find Maberley, will you?"
The butler nodded. Since this was the last cycle of the moon before Oliver was to be at Harrow, Simon had, indeed, been fortunate to make arrangements with Lieutenant Schofield. The man's generosity with taking Oliver for a few days so he could become acquainted with young Leo Schofield would not be forgotten.
In the morning, he and Oliver would leave for Surrey. Instead of traveling on to London, as he'd told Lily, Simon planned to return to Westfield land and go deep into the woods to a small crofter's cottage that wasn't used any more. And there he would wait until the moon began to wane. Until he was once again free to love her.
He would wait there alone in sheer misery. He already missed her, and he wasn't even gone yet. It would be torturous to be so close to her, yet so far away.
***
Lily punched her needle through the fabric with much more force than was necessary, she knew. But she had to take out her frustration on something. Simon was out on estate business, and Oliver was in his chamber, sequestered with his Latin text, so the poor fabric she was stitching would have to substitute.
Leaving. How could he possibly leave? They had been married less than a month, and he wanted to leave her already. And he wouldn't even tell her what he was doing! Just like Daniel.
She should at least be allowed to accompany him. She'd gotten quite used to having him around. She didn't even know if she would be able to sleep without him wrapped around her, their legs tangled.
Why, just the night before, he'd done things to her that she'd never dreamed possible. He'd even made her cry out so loudly that she worried the servants could hear. It had been sublime. But afterward he had turned from her with a guilty look on his face.
Guilt?
What in the world did he have to feel guilty about? He'd brought her supreme pleasure. Yet he acted as though she was a fragile piece of glass that might break at any moment.
Billings caught her attention when he coughed quietly in the doorway.
"Your Grace?"
"Yes?" She looked up from her sewing and fixed him with a stare.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, but there's apparently a problem in the kitchen and Cook insists on speaking with you."
"Do you know what she needs?"
"She said you were the only one she would speak with, Your Grace."
"Oh, bother," Lily groaned as she set her sewing in the basket at her feet and then went to find Cook to see what the matter was. How strange. What sort of problem did Cook need her for? And in the kitchens? Lily had never entered that room before.
Lily stepped into the kitchen and was assaulted with the smell of freshly baked bread. She hadn't realized she was hungry until she heard her stomach rumble. Did all kitchens smell this delightful?
Concentrating on her work, Cook chopped carrots and onions, and only looked up as Lily approached her. "What seems to be the problem?" Lily asked, pasting a smile she didn't feel across her face.
Cook whispered, "His Grace asked me to prepare food for your retreat in the woods. But he told me not to tell anyone that you were leaving."
"Leaving?
I'm not leaving," Lily said. She reached to rub her temples, trying to chase away a headache that threatened.
