Leo still hadn’t seen her as he began walking back along the pool. Then he glanced over and Tara could see the small grin that wrapped itself around his lips.
Jada sat up bolt upright now and stared at Tara with her lips slightly open. She beckoned to Leo as he passed, swinging her legs round to make room and patting the sun lounger. Tara couldn’t hear the conversation against the background din but she could tell Leo was resisting sitting down. But Jada was insistent. Tara saw the white flash of her teeth as she beamed at Leo, reaching up to give a playful tug on his hand. In a second Tara understood that they had a history and felt a spasm of pure hatred for Jada.
Leo sat down. After a moment they both looked round at Tara. Dread crept through her. What were they talking about?
Tara desperately wanted to run away and not come back. Then she remembered the knife and the blood. And Siobhan Evans saying, ‘You were right, Tara.’
Leo walked towards her now. His expression was unreadable. He wasn’t smiling. Tara’s stomach flip-flopped again but this time it wasn’t with desire but nerves.
‘Hey,’ said Tara.
‘Hey,’ he said quietly.
‘Have you got a minute?’ Tara continued nervously. ‘I need to talk to you about something.’ It felt like she was talking to a total stranger.
Leo gestured at the pool. ‘You can see what it’s like today.’
‘Please,’ said Tara miserably. ‘It’s important.’
It was already over, whatever they’d had. She could tell. His whole manner was different, as though there was a glass barrier between them. It seemed impossible that they’d ever shared kisses. That she’d ever been close up to the face that now looked hard and cold.
Leo looked at his watch. ‘Okay, five minutes or Dobby will have my balls on a plate.’
He led her into the cramped office back towards reception. It was stiflingly hot, and smelt of stale bodies and dampness. Leo cleared a chair for Tara and then leant back against the desk, arms folded. The distance between them seemed huge, even though it couldn’t have been more than a metre.
‘Why are you being so weird?’ Tara hadn’t really meant to start with this. The words came before she could stop them.
Leo scratched the back of his neck, frowning deeply. ‘I don’t know, Tara,’ he said. ‘You tell me.’
Tara’s skin chilled, despite the heat in the room. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m not sure you’ve been all that straight with me, is all.’ He paused. ‘Why did you pretend to be friends with Mel?’
Flushing, Tara looked at the wall beyond Leo’s head. ‘I, uh, I . . .’ she faltered.
‘That’s what I’m wondering,’ continued Leo in a louder voice. ‘I asked Jada if she’d got the message about Mel, yeah? And she was a bit surprised, wasn’t she? Said you were never friends. In fact, she said you were a bit obsessed with her. Bit creepy, is how she put it.’
Tara sucked in her breath, truly shocked that Jada could say something so evil. She wants Leo for herself, was her next thought.
‘Was it the famous dad thing?’ Leo wasn’t giving her room to speak, even if she had been able to find words. ‘Did you think a bit of the old celeb lifestyle would rub off? Because you wouldn’t be the first.’
‘God, no!’ said Tara, a response bursting from her at last. ‘You’ve got it so wrong!’ She ran her hands helplessly over her head and blew air out through her lips in frustration. ‘Okay,’ she continued, voice shaking, ‘I did lie about knowing her. But there was a reason and it’s nothing like what you’re thinking!’
Leo frowned. ‘What then? Go on, explain.’
Tara’s breath caught in her throat. Where could she possibly begin? All the words she’d practised piled up inside, choking her.
Leo shifted and looked at his watch in a pointed way. It was rude. He was being horrible. But he was angry. He didn’t understand any of it.
‘Look, I’ve only got a minute,’ he said wearily. ‘I can’t really —’
‘She . . . she’s in danger!’
Tara had finally let out the horrible thing in her head. The world could end now.
Leo stared as though she had spoken gibberish and then gave a short, weird laugh.
‘What are you on about?’ he said.
Tara wanted to turn away from the harshness of his expression, but she forced herself to levelly meet his eyes.
‘Melodie. She’s in serious trouble.’
