by Melinda Metz
He had to admit part of him-the big, ugly, selfish part-liked the idea of Liz ignoring other guys, even for such a twisted reason. But Max wasn't going to let that part rule him. He was going to do the right thing. If it made him crumble into a pile of gritty dust, well, too bad for him. He deserved it.
Max forced himself to tune into Ms. Hardy again. "Answer the questions on page forty-two for Wednesday," she said.
The bell rang. Liz shoved her notebook in her backpack and bolted. She obviously did not want one more second of Max contact than was absolutely necessary. She'd even skipped lunch in the quad today.
Max grabbed his stuff and took off after her. "Liz, wait," he called, running out into the hall. He realized a second too late that she'd been talking to Jerry. Great. He had to end up doing one more thing to make himself look like a total jerk, right?
Liz spun around and strode back over to him, her dark eyes glittering with anger. "You better be calling me to say you're moving to another state," she snapped. "Otherwise I'm out of here."
"Just listen to me for one second," he begged. She didn't say no, so he started talking as fast as he could. "I'm sorry about what happened on Friday night."
"I really, really don't want to listen to another apology from you," Liz interrupted. "If you're sorry, prove it-leave me alone."
"I will. I promise. That's what I wanted to tell you," Max answered. He hesitated, not wanting to say this next part. But he was the one who kept telling Liz they had to be just friends. So right now he was going to actually do that-be her friend, and help un-screw up her life.
"And… and I also wanted to say that I've hung out with Jerry a little and he's a good guy," Max told her. "I think you two would be a good couple."
"Thanks for giving us your blessing," she said sarcastically. "I wouldn't want to be with a guy you didn't approve of."
Max could hardly listen to what she was saying. His eyes were locked on the black splotches of pain exploding in her aura.
He'd just hurt her again. Hurt her worse than he ever had before.
***
Isabel tried to remember what Alex's last class was. If she hurried, maybe she could catch him coming out. Or maybe it would be better to go straight to the parking lot and find his Rabbit.
We can use that free game coupon I won last time we went miniature golfing, she thought. I guess I should apologize for calling him a charity case first. Then after golf we can go to the Crashdown and-
Stop it, she ordered herself. Just stop it. She couldn't keep using Alex. That's what she'd been doing-using him, using him to keep away the memories, to help her feel safe, to make her feel like an ordinary human girl who barely knew what Sheriff Valenti looked like.
Alex deserved better. And so did she. What, was she some pathetic loser who needed a guy to take care of her? Isabel didn't think so. And she was going to prove it-right now. She was going to the mall. She was going to the place where Nikolas died. It was time to get over this thing.
She hurried down the halls and out the school's big double doors. She didn't notice Liz and Maria hanging out in the quad until Maria grabbed her arm.
"Hey, Isabel," Maria said. "How're you doing?"
"Great," she answered. But one look at Maria's face told her that Maria wasn't going to buy it. Isabel sighed. "Actually, not so good," she admitted. "I'm still thinking about Nikolas all the time. I… I was going to go to the mall. I wanted to look at the last places we went together. I don't know, I thought maybe it would help me get some closure or something."
"We'll go with you," Liz immediately volunteered.
"Yeah, you can't go alone," Maria said. "Come on. I see the bus." She grabbed Isabel by the arm and they ran to the bus stop, Liz right behind them.
Maria led the way onto the bus, and they found seats together in the last row. Isabel stared at her friends in surprise. She hadn't expected Liz and Maria to sympathize with her-they had both hated Nikolas.
"Thanks… thanks for going with me," she said. "I know the mall doesn't exactly have great memories for you two, either."
The night Nikolas had died, Isabel had been way too out of it to realize Liz and Maria were at the mall. The only one she even remembered being around after Nikolas got shot was Max. But they had both been there, searching for her, trying to get to her before Valenti did.
Liz and Maria were both quiet for a moment. "Yeah," Liz finally said. "That was not a good night."
