“My night wasn’t ruined at all.” He reached for her hand and tugged her forward. He kissed her on the forehead. “I guess I’m just hoping for a continuation. Why don’t you come inside, and I’ll make you some coffee?”
“I’m not sure I’m in a good position to give you a continuation, although coffee does sound tempting.”
“Then just coffee it is. Now come on.” Rafe put his arm around her shoulders and nudged her in the direction of his apartment. “When I spoke of the continuation, I was talking about that threesome I was promised. Missy left right after you did, but now that you mention it, I sure wouldn’t mind a solo session sometime. Just say the word and I’m yours, sweetheart. In the meantime, I’ll settle on making you some coffee. I’ve been pretty lonely tonight. Nathan wasn’t up for anything more than a little taste play, and although satisfying, it’s still a tease.”
Heidi nodded, but she wasn’t sure what to say to that. Although it was a relief to hear the other woman didn’t stick around. It still pissed her off that Nathan had ruined her surprise. Nathan’s treatment toward her felt like a slap in the face, yet she had no right to be jealous. He hadn’t made her promises of forever. So why was she? “Did he at least let you fuck his mouth right back?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Rafe laughed and closed the door to his apartment behind them. “I love that you’re so bold with me, and I can’t help but be turned on. I just figured since I was there, I might as well make myself useful. He was pretty upset and looked like he could blow off some steam, and what better way, right?”
“Is it bad that I’m jealous?” Heidi cleared her throat. “I mean, I spent hours planning our night, and you got to taste without me. I would have loved to watch, to participate—and he had to be such a jackass.” A stray tear streaked down her cheek, and she wiped it away quickly. “I’m sorry, Rafe. I didn’t mean to drag you into this.”
“I’m glad you did.” He pulled her towards him again and caressed the side of her face. “You love him more than you say. Any fool can see that. You need to stay strong, and I know you guys will figure it all out. What you have is amazing, and if he’s too much of a dumbass to see it, then it’s his loss, sweetheart, and maybe my gain.” He wiggled his eyebrows and lifted her on top of the counter.
He stepped between her legs and took advantage of the opportunity by seizing her lips. Their tongues met in a mutual passion. Hers derived from anger, and his seemed to be with want. She was breathing heavily when they pulled apart, and she came back to her senses. What her body wanted, her mind resisted.
“I’m sorry, Rafe. I just don’t think I can be with you like this right now. Ugh, I think I drank way too much, and I’m not feeling so hot at the moment.” She bit her bottom lip. “How about that cup of coffee?”
“Sure thing, sweetheart.” He stroked her chin, and then smiled before stepping away. “Your coffee is coming up.”
“Thanks!”
They talked, laughed, and to her embarrassment she even cried a little more, but Rafe was amazing to be around and the last thing she could remember was falling asleep in his arms.
****
When Nathan woke up the next morning, he was shocked to find that the coffee wasn’t already made. Heidi usually spoiled him by having it ready, knowing how much he enjoyed his first morning cup. In fact, she hadn’t come home at all. Her bed hadn’t been slept in either.
Last night, Nathan had come home pissed he hadn’t gotten that promotion he worked his ass off to get. He was employed with a small ad agency, and he had worked double time to land them a big account, and that was the thanks he got for it. He’d been with them for six years, and this was the wakeup call he needed for a change, but what change? He’d royally fucked up. He’d taken a bad day and used it as an excuse to hurt the woman he loved because he was afraid of the unknown. Heidi was his best friend, the only woman he’d ever thought about having a relationship with.
She surprised him, though, and he was beginning to think he’d underestimated her. Although he already knew she was the forever kind, he always thought Heidi would be more reserved and prissy. There was a whole other side to her when he took her to bed, though. She had an inner dirty girl she unleashed, and he loved that she could keep up with him and obviously aimed to please. Shit! He threaded his hands through his hair and looked toward the ceiling, knowing he might be too late to fix this.