‘How do you know?’ said Leo, a bit sneerily. Tara briefly wondered how he could ever have wanted to kiss her. He looked as if he didn’t even like her now. She wasn’t even sure she liked him that much either.
‘I just . . . know,’ she said, forcing herself to continue. ‘I think you should get in touch. Whatever you think about me, and you’re wrong by the way, whatever Jada told you . . . is so wrong . . . but you should find out what’s happening with Melodie. It’s really important. She needs you, Leo.’ She bit her lip, hating the prickle of tears in her eyes.
Leo stared at her for an interminable amount of time.
‘You’re quite a strange girl, d’you know that?’ he said.
‘Yeah,’ said Tara glumly. ‘Believe me, I know.’
Freak . . .
She turned to go but Leo moved quickly and stood in front of her, barring her exit.
‘Wait,’ he said. ‘You think we’re done? You come here with some weird story about Mel being in danger and I get no explanation at all?’
‘Please, Leo . . .’
‘No,’ he said tightly, his eyes hard and angry. ‘You don’t get to do that. Tell me what you know. It’s about Will, isn’t it? You looked weird when you brought him up that time. Like there was something you weren’t telling me. Have you been seeing him behind Mel’s back? Before he had that accident?’
‘What? No!’ Tara was unable to completely quash the small thrill that Leo cared. Maybe that was why he was being so horrible. Or maybe it was only because she was, as he put it, a strange girl. A girl who’d just told him his sister was in danger.
‘It’s nothing like that! And you won’t believe me if I tell you anyway.’
‘Try me,’ said Leo. A shadow passed over the open window behind him.
‘I get these . . . pictures,’ said Tara, almost whispering. ‘When things get . . . lost. Keys, wallets, whatever. Ever since I was small. I kind of see where they are. I, um, know where to find them.’
‘See where they are?’ repeated Leo. He looked like he was struggling to understand something very complicated. ‘See them how?’
‘In my head. In my mind,’ said Tara. Her cheeks throbbed with hot blood. ‘But it’s not only objects. I get pictures when people are missing too . . . sometimes.’ She took a deep breath and then forced herself to unpick words from the tight knot inside. ‘I found something belonging to Melodie at school. And when I touched it, I got these pictures in my head of her being somewhere dark. She’s scared. There’s someone there who wants to hurt her. Making threats . . .’ She couldn’t make herself say the words, ‘cutting her’.
She looked directly into Leo’s face. Hating what she saw there, she pushed back her shoulders. She tried to think about self-respect and people who’d tried to take that away from her. People like Jay and the girls in her old school, when they found out about Tara the Freak. People like Jada and Chloe. She wouldn’t let Leo do that. She’d never asked to be like this. It wasn’t her fault. It was a curse. No one understood what it was like to be her. No one in the world.
‘I’ve told you everything I know,’ she said, suddenly tired of being here. ‘You can go and snog your darling Jada now and then you can all have a good laugh at me. But right now I want you to get out of the way because I’m going home.’
‘No, you’re wro—’
‘GET OUT OF MY WAY, LEO!’
Leo stood to one side. Tara wrenched open the door of the office and almost knocked someone over who had been standing right outside. Jada. She had clearly been l
istening to every word of the conversation.
Her bottom lip hung open idiotically. And then her expression changed. A slow smile spread over her face.
Tara gasped at the malice glittering in Jada’s eyes.
And ran.
CHAPTER 13
TING
The clock radio buzzed and Tara turned her groggy gaze to it. She hadn’t expected to sleep at all but somehow it was seven-fifteen.
Friday morning.
YOU HAVE TILL FRIDAY THEN WE’LL CUT HER SOME MORE.
Tara tried to shake the thought from her head, groaning at the bright light coming through the curtains. She’d done her bit. And what a price she’d paid.
The last thing she remembered was lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, replaying the horrible look on Leo’s face over and over again in her mind. It wasn’t a look she was going to be able to forget in a hurry. The new, wonderful thing between them had been stamped on. It was gone.