"I never said I was sorry," Isabel said. "Not for what you went through that night… or before." Nikolas had treated Liz and Maria with total contempt. He'd used his power to knock Liz out, just to prove a point. And Isabel had walked around insisting it was okay because Nikolas didn't really hurt Liz.
"That's right. You didn't," Maria answered.
"Can I say it now? Is it too late?" Isabel asked.
"I think you can just get in under the apology expiration date," Liz said. Maria nodded.
Isabel felt her eyes fill with tears. They were willing to forgive her. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know how to say it any better. I shouldn't have let Nikolas treat you the way he did. And I should have listened when you all told me he was putting me in danger."
"Well, you were in love with him," Liz said.
"Yeah. It's not like you're the first girl who ever did something stupid because she was in love," Maria added.
Isabel managed a little smile. "You're both being so nice to me," she said, her voice breaking.
"What did you expect?" Liz demanded. "Did you think we'd dump you as a friend because you did one dumb-one very dumb-thing?"
"Actually, it did cross my mind," Isabel admitted.
"You're nuts," Maria said. "Maybe that would happen with casual friends, but we're a lot more than that. Think about that connection Max made between us. That made us more than friends. It's like we're almost sisters-you know, fristers."
"Yeah," Liz agreed. "The three of us are fristers."
Fristers. Isabel liked the sound of that. She liked it a lot.
"This is our stop," Liz said.
Isabel stared out the window as the bus pulled up at the mall. Her stomach tightened.
"I want to go to Macy's first," she told Liz and Maria as they climbed off the bus.
"Are you sure?" Maria asked.
Isabel nodded. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it all the way. She was going to go right to the spot where Valenti shot Nikolas.
She took the lead as they entered the store. She strode directly to the formal wear department, not even glancing at the racks of sportswear or the other shoppers,
"I think I want to go the rest of the way by myself," she said.
"Okay, Maria and I will go over to the phones by the elevators," Liz said. "I should call my mom and tell her where I am, anyway. Take as long as you want."
"Yeah. Take as long as you want. But if you're not over to the phones in fifteen minutes, we're coming to get you," Maria added.
"Thanks," Isabel answered. She walked back to the dressing rooms without hesitation. She slipped behind the red curtain shielding the entrance and stood exactly where she had when she watched Valenti murder Nikolas. She peered out at the spot where he had fallen.
The patch of carpet looked just slightly darker than the rest. They'd obviously put in a new piece. The scent of gunpowder grew so strong, she could almost taste it in her mouth. You're imagining it, she reminded herself. You're only imagining it.
Isabel brought her hands to her chest. She started to pick at the polish on her thumbnail. Then she laced her hands tightly together. She wasn't going to start that again. She was going to stand here, just stand here, and look at the spot where Nikolas died.
She let the movie play in her head without trying to block it out, watching Nikolas fall to the ground again, and again, and again. Smelling the gunpowder.
"Can I help you?" a chilly voice asked.
Isabel turned around and saw a saleswoman staring at her. She must have com
e from one of the dressing rooms.
"I'm just… I'm just looking for a friend," Isabel answered. She turned back around and peered out at the dark patch of carpet again. No movie began in her head. The only odor she smelled was the chalky, musty scent of the curtain. "I guess he isn't here," she added softly.
I did it, she thought. I came here, I looked, and I survived. She pushed her way through the curtain and rushed over to the phones.
"I just want to go to a few more places," she told Liz and Maria, "First the jewelry store."
It was one of the last places she'd been with Nikolas. That's why she wanted to go there. She wanted to remember something besides the way he died, kind of relive their last hours together.
"Lead the way," Maria said.
Isabel hurried out the exit that led into the mall. She breathed in the smell of chocolate cookies from the stand across the way. There wasn't the slightest taint of gunpowder in the delicious scent. She pulled in a long, deep sniff.
She, Liz, and Maria strolled down the main walkway to the jewelry store, then went inside and wandered from counter to counter. Liz and Maria didn't try to get her to talk or anything. They just kept her company. It's like they knew she needed time to remember.
