Flawed

by Sara Hubbard

  His eyes cast to the floor and my suspicious are confirmed. It makes me feel foolish. It sucks to be right. “I don’t want secrets anymore. I want a mature relationship with someone who tells me everything. I don’t think you’re there yet. I’m not sure if you ever will be.”

  “I’m different now.”

  I shrug. “So you said. I don’t want you to say it; I want you to show me. Until you can, there’s really no hope for anything more than what just happened.” I squeeze his hand lightly and slip free from his hold. After sliding my feet into my shoes, I take one last, long look at him before I start for the door.

  “I’m sorry. I need to go. Jack needs me.”

  “What about me? Maybe I need you.”

  I chuckle without humor. “No, Niko. You’ve never needed me. And maybe that was our problem all along.” He calls out my name as the door clicks into the cradle of its frame.

  9

  IVY: Traffic is quiet this morning. It’s a little after five and the gray moon still sits in the sky, broken with passing clouds. I drive a little faster than normal, upset with myself for staying at Niko’s much longer than I should have. He told me Jack is safe and I believe he’ll try to make sure that happens, but I have to be careful. Just in case. Niko can only do so much.

  He wants me back? After everything that has happened? I didn’t see that coming. Not by a mile. And me? God. I don’t have a clue what I want. All I know is unless he starts talking to me, there’s no hope for us at all.

  I approach my apartment and pull around the back. The drive passed in an instant and I don’t remember doing it. Another tenant is getting into her car as I’m getting out. Betty. She’s a squat woman in her sixties with pure white hair and three prominent frown lines on her forehead that remain whether she’s scowling or smiling.

  I wave at her and smile and she changes her mind and gets out of car. As she walks forward, I trudge ahead to meet her. “Morning, Betty,” I say.

  “Morning, child. Awfully early to be coming home this morning.” It’s not a question but she certainly poses it as one. I hate prying. Absolutely loathe it, perhaps because my family has been the center of it more than once over the years. But with Betty, I don’t mind. It comes from a good place, not one where my business will be public in an hour. “I thought you were home last night. I heard some shouting. Kind of sounded like your brother, but the woman didn’t exactly sound like you.”

  “Shouting?” Hmm. Because she says it was a woman, I don’t panic immediately. Yuri wouldn’t send a woman after Jack. He’s got too many giant ogres that surround him and he doesn’t strike me as an equal rights kind of guy. Still, the shouting concerns me. The only woman I can imagine Jack shouting with is his girlfriend—the one I like less than I like Viktor, which is saying something.

  “It was really late, maybe two in the morning.”

  “I stayed at a friend’s last night, so it must have been Jack, but I’ll talk to him about it. I’m sorry if he bothered you.”

  She waves a wrinkled hand through the air. “Oh, no, child. Don’t you worry about that. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.” She eyes me before frowning. “Everything is okay, isn’t it? You look…off this morning.”

  Off is one way of putting it. Angry, sad, confused, those are probably better descriptors. “I’m fine. Why are you up so early? Shouldn’t you be in bed?” I say, hoping to change the topic.

  “Breakfast Bingo this morning. If I don’t get there by six, all the good stuff will be gone.”

  Breakfast Bingo? I’ve never heard of such a thing. “Well, enjoy.”

  “I certainly will.”

  Jack is asleep on the couch when I get inside my apartment. The television is on but it’s on mute. Normally, I wouldn’t wake him, but today is different, and after yesterday—and last night—we need to talk. I slam the door and he stirs. As I pull off my shoes and toss my keys on the counter, he yawns and moves to a sitting position. He’s wiping his eyes with his fists when he asks me, “What time is it?”

  “Almost six.”

  He makes a face. “Are you just getting back now?”

  I shrug and cross the room to sit on the ottoman in front of the chair he’s sitting in. He shakes his head, his face disgusted. I don’t like the way he’s looking at me, because it makes me take a long hard look in the mirror. The last person on this Earth I wanted to ask for help from was Niko, and he knows that. I’m a proud person, but some things are bigger than the opinion we have of ourselves. Much bigger.