You’re an asshole Nathan. Fuck! He threaded his fingers through his hair out of frustration. Rafe was right; she was damn near perfect, and if he didn’t get his head out of his ass, someone else was bound to come along, and he couldn’t let that happen. His heart swelled with determination to win her back, but it also shattered at the thought of losing her because of his dumbass temper and stupid fears. There just was no future he wanted without her in it, and he was damn well going to remind her she was it for him.
He was vulnerable now, but he didn’t give a shit what it took to win her back. Over these last couple weeks, they’d become closer. Nathan fell in love with her more and more every day. The simple kisses, conversations, and hell, even the cuddling while watching TV that she loved so much. Those little touches of intimacy… man, he missed them already. It was amazing how just a few short hours could fuck it all up. He’d buy her flowers every day after work just to let her know he’d been thinking of her. They’d talk about their days during dinner and express their love every night in bed. Some nights were wild with hard fucking, and the others had been about making sweet love to her. The thought of an eternity with Heidi or anyone scared the hell out of him, but the thinking about losing her felt so much worse. He wanted to kick his own ass for starting all of this.
Last night, Heidi had planned one hell of an evening, and when she left it had pissed him off, but it wasn’t until Missy left too that he had finally clued in to what an ass he was being. Her words had hit home.
After Heidi had told him to enjoy himself before she left, he let his frustration out on Rafe without thinking too much about it. Who was Nathan to turn down a hot, naked, willing man in his bed? But then he’d spent the rest of the night upset by a bunch of things. His life had just gotten way more complicated than it needed to be, but right now all that mattered to him was seeing if he could salvage what he had with Heidi before it was too late. The thought of her with Rafe, or anyone else but him, had his skin crawling and blood boiling. Would she forgive him, though?
His arms flopped to his sides, and his shoulders slumped in defeat as he sipped the worst coffee he’d ever tasted and cursed. Where the fuck was she? And did he have a right to be upset she hadn’t come home to him after everything he’d done?
****
When Heidi came home from work, she was exhausted, but upon seeing a puff of black smoke coming from the kitchen, she suddenly had a burst of energy. What in the hell? She rushed forward and brushed past Nathan to the source. She involuntarily coughed as she opened up the oven door to see what was inside. After quickly turning off the stove, she put oven mitts on and threw the charred pot in the sink to cool off.
“What exactly is that supposed to be?” She fanned her face and tried not to smile at Nathan’s comical expression. She ignored him instead and walked past him again to get the fan from the hallway closet. “Want to explain what you’re doing in here?”
Nathan hit the fire alarm with the broom handle to shut up its beeping. “I was trying to make you dinner.”
“But why?” she asked through chuckles. Nathan could barely boil water.
“Because I was an ass last night, and it scared me when you didn’t come home. I didn’t like it, and I’m hoping to make it up to you somehow.”
“You were a royal jerkwad,” she said, and her fit of laughter died down. It was back to reality. And God, she loved him, but she also needed to learn how to stop if it was going to hurt this much. “Last night was certainly an eye opener, Nathan, but I could never stay mad at you for very long.” She tried giving him a smile, but it was weak, and sh
e was in definite need of a subject change before she started crying again or something. “But why don’t you let me handle dinner tonight? Or we may have to find somewhere else to live after you burn the place down.” She picked up the phone to order a pizza.
“Thanks, Heidi, but about last night—”
“Please, Nathan, it’s still too raw for me to talk about. I’ve come to a conclusion I think will make you pretty happy anyway. I can’t lose you, so I want to continue with the way things were before, but I just can’t be intimate with you without wanting so much more. Sadly, the so much more I want I also know I’ll never get from you, but you’re my best friend, Nathan De Costa, and you always will be.” She gulped and tried hard to conceal her emotions from him. Stay strong, Heidi. You can do this!