The last time she'd been here, she and Nikolas had had the store to themselves. They'd had the whole mall to themselves. She hadn't known how close Valenti was to finding them. She hadn't known Nikolas only had a few hours left to live.
"I'm ready to move on," Isabel told Maria and Liz.
"Do what you need to do," Liz answered. "We'll be right behind you."
Isabel led the way out of the store and up the escalator to the second floor. She hurried down to the drugstore and went to the old photo booth they had in the back.
She stood there, staring at it. Liz and Maria didn't ask any questions. They just stood with her.
This was the last place she and Nikolas had kissed. And it had been a good kiss, too. Wild and intense-just like Nikolas. Isabel wished she could stop her memories of that night right here.
But it was right after Nikolas kissed her that last time that their awesome night started to turn bad. "Nikolas and I were back here and we heard a security guard," she blurted. She'd wanted to tell somebody this since it happened. "Nikolas told me that I had to knock the guard out. He said if I didn't, he'd let us get caught."
Isabel wrapped her arms around her waist. She kept her eyes locked on the photo booth. She wanted to tell Liz and Maria what happened, but she couldn't look at their faces.
"I didn't want to do it," she continued. "But I was scared. Nikolas would have let the guard find us. I know it. So I jumped out and I did it. I hurt him. I could feel myself hurting him."
"Michael and Alex and I found him," Maria said. "Michael checked him. He was still out, but he was okay."
"That's not even the worst part," Isabel told them. She didn't know if Liz and Maria would still want to call themselves her fristers after they heard the rest.
"The worst part is I told Nikolas knocking out the guard was a rush," Isabel admitted. "I wanted him to think I was fun. Nikolas only wanted to hang out with me when I was fun. Otherwise, forget it."
"Oh, Isabel," Maria whispered. "That's awful. Awful for you, I mean. You loved him, and he treated you…" Maria let her words trail off.
He treated me totally unlike the way Alex does, Isabel thought. She tried to remember the last time he had any fun in her presence. It had to be that night they went miniature golfing because after she met Nikolas, Alex and the others didn't have any fun of any kind. But none of them walked away. And Alex… he'd been her walking, talking security blanket.
There's no way Nikolas would have sat outside her door, telling her goofy stories until his throat went dry just to make her feel better. And if she cried in front of Nikolas even once, he probably would have told her to call him when she was out of diapers.
"I'm going to go in there for a minute," Isabel said. She slipped into the photo booth and sat down on the little stool. She closed the curtain behind her and sighed.
She'd been thinking about Nikolas so much lately. But only about the horrible way he died. He didn't deserve that-no one could possibly deserve that.
But would she even still be with Nikolas if he were alive? Would she still be doing back flips trying to show him how fun she was, trying to prove she wasn't a loser? And getting the hottest kisses ever? She couldn't forget that part.
Not that Alex left her cold or anything. Not hardly. She remembered the homecoming dance, when he'd run his fingers over the bare skin right above her dress's low back. Whoa.
Isabel dug some change out of her bag. She figured Alex deserved a little present for being such a good guy. And what could be a better present than pictures of her?
Isabel slid the change into the slot and pushed the start button. I'm going to be thinking of Alex in every one of these pictures, she promised herself. No one but Alex.
*** 12 ***
Maria heard a knock at her window. She knew it could only be Michael-everyone else used the front door. She jumped up from her desk and opened the window for him.
"I can't come in. I have to go to work. But I wanted to give you this," Michael told her. He handed her a pen.
Maria raised her eyebrows. "Thanks, I guess," she said. "It's never exactly been a dream of mine to have a pen where a centerfold loses her bathing suit." She tilted the pen back and forth, watching the little bikini slide off and on.
Michael laughed. "Really? It's always been a dream of mine," he said. Then his face turned serious. "It's Valenti's," he told her. "I snagged it out of his office."