  “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “You stayed the night with him?”

  I roll my eyes. Does he really want to have this conversation?

  “Fuck!” He rises from his seat and paces the room. “I told you not to go ask him for help. I could have fixed this on my own.”

  “Everything is fine. He’s going to take care of it.”

  “At what cost?”

  “He’s not like the rest of them.”

  “No? Then tell me again why he went to jail? Because as I recall, it was for beating some guy to an inch of his life. Don’t you remember that? I mean, you were there, right? Pleading with him to stop. That sound like a good guy to you?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say. I try to keep my voice even. I don’t like to think about that night. Claire was a friend of mine before she passed and it turns my stomach to think of the mess that guy made of her before she died of her injuries. I don’t like what Niko did in retaliation, but that guy…he set Claire on fire while her arms and legs were bound. She would have choked on her own screams if someone hadn’t come along and put the fire out.

  “Forget Niko. We can pack up and leave and never look back.”

  “I won’t leave.”

  He drags his hands down his face and lowers himself back into the chair. He reaches out and takes my hands in his. “You can’t ask these people for help. The cost is too high. I won’t let you. If you won’t leave, I’ll go to Yuri myself. If he kills me, then so be it. At least I’ll die knowing nothing bad happened to you because of me.”

  “Ridiculous.” I throw my hands up. He can’t be so stupid as to believe that’s a good idea. “You’ve heard all the same stories I have, Jack. You’ve seen all the horrible stuff in the paper he’s been questioned about. Like that guy they fished out of the lake two years ago? His eyes gouged out and his fingers and toes removed? You remember that? Or the prostitute with the hot poker shoved all the way down her throat to her stomach?”

  “He was never convicted.”

  “Oh, come on, Jack. Don’t pretend like you’re not scared. You have to be.” I soften my voice, hoping the change in my tone will help him to better absorb what I’m saying. “He will kill me and then kill you, just to make you suffer more. Just because he can. That’s how they operate. They make you suffer first.”

  “How did you ever love a guy like that?”

  “Niko is not his uncle or his father. He didn’t want to follow their example or to work at the family business. He was going to move away with me when I got into school. But things happen in life that pull the world out from under your feet and you…react. Sometimes badly. He reacted the only way he knew how. I can’t blame him for that. What happened to his sister was too much for him.”

  “And you? Hurting you is all water under the bridge?”

  Not even close.

  “I’m not going to let you defend him,” Jack says. “I saw what he did to you when he went to jail. How he cut you off and let you suffer. He didn’t have to do that but he did. And I had to watch. Fuck him if he thinks he’s going to be my savior. I’ll be damned if I ever thank him for that.”

  “You don’t have to. He did it for me.”

  He stands again and goes to the kitchen, pulling a milk carton out from the fridge. As always, he drinks from the spout, even while I glare at him and yell at him to get a glass. After he sets it on the counter, he wipes his mouth with the back of his
hand. “I’ll leave things the way they are because I don’t have much choice at this point, but make me a promise?”

  I don’t commit. Instead, I shrug a single shoulder.

  “Don’t let him back into your life.”

  I sigh and avert my eyes. It’s a simple request that would give us both some peace. But the sad truth is that even after all his bullshit and his poor choices; I still care deeply about Niko. I still…love him. After all this time. You don’t pick who you love. It’s a feeling deep inside of you that you can’t turn off, no matter how much you might want to. The only choice you have is to act on your feelings or not. And the only person you really hurt by denying it is yourself. Niko is a flawed man. I am under no illusions about that. But it doesn’t make me love him less.

  “I’m not sure I can,” I say quietly.

  “Now who’s ridiculous?”

  “Then stop seeing Hayley if it’s that easy.”

  He narrows his eyes.

  “She was here last night, right?”

  He refuses to answer, and I know I’m right.