It wasn’t working, though, and she could feel her eyes welling with a sheen of tears, and her throat became thick with grief. Escape. Escape now. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to order and then take a shower and relax. Let me know when the pizza gets here, okay?” She went to retrieve a twenty from her wallet, placed it on the kitchen table, and walked out of the room without looking back at him again. He stood there silently watching the whole time.
Foregoing her room, she headed straight for the bathroom and leaned against the door when it shut behind her. Then, and only then, did she allow herself to cry one last time over this before painfully trying to move on with her life.
Twenty minutes later, Heidi wrapped herself in a towel and was ready to make a dash to her room to get dressed. Her eyes widened when she opened the door to discover Nathan was waiting for her and blocking her path. Shit, I should have brought clothes with me first. “Nathan? Is the pizza here already?” She stood on her tippy toes and tried looking over his shoulder while holding the towel tighter. Even though what she really wanted was to let it fall and feel him again. Damn it, get a grip!
“What if I told you I don’t want to go back to the way things were? That I changed my mind?” He closed the distance between them, and her breathing sped up. Nathan’s mouth was just inches from hers, and she could feel his warm breath against her skin, and it gave her goose bumps.
“I—I’d say I don’t believe you. Nothing could have changed in the last twenty-four hours, Nathan.”
“I thought we already established I was an asshole,” he whispered, and continued his pursuit. “I told you that already, and I’m going to prove this to you, make it up to you somehow...” His lips glided across her cheek toward her ear, and Heidi held back a curse when her nipples instantly puckered and her pussy became wet thanks to his close proximity. She wanted him, and probably always would. Shit, Heidi, you’re not helping yourself here. You’re letting him torture you.
He took her lobe into his mouth and sucked on it.
Heidi groaned and bit her lip as she pushed him away. “Stop playing with me, Nathan. I’m beginning to think you like to be cruel. What is it that you want from me? I’ve already promised to be whatever you want me to be in your life. We’re friends, and you made it clear last night that’s all it’ll ever be between us. I can’t offer you more without wanting it all, can’t you understand? You’re killing me here.”
“Tell me you love me.”
“What?” She couldn’t believe him.
“I said, tell me you love me. Please, Heidi, I want to hear you say it.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it, becoming angry. She shook her head no and backed up again. “Why, because it worked out so well for me the last time I said it? I can’t believe you, Nathan. You’re toying with my emotions, and I hate it.”
“I love you too, damn it! Is it so bad of me to want to hear the words back?”
“Of course not, but right now I love you differently than the way you love me, and that makes it cruel. I’m trying so hard to make things right again, and it’s so hard—” Her words were cut off by a knock at the door, and she looked away as Nathan cursed the pizza guy’s timing. “Enjoy your pizza, Nathan. I’m not very hungry suddenly.”
“Heidi, please wait...”
She rushed past him and slammed the door once she was safely inside of her room. She fell straight onto her bed and stared at the ceiling, praying for the strength to get over this and the determination to move on, but first it was going to be one hell of a long night to get through.
Chapter Three
A week passed by, and it was pure hell on him as he watched Heidi pretend like they hadn’t made love several times. He missed her, felt like a dipshit for hurting her, and was hell-bent on making things right between them. The problem was she didn’t believe him no matter how many times he tried to bring up loving her. He had to figure out a better way to prove it, and it was frustrating as hell.
“Please don’t go.”
“What?” Heidi turned to him and almost took his breath away. She looked amazing, especially then. She was getting ready for a date with Rafe, and he hated how jealous he was about it.
“Don’t go, please, Heidi. Just stay with me.” He gulped and then reached for her hand. “We can do anything you want.”
She turned her head and refused to look at him when she said, “Don’t be silly, Nathan. You could come with us if you’d like. We’re going back to Moonlight to listen to their open-mic night. I wonder if we have any local talent that might make it big.” She looked into the mirror again to finish getting ready, and it broke his heart that he’d hurt her so much. He could still see it in her eyes, and feel it in her actions—the avoidance.