Maria could practically feel ice cubes forming in her blood. "You promised that you wouldn't go alone. Michael, what if he caught you? What if-"
"Nothing happened," he said.
"But it could have," she shot back. She didn't care if Michael didn't want to hear this. He was going to. "If you didn't think I could handle it, which I totally could have, you should have brought Max or Alex."
"It seemed easier to do it myself," he answered. "You can yell at me more later if you really have to."
Maria shook her head. She really shouldn't be surprised that he decided to do a solo mission. That was a classic Michael move.
"Let me try it one time before you go. It will only take a second," she said.
"Okay, but wait. I want to get some water," Michael said. He hauled himself through the window.
"I have one of those sports bottles right there." She pointed to her dresser. Then she tightened her grip on the pen.
"Where's Valenti?" she asked.
The colored dots tornadoed around her. Then they clumped, and she found herself standing in a seriously messy kitchen with Valenti and his son, Kyle. She knew they couldn't see her, but it still freaked her out to be so close to Valenti.
"What's the problem, Kyle?" Valenti asked. "Are the dishes too heavy for you to move to the dishwasher? Or is it just that you get confused with all the shiny buttons you have to choose from?"
The dots swirled again, and Maria was back in her own room. She only had a moment before the paralysis took over her body. Since that night in the bathtub, she had stopped blacking out after using her power. Now she was aware of everything that happened, but she just couldn't move. She'd liked the blackouts better.
Maria watched Michael snatch the sports bottle off her dresser. She watched him aim it at her face. She couldn't even blink as the water hit her face. At least the water broke her out of the spell.
She wiped off the water with her sleeve. "I didn't see anything good," she told Michael. "Just Valenti chewing out Kyle." She never got to look at anyone for long, but this time she'd seen more than she wanted to in those few seconds. Kyle was a complete jerk, but Maria couldn't help feeling sort of sorry for him. Valenti's comment to his son had been so nasty.
"I wouldn't have minded seeing that," Michael said. He climbed back out the window. "I've got to go. We're having a
sale on alien boxing puppets tomorrow. I have to change all the prices."
"I'll keep trying," Maria promised him.
"No! I mean, I don't want you to do it by yourself," Michael said, frowning. "Wait until I can be with you. The way you get paralyzed freaks me out."
Maria smiled. Whether he thought of her as a little sister or not, Michael definitely cared about her. "I'm fine," she told him. "Stop stressing or I'll have to make you take some of my vitamins."
"Okay, okay. And Maria, thanks." Michael leaned through the window, grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her a few steps closer. Then he kissed her.
Before she could even think about kissing back, he was gone. She stared after him as he trotted across her back lawn and climbed over the gate leading to the street.
Maria ran her fingers over her lips. That wasn't exactly the first kiss from Michael she'd been dreaming about. But it was a start. A grin broke across her face. It was a definite start.
Maria sat back down at her desk. She wanted to use the pen to see Valenti again right away. Maybe he had finished with Kyle and left the house. She needed to track every move he made.
Do some homework first, she told herself. Checking on Valenti every few minutes was insane. She needed to give him a little time to do something between tries.
Maria forced herself to get through her geometry problems and half the reading for social studies. Then she couldn't wait any longer. She wanted to have something to report to Michael.
Maybe he'd kiss her again if she got him some good info. A real kiss this time. One that lasted for more than half a second.
She picked up Valenti's pen. "Where is he?" she said aloud. The dots swirled, then clumped, and Maria found herself sitting in the back of the sheriff's cruiser. He was speeding down the highway, the desert stretching out on either side of him. Maria glanced around, searching for a road sign. She didn't see one.
The partition between her and Valenti dissolved into dots.
That rock, Maria thought. Remember that weird rock. A moment later she was back in her room. When the paralysis passed, she tore a clean piece of paper out of her notebook and jotted down a description of the rock she'd seen from Valenti's car. It looked sort of like a chicken. It wasn't much to go on, but it was something.