And what about Jada? Tara’s insides clenched as she remembered the expression on the other girl’s face. Would losing Leo be the only price she’d have to pay?
She sorely wished she could hide in her bedroom all day but it wasn’t an option. Mum was about, getting ready for her trip away and Tara knew that she would cancel it if she said she was ill. They were both looking forward to it so much.
She got up and forced herself to smile and nod in all the right places. Mum fussed about locking up and feeding Sammie and generally worried about Tara getting slaughtered in her bed or burning down the house.
‘Anyway, Beck will be here,’ she kept saying nervously. But Beck had whispered to her that he was planning a lads’ poker night tonight round at a mate’s. And then it was another mate’s eighteenth birthday night at a club on Saturday. Tara doubted she would see him at all the entire weekend and that suited her fine. All she wanted to do was curl up with Sammie and watch mindless television until the rest of the world ebbed away. She only had to get through today first.
The memory of Leo’s face as she’d told him about the pictures was seared onto her mind like a brand. His confused expression was so, so much worse than she had anticipated. He’d almost looked . . . scared. But scared of Tara, rather than fearful for Melodie. What boy wanted someone who freaked them out? None.
Tara dragged herself miserably through the morning, feeling like she had sandbags attached to her limbs.
At lunchtime she was walking distractedly towards the girls’ toilets when she heard a stifled giggle. She spun round to see Jada, Chloe and the dark-haired girl from the pool. Molly. That was her name, she remembered now. They all had gypsy-style headscarves tied around their hair. Jada started to roll her eyes back into their sockets, her hands stretched out in front of her.
‘I get these . . . pictures,’ Jada screeched. ‘Oh, I’m getting one now! Come to meeee, spirits!’ The other two collapsed into liquid giggles next to her. Chloe crossed her legs like she might pee herself with hysteria. A group of younger kids was watching the display in slack-jawed admiration. Pierced by an embarrassment so acute she wanted to curl up and die, Tara rolled her eyes as though they all bored her.
‘Oh grow up, you stupid bunch of cows,’ she said and hurried away, hearing their laughter reverberating behind her. Tears pricked her eyes as she pushed open the doors at the end of the corridor and flung herself outside.
She numbly got through the rest of the day, avoiding looking at anyone if she could help it. At three-thirty she went to her locker. Her footsteps slowed when she saw that something was stuck to the door.
A piece of white A4 had been haphazardly taped there. The words DO YOU SEE DEAD PEOPLE? were scrawled in red pen. Underneath, like an afterthought, someone had written Nutjob!!!!! in blue felt-tip. Ripping the paper off the locker, Tara stuffed it into a bin, wishing she could run away, anywhere.
Bitches.
They didn’t even seem to care about Melodie any more. They’d moved on after a couple of days of attention-seeking drama. They had a set of facts that worked for them: Melodie was okay and living in Brighton. They weren’t going to budge from that position because some mad girl said they should.
Tara wished passionately that she’d never heard of Melodie Stone in the first place. Never come to live in this town.
Never met Leo.
As she walked through the school gates, she glanced at the other students around her. Those in groups or pairs were laughing or having earnest discussions. Others walked alone, pushing in earbuds and tuning out the rest of the world as they eased into their own space.
She envied every single one of them, whoever they were, whatever private problems they had in their own lives. She’d swap with any of them in a heartbeat.
Walking slowly home, she kept her tired eyes lowered. Her head throbbed. Every shout or flash of sunshine on a window felt like an assault. And pictures of cold steel biting into soft, white flesh had been on the edge of her consciousness ever since she had woken up.
She knew she should be trying to help Melodie somehow. But what could she do?
Leo didn’t believe her. He thought she was unhinged. Worse, he thought she was some kind of stalker.
Sod you then, Leo, she thought, squeezing her hands into fists so her nails bit hard. You can get lost.