It was killing him that he had to resist touching her, and the whole wanting what he couldn’t have thing was driving him insane. He never in his life had to work this hard to get with somebody, and he still wanted to kick his own ass for being such a fool in the first place. He’d found his one and only, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
She was perfect for him, and he was ready to fight to keep her, even if it seemed like she’d given up on him.
Nathan decided to push his luck when he stepped behind her and began to massage her shoulders, he forced himself to smile and decided to lighten the mood. “I’d love to come with you, Heidi. In fact I miss it, and if your invitation includes that threesome I was offered and ignorantly threw away, then I’m all yours, baby. I want you so bad.”
He watched her eyes widened a fraction and then become heavy lidded with lust before she composed herself. “Good to know, Nathan.” She cleared her throat. “But, um, that’s not what I meant, and you know it.” She smiled and placed her hands on top of his. “I’m actually surprised you don’t have anywhere to be. You haven’t gone out in a while. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go through such a dry spell like this.”
He shrugged before smiling down at her. “You go have fun tonight, sweetheart. Maybe I’ll see you there.”
It all came together right then, the perfect way to make up for all of his mistakes.
And a small victory had been achieved just moments before when he’d seen the lust and yearning in her eyes. Deep down, she still wanted him, and that was all he needed to keep going.
“Okay.” She gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go. “I’ll see you there, then.” With one last smile, she turned and left the apartment, taking his heart with her.
Nathan had come up with a plan to prove letting her go was a mistake once and for all. Heidi was going to know how he felt about her, and she was going to believe it, even if it killed him. This was going to be a night to remember, but he needed his neighbor’s help to pull it off.
****
“Have I told you how good you look tonight?” Rafe ravished her with his eyes as he took her all in.
“Why, no. I don’t believe you have.” She smiled wide and deliberately circled him to check him out as well. She stopped in front of him and licked her lips. “You’re not so bad yourself, handsome. In fact, you’re down right sinful, and maybe if you’re good later you and I could—” Her sentence was cut off by his ringing
cell phone, and he groaned.
“Hold that thought, beautiful. I like where we were heading.” He brushed his lips against her forehead. He quirked a brow towards his call display feature with what looked like curiosity and mumbled, “This should be interesting,” before answering it.
“Why am I not surprised you’re calling me right now?” Rafe looked down at her and then laughed at whatever was being said on the other end. “Uh-huh, interesting, but what’s in it for me?”
Heidi couldn’t help herself as she eavesdropped on his conversation, listening closely. “Rafe, is everything okay?”
“Uh-huh, just a sec.” He took the phone away from his mouth and pulled her close. “Everything is wonderful, Heidi. This will only take another minute, and then I’m all yours, honey.” He smiled wide before leaning down to lay a scorching kiss on her lips, and it left her dazed and breathless when his tongue left hers to get back to that blasted phone call. She touched her lips in amazement. Wow!
“What do you mean? Listen, man, I’m on a date here, and you’re ruining my precious time with this very tasty woman.” He chuckled. “Fine, do what you’ve got to do. Yeah, yeah, I’ll behave myself, but I don’t know how long I can hold out.” Rafe clicked the phone off and pulled her close again. “This is bound to be one hell of an interesting night, beautiful. Are you ready to get it started?”
“Oh yeah,” she whispered, and took advantage of the moment with another kiss. Her tongue traced his lips, and he opened for her to deepen the kiss. She could feel all of his sinfully delicious muscles pressed against her body, including the one impressive bulge inside his pants pressing against her stomach with obvious excitement evident. “Oh, Rafe, let’s skip the club. Take me back to your place.”
He cursed. “Heidi, you don’t know how much I’d love to do exactly that, honey, but I promised someone we’d hear them sing tonight, and I never go back on my word no matter how tempting the offer. It’ll be good, though, I promise you. It better be good,” he grumbled.
Heidi (I Dare You Book 1) Page 5