  “Why did my neighbor hear shouting in the middle of the night? Which, by the way, is not okay. I don’t need trouble with my landlord. He gives me a really good deal on the rent here, much better than anywhere else in this town for a place this size.”

  “We weren’t shouting.”

  “Really? That’s not what Betty said.”

  “Well, she’s a busybody, like everyone else in this town.”

  I stand and approach the kitchen, and take a seat at the stool by the island. I fold my hands on the butcher block counter and stare at him, waiting for him to offer more information about last night.

  “I went back to my place and packed a bag. I told her to do the same and to meet me here, so we could wait for you. When she did, she didn’t have anything with her except her purse. She’s as stubborn as you. Refuses to leave town.”

  “For once I agree with her.”

  Jack rolls his eyes at me.

  “Stay here with me,” I plead. “Until things calm down.”

  “I don’t think so. We tried that before and you nearly drove me crazy.”

  I place a hand on my hip as I frown at him. “All right, fine. Stay wherever you want, but don’t leave town. Let’s ride this out. I believe Niko is true to his word. He’ll do everything he can to keep you safe. We stay here and you get your life straightened out and I promise to try and get along with Hayley.”

  He hitches an eyebrow. “And what about Niko?” He rests his hands on the edge of the counter and leans in slightly.

  Niko. Yes, what about Niko? “I’ll let you know when I figure that out for myself.”

  10

  IVY: After a loud crash, all eyes in the restaurant are on the lanky new girl, Tasha. I smile at the customer I’m with and finish pouring him a drink. Then I set it down on the counter and hurry over to Tasha. She’s knelt on the linoleum floor, picking up the large shards of a plate and cup.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get the hang of this.” Frown lines age her otherwise smooth face.

  I touch my hand lightly to hers and smile. “Do you know how many plates I’ve broken over the years? If Henry didn’t fire me, then I’m pretty sure you’re safe.”

  The owner, Henry Goff, stands in the doorway between the front and the kitchen. He must have come out to see what the noise was about. He shakes his head and disappears, probably back to his office.

  “Everyone is staring at me,” Tasha says.

  I glance around the room. It’s late afternoon and there are only a handful of people here. Yes, they’re staring, but when I give them a warning glance, they return to eating their food. I don’t much care if they think I’m rude. Staring is worse.

  “Why don’t you take a break? We’ve been going nonstop since the lunch rush.”

  Tasha sighs and smiles, looking at me with her big gray eyes. “You don’t mind?”

  “Of course not. I’m off in a few hours so I might just leave a little early instead of taking a break.”

  “If you’re sure.”

  We finish cleaning up the broken dishes, and after she leaves, I sweep and mop. Most of the customers are gone now except for Mr. Theodore, who’s eating pie at the counter. I’m almost done with the floor, wiping sweat from my brow, when the bell above the door jingles. Casually, I turn my head to see who’s here, and I almost drop the mop when I see Yuri stroll through the open door. My breath catches in my throat. My heart races and my palms start to sweat. This guy is scary from a distance, let alone a few meters away. Why is he here? Yuri isn’t a regular. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen him in here once in the past year.

  Niko would have warned me if there was anything to worry about. My cell phone burns a hole in my back pocket. He texted me over the last few days and I haven’t responded. I don’t know what to say. I still haven’t worked through my feelings or what I want or need from him to give us another try. Nothing he sent me seemed urgent, which is why I took my time to reply. What if he was trying to warn me?

  Stop it. I’m acting crazy. If something was wrong, he wouldn’t have texted me, he would have showed up at my door. Yes, this must be a coincidence. Please let it be a coincidence.

  Yuri’s narrowed eyes scan the open space and settle on a booth in the corner. He nudges the tall, thick man who falls in line beside him. I recognize him as Reed—or Hammer, as Niko likes to call him. Like Niko, he’s grown his hair out some, only Reed’s is long enough to pull back into a ponytail.