Then she had a vivid memory of the exact moment at the lido when he’d kissed her. She remembered the salt on his lips and warm hand on the side of her face. The slightly shy, wary look in his brown eyes and then the way his face relaxed into a smile. Like he was letting her in. Her and no one else. It made her feel special. Privileged.
There was no use pretending she didn’t care. This hurt.
Tara’s shoulders began to shake and the tears she’d been holding back all day finally came. She stumbled towards an alleyway by some shops and tucked herself away from any curious eyes. Leaning against the wall, arms wrapped around her middle, she tipped forwards and cried and cried until she ran out of tears.
Finally, worn out, she found a tissue in her pocket and tried to wipe away all the smudges under her eyes. She blew her nose loudly, trying to talk herself back up.
She’d get over it.
She’d been here before, hadn’t she? She’d get over it.
But as soon as she had that thought she knew it was only a hollow wish.
This was nothing like what had happened with Jay bloody Burns. She felt a thousand years older than she was then. A thousand times wearier.
A thousand times . . . more in love?
Tara made a sound like someone had kicked her and covered her face with her hands. She wanted to scream until her throat bled. This was all wrong. But she knew she was falling in love with Leo and there was nothing she could do about it. Anything she’d felt before, for Jay, for boys she’d had crushes on . . . well, there was no comparison with this.
Leo was different. All of it was different.
And she’d lost him already. She’d had a glimpse of something amazing and now it was gone. Like someone had snuffed out a candle.
Maybe she wasn’t allowed these normal things. Was that it? She saw things. But she wasn’t allowed to be normal. Maybe this was the flipside of her so-called gift . . .
Gift? Tara gave a bitter laugh. That was a joke. She would do literally anything to be free of it. If she could cut it out of herself she would. She didn’t want any part of it. She’d never asked for it.
Eventually, when the walls seemed to be closing in around her, Tara emerged from the alleyway and walked slowly home.
She was halfway there when her phone rang. She flinched, surprised, and pulled it from her bag.
Looking at the caller display she gasped.
Leo.
Frozen to the spot by indecision, Tara stared at the phone until it stopped ringing. Two seconds later, it started up again and she flinched, stupidly, a second time. With a shaky hand, she held the phone to her ear.
‘Hello.’ Her voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.
&nbs
p; She could hear him breathing on the other end.
‘Can I see you?’
‘Why?’ She squeezed her eyes tightly closed against a wave of longing and hope. She had to squash that feeling down. There was only so much humiliation a person could take. Thank God he didn’t really know what she felt. At least . . . not the true extent of it, anyway.
A pause. ‘I need to see you. Please, Tara.’
She silently let out a long slow breath. ‘Where?’ she said eventually, her resolve dissolving instantly.
‘Where are you now?’
She looked around for the name of the road. He knew it. They arranged to meet in a playground nearby in ten minutes.
Tara’s insides churned as she made her way there, wondering what he wanted. She didn’t dare allow any hope to grow inside. Once at the playground she saw the benches Leo had told her about. Sitting down, she wasn’t able to resist a quick look at her reflection in the screen of her phone. Knowing she looked like hell, Tara tried to tidy her hair a bit. There was nothing she could do about the puffy eyes and red nose.
She sat back and forced herself to breathe slowly. There were a few mums on the benches opposite and young children shrieked and called out from the slides and roundabout.
I’m not going to think about you, Tyler Evans, she thought, as he nudged his way into her mind. Don’t you think I have enough going on?
A few minutes later Leo appeared at the entrance to the playground. He raised his hand and dropped his eyes as he made his way over. Tara’s insides flip-flopped. Why did he have to look so gorgeous? He had on a green T-shirt today that emphasised the light caramel of his skin. His short, dark hair was messy, as though he’d just been rubbing his scalp. Tara felt a moment’s actual fury at him for looking the way he did. It wasn’t fair.
He came and sat down next to her. They faced the playground, not meeting eyes. There was a gap of a few centimetres between them on the bench. But it felt as wide and uncrossable as a motorway. Eventually, Leo broke the silence.
‘That was a bit weird . . . what you said yesterday.’
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