  I hurry behind the counter and roll the bucket and mop into the closet by the large glass fridge. All the while, I am slowly counting to ten to calm myself. When I look back at them, Reed’s gaze flickers to the table and then to me. My throat goes dry and I swallow hard. I pick up a pot of coffee and two mugs and meander over to their table. I fumble out a weak hello and set the mugs down. “Coffee?”

  Reed waves a hand over his cup and lowers his hand to cover it. “None for me.”

  “Well, who do we have here?” Yuri leans forward, his eyes glued to my chest. “Ivy, is it?”

  I put a hand over my nametag and realize how suspicious I look, so I drop it immediately. “Yes,” I say, quickly. “Can I help you?”

  “Menus, please,” Yuri says, his voice smooth as velvet. His pleasant mask creeps me out. He acts like he’s an everyday guy with an everyday job. But he’s not a sheep, he’s a wolf. And he wants to hurt my brother.

  “Menus are over there.” I point to the metal holder by the wall inside their booth. “Should I give you a minute?”

  “No, how about you surprise me. What do you recommend?”

  My mind goes blank. Seconds pass before I can quietly blurt out, “Fish and chips?”

  “We’ll have two,” he says.

  “Right.” I swallow hard. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  I turn to walk away but stone cold fingers wrap around my wrist. I let out a gasp and I’m yanked back. His fingers curl tighter and my skin pinches underneath. The pain is tolerable but his touch is not. I flinch and take a step back, a scream building in my chest. I stare into his menacing eyes. He’s no longer smiling, and as if he senses my fear, his lips curl back into a satisfied sneer. “Don’t forget the vinegar.”

  I look down at his hand and then back and forth between him and his son.

  Yuri slowly releases his grip. “I have a meeting soon. I’d appreciate it if you could rush that order.”

  As I walk away, my knees almost buckle. He didn’t leave a mark on my wrist, but I can still feel the burn of his clutch. And I want to wash my hands all the way up to my elbows, like it can erase the feeling of his hands on me. Reed mutters something quiet to his father and his father laughs at him.

  I make a point of avoiding the table until their food is ready. With bated breath, I return, careful to stay as far from Yuri as possible without making it noticeable.

  “Thank you,” Reed mutters. He takes a bi
te, nodding. “It’s good.” He seems to mean it. I never knew Reed much in high school, but I never minded him. He was nice to me. Quiet, but definitely nice.

  “Can I get you anything else?” I say, my voice unsteady.

  “The bill,” Yuri says.

  I take a step back and hurry to ring them up. Reed continues eating, wolfing it down like he hasn’t eaten in months, while Yuri pushes his plate away and frowns at his son. When they leave, Yuri makes a point of coming over to me as I’m scrubbing a table with so much force I’ve stripped off the varnish.

  “Say hello to Niko for me,” he says, tipping his head.

  I stand tall and forget to breathe. Yuri walks out the door and Reed nods and tosses out a thank-you, before leaving. Through the picture window, Yuri waves good-bye to me. I’m about to fall apart. I wait for May to start work and for Tasha to come back before I tap out a text to Jack.

  I don’t want to alarm him so I send a quick, What r u doing? while I turn my back to the restaurant tables and make a half-hearted effort to roll up cutlery in napkins.

  Within seconds, my phone beeps and I read his reply. Eating.

  I heave a sigh of relief. He’s okay. Talk later, I tap out.

  Really? That’s all you wanted?

  Yes. I scroll through my messages and look for Niko’s last message. I don’t even know how he got my cell number, because I didn’t give it to him. I wonder if I should be worried about that, as well.

  “Everything okay?” May says at my back.

  I nod. “Yes. I just have to send a message and then I’ll clean up the tables in the corner.”

  “Take your time.” May waddles away and a pang of guilt stabs me. I hurriedly type a message to Niko so I can get back to my job. She shouldn’t be working here. She should be resting and getting ready for the baby and I’m not making her life easier right now. She drops a pen and crouches down to the side to get it